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为什么我们需要独处的时间和与他人相处的时间才能茁壮成长

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2020年01月21日

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Why we need time alone and time with other people to thrive

为什么我们需要独处的时间和与他人相处的时间才能茁壮成长

There are times when you just want to be alone. You need the quiet and the inner reflection of your own company.

有时候你只想一个人呆着。你需要的是独处和自我反省。

But like a diet that's too heavy on one food group, you need to mix up your "social nutrition." It's not enough that you chat with a coworker over coffee or a neighbor over mail. Research finds that you need a balanced diet of daily social interaction and alone time to really thrive.

但是,就像饮食过于偏重于一种食物一样,你需要混合你的“社会营养”。光和同事喝咖啡聊天或者和邻居发邮件聊天是不够的。研究发现,你需要一个平衡的日常社交和独处时间的饮食才能真正茁壮成长。

It can be exhausting to make small talk to lots of strangers all the time. They key is finding a balance. (Photo: KaterinaR/Shutterstock)

For the study, nearly 400 participants across the U.S. kept a diary of their "social diet," including time they spent by themselves and time they spent with others. They also reported their feelings of well-being throughout the day.

在这项研究中,美国近400名参与者记录了他们的“社交饮食”,包括他们独处的时间和与他人相处的时间。他们还报告了一整天的幸福感。

Researchers ended up with more than 10,000 moments to analyze for patterns that linked social interaction with well-being. The results were published in the journal Human Communication Research.

研究人员最后分析了超过10,000个瞬间,以寻找社会互动与幸福感之间的联系。研究结果发表在《人类交流研究》杂志上。

"It's not that we have to rearrange our entire lives so we sit and commune with the closest people around us all day long," coauthor Jeffrey Hall, professor of communication studies at University of Kansas, said in a statement. "The results support the idea that we need a couple of high-quality interactions in a day, which can range from serious discussions to catching up and joking around."

“这并不是说我们必须重新安排我们的整个生活,让我们整天坐着和周围最亲密的人交流,”堪萨斯大学传播学研究教授杰弗里·霍尔在一份声明中说。“研究结果支持了这样一种观点,即我们每天需要一些高质量的互动,可以是严肃的讨论,也可以是闲聊和开玩笑。”

In addition to spending quality time with some of our nearest and dearest, it's key that we also enjoy time by ourselves.

除了和我们最亲近的人共度美好时光外,重要的是我们也要享受独处的时光。

"You need to be quiet, meditate, nap, chill, whatever you do," Hall said. "It's alone time, but it's about having a balanced system. It's not just that more social time is always better. It's about ratios. It's about proportionality."

“你需要安静、冥想、打盹、放松,无论你做什么,”霍尔说。“这是独处的时间,但这是一个平衡的系统。并不是说更多的社交时间总是更好。它是关于比率。大概比例。”

Researchers used the term "social biome" to describe the mix of interactions and solitude that people have each day.

研究人员用“社会生物群系”这个术语来描述人们每天的互动和孤独。

"Your social biome can be thought of as homeostatic social system," Hall said. "Some interactions are required, like ones you have to do for your job, and some are habitual or routine. But some are intentional, personal and meaningful in ways that strongly link us to one another. We're working to identify the patterns of interactions that reflect a well-functioning social system."

“你的社会生物群系可以被认为是一种自我平衡的社会系统,”Hall说。有些互动是必须的,比如你必须为工作做的互动,有些是习惯性的或例行公事的互动。但有些是有意的、个人的、有意义的,它们把我们紧密地联系在一起。我们正在努力识别反映一个运作良好的社会系统的互动模式。”

Our social biomes are typically a mix of superficial chatting with strangers, spending time with friends and family, and being alone. It's the mix of all three of these that makes for a healthy social diet.

我们的社会生态圈通常是与陌生人肤浅的聊天,与朋友和家人共度时光,以及独处。正是这三者的结合,造就了健康的社交饮食。

Small talk can be exhausting

闲聊会让人筋疲力尽

Basically, we want to deal with people but we can't do it constantly or we'll be drained.

基本上,我们想与人打交道,但我们不能一直这样做,否则我们会被掏空。

"Small talk conversations (like those I always seem to have with amiable Uber and Lyft drivers) can be exhausting," writes coach and author Christopher Bergland in Psychology Today. "Obligatory social interactions often require a lot more effort than shooting the breeze with a bunch of friends or having a coffee catch-up with your BFF."

《今日心理学》杂志的教练兼作家克里斯托弗·伯兰登写道:“闲聊(就像我与和蔼可亲的优步(Uber)和Lyft司机之间的交谈一样)可能会让人筋疲力尽。”“强制性的社交活动通常比和一群朋友闲聊或者和你最好的朋友喝杯咖啡要疲惫得多。”

The goal is to keep your social biome balanced. Don't try to socialize all day or make every single conversation meaningful. The best interactions are those times you don't have to try very hard.

目标是保持你的社会生态平衡。不要整天都去社交,也不要让每一次谈话都有意义。最好的互动是那些你不需要努力尝试的时候。

"Research on friendship has always said that one of the main characteristics of a close friendship comes from a sense of ease," Hall said. "It's easy to be around them. It's easier to be yourself around them. You don't have to put on a face. You don't have to worry that they will misinterpret what you're saying. You know that they have your best interests at heart."

霍尔说:“对友谊的研究一直表明,亲密友谊的主要特征之一来自于安逸。和他们在一起很从容。在他们身边更容易做你自己。你不需要戴上面具。你不必担心他们会误解你说的话。你知道他们把你的最大利益放在心上。”


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