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老友记第一季The One With the Monkey

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110 The One With the Monkey

 

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]

Ross:Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet.

(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)

All:Oooh!

Monica:W-wait. What is that?

Ross:'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?

Monica:No, no, I don't.

Rachel:Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?

Ross:My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.

Phoebe:That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?

Chandler:Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!

Monica:Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?

Ross:Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...

Monica:Why don't you just get a roommate?

Ross:Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]

Phoebe:So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.

Chandler:Might wanna open with the snowman.

(Enter Joey)

All:Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.

Monica:So, how'd it go?

Joey:Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.

Ross:How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.

Joey:I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.

Monica:So what are you gonna be?

Joey:Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?

Rachel:Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?

Chandler:Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!

Rachel:Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.

Phoebe:Yeah, you wish!

Chandler:It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.

All:Yeah, okay. Alright.

Chandler:Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm.

All:Woooo! Yeah!

Rachel:Phoebe, you're on.

Phoebe:Oh, oh, good.

Rachel:(Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!

Phoebe:(Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)

I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitchin',
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
(shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la...

(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)

Phoebe:(Sung)

...My mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar,
And sometimes when it's breezy...

(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion)

Phoebe:(Sung)

...I feel a little sneezy
And now I- (abruptly stops)

Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?

Max:No. No, that's- that's okay.

Phoebe:Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!

Chandler:(Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!

David:Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-

Phoebe:Could you speak up please?

David:(Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought

Max:Daryl Hannah.

David:Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a

Max:Hard quality.

David:-hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling. (Sits down)

Phoebe:Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)

Joey:Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]

Ross:Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off)

Rachel:Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?

Ross:Just a smidge.

Phoebe:David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.

Monica:I think it's romantic.

Phoebe:Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?

Rachel: Yeah!

Phoebe:Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions...

Chandler:Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact.

Phoebe:No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?

Chandler:Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.

Monica:What?!

Ross:C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!

Chandler:I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.

Monica:Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!

Chandler:I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!

[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.]

Joey:Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.

(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)

Chandler:Too many jokes... must mock Joey!

Joey:Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)

Chandler:Aah, y'killing me!

(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)

Monica:Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!

Ross:Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?

Monica:Do you always have to bring him here?

Ross:I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces...

Chandler:Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.

Ross:Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.

Chandler:Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.

[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a whiteboard.]

David:...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.

Phoebe:Okay, alright, I have a question, then.

David: Yuh.

Phoebe:Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?

David:Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be (Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.

Phoebe: Sure.

David:Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.

Phoebe:Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.

David:Rrrreally.

Phoebe:Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me.

David:...Now? Now?

Phoebe:Oh yeah, right now.

David:Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)

Phoebe:Okay, now you're just kinda tidying.

David:Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?

Phoebe:I can hop. (She hops onto the table)

(They kiss, finally)

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]

Ross:So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?

Monica:I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.

Chandler:Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?

Monica: Yeah.

Joey:You know more than one Fun Bobby?

Chandler:I happen to know a Fun Bob.

Rachel:(Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...

Joey:Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!

Rachel:(Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is.

Ross:Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.

Joey:Uh, four.

Ross:Four.

Rachel: Five.

Ross:Five. (Buries his head in his hands)

Rachel:Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.

Joey:Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?

Ross:Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball drops?

Rachel:Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who.

Ross:Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.

Monica:What's the matter?

Ross:Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands...

Chandler:That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.

Ross:Really.

Chandler:Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.

Ross:What, uh... what juggling thing?

Chandler:With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.

Ross: No.

Chandler:Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon...

(Max runs in)

Max:Phoebe. Hi.

Phoebe:Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?

Max:No. Have you seen David?

Phoebe:No, no, he hasn't been around.

Max:Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.

Phoebe:Minsk?

Max:Minsk. It's in Russia.

Phoebe:I know where Minsk is.

Max:We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.

Phoebe:So when, when do you leave?

Max:January first.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]

Phoebe:Hello?

David: Hey!

Phoebe: Hi.

David:Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here?

Phoebe:Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice) congratulations! This is so exciting!

Max:It'd be even more exciting if we were going.

Phoebe:Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?

Max:Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my girlfriend!!' (Storms out)

David:Thank you, Max. Thank you.

Phoebe:So-so you're really not going?

David:I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide.

Phoebe:Oh don't do that.

David:Please.

Phoebe:Oh no no.

David:No, but I'm asking-

Phoebe:Oh, but I can't do that-

David:No, but I can't-

Phoebe:It's your thing, and-

David:-make the decision-

Phoebe:Okay, um, stay.

