人生不设限·选择A级态度
Notice that Chuck and Linda both chose attitudes that allowed them to rise above difficult circumstances, but they chose slightly different types of attitudes. Linda chose to be grateful rather than bitter. Chuck chose to take action rather than giving up. There are many attitudes to choose from, but I believe the most powerful are:
1.感恩的态度;
1. An attitude of gratitude
2.行动的态度;
2.An attitude of action
3.同理的态度;
3. An attitude of empathy
4.宽恕的态度。
4. An attitude of forgiveness
1.感恩的态度
1. An Attitude of Gratitude
这是琳达在车祸受伤后所采取的态度。她没有哀悼自己所失去的，而是对她重新找到的事物与建立起来的生活表达感激。我非常相信感恩的力量。演讲时，我常常提到我的小左脚，虽然我总是拿它开点儿玩笑，但我其实对这只小左脚满怀感激。我用它来控制轮椅的操纵杆，打电脑两分钟可以打四十几个字，在键盘乐器和电子鼓上玩音乐，还可以操作手机里所有的应用程式。
This is the attitude that Linda unleashed to deal with her injuries from the auto crash. Instead of mourning what she'd lost, she expressed gratitude for what she'd recovered and the life she'd built. I'm a big believer in the power of gratitude. In my speaking I often refer to my little left foot. I do that to put my audiences at ease because they can see my unusual appendage. I joke about it, but I have learned to be very grateful for it. I use it to control my wheelchair joystick, to type on a computer at more than forty words a minute, to play music on my keyboards and digital drum set, and to operate all the applications on my cell phone.
感恩的态度也会吸引那些感受到你的热情、支持你的梦想的人。有时候，这些人能以让人惊讶的方式鼓舞你，改变你的生命。小时候，妈妈经常念书给我听，《我爱的上帝》是我最喜欢的书之一。妈妈第一次读这个故事给我听，是在我6岁时。在那之前，我不认识其他没手没脚的人，所以没有可以学习的典范。而这本由琼妮·艾瑞克森·塔达(Joni Eareckson Tada)所写的书鼓励了我，也帮助我建立了感恩态度的基础。
The attitude of gratitude also attracts people who share your enthusiasm and support your dreams. Sometimes these people have the power to inspire you and to change your life in amazing ways. My mum often read to me as a child, and one of my favorite books was The God I Love. I was about six years old when she first read it to me. At that time I didn't know of any other person born without arms and legs. I had no role models who looked like me and had the same challenges. This book, which I still think of often, inspired me and helped build the foundation for an attitude of gratitude because it was written by Joni Eareckson Tada.
琼妮是个游泳和马术选手，17岁时，就在她大学第一学期开始的几个星期前，她在跳水进入湖中时折断了脖子。那次意外发生在1967年，她的脖子以下全部瘫痪。琼妮在书中提到，她曾经因为瘫痪而绝望到想自杀，但最后她想通了：“这不是宇宙丢掷的铜板，也不是命运的轮盘，而是上帝对我人生计划的一部分。”
Joni (pronounced Johnny) was an athletic seventeen-year-old swimmer and equestrian from Maryland who was just a few weeks away from her first semester of college when she broke her neck while diving into a lake. She was paralyzed from the neck down in that 1967 accident. In her book she wrote about her initial despair and thoughts of suicide because of her paralysis, but eventually she came to believe that "it wasn't some flip of the coin in the cosmos, some turn in the universe's roulette wheel. It was part of God's plan for me."
我很爱这本书，后来妈妈又买了琼妮的歌唱CD给我，这是我第一次听到“我们都有车”这样的歌词。琼妮的歌里提到在轮椅上有多好玩，还告诉大家“没有人是完美的”。小时候，我会一次又一次地播放这些歌曲，到今天没事时还会哼上两句，因此你可以想象，当我第一次受邀去拜访琼妮时，会有多惊讶了。
I loved that book, and then my mum bought a CD of Joni's songs, which were the first I'd ever heard with lyrics about how "we've all got wheels" and how much fun you could have in a wheelchair and how "nobody's perfect." I played those tapes over and over as a child in Australia, and I still catch myself humming them today. You can imagine how amazing it was when I was invited to meet Joni for the first time.
2003年，我应邀到美国加州一所教会演讲，结束之后，一位替琼妮工作的年轻女性过来自我介绍，并邀请我去琼妮的慈善基金会——“琼妮与朋友们”。
I was visiting the United States in 2003 to speak at a church in California. After my talk a young woman who worked for Joni introduced herself and invited me to come to the headquarters for her charitable organization, Joni and Friends, in Agoura Hills.
