《柯南脱口秀》第24期:安全是第一要务

Fresh haircut before the show,before I left. 上节目前剪了个头发 我离开之前

I said to the barber,somewhere between a new wedding D.J and department of homeland security. 我跟理发师说 介于新泽西州婚礼DJ 和国土安全部官员的发型

I'll be honest with you.He nailed it.He did a great job. 我说实话 他搞定了他做得很好

So I want you to be entertained but I want you to feel safe. 我想让你们开心 也想让你们安全

Safety is my up here. 安全是我的第一要务

As a volunteer firefighter,I see a lot of things that are unsafe in society. 作为一个志愿消防队员 我在社会上看到了很多不安全的事

I see this father walking around with a baby in attached to the front of his body, 我看着一位父亲走来走去 他的身前挂着一个育儿袋

which is so cocky.which says,look,I get women pregnant,I make them have the baby,then I wear the women as . 这太炫耀了 意思是 瞧 我让女人怀孕了 我让她生下孩子 我把孩子当首饰一样戴

I say sir,please remove the baby.That's not safe.I'm a volunteer firefighter. 我说先生 请放下孩子 这不安全 我是志愿消防队员

You know,he said to me,I'm an actual firefighter.why don't you get out of my face? 他对我说 我是个真正的消防队员 你别烦我了行吗

I said maybe you don't hear what I said,bro.volunteer firefighter. 我说也许你没听到我说的话 哥们 志愿消防队员

That means I could do your entire job in my spare time.Thank you. 那就是说我业余时间里 能做你的所有工作 谢谢

Then I stopped,dropped and rolled my way out of the conversation. 然后我停了下来 不再跟他继续交谈

Proving that I'm a volunteer firefighter. 证明我是个志愿消防队员

I fly a lot.I don't mind if it's first class on the plane. 我经常坐飞机 我不介意坐的是不是头等舱

I don't want to have to walk through it to get to my seat.I sit in zone three. 我不想走过头等舱 才能到达我的位置 因为我坐在第三区

And when I walk through first class,I see a lot of things that make me angry. 我走过头等舱时 我看到了很多 让我愤怒的事情

They have a lot of extra leg room.eating a five course meal. 他们的腿部空间大得多 吃着五道菜的正餐

Drinking mimosas.I'm not on the plane yet.That's disrespect. 喝着含羞草酒 我还没上飞机呢 这很不尊重