让孩子掌握事情的主动权，他们会获得更多

让孩子掌握事情的主动权，他们会获得更多

Ask my son whether he needs another toy, and he will tell you, without hesitation, "yes." Ask my husband and me whether our son needs another toy, and we will emit a groan familiar to any parents who are sick not only of organizing toys but of organizing the various baskets, boxes and other vessels they've purchased to store the nevertheless-uncontainable toys.

问我儿子是否需要另一个玩具，他会毫不犹豫地告诉你:“需要。”如果你问我丈夫和我，我们儿子是否需要另一个玩具，我们会发出一种任何家长都熟悉的呻吟，他们不仅厌倦了整理玩具，而且厌倦了整理各种各样的篮子、盒子和其他容器，这些东西都是他们买来用来存放那些永远装不下的玩具的。

As such, for his birthday this year, we ignored his gift list and gave him the only non-stuff substitute we thought would pass muster with a 5-year-old: power. Specifically, we gave him a "Yes Day," a 24-hour period during which we couldn't say no.

因此，在他今年的生日礼物上，我们忽略了他的礼物清单，只给了他一件我们认为能符合5岁孩子要求的非物质替代品:权力。具体来说，我们给了他一个“同意”的日子，在这24小时里我们不能说“不”。

The appeal of the day lies not just in the liberation it gives our child but, somewhat unexpectedly, in the liberation for us parents.

这一天的吸引力不仅在于它解放了我们的孩子，而且出乎意料的是，它还解放了我们父母。

What happened when we said 'yes'？

当我们说“同意”的时候会发生什么呢?

The morning of my son's birthday, we watched as he tore through presents from three sets of grandparents and five aunts and uncles. (When I was a child, the only gift I received from a relative was a $15 check from my maternal grandmother that my parents never allowed me to cash.) When that was over and he had the physical evidence that this was his birthday, we gave him, verbally, our gift.

我儿子生日的那天早上，我们看着他从三对祖父母和五个叔叔阿姨那里撕开礼物。(当我还是个孩子的时候，亲戚给我的唯一礼物是我外祖母给我的一张15美元的支票，我父母从来不让我把它兑换成现金。)当这一切结束后，他有了实际得东西证明这是他的生日，我们口头上给了他礼物。

His eyebrow peaked in part confusion, part skepticism. We threw some examples at him. "Can I watch another cartoon? Can I have another cookie? Can we go see otters at the zoo?" He nodded, eyebrows descending.

他的眉毛上挑，一半是困惑，一半是怀疑。我们给他举了一些例子。“我能再看一部卡通片吗?”我能再吃一块饼干吗?我们能去动物园看水獭吗?”他点了点头，眉毛垂了下来。

Though most parents know they should leave some space, temporal and psychological, for their kids to be themselves, many of us appear to be struggling with it. In recent decades, anxiety has spiked among children and teens. Mental health experts attribute this spike to a rise in external pressures and feeling as though someone else is calling all the shots.

尽管大多数父母都知道，他们应该给孩子留下一些空间、时间和心理上的空间，让他们做自己，但我们中的许多人似乎都在与之斗争。近几十年来，儿童和青少年的焦虑情绪激增。心理健康专家将这种激增归因于外部压力的增加，以及感觉好像是其他人在发号施令。

"People need a sense of competency," or learning a skill, "but also autonomy," Johnson explained. "Parents today are spending all kinds of time, energy and money trying to increase competency but often do it at the expense of kids' autonomy. So kids feel like things are done to them, instead of for them."

“人们需要一种能力感，”或者学习一项技能，“但也需要自主性，”约翰逊解释说。“如今的父母花费各种时间、精力和金钱试图提高孩子的能力，但往往是以牺牲孩子的自主权为代价的。所以孩子们觉得事情是对他们做的，而不是为了他们自己做的。

Without a sense of autonomy, children and teenagers feel helpless and are thus less resilient to challenges or setbacks. "They not only need to learn that they can make good choices but also that they can screw up and it would be OK," Johnson said.

没有自主性，儿童和青少年会感到无助，因此对挑战或挫折的适应能力较差。约翰逊说:“他们不仅要知道，他们可以做出正确的选择，而且他们也可以把事情搞砸，一切都会好起来的。”

Ultimately, we were reminded that, when it comes to our kids, sometimes we can give more by doing less. So less we will do, incorporating a little bit of Yes Day into every day, granting him the freedom to be an otter, a ninja or whoever else he wants to be.

最终，我们被提醒，当涉及到我们的孩子时，有时候我们可以通过做得更少来给予更多。所以我们要做的少一些，每天都说一点“同意”，给他成为水獭、忍者或任何他想成为的人的自由。