拜访时，看到琼妮进到房间来，我都快晕了。她倾身给我一个拥抱，这真是伟大的时刻。而因为四肢麻痹，琼妮的身体没什么力气，所以向我靠过来之后，她就没办法把身体拉回轮椅里。于是，我自觉地用自己的身体轻轻把琼妮推回去。
During my visit I was star-struck when she came into the room. She leaned in to give me a hug, and we had this great moment. Joni doesn't have much body strength because of her quadriplegia, so when she leaned in to me she had trouble pulling her body back into her wheelchair. Instinctively, I used my body to give her a gentle push backward into her chair.
“你很强壮。”她说道。
"You're very strong!" she said.
当然，这话让我很激动。这位女士在我小时候给了我力量、希望与信心，而她现在说我很强壮!琼妮提到，一开始她也跟我一样，为身体上的缺陷所苦。她曾经考虑要驾着轮椅从一座很高的桥上摔下去，就此结束生命，但又担心这样只会伤了脑子，然后让人生变得更悲惨。最后，她选择祷告：“上帝啊，如果我死不了，请让我知道如何活下去。”
I was thrilled to hear that, of course. This amazing woman who had given me strength and faith and hope as a child was telling me that I was strong. Joni shared that, like me, she struggled with her disability at first. She considered driving her wheelchair off a high bridge but worried that she would only injure her brain and make her life even more miserable. Finally, she prayed, God, if I can't die, show me how to live.
意外发生后不久，朋友给了琼妮某节《圣经》经文的影本，上面写着：“凡事谢恩，因为这是神在基督耶稣里向你们所定的旨意。”[16]琼妮那时还没有很深的信仰，对瘫痪一事仍怀着愤怒与挫折感，因此对这节经文很不以为然。
Shortly after that accident, a friend gave Joni a copy of a Bible verse that says, "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God and Christ Jesus concerning you." Joni was not deeply religious at the time. She was still angry and frustrated over her paralysis and she wasn't buying that message.
“你应该是在开玩笑吧?”琼妮说道，“我怎么可能对此心存感激?不可能。”
"You can't be serious," Joni said. "I don't feel thankful for this. No way."
她的朋友告诉她不必对瘫痪感恩，她只要来个180度的转弯，对即将到来的祝福心怀感激就可以了。
Her friend told her that she didn't have to feel thankful for being paralyzed. All she had to do was to take a leap of faith and give thanks for the blessings to come.
那个时候，要琼妮认同这一点实在很难。她觉得自己是个受害者，说自己是“一场可怕跳水意外的受害人”。一开始，琼妮因为自己四肢麻痹而责怪每一个人，除了她自己。她要大家付出代价，她控告、苛求，甚至责怪父母把她生到这个世界来让她瘫痪。
It was hard for Joni to buy into that concept. At that point she felt like a victim, and that's what she called herself, "a victim of a terrible diving accident." At first she blamed everyone but herself for her quadriplegia, and she wanted everyone to pay. She sued. She demanded. She even blamed her parents for bringing her into a world in which she could become paralyzed.
琼妮觉得全世界都欠她，因为她无法再使用手和脚。最后她了解到，受害者情结是个很好的逃避之处，每个人都可以声称自己是这个或那个不幸的受害者——有些人因为出身贫寒，有些则是因为父母离婚，或是身体不好、工作不顺、不够瘦、不够高、不够美丽，而觉得自己是受害者。
Joni felt the world owed her something because she'd lost the use of her arms and legs. She eventually came to realize that victim-hood is an easy place to hide. We can all claim to be the victims of one misfortune or another. Some people feel like victims because they were born into poverty. Others claim to be victims because their parents are divorced, or they have poor health, or bad jobs, or they aren't as thin or as tall or as beautiful as they want to be.
当我们觉得有权享受生命中的美好时，一旦发生了让人觉得不舒服的事，我们会有被剥夺、被伤害的感受，接着就会责怪他人，无论如何就是要他们为我们的困苦负责。在一种以自我为中心的心态下，我们成了“职业受害人”。然而，“怜悯大会”是最冗长烦人、没有生产力又没有营养的活动，你只能不断听到“可怜、可怜、我好可怜”，这会让你焦躁不已，只想跑去躲起来。
When we feel entitled to the good in life, we feel robbed and outraged when something happens to make us uncomfortable. We then look to blame others and demand that they pay for our discomfort, whatever it might be. In a self-centered state of mind, we become professional victims. Yet pity parties are the most tedious, unproductive, and unrewarding events you could ever attend. You can only listen to "Poor, Poor Pitiful Me" so many times before you want to tear your hair out and run for cover.