David:Stay.

Phoebe: Stay.

(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)

Phoebe:Getting so good at that! (She hops on)

David:It was Max's stuff. (They kiss)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]

Janice:I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)

Chandler:You remember Janice.

Monica:Vividly.

(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)

Monica: Hi.

Sandy:Hi, I'm Sandy.

Joey:Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids.

Sandy:Yeah. That's okay, right?

(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)

Ross:Par-tay!

Monica:That thing is not coming in here.

Ross:'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?

Monica:I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.

Ross:Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...

Monica:Alright. Just keep him away from me.

Ross:Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.

(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)

Monica:Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?

Rachel:Rome. Jerk missed his flight.

Phoebe:And then... your face is bloated?

Rachel:No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?

[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom]

Sandy:Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf.

Joey:Wow, that's, uh, dirty.

Sandy:Yeah.

(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)

Joey:Hey, kids...

Ross:(Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.

Janice:(Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!

Chandler:(Imitating) But you found me!

Janice:Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!

Chandler:Kill me. Kill me now.

(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole)

Monica:Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!

(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed)

Fun Bobby:Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!

Joey:(Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?

(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back)

[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears]

Fun Bobby:It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again.

Janice:(Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.

Chandler:Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-

Janice:Oh, no. Oh, no.

Chandler:I'm sorry you misunderstood...

Janice:Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)

(Ross is still taking photos)

Chandler:Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)

(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)

Phoebe:Hi, Max!

Max:Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you.

David: Wow.

Max:It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year.(Walks off)

Phoebe:Are you alright?

David:Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)

Phoebe:You're going to Minsk.

David:No, I'm... not going to Minsk.

Phoebe:Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me.

David:Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you.

Phoebe:Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.

David:Uh, ow.

Phoebe:Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me.

David:I'll never forget you.

Phoebe:And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy.

Dick Clark:(on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...

(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids)

Joey:There y'go, kids.

Chandler:(To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)

Joey:You seen Sandy?

Chandler:Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you.

Rachel:Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.

All:(in the kitchen) What?

Rachel:The bll is drrbing!

Dick Clark:(on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...

Chandler:And the moment of joy is upon us.

Joey:Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.

Phoebe:Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.

Monica:Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!

(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses)

Chandler:Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)

Phoebe:I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.

Rachel:I can't kiss anyone.

Monica:So I'm kissing everyone?

Joey:Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.

Ross:Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.

Chandler:Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!

Joey:Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses him. Ross takes a photo) There.

Closing Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.]

Ross:(Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back.

Rachel:...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.

End

各位我想介绍一个人给大家认识

等等…这是怎么回事?

他叫Marcel,想和他打声招呼?

不,我不要

他好珍贵,哪里得到他的?

我朋友贝瑟把它从实验室救出来的

真残忍

为何有父母会将孩子取名为贝瑟?

那猴子的屁股上长了个罗斯

罗斯,它要和你同住吗?

对,

Carol离开后家里冷清清的

为何不找个室友?

不知道

人到一定的年纪后

与室友同住是有点可悲…

抱歉,是pathet

在梵语中代表很酷的生活方式

各位,我今天将唱全新的曲目

我写了12首关于我妈自杀的歌

及一首有关雪人的歌

你最好先唱雪人

乔伊

老兄

如何?

我没得到那份工作

你怎可能会没得到?你是去年的圣诞老人

不知道哪个胖子和店经理有一腿

他根本无法逗人开心,简直就是利益输送

那么你扮演什么?

当他的助手,真是耻辱

你们打算如何过新年?

什么?新年有什么不对劲吗?

你当然没事,你有保罗

无须面对新年带来的压力

无须急着寻找有嘴唇的生物

在球落下那一刻有个亲嘴的对象

我讲得太愤慨了

告诉你吧,保罗新年时会在罗马

所以我将和各位一样可悲

想得美

新年时,我不想再听到迪克拉克的疲劳轰炸

今年我们在一起,不出去约会

只有我们6个共进晚餐

好吧

我希望大家能更开心点

哦太好啦

菲比,该上台了

各位

应观众要求,Phoebe Buffay小姐

谢谢,首先的这首歌在这种时节令我感慨万分

我做了一个人,眼睛是煤炭做的

他有谜样的微笑

我如何能承受母亲死在厨房的事实

 La lalala la la

母亲的骨灰,甚至是她的睫毛

都安放在一个黄色的小骨灰坛

天寒地冻时

我感觉有点想打啧涕

如今我…抱歉,吵闹的两位

有什么想和大家分享的吗?

