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老友记第一季The One Where Underdog Gets Away

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The One Where Underdog Gets Away

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.]

Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?

Terry: An advance?

Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.

Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.

Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.

Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.]

Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?

Guy: Huh?

Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go.

(Monica enters.)

Monica: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?

Ross: No, they're not.

Monica: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.

Ross: You're wrong.

Monica: I am not wrong.

Ross: You're wrong.

Monica: No, I just talked to them.

Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.

(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)

Joey: Hey, hey.

Chandler: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey.

Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?

Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.

Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.

Phoebe: What were you modeling for?

Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?

Monica: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?

Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.

Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?

Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers)

Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.

Joey: Thanks.

(Ross comes back to the couch.)

Ross: (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.

Monica: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.

Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?

Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?

Joey: Yeah.

Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.

Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.

Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?

Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.

Monica: So you're free Thursday, then.

Phoebe: Yeah. Oh, can I come?

Monica: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail?

Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.

Chandler: I thought it was $98.50.

Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.

Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.

Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?

Ross: (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.

[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]

Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?

Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.

Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.

Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.

Susan: What's it look like?

Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin.

Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.

Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.

Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.

Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.

Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.

Ross: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy?

Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?

Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?

Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.

Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me?

Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time.

Ross: Really?

Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Rachel.]

Ross: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this.

Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.

Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.

(Rachel enters.)

Monica: Hey, Rach, did you make your money?

Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop.

Monica: Rach, here's your mail.

Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.

Monica: (insistently) No, here's your mail.

Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.

Monica: (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it?

(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.)

Rachel: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great.

Monica: We all chipped in.

Joey: (to Monica) We did?

Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks.

Rachel: Thank you. Thank you so much!

Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.

Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?

Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old.

Ross: Oh, I hate this story.

Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.

Rachel: Oh my god.

Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.

[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]

Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.

Girl: We did?

Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?

Girl: Yeah, right.

Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.

Girl: Get out.

Joey: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.

Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to me.

Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?

Girl: (provocatively) Nothing.

Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?

Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh.

Joey: What's wrong?

Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something.

Joey: Oh. What?

Girl: Um, leave.

Joey: Wait, wait, wait!

(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]

Joey: So I guess you all saw it.

Rachel: Saw what?

Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.]

Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.

Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.

Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]

Monica: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are yamming. (notices Ross is depressed) What?

Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.

Monica: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop moping.

Ross: That's closer.

(Rachel enters, excited.)

Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.

Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping.

Rachel: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff.

Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?

Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.

(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face.)

Phoebe: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie!

Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.

(Chandler leaves.)

Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.

Monica: That's not a question.

Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.

Monica: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.

Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.

(Ross grabs for some food, Monica slaps his hand away.)

Monica: Ah!

Ross: Ok, Mom never hit.

(Ross exits.)

Phoebe: (stirring pot) Ok, all done.

Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!

Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.

Monica: Why would we do that?

Phoebe: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.

Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.

Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!

(Chandler enters, running.)

Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.

Joey: The balloon?

Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?

Rachel: I can't, I gotta go.

Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?

Phoebe: Almost never.

Monica: Got the keys? or Got the keys!

Rachel: Ok.

(Everyone leaves the apartment.)

[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]

Carol: Anytime you're ready.

Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...

Carol: Just aim for the bump.

Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.

Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.

Ross: (quickly talking) Hello, baby. Hello, hello.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back from the roof.]

Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.

Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.

Monica: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here?

Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.

Monica: No I don't.

Rachel: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys."

Monica: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?"

Rachel: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys".

Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?

Monica: (panicked) The oven is on.

Rachel: Oh, I gotta get my ticket!

Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.

Monica: Well then get it, get it!

Joey: That tone will not make me go any faster.

Monica: (angry) Joey!

Joey: That one will.

(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)

[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]

Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.

Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.

Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?

(Susan enters.)

Susan: Hi, how's it goin?

Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?

Carol: I did.

Ross: Does it always, uh--?

Carol: No, no that was the first.

Susan: Keep singing! Keep singing!

Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.

Susan: I felt it!

Ross: (singin) Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.

[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]

Joey: Nope, not that one.

Monica: Can you go any faster with that?

Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.

Monica: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?

Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.

Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.

Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.

Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.

Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.

(Short pause.)

Monica: Why would I have the keys?

Rachel: Aside from the fact that you said you had them?

Monica: But I didn't.

Rachel: Well, you should have.

Monica: Why?

Rachel: Because!

Monica: Why?

Rachel: Because!

Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...

Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.

(They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.)

Monica: Well, the turkey's burnt. (checking pots) Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.

(Ross enters, singing.)

Ross: Here we come, walkin' down the—this doesn't smell like Mom's.

Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.

Rachel: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.

Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.

Monica: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?

Joey: You call that delicious?