你应该像琼妮一样，放下受害者的角色，因为这个角色没有未来。琼妮认为，受苦将人带到交叉路口，我们可以选择向下走到绝望之处，或者采取感恩的态度，往上走向希望。一开始，你或许觉得心存感激很困难，但只要下定决心不再当受害者，并且一天一天执行，力量终究会来到。如果你就是没办法找到任何值得感谢的事，那就把焦点放在前方的好日子，提前感恩。这样做可以帮助你建立乐观的感受，让你的心思摆脱过去，展望未来。
Like Joni, you should reject the victim role because there is no future in it. She says that suffering brings us to a fork in the road, and we can choose the downward path to despair or we can take the hopeful path up the hill by adopting an attitude of gratitude. You may find it difficult at first to be grateful, but if you just decide not to be a victim and take it day by day, strength will come. If you can't find any aspect of your situation to be grateful for, then focus on good days ahead and express gratitude in advance. This will help build a sense of optimism while getting your mind off the past and looking toward the future.
琼妮发现，扮演受害者只会把她往下拖，而且比瘫痪拖得更深。但是，感激已经领受和即将领受的祝福，则会鼓舞你。这样的态度可以改变你的生命，就像它曾经改变琼妮和我一样。我们不再因身体缺陷而愤怒、怨恨，而是建立起喜乐、满足的人生。
Joni discovered that playing the victim only dragged her down further than her paralysis had taken her, but being thankful for the blessings you have and the blessings to come raises you up. That attitude can change your life just as it has changed Joni's and mine. Instead of being angry and resentful over our disabilities, we've built joyful and fulfi lling lives.
感恩的态度确实改变了琼妮的生命，然后她回过头来帮助我和许多看过她激励人心的畅销书和DVD的人，让我们的生命也改变了。她的基金会推动了一项计划，在全球102个国家免费分送了六万多把轮椅以及数千根拐杖和助步器给身障者。
An attitude of gratitude truly changed her life, and she in turn helped change my life and the lives of so many others who have been helped by her best-selling inspirational books and DVDs. Her Joni and Friends nonprofit organization operates Wheels for the World, a program that has distributed more than sixty thousand free wheelchairs, not to mention thousands of crutches, canes, and walkers, to disabled people in 102 countries.
琼妮四肢麻痹，我则是没手没脚，然而，我们都找到了人生的目的，并且追求它。我们拥抱希望而不是绝望，相信上帝与未来;我们接受自己并不完美，但拥有很棒的祝福;我们选择以感恩启动正面态度，并将正面态度化为行动，改变自己和别人的生命。
Joni is a quadriplegic. I have no arms and no legs. Yet we each found a purpose and pursued it. We embraced hope over despair. We put our faith in God and the future. We accepted that we are imperfect human beings with blessings of value. We chose positive attitudes fueled with gratitude, and we put them into action to change our lives and the lives of others.
这不是励志海报，而是事实。借由选择感恩的态度，而不是受害者情结、苦涩或绝望的态度，你也可以克服任何挑战。但如果你觉得感恩很难，那还有其他对你或许有效的方法。
That's not a poster—it's the truth. By choosing an attitude of gratitude over one of victimhood or bitterness or despair, you too can overcome whatever challenges you face. But if you find gratitude hard to come by, there are other approaches that might work for you.
2.行动的态度
2. An Attitude of Action
泰比莎的身障状况跟我很类似，然而她说：“我一直觉得自己得到很多祝福，因此必须偿还宇宙一些。”她的行动派态度让她和家人开始制作“礼物包”，分送给重症和肢障儿童，以及收容所里的孩子。
Tabitha has disabilities similar to mine, yet she wrote, "I've always felt blessed and because of this I needed to give back to the universe." Her attitude of action led her and her family to start their own mission to create "goody bags" for children with major illnesses and disabilities and for those living in homeless shelters.
有时你会发现，让自己摆脱陈规旧习或困境最好的办法，就是为自己或他人创造更美好的生活。苏格拉底说：“让世界动起来之前，先让自己动起来。”如果你抓不到好运气，就自己创造一个。当你被巨大的损失或悲剧击倒时，给自己一段悲伤的时间，然后采取行动，从坏事中创造出好事来。
Sometimes the best method you'll find for moving your life out of a rut or over an obstacle is to make life better for yourself or for others. Socrates said, "Let him that would move the world, move himself first." When it seems like you can't catch a break, try creating your own. When you've been hit and knocked down by an overwhelming loss or tragedy, allow yourself time to grieve, and then act to create some good out of the bad.
行动的态度会创造正面动能，第一步无疑最难。站起来离开舒适区，一开始似乎不太可能，然而一旦起身，就能前进，而只要前进，你就走上了脱离过去的路，迈向未来。就这样一步一步往前吧。如果你失去了某人或某物，就去帮助另一个人或做另一件事，当作纪念和致敬之意。
Adopting an attitude of action creates positive momentum. The first steps are the hardest, no doubt about it. Just getting up out of bed may seem impossible at first, but once you are up, you can move forward, and as long as you are moving forward, you are on a path away from the past and toward the future. Go with that. Move ahead step by step. If you've lost someone or something, help someone else or build something else to serve as a memorial and tribute.