没...没事

快说,如果有事如此重要

你们非在我唱歌时谈论

那就重要的足以与我们分享

那家伙铁定会被训一顿回家

我是告诉我朋友…

大声点行吗?

抱歉,我告诉我朋友

你是我见过最漂亮的女孩

他说黛瑞汉娜…黛瑞汉娜

是他见过最美的女人

我说我喜欢”美人鱼”中的她

但"华尔街"就没那么喜欢了

她没那种...气质

黛瑞汉娜是传统的美

而你散发出高雅的气质

然后你就叫我们了

休息片刻

那家伙将抱得美人归

过来,Marcel,坐这儿

拜托,没想到他还没亲你

我第6次和保罗约会时

他就为我的双峰取了名字

我分享太多了吗?

一点点

大卫是个科学家

做事一丝不苟

我觉得很好

我也是

你们看过军官与绅士吗?

看过

他就是我心目中的白马王子

除了他更聪明,温柔体贴

我只想整天和他厮守在一起

不管是白天或夜晚

还是夜晚或白天

还有特别的日子

等等,我知道了

你邀他共度新年,对不?

你想抛弃我们

她想抛弃我们

不不不...

我可以吗...?

好吧,因为我已约了Janice

拜托,我们是六人行

你的六人

我毁约了,行吗?

我耐不住寂寞,我毁约了

可是Janice…

你们的分手不是糟透了?

我没说这是个好主意

我毁约了

不好意思我来晚了

太滑稽了,乔伊你太逗了

鞋子正点吧

我快笑死了

罗斯,它又玩我的铲子

它又不会玩坏的

你非得每次都带它来不可吗?

我不想让它独守空房

我们早上才吵了一架

一定是我加班惹的祸

我说了不该说的话

它就朝我扔一坨屎

如果你必须加班

我可以替你照顾它

这太好了,不过如果你去照顾它

要装成一付去找它的样子

不能让它知道你是在帮我忙

好,但它如果问起

我可就要实话实说了

但我们仍无法测试这个理论

因为今日粒子加速的速度

仍无法模拟出这样的情况

好,我有个问题

你要亲我吗?

这是个正当而合理的问题

答案是…

对,我曾想过

但我要让这非凡的事件

发生在非凡的时刻

因为是你

当然

但等得越久亲吻就越非凡

而在此时此地

我想扫去桌上的一切

将你丢在上面

但我不是会扫去一切

那种猴急的男人

大卫,我想你是

你是被困在物理学家体内的猛男

真的?

没错,我确定

扫去一切然后将我丢上去吧

现在?

对,现在

好...

这东西很贵的

这个是人家送的

你在清理场地?

好吧,管他的

你想让我丢上去还是自己跳上去?

我自己跳好了

告诉我

”六人行”对你有何意义?

抱歉,不过钱德有对象,菲比也有对象

所以我约了搞笑巴比

搞笑巴比?你的前任男友搞笑巴比?

是啊

你还认识其他的搞笑巴比?

我认识搞笑巴伯

来了

没添牛奶的地方了

好了

这么说六人行中三人另有节目

四人

四人

五人

五人

抱歉,保罗提早搭飞机回来

而我在梅西百货遇上一个火辣辣的单身妈妈

我这个小精灵怎能抗拒?

这么说球落下那一刻

我只好孤零零地?

别这样

我们将举行盛大的派对

而且无人知道…

我现在不需要知道这些

你怎么了?

都是Marcel

它一直不让我进门去

它拖着双手不断绕圈子

真是诡异

我前几天晚上还跟它相处愉快

真的?

我们一起玩,看电视

杂耍那一部份真是太精彩了

什么杂耍?

拿袜子当球耍

我以为是你教它的

我没有

这也不算什么,只是拿袜子当球耍罢了

还有一颗香瓜

菲比

马克斯,认识大家吗?

不认识,你看见David吗?

没有,他没在这儿

看见他时告诉他快打包

我们要去明斯克

明斯克?

在苏联

我知道明斯克在哪儿

我们已申请到奖助金

全额赞助我们三年

你们何时走?

元旦

你来这儿干什么?

马克斯告诉我明克斯的事了

恭禧了,真叫人兴奋

能去的话会更叫人兴奋

你不去了?为什么?