(all shouting)

Monica: Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.

[Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe is at the window.]

Phoebe: Ooh.

Rachel: What?

Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.

(They all run to the window.)

Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!

Monica: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!

Phoebe: It's nice that he has someone.

[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]

Chandler: Shall I carve?

Rachel: By all means.

Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?

Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.

Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me?

Joey: Oh, I will.

Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.

Monica: Make a wish?

Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?

Joey: The bigger half.

Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.

All: That's so sweet.

Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.

Rachel: And a crappy New Year.

Chandler: Here, here!

Closing Credits
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:

Bladder Control Problem
Stop Wife Beating
Hemorrhoids?
Winner of 3 Tony Awards...

He's finally happy with that and walks away.]

End

特里,我,我知道我在这里干时间并不长,

但我在想

您是否能考虑预支给我100块薪水.

预支?

这样我才能和家里人共度感恩节。

你看,每年,我们全家都去韦尔滑雪,

通常都是我父亲为我出票钱

但是我现在已经开始学习独立,

恩,这实际上也是我在这里干的原因。

瑞秋,瑞秋,亲爱的。

你是一位非常,非常糟糕的女招待。

真的,真的糟糕透顶。

好吧,我,我明白你的意思了.我同意您说的

但是我,我一直很努力地在做,

我想我会做得更好的。我会的!

有人需要咖啡吗?

(是的, 这边/有!...)

噢,你瞧!

打扰一下,先生。

恩,您是这里的老主顾了。

不知道您是否能考虑预支一点小费给我?

恩?

好,好,算我没说。我为以前用咖啡泼到您表示歉意。

还差98块5。

嗨/嗨

罗斯,你知道老爸老妈要去波多黎各过感恩节吗?

不,他们不会。

他们要去。 布莱曼家邀请了他们。

你瞎说。

我没瞎说

/你瞎说。

我刚和他们通过电话。

我去打给妈妈。

嘿,嘿。

/嘿。

这里是“紧急求助部”。 你化了妆吗?

是的。 从今天起,我的正式身份就是乔伊.崔比安尼,

演员兼模特。

真有趣,

因为我正想说:你看起来更象

乔伊.崔比安尼,

男人兼女人

你给什么当模特?

你知道那些城市免费门诊的招贴画吗?

oh,哇,那你不就成了那些

健康一族中的一员了吗?

那个哮喘病人还真可爱。

你知道你为什么代言吗?

不知道,但是我听说脑膜炎还少人,所以 ...

祝你好运,老兄。 我希望你能染上.

谢谢

好吧,你是对的。 他们怎能抛下我们不管?

这可是感恩节。

好,我提议。

我在我那儿做顿大餐,怎么样?

我会做得和妈妈的味一样的。

你会弄成块的土豆泥给我吃吗?

这个,他们真不该把土豆 ...

我做土豆块。

乔伊,你要回家,是吗?

/没错。

钱德,你还在抵制所有清教徒的节日吗?

当然,他们中的任何一个。

菲比,你要和你奶奶一起过?

是的,还有她的男朋友。

但我们只在12月庆祝,

因为他脑子有点乱。

那么,你星期四有空了。

是的。噢,我能来吗?/当然

瑞秋,你定下来要去韦尔吗?

没错。“咻,咻,咻!”

还差102元就可成行。

我记得刚才不还是98块5。

没错,但我又摔了一个杯子。

我到卡萝那里去。

哦,哦! 我们干嘛不叫上她?

“哦,哦”.因为她是我的前妻,

而且她可能还想带上她的,

“哦,哦”,女同志!

Hi,卡萝在吗?

她开教工会去了。

噢,我过来想把我的头骨拿走。

嗯,不是我的,是……

进来!

谢谢。 是这样,卡萝上回借走上课用的,

我现在得拿回去还给博物馆。

它是什么样子?

就象一张没有皮的大脸。

我有印象。 我们来找找看。

哇,你们有这么多讲怎样成为一名女同志的书。

嗯,你知道吗,你必须接受一门课程。

否则,他们不让你当同性恋。

嘿,嘿,《Yertle the Turtle》。 经典作品。

没错,我现在在念给宝宝听。

噢,那个还没出生的宝宝?你这不是 ...

疯了?

什么,你觉得宝宝在里面听不到声音?

当然,经常说。 我要让宝宝认得我的声音。

那,你提到过我吗?

有的,常事。

真的?