最具毁灭性的经历之一是失去所爱。失去家人、挚友所引发的悲恸，会让我们陷入瘫痪。除了可能因为爱过他们、认识他们、与他们相处过而感到欣慰之外，这样的状况没有可以感谢的地方。失去挚爱的痛让人无法忍受，甚至陷入瘫痪。这种痛不可能事先打预防针，然而也有人将哀痛化为行动，让失去变成善的力量。
One of the most devastating experiences is the loss of a loved one. Losing a family member or a friend triggers grief that can cripple us. Other than perhaps being glad for having loved them and known them and had time with them, there is little to be grateful for in such situations. Nothing prepares us for the grief that can overwhelm and even paralyze us. Still, some take action so that their terrible loss becomes a force for good.
凯蒂·莱纳(Candy Lightner)是个知名的例子。在13岁的女儿死于一场酒驾车祸之后，凯蒂将自己的愤怒和痛苦转为行动，成立了“反酒后驾车妈妈”组织，这个组织通过积极行动与教育计划，拯救了许多人的生命。
A well-known example is Candy Lightner, who channeled her anger and anguish into action after her thirteen-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. She founded Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), which undoubtedly has saved many lives through its activism and education programs.
当悲剧袭来，我们会想要逃到某个地方大哭，希望心碎的感觉终有一天会减轻。然而有许多像泰比莎、琼妮和凯蒂这样的人，她们采取的是行动的态度，相信即使人生最惨烈的悲剧也能提供做好事的机会。卡尔森·莱斯利(Carson Leslie)就是这样一个不可思议的人。我遇见他时，他16岁，但已经和癌症搏斗了两年。这位年轻的运动新秀拥有明亮的笑容，他的梦想是担任纽约洋基队的游击手。14岁时，他被诊断得了脑瘤，并且已经扩散到脊椎，所以接受了手术、放疗和化疗。治疗过后，他的癌症进入缓解期，然后又复发了。
When tragedies strike us or those we love, the temptation is to go off somewhere and cry, hoping that eventually the heartbreak will ease one day. Yet many people like Tabitha, Joni Eareckson Tada, and Candy Lightner have taken attitudes of action. They believe that even the worst tragedy in their lives can provide opportunities for good deeds. An incredible example of this sort of person is Carson Leslie in Dallas. He was sixteen years old when I met him, but he had been battling cancer for two years already. This young star athlete with a brilliant smile, whose dream had been to play shortstop for the New York Yankees, was just fourteen when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor that had spread to his spine. He underwent surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy. His cancer went into remission. Then it came back.
尽管经历了这一切，卡尔森还是尽力做个正常的孩子，过正常的生活。他经常提到他最爱的一节《圣经》经文，那是《约书亚记》第2章第9节：“我岂没有吩咐你吗?你当刚强壮胆!不要惧怕，也不要惊惶，因为你无论往哪里去，耶和华——你的上帝必与你同在。”
Through it all Carson did his best to be a normal kid, living a normal life. He often spoke of his favorite Bible verse, which someone had given him just after he was diagnosed. It's Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
卡尔森说这不是他的“癌症经文”，而是他的“生命经文”。
Carson was quick to say that this Bible verse was not his "cancer verse" but his "life verse."
“无论我能活多久，我都希望这节经文出现在我的墓碑上。当人们经过我的坟墓时，我要他们读到这节经文，想想它如何帮助我度过生命中的种种挣扎，也希望大家知道这节经文可以给他们安慰，就像我所得到的一样。”卡尔森在他的书《扶持我》里面这样写道。
"No matter how long I live, I want this verse on my tombstone. And when people visit my grave, I want them to read the verse and think about how it got me through my struggles in life, and I hope others will see that this verse can offer them the same kind of comfort it gives me," Carson wrote in his book, Carry Me.
这位不可思议的勇敢少年和他的英文老师一起完成这本书，为的是“替那些罹患癌症，却无法表达这样的疾病如何影响他们的青少年与儿童发声”。书刚出版，卡尔森就过世了，书的版税被用来成立卡尔森·莱斯利基金会，支持儿童癌症的研究。
This incredibly brave boy wrote the book with his English teacher to "give a voice to the teenagers and children who have cancer but are unable to express how such an illness affects their personal, social, physical and emotional life." Carson died on January 12, 2010, just as his book was being released. Proceeds go to the Carson Leslie Foundation in support of pediatric cancer research.
这个年轻人多么无私啊。纵使病重又疲倦，他还是把人生最后的日子用来写书，以鼓励和帮助别人。我很喜欢他在书末写的一段文字：“没有人知道生命为我们预备了些什么……但如果你知道勇气来自上帝，就很容易有勇气。”
How unselfish this young man was. Though he was sick and weary, he spent his final days working on a book to encourage and benefit others. I love too that the final words in his book are these: "None of us know what life has in store . . . but it's easy to have courage when you know the courage comes from God."