告诉他,David

我不要去明克斯

和李本斯亚马古基与法朗克共事

不不不,不去

我要留下来和我的女友培养感情

够了,马克斯,谢谢

你真的不去?

我也不知道

我不知道该如何是好

你决定

别这样

求求你

不... 我是在求你

我不能那么做

但我下不了决定

这是你的事我不能…

我可以

好吧,留下来

留下来

留下来

你进步神速

这是马克斯的东西

我喜欢菊芋

别告诉我里面是什么

我明天才开始节食

记得Janice?

历历在目

我是Sandy

Sandy,请进

你把孩子都带来了

对,可以吗?

我来了

这东西不可以进来

东西?

你都这样招呼客人吗?

我问你,

如果我带着新女友来

你也不欢迎她进来?

你的新女友不会尿在我的咖啡桌上

它已经够难为情了,行吗?

它已鼓足勇气回到这里

就当一切都没发生过一样

好,叫它离我远点就是了

谢谢。来,Marcel

咱们去交际一下吧

待会儿见

天啊,瑞秋,你没事吧?

保罗在哪儿?

罗马。那混蛋没赶上飞机

然后你的脸就爆炸了?

不是

我在机场要进入计程车时

一个带着一本书的金发女人

开始对我大叫

说计程车是她先拦到的

然后她就开始扯我的头发

我拿出口哨猛吹

结果又来了三辆计程车

我要上车时

她又跘我

结果我撞上了路缘

嘴唇被口中的哨子弄伤

大家玩得还愉快吧?

有人吃我的沙司吗?

我上周看见你时

那或许是我第一次想像裸体的小精灵

真淫荡

孩子们

看他,

我没说他得整晚和我待在一起

但至少也得来问候一声

原来你在这儿

我让你跑了

但又被你逮到了

罗斯,帮我们照一张

笑一个

你在Janice的相机中了

杀了我吧

各位,搞笑巴比来了

抱歉,我迟到了

我祖父他在两小时前过世了

明天才有飞机

所以我来了

搞笑巴比,

近来可好?

谁死了?

他棺材将暂时不盖上

所以我至少可以再见他最后一面

这一次我不想再搞砸了

我要写上“破镜重圆”

Janice,够了

Janice…

我邀你来...

但它并不代表我们…

不...

抱歉,让你误会了

你听我说…

这可能是你我最后一次共处了

那东西可以给我吗?

马克斯

嗨,小野洋子

我决定自己去明斯克了

少了你将失色不少,但它还是明斯克

新年快乐

你还好吧?

我没事

你去明克斯吧

不,我不去了

你一定要去明斯克

你属于明斯克

你不能因为我而留下来

我可以

因为如果我走

就代表我必须与你分手

我又不能和你分手

不,你可以

你只要说:

菲比,我爱你。但我的工作是我的生命

我现在得去

我说,你的工作?

你竟说出这种话?

你说...

我痛苦欲绝,

但我没的选择

难道你不了解吗?

我说,

不,我不了解

好痛

抱歉

然后你抱住我…

然后你对我说你爱我

你永远不会忘记我

我永远不会忘记你

你又说现在已接近午夜

你必须走了

你不想与我共度新年

因为你实在狠不下心离开

我会想你的,科学家

我是迪克拉克

在时代广场为你做实况报导

时代广场这儿的五彩纸片纷纷落下

一年比一年进步

睡吧孩子们

然后孔雀就咬我

请在午夜吻我

看见Sandy没?

我不知该如何告诉你

她和马克斯在摩妮卡的房里

那个科学怪人

酷,你看我还是告诉你了

各位,大球要掉了

什么?

大球要掉了

再过20秒钟就是午夜

兴奋的时刻即将到来

“六人行”计划似乎奏效

大家好像都很开心,

我不喜欢

不是大家都开心

嘿,巴比

我这么说好了

我不是数学大师

但我相信这儿有3对男女

今晚我不想亲任何人

我无法亲任何人

我就该亲大家?

不,你不能亲罗斯

他是你哥

太好了

大家都被亲了,除我之外

谁来亲我…

谁来亲我…现在是午夜…

好吧,来吧

我真想和他好好相处

替它换尿布,替它抓跳蚤

但它却视为理所当然

深爱某人却得不到回报

真是令人难过

我想那个贱人打断了我的牙齿

剧终

谢谢观赏

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