但是,嗯,我们称你为提供精液的BoBo。

不行,如果她和宝宝说话,

那我也应该有一些“肚子谈话时间”。

但这不表示我相信这个。

噢,我相信。 我觉得宝宝什么都能听见。

我可以演示给你看。

可能会有点怪异,

你得把你的头放在这只火鸡里面,

然后大伙儿说话,你肯定能听到我们说的。

我想说我完全赞成这个实验。

而且,我还非常想把你的脑袋涂上黄油。

嘿,瑞秋,钱拿到没有?

没有,都关门了。

忘掉韦尔吧,

忘掉家庭团聚吧,

忘掉“咻,咻,咻。”吧

瑞秋,你的信。

谢谢,放在桌上就行了。

不,这是你的信!

谢谢,你把它放在桌子上就行了。

你不想现在就打开它吗?

喔,天哪!你们真好!

大伙凑的。

大伙?

你欠我20块。

谢谢!太感谢了!

钱德,这是你的感恩节大餐

你的西红柿汤

你的奶酪杂拌和你的特大号洋葱小吃。

等等,钱德,这是你的感恩节晚餐吗?

你和这个节到底有什么过不去的?

好吧,我9岁那年…

/噢,我厌恶这个故事。

我们全家刚刚吃完一顿丰盛的感恩节大餐。

我 ---现在我还清楚地记得这个细节

---塞了满嘴的南瓜派,

我的父母就选择那会来告诉我:

他们要离婚了。

噢,天!

是的。 一旦你有过这样的负面印象,

就很难对感恩节大餐有兴趣了。

hi,我们一起工作过。

/有吗?

是的,在美西百货. 你是那个“迷幻”女郎,对吧?

我是那卖“阿拉米香水”的。 阿拉米?阿拉米?

哦,想起来了。

我得说, 你是那里面最棒的。

/少来了!

我是说真的。你太让人吃惊了。

你的表演是那样张弛有度。

真的吗? 我受宠若惊了。

噢,你今晚闻起来妙极了。

你身上是什么?

什么也没有!

你想不想去喝上一杯?

好的,哦

怎么了?

/我刚想起,我还有要紧的事要做。

噢,什么事情?

离开

等等,嘿,等等!

“马里奥没有告诉你的事…他有性病,

你永远无从知道谁会染上它”(广告词)。

我想你们都看见了。

看见什么?

不,我们只是在笑。 你知道,笑也是会传染的。

我得另找个地方过感恩节了。

我全家都认为我有花柳病。

今夜,此花怒放。

嗯,看起来不错。 好,苹果酒搞定,

火鸡搞定,山芋搞定。

怎么了?

我不知道。 妈妈不在厨房感觉就是不一样。

够了! 你知道个屁?

靠边站,还有你,别擦了。

有点象了。

噢,别“咻”了,好吗?

Ok,我去收拾行李。

钱德,你今晚会来吗?

不,我喜欢和欢乐保持安全距离!

注意,南瓜派来了!

好吧,你在塞填料的时候我们都有笑,

但是这会不好笑了。

喂,莫尼卡,我有一个问题. 我没看见有塔特酒。

这不叫问题!

但是我的妈妈总是做的.

好象是个传统。

弄点火鸡肉在叉子上,配上点蓝莓酱

还有塔特酒!

因为我的“病”,我不能与家人团聚了,

真糟糕透了。

好吧,好吧。 今晚的土豆泥会有成块的和有酒味的。

好了,我要去和还没出生的宝宝说话了

嘿!

/好吧,妈妈从不打我。

Ok,搞定了。

干吗,菲比,你在搅烂土豆吗? 罗斯要吃块状的!

噢,很抱歉,噢,我以为搅烂了以后,

可以加一些豌豆和洋葱。

为什么我们要那样做?

嗯,因为我妈都是那样做的,

你知道,在她去世之前。

好吧,第3种吃法出现。

好了,大伙,再见. 感谢你们.

哦,抱歉! 噢,抱歉!

最不可思议事情发生了!

“点头狗”刚刚飞了!

那个气球吗?

不,是真的卡通人物。

当然是那个气球!

电视全是它的新闻。

走到美西百货的时候他断线了,后来在华盛顿广场公园上又被发现了。

我要上屋顶去看,谁要去?

我不去了,我得赶飞机。

来吧。 80英尺长的充气狗在城市上空游荡。

这样的机会有多少?

恐怕不会再有了。

拿上钥匙 ...

开始吧

好的,好的,开始。

这里吗,我得对着哪里说?

我的意思是:

好象只有那样才能让他听见,但是 ...

对着鼓出来的地方就可以。

好的,开始了。

你知道,我,你知道,我做不出来。

噢,这太搞笑。 我感到自己象个傻瓜。

那你就别说了。

你不必因为苏珊做了你就非得做。

你好吗?宝宝!你好,你好

大狗在公园上的时候挺好玩的。

是的,但是他们必须把他射下来吗?