我是通过一位珠宝商比尔·诺宝跟卡尔森碰面的。比尔有虔诚的信仰，常常邀请我到他的教会和其他团体演讲。比尔的孩子跟卡尔森念同一所学校，他把我们凑在一起，称我和卡尔森是“天国的两位将军”，不过已经被解除武装了[17]。
I met Carson through Dallas jeweler Bill Noble, a man of deep faith who has often invited me to speak to his church congregation and other groups. Bill's children went to school with Carson, and he brought us together. He called us both "generals in the Kingdom of God."
除了消遣我之外，比尔经常强调要让活着的每一秒都有意义，并且留给世人一些东西，就像卡尔森所做的一样——即使他还那么年轻。比尔常说：“上帝并没有依照一个人在世的样子来定义他，就像《约翰福音》第6章第63节所说的：‘叫人活着的乃是灵，肉体是无益的。我对你们所说的话就是灵，就是生命。’”
Aside from teasing me about being "disarming," Bill often stresses the importance of leaving a legacy and making every second count just as Carson did, even at such a young age. Bill used to tell Carson something he'd also told me many times. "God does not define man by his earthly body. As it says in John 6:63: ‘The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.' "
3.同理的态度
3. An Attitude of Empathy
如果行动的态度超出你的能力，你还有另一个选择，一个来自内心的选择。
If an attitude of action seems beyond your ability, there is yet another option, one that comes from the heart.
年纪愈大、人生经验愈丰富之后，我了解到当年我之所以会有自杀的念头，其中一个关键因素就是我经常以自我为中心。我认为没有人承受过像我一样的身心痛苦与挫折。那时，我的注意力全放在自己的境况上。
As I grew more mature and my range of experience expanded, I realized that one of the key factors leading to my thoughts of suicide as a boy was the fact that I was terribly self-centered. I actually believed that no one suffered the emotional pain and physical frustration that I did. My focus was entirely on my own circumstances.
长大一些之后，我的心态有了很明显的改进，了解到其实世界上还有许多人的遭遇跟我一样，甚至面临比我更大的挑战。于是，我开始以更大的同理心去鼓励别人。2009年我去澳大利亚访问时，有位两岁半的小女孩就展现了令人动容的同理心。小女孩是我朋友的女儿，我之前从来没见过。她跟着父母亲来参加我们的聚会，有好一阵子，她一直对我保持距离，在远处仔细研究我，就像一般小孩常有的举动。当她的父母准备离开时，我问这个小可爱能不能给我个拥抱。
My attitude improved considerably when I grew up a little and realized that many have challenges equal to and greater than my own. When I acknowledged that, I began to reach out to offer encouragement to others with far more empathy. The young daughter of a family friend provided me with a very moving display of empathy on a visit to Australia in 2009. I'd never met the girl, who was only two and a half years old. They'd brought her to a party, and for the longest time she kept her distance, studying me from afar as small children often do. Then, as her parents were preparing to leave, I asked this beautiful child if she wanted to give me a hug.
她笑了，小心地靠近我。当走得够近时，她停下来，看着我的双眼，然后把双手往背后折，仿佛表示她跟没有四肢的我是同一国的。接着她又靠得更近一些，并把头放在我的肩膀上，用脖子拥抱我，如同她之前看到我做的那样。在场的每个人都被小女孩对我展现的同理心打动了。我有很多拥抱的经验，但我必须说，这一次的拥抱我永远忘不掉，这个小女孩真是有认同他人感觉的惊人天赋啊。
She smiled and cautiously stepped toward me. Just as she came close enough, she stopped, looked me in the eye, and slowly folded her arms behind her back as if to show solidarity with my lack of limbs. Then she inched forward a little more and placed her head on my shoulder, hugging me with her neck just as she'd seen me hug others. Everyone in the room was struck by this little girl's incredible display of empathy for me. I've been hugged many times, but I can honestly say I'll never forget that hug, because this tiny child obviously has an amazing gift for relating to the feelings of others.
同理心是很棒的天赋，我鼓励你把握每一次机会练习并分享，因为它会让施与受双方同样得到治疗。遇到困难、悲剧或挑战时，与其往内缩到自己的世界里，不如向外看看四周;与其带着受伤的心寻求同情，不如去找一个伤得更深、更重的人，然后帮助他治愈伤痛。你当然可以悲伤、痛苦，但你要知道人皆受苦，如果你愿意在这个时候向他人伸出援手，帮助别人，也是一种自我治疗。
Empathy is a great gift. I encourage you to practice and share it at every opportunity because it heals those who give, as well as those who receive. When you are confronted with hard times, tragedies, or challenges, instead of looking inward, look to those around you. Instead of feeling wounded and seeking pity, find someone with greater wounds and help them heal. Understand that your grief or pain is legitimate, but suffering is part of the human condition, and reaching out to someone else is a way of healing yourself while helping others heal too.
