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你经历过'有毒的积极情绪'吗?

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2020年09月21日

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Have you ever experienced‘toxic positivity’?

你经历过'有毒的积极情绪'吗?

Being upbeat is one thing, but if you're supporting friends through tough times, glossing over challenges with cheeriness can make those who are struggling feel worse.

保持乐观是一回事,但是如果你是在支持朋友度过困难时期,用快乐掩盖挑战会让那些正在挣扎的人感觉更糟。

Between sleepless nights, diapers and feeding times, having small children at home could leave Priscilla Goins feeling exhausted. She loved her kids, but it was a lot.

在不眠之夜、换尿布和喂食之间,有小孩在家会让普丽西拉感到筋疲力尽。她爱她的孩子,但爱得太多了。

你经历过“有毒的积极情绪”吗?

"I would sometimes say 'I just want a minute to myself,'" Goins, of Knoxville, Tennessee, said. "People would be like: 'Oh, you'll miss it when they're older.'" And that made her so mad.

来自田纳西州诺克斯维尔的戈恩斯说:“我有时会说,‘我只想给自己一分钟。’”“人们会说:‘哦,等他们长大了,你会想念它的。’”这让她很生气。

It's not that she disagreed. But in those moments, she wanted acknowledgement that the exhaustion she was going through was legitimate. Her friends' responses sometimes left her feeling bad for wanting that alone time.

并不是她不同意。但在那些时刻,她希望人们承认她的疲惫是合理的。她的朋友们的反应有时会让她感觉很糟糕,因为她想要独处的时间。

"I still want that minute to myself," she recalled feeling.

“我仍然希望那一分钟属于我自己,”她回忆起当时的感觉。

A focus on upbeat thinking, while shunting challenging and difficult experiences to the side, is what some experts call "toxic positivity." Goins came across the term recently and was curious if others had similar encounters.

专注于乐观的思维,同时把挑战和困难的经历放在一边,就是一些专家所说的“有毒的积极情绪”。戈恩斯最近遇到了这个词,她很好奇其他人是否也遇到过类似的情况。

She tweeted out a simple question in late August: "Y'all ever encountered toxic positivity?"

8月底,她在推特上发了一个简单的问题:“你们都遇到过‘有毒的积极情绪’吗?”

With observations about parenting, writing and daily life, Goins' tweets generally garner a handful of favorites. This one got more than 201,000. For many people, it seemed, her question struck a raw nerve.

通过对养育子女、写作和日常生活的观察,戈恩斯的推特通常会被收藏很多次。而这个则超过了20.1万。对许多人来说,她的问题似乎触及了她们的痛处。

Maybe it's the pandemic that has come to define 2020, ushering in lockdowns, job losses and some serious mental health issues. People around the world are struggling right now, which experts say is a natural, healthy response to these extraordinary times.

也许是流行病定义了2020年,导致了停工、失业和一些严重的心理健康问题。世界各地的人们现在都在挣扎,专家说这是对这个特殊时期的一种自然的、健康的反应。

And the last thing someone in crisis wants to hear is that it's all for the best.

陷入危机的人最不愿意听到的是,这一切都是最好的。

你经历过“有毒的积极情绪”吗?

What's wrong with being positive all the time?
总是保持乐观有什么错?

It's not that being cheerful is a bad thing. A positive attitude can be a gift to those around you, said Jamie Long, a clinical psychologist in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, but it shouldn't take the place of listening thoughtfully to others' experiences.

快乐并不是一件坏事。佛罗里达州劳德代尔堡的临床心理学家杰米·朗说,积极的态度可以成为你周围人的礼物,但它不应该取代认真倾听他人的经历。

"When you are choosing to look at situations from one perspective — in this case a positive perspective — you are very likely to dismiss or minimize an authentic experience," Long explained.

朗解释道:“当你选择从一个角度看问题时——在这种情况下是一个积极的角度——你很可能会忽略或最小化真实的经历。”这是一种有害的积极情绪。

Even if you're trying to cheer up someone, diminishing someone's difficult experiences can leave them feeling they should hide negative feelings in the future.

即使你试图让某人高兴起来,减少某人的困难经历会让他们觉得他们应该在未来隐藏负面情绪。

But toxic positivity doesn't just show up in how we treat others. Many people put intense pressure on themselves to ignore difficult emotions, too. That can cause us psychological and physical harm, Long said.

但是,有毒的积极情绪不仅表现在我们对待他人的方式上。许多人也给自己施加了巨大的压力,让自己忽视困难的情绪。朗说,这会给我们带来心理和生理上的伤害。

Suppressing emotional responses, whether positive or negative, triggers a sympathetic response in the cardiovascular system, found one study.

一项研究发现,抑制情绪反应,无论是积极的还是消极的,都会引发心血管系统的交感反应。

Life is full of challenging things, from daily stresses to profound, lasting grief. Trying to push away those feelings doesn't make them disappear. "When you keep that sadness, or shame, or guilt or anger in the body, what happens is it doesn't go anywhere," Long said.

生活充满了挑战,从日常压力到深刻、持久的悲痛。试着推开那些感觉并不能让它们消失。“当你把悲伤、羞耻、内疚或愤怒藏在身体里,它们并不会消失,”朗说。

Since ignoring difficult thoughts doesn't work, Long said it's best to just let ourselves experience the bumps in the road. In the end, it can make it easier to move on to other feelings.

既然忽视困难的想法是行不通的,朗说最好是让自己经历道路上的颠簸。最后,它可以让你更容易地转向其他感觉。

Not only that, Long said accepting our feelings can make room for a more nuanced experience of the world, where we frequently contend with positive and negative feelings at the same time. "Look out for the either-or mindset," she said.

不仅如此,朗说,接受我们的感觉可以为我们对这个世界更微妙的体验腾出空间,在这个世界里,我们经常同时面对积极和消极的感觉。“要注意这种非此即彼的心态,”她说。

As an example, she described the complicated experiences that many have had during the pandemic, encountering a blend of grief, anger, gratitude and hope. Sometimes, those feelings come all at once.

例如,她描述了许多人在流行病期间经历的复杂经历,遇到了悲痛、愤怒、感激和希望。有时候,这些感觉一下子就来了。

"We can be really sad this is happening," she said, "and be positive and hopeful for the future at the same time."

她说:“发生这样的事我们真的很难过,但同时我们也要对未来保持乐观和充满希望。”


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