真是作孽。

现在火鸡应该是外焦里嫩了。

还站在这里干嘛?

等你开门。你拿的钥匙。

没有,我没拿。

你拿了。 出来的时候,你说拿了钥匙。

我没有。 我说:“拿上钥匙”?

不、不、不。你是说:"拿上钥匙".

你们俩都没带?

烤炉还开着。

噢,我得拿我的票!

等等,等等,我们有一把你家的备用钥匙。

快去拿,快去!

你这种语气无法加快我的速度。

乔伊

/这还凑合。

每个人都对我说:你得选个专业,

你得选个专业

于是我鼓起勇气挑了古生物学

可能你不懂我正说什么

我们得面对现实,你还是一个胎儿.

你应该高兴因为你不会再有鳃。

你不用老是说话,你也可以对它唱歌.

噢。拜托,我才不想对着你的胃唱歌!

进展如何?

嘘! 正忙着呢,“沿着那些街道走着,

每人人的表情都很可笑。嘿,嘿!”

喂,噢,你觉着到了吗?

/是的,我有。

他总这样吗,噢 --?

/不,没有,这是第一次

接着唱!接着唱!

“嘿,嘿,你是我的宝宝,我已经等不及想见你。

等你出来后,我会为你买百吉饼

然后带你去动物园。”

“嘿,嘿,我是你的爸爸。没有乳房的那个……”

不,不是那个。

/你能快一点吗?

锁眼只有一个,而钥匙有上千把. 你来试试

你怎么会有那么多钥匙?

以备不时之需,就象现在这样。

你听着,假笑的家伙。

要不是你和你那该死的气球,

现在我就在飞机上对着空中小姐指手画脚了。

你说你带了钥匙,我发誓

不,没有。 我如果拿了钥匙,我会说“拿了”,

显然我没拿那该死的钥匙

哦,好吧,够了,别再提钥匙了。

为什么我应该拿钥匙?

因为你说你拿了!

但是我没拿。

/嗯,你应该拿。

为什么?

/因为!

为什么? 因为一切事情都该是我的责任吗?

难道我给大家准备感恩节晚餐还不够吗?

每个人要的土豆泥都不一样,

我得做各种样式的土豆泥。

有谁关心过我要哪种土豆泥吗?

没有,没有……

菲比要有洋葱和豌豆的土豆泥

“马里奥”要有塔特酒口味的,这是我第一次搞感恩节大餐

现在全焦了,……我……

好了,莫尼卡,只有狗现在能听见你说的,好了

门已经开。 进去吧。

嗯,火鸡烧焦了.土豆完了,土豆完了,土豆完了。

“我们沿着……”?

妈妈的厨房可不是这个味。

不象是吧? 你不是要土豆块吗,罗斯?

好,拿去,伙计。

噢,天哪, 飞机已经飞走了,

看来我只能留下来和你们呆在一起了

我们本来都有个不错的计划的,

这不是大伙的最佳选择.

噢,真的吗? 那我何苦为什么做这顿丰盛

的感恩节大餐?

你管这叫丰盛吗?

......%#&^%*&^*.......

闭嘴,闭嘴,闭嘴!

终于有了点感恩节的气氛了。

噢!

/什么?

丑陋裸男正从烤炉中取出他的火鸡。

噢,我的天。丑陋裸男不是一个人。

他正和一个丑陋裸女共进感恩节晚餐。

我得看看。

丑陋裸男真爽!

裸舞开场了!

有人陪真好。

可以切了吗?

当然可以.

来,谁想要浅色起司,谁想要深色起司?

我一点也不想知道深色起司是怎么来的

有人想要和我分这块吗?

噢,我要。

你们必须先许个愿望。

许愿?

来吧,这是感.恩.节!

噢!你得到大半了。 你许的什么愿?

得到大半。

我敬各位一杯。来一杯,叮叮。

我知道这不是你们本来计划的感恩节,但是对我来说

这样也挺棒的

我想,这是因为它没和离婚或者呕吐沾边。

不论如何,我在想,

如果你去了韦尔,如果你们和父母在一起,

如果你没有......“梅毒”那些玩意

我们就不能一起过, 所以我想

说的就是:谢天谢地你们的感恩节计划都砸了

真是感人!

来,祝你们有个糟糕的圣诞节。

/还有一个失败的新年。

干!干!

小便失禁!

停止家庭暴力 !

有痔疮吗?

三次“东尼奖”获得者


 

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