我的朋友盖比·墨菲特也深知这一点。盖比天生手脚畸形，只有七八厘米长，他的指头没有骨头，而且听力受损。不过，他棒球、篮球、曲棍球、跳绳和打鼓样样行，日子过得积极而活跃。
My friend Gabe Murfitt understands this as well as anybody I know. We met when I spoke at the Gather4Him fundraising dinner in Richland, Washington, in 2009. Gabe was born with malformed legs and arms that are just three inches long. His thumbs have no bones in them, and he has a hearing impairment. Somehow, he still manages to be extremely active, playing baseball, basketball, and hockey, jumping rope, and banging away on the drums, among other things.
盖比在西雅图附近长大，拥有不屈不挠的精神和巨大的同理心。他6岁开始打少棒联盟，目前是华盛顿大学的学生，曾经在朋友和家人的支援下，攀登华盛顿州第二高峰——雷尼尔山。尽管有自己的难题要面对，高中时盖比就开始演讲，以激励其他学生。他演讲的主题是“无阻碍”(CLEAR)，所谓“无阻碍”指的是勇气(courage)、领导(leadership)、卓越(excellence)、态度(attitude)和尊敬(respect)，这五种特质的英文第一个字母加在一起，便成了“无阻碍”这个词。他和家人还创立了“希望基金会”(http：//www.GabesHope.org)，提供奖学金和各种资助方案给身障者。这就是盖比出于同理心所做的事。
Gabe, who grew up near Seattle, has an indomitable spirit as well as great empathy. Now a college student at Washington State University, he began playing Little League baseball at the age of six. He once climbed Mount Rainier with a group of friends and family members supporting him. Though he had his own challenges in high school, he began reaching out to other students to inspire them by giving his "CLEAR" speeches on courage, leadership, excellence, attitude, and respect. He and his family created a nonprofit organization to help others with disabilities. Gabriel's Foundation of HOPE (http://www.GabesHope.org) provides scholarships and grants as well as encouragement as a result of Gabe's amazing empathy.
你是否看到盖比的同理心态度所拥有的力量?他把焦点从自己的困难中移开，去帮助别人;他将自己肢体障碍所带来的挑战转变成由同理心出发的使命，丰富了自己和无数人的人生。
Do you see the power in Gabe's attitude of empathy? He took the focus off his challenge and reached out to others. He transformed the challenge of his disabilities into a mission of empathy, enriching his life and those of countless others.
当我前往一些极度贫困和承受巨大苦难的地方时，常常发现那里的人无论男女老少，怜悯心总是大到不可思议。不久前我去柬埔寨，在潮湿、闷热的天气中开了一个很长的会。快要昏倒的我急着回饭店，想要赶快冲个澡，然后在有空调的房间里睡个一两天。
I often am amazed at the way people react to me when I journey into regions of stark poverty and great suffering. I always find men, women, and children who have incredible compassion. Not long ago I was in Cambodia, rushing to get back to my hotel after a long meeting in stifling heat and humidity that made me feel faint. I just wanted to take a shower and sleep for a day or two in an air-conditioned room.
“力克，你可以在离开之前跟这个小朋友讲几句话吗?”主办单位说道，“他在外面等了你一整天了。”
"Nick, before we go, would you mind speaking with this child?" my host said. "He has been waiting outside for you all day."
那个男孩比我还矮小，一个人坐在泥地上等着。他身边的苍蝇多到形成一块黑云，头上不知道是深裂的伤口还是疮，一只眼睛看起来好像要凸出来，身上则发出腐坏、肮脏的气味。
The boy, smaller than me, was alone, sitting in the dirt. Flies swarmed about him in such numbers that they formed a dark cloud. He had a gaping and deep wound or sore on his head. One of his eyes appeared to be popping out. He smelled of decay and filth.
然而，他的眼神却流露出深深的怜悯。这个孩子对我有那么多的爱与同情，让我放下急着离开的心情。
Yet there was such compassion in his eyes, so much love and sympathy—for me—that this child put me completely at ease.
他走向我的小轮椅，然后轻轻地把他的头顶上我的脸颊，试着安抚我。这孩子看起来好像几天没吃东西了，似乎是个受过很多苦的孤儿，但他想要向我表达同情，因为他想象我一定吃了很多苦。我感动得眼泪直流。
He walked up close to me in my stroller chair and gently put his head against my cheek, trying to soothe me. This boy looked as though he hadn't eaten for days. He appeared to be an orphan who'd suffered greatly. Yet he wanted to express his empathy for what he imagined was my suffering. I was so touched by him that tears flowed.
我请主办单位看看能不能帮帮这个孩子，他们答应我会让他有吃的，有人照顾，还会替他找个睡觉的地方。谢过小男孩、回到车子里之后，我依然无法停止哭泣。那天接下来的时间里，我完全无法好好思考，总是忍不住想，这个小男孩的状况让我觉得他很可怜，但他并没有把注意力放在自己的痛苦上，反而对我表达出深切的同情。
I asked our hosts if there was anything we could do for this boy, and they promised me that they would see that he was fed, cared for, and given a place to sleep, but after thanking him and returning to our vehicle, I honestly could not stop crying. I could not think straight for the rest of the day. I could not get over the fact that here was this boy whom I'd felt sorry for, but he wasn't focused on his suffering. Instead, he had compassion for me.
我不知道这孩子经历了些什么，也不知道他的生活有多艰苦，但我可以告诉你，他的态度让人惊奇，因为尽管自己也面临许多问题，他依然有能力伸出手给人安慰。这种同理心与怜悯心是多么棒的天赋啊。
I don't know what that child had gone through or how difficult his life was. But I can tell you this: his attitude was amazing because despite all his problems, he still had the ability to reach out and comfort others. What a gift to have such empathy and compassion!
当你有受害者情结，或是觉得自己很可怜时，建议你将态度调整为同理心的态度。你可以伸出援手给有需要的人、助人一臂之力、在收容所担任义工，或是做别人的良师益友，利用你所承受的痛苦、愤怒或伤害，来帮助你更加理解并减轻别人的苦楚。
When you feel victimized or self-pitying, I encourage you to adjust your attitude to one of empathy. Reach out to someone else in need. Offer a hand. Volunteer at a shelter. Serve as a guide or a mentor. Use your grief or anger or hurt to help you better understand and ease the pain of someone else.
4.宽恕的态度
4. An Attitude of Forgiveness
想要增加生命的高度，你可以选择的第四种态度是宽恕。这可能是最棒，但也是最难学习的态度，相信我，我真的知道。就像我跟你提过的，小时候有段时间，我无法原谅上帝，因为他犯了一个严重的错：没有给我四肢。我非常生气，也陷入责怪他人的行为习惯，宽恕不是我的风格。
The fourth attitude you should consider when looking to increase your altitude is an attitude of forgiveness. This may be the best of all, yet it is also the most difficult to learn. Believe me, I know. As I've told you, for a time in my childhood I could not forgive God for what seemed a gross mistake, my lack of limbs. I was angry and in full blame mode. Forgiveness was not on my screen.
跟我一样，你也必须经历愤怒和怨恨的阶段，然后才能宽恕。这是很自然的反应，但你不会想要紧抓住那些情绪太长的时间，因为不久之后你就会发现，一直让愤恨在心中翻滚，只会让自己受伤。
Like me, you will have to go through a period of anger and resentment to get to forgiveness. That's natural, but you don't want to hang on to those emotions too long because after a while you only hurt yourself by allowing them to boil within your heart.
愤怒没办法日夜持续，就好像如果你一直让引擎发动着，车子会坏掉，你的身体也是如此。医学研究显示，一直心怀怒气和怨恨，会对身心造成压力，导致免疫力下降，并破坏身体的重要器官。责怪别人还有另一个问题，如果我没手没脚是别人的错，那我就不必为自己的未来负责了。而一旦我下定决心原谅上帝和医生，然后让生命继续前进，我在身体和情绪上都感觉更好，并且认为该是我为自己接下来的人生负责的时候了。
Anger was not designed to be an around-the-clock emotion. Like your car, your body breaks down if you keep the engine racing too long. Medical research has shown that harboring anger and resentment for long periods causes physical and psychological stress that weakens your immune system and breaks down your vital organs. And there's another problem with the blame game. As long as my lack of arms and legs was someone else's fault, I didn't have to take responsibility for my own future. Once I made a conscious decision to forgive God and my doctors and move on with my life, I felt better physically and emotionally, and I felt my time had come to take responsibility for the rest of my life.
宽恕的态度让我自由。你知道的，紧紧抓着旧伤痛不放，你就只是给那些伤害你的人力量，让他们控制你。可是当你原谅他们，你就切断了跟这些人的联结，他们就再也不能打击你。千万不要以为宽恕他们是放他们一马，你这样做不为别的，是为了你自己。
An attitude of forgiveness set me free. You see, when you hold on to old hurts, you only give power and control to those who hurt you, but when you forgive them, you cut the ties to them. They can no longer yank on your chain. Don't get hung up on thinking that by forgiving them you are doing them a favor; if nothing else, do it for yourself.
我原谅了所有嘲笑我、欺负我的孩子。我宽恕他们并不是在赦免他们的错，而是为了放下愤怒和怨恨的包袱。我爱我自己，我要让自己自由。
I forgave all of those kids who mocked and teased me. I didn't forgive them to absolve them of guilt. I forgave them to unburden myself of anger and resentment. I like myself. I wanted me to be free.
所以，不必担心宽恕会让以往那些对你怀有敌意、伤害你的人好过。享受宽恕带来的好处吧!一旦采取这个态度，你的负担会减轻，如此一来，你就可以去追求自己的梦想，而不会被过去的包袱拖累。
So don't worry about what your forgiveness does for the antagonizers and hurtful people in your past. Just enjoy what forgiving them does for you. Once you've adopted an attitude of forgiveness, you'll lighten your load so that you can chase your dreams without being weighed down by baggage from the past.
宽恕的力量不止可以治疗你自己一个人，当南非前总统曼德拉原谅那些让他坐了27年牢的人时，这个宽恕的态度所带来的力量改变了整个国家，并在全世界掀起一阵涟漪。
The power in forgiveness goes beyond healing yourself. When Nelson Mandela forgave those who imprisoned him for twenty-seven years, the power of his attitude changed an entire nation and had a ripple effect around the world.
我在乌克兰认识一位牧师，他先前举家迁至俄罗斯一个暴力频发的地区设立教会。当时他计划开设教会的消息传出后，帮派分子威胁要对他和他的五个儿子不利，所以牧师就祷告。“上帝告诉我，如果我到那里开设教会，将付出严峻的代价，但同时也会有惊人的成果。”他说。
"God told me that I would pay a steep cost for planting my church there, but that something amazing would result too," he said.
尽管遭到恐吓，牧师还是去设立了教会，但一开始根本没什么人来。就在牧师打开大门的一个星期后，他的一个儿子当街被杀害。悲恸的牧师再次祷告，寻求上帝的指引，上帝告诉他要继续待下来。结果他儿子死后三个月，牧师在街上被一个长相凶恶的人拦下来，问他：“你想不想见见杀你儿子的那个人?”
Despite the threats, the pastor established his church. At first few people came to his services. Then, just a week after the pastor opened the doors, one of his sons was murdered on the street. The grieving pastor prayed again, asking for God's guidance. God told him to stay with his church. Three months after his son's death, the pastor himself was stopped on the street by a scary-looking guy who said, "Would you like to meet the person who killed your son?"
“不想。”牧师回答。
"No," said the pastor.
“你确定?”那个人说，“如果他是要寻求你的原谅呢?”
"Are you sure?" the man said. "What if he asked your forgiveness?"
“我已经原谅他了。”牧师答道。
"I've already forgiven him," the pastor said.
那个人崩溃了，告诉牧师：“我射杀了你的儿子，而我想要加入你的教会。”
"I shot your son," the man said, breaking down. "And I want to join your church."
接下来的几个星期，这个俄罗斯帮派的许多成员都走进牧师的教会，犯罪活动就从这个地区消失了。这就是宽恕的力量。当你抱持宽恕的态度时，会让各种惊人的能量动起来，而且请记住，这个态度会让你也原谅自己。身为基督徒，我知道上帝会宽恕那些寻求他恩惠的人，但人们却常常不愿意饶恕自己以往所犯的过错、失误和放弃的梦想。
In the weeks that followed, so many other members of the Russian mob joined the pastor's church that crime all but disappeared in the area. That is the power of forgiveness. When you have a forgiving attitude, you put into motion all sorts of amazing energy. And remember, this attitude allows you also to forgive yourself. As a Christian, I know that God forgives those who seek his favor, but too often we refuse to forgive ourselves for past mistakes, wrong turns, and abandoned dreams.
自我宽恕跟原谅他人一样重要。我曾犯过错，你也是。我们都曾经对别人不好，不公平地评论人，也都曾把事情搞砸过。重要的是必须后退一步，承认自己不足、不够好，向自己伤害过的人道歉，并承诺会改进。然后，就原谅自己，继续前进。
Self-forgiveness is just as important as forgiving others. I've made mistakes. So have you. We've treated people badly. We've judged them unfairly. We all mess up. The key is to step back, admit you've fallen short, apologize to the injured parties, make a promise to do better, forgive yourself, and move forward.
这是个你可以依循的态度。
Now that's an attitude you can live with!
《圣经》说，我们种什么就收什么。如果你心里满是痛苦、愤怒、自怜，而且不愿宽恕，你觉得这些态度会给你带来什么?这样的人生又有什么意思?所以，请拒绝忧郁、悲观的心情，大量储存乐观，为感恩的态度、行动的态度、同理心的态度或宽恕的态度充电。
The Bible tells us that we reap what we sow. If you are bitter, angry, self-pitying, and unforgiving, what do you think those attitudes will get you? What joy is there in a life like that? So reject those dark and pessimistic moods, load up on optimism, and charge up an attitude of gratitude, an attitude of action, an attitude of empathy, or an attitude of forgiveness.
我体验过改变态度所产生的力量。我可以告诉你，那种力量改变了我的生命，带我到达我从未想象过的高度。而它也能带给你同样的体验。
I have experienced the power of changing my attitude, and I can tell you that it changed my life, taking me to heights I never imagined. It can do the same for you!
