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老友记第一季The One With the Boobies

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The One With the Boobies

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in and starts raiding the fridge. Then Rachel comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her waist, drying herself with another towel. Chandler and Rachel startle each other and she drops the towel for a second and snatches the rug off the couch.]

Rachel: That is IT! You just barge in here, you don't knock

Chandler: I'm sorry!

Rachel: You have no respect for anybody's privacy!

Chandler: Rachel, wait, wait.

Rachel: No, you wait! This is ridiculous!

Chandler: Can I just say one thing?

Rachel: What? What?!

Chandler: That's a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nipular areas.

Rachel: Oh!!

(She storms off)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her boyfriend Roger, talking to Rachel and Monica.]

Phoebe: Oh, honey, honey, tell them the story about your patient who thinks things are, like, other things. Y'know? Like, the phone rings and she takes a shower.

Roger: That's pretty much it.

Phoebe: Oops!

Roger: But you tell it really well, sweetie.

Phoebe: Thanks. Okay, now go away so we can talk about you.

Roger: Okay. I'll miss you.

Phoebe: Isn't he great?

Rachel: He's so cute! And he seems to like you so much.

Phoebe: I know, I know. So sweet... and so complicated. And for a shrink, he's not too shrinky, y'know?

Monica: So, you think you'll do it on his couch?

Phoebe: Oh, I don't know, I don't know. I think that's a little weird, y'know? Vinyl.

Rachel: Okaaay. (To the guys, on the couch) Any of you guys want anything else?

Chandler: Oh, yes, could I have one of those. (Points)

Rachel: No, I'm sorry, we're all out of those. Anybody else?

Chandler: Okay.

Roger: Did I, uh, did I miss something?

Chandler: No, she's still upset because I saw her boobies.

Ross: You what? Wh what were you doing seeing her boobies?

Chandler: It was an accident. Not like I was across the street with a telescope and a box of donuts.

Rachel: Okay, okay, could we change the subject, please?

Phoebe: Yeah, 'cause hello, these are not her boobies, these are her breasts.

Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, I was hoping for more of a change.

Chandler: Y'know, I don't know why you're so embarrassed, they were very nice boobies.

Rachel: Nice? They were nice. I mean, that's it? I mean, mittens are nice.

Chandler: Okaaay, (Gestures) rock, hard place, me.

Roger: You're so funny! He's really funny! I wouldn't wanna be there when when the laughter stops.

Chandler: Whoah whoah, back up there, Sparky. What'd you mean by that?

Roger: Oh, just seems as though that maybe you have intimacy issues. Y'know, that you use your humour as a way of keeping people at a distance.

Chandler: Huh.

Roger: I mean hey! I just met you, I don't know you from Adam. ...Only child, right? Parents divorced before you hit puberty.

Chandler: Uhhuh, how did you know that?

Roger: It's textbook.

(Joey enters with his dad)

Joey: Hey you guys. Hey, you all know my dad, right?

All: Hey! Hey, Mr. Trib!

Monica: Hey, how long are you in the city?

Mr. Tribbiani: Just for a coupla days. I got a job midtown. I figure I'm better off staying with the kid than hauling my ass back and forth on the ferry. (Sees Roger) I don't know this one.

Phoebe: Oh, this is my friend Roger.

Roger: Hi.

Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, hey. Good to meet you, Roger.

Roger: You too, sir.

Mr. Tribbiani: (To Phoebe) What happened to the, uh, puppet guy?

Joey: Dad, dad. (Shakes his head)

Mr. Tribbiani: Oh, 'scuse me. So Ross, uh, how's the wife? (Ross whines and lays his head on Chandler's shoulder) Off there too, uh? Uh, Chandler, quick, say something funny!

(Chandler stays stonefaced)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Mr. Tribbiani is on the phone.]

Mr. Tribbiani: Gotta go. I miss you too, I love you, but it's getting real late now

Joey: (Snatches the phone) Hey Ma. Listen, I made the appointment with Dr. Bazida, and... Excuse me? (To his dad) Did you know this isn't Ma?

(His dad nods. Cut to later. Joey is chopping mushrooms)

Mr. Tribbiani: Her name's Ronni. She's a pet mortician.

Joey: Sure. So how long you been... (Goes back to chopping)

Mr. Tribbiani: Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the navy yard and show you the big ships?

Joey: Since then?!

Mr. Tribbiani: No, it's only been six years. I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy. ...Joe. Y'ever been in love?

Joey: ...I d'know.

Mr. Tribbiani: Then y'haven't. You're burning your tomatoes.

Joey: You're one to talk. (Puts the mushrooms in a saucepan)

Mr. Tribbiani: Joe, your dad's in love big time. And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.

Joey: Oh man. Please tell me one of 'em is Ma.

Mr. Tribbiani: Of course, course one of 'em's Ma. What's the matter with you.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is lamenting to everyone about hid dad's affair.]

Joey: It's like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He's like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That'd be cool.... This blows!

Rachel: I know, I mean, why can't parents just stay parents? (She walks over near Chandler and his gaze stays very obviously on her chest) Why do they have to become people? Why do they have... (Notices Chandler) Why can't you stop staring at my breasts?

Chandler: (Without looking up) What? (Looks up) What?

Rachel: Did you not get a good enough look the other day?

Ross: Alright, alright. We're all adults here, there's only one way to resolve this. Since you saw her boobies, I think, uh, you're gonna have to show her your peepee.

Chandler: Y'know, I don't see that happening?

Rachel: C'mon, he's right. Tit for tat.

Chandler: Well I'm not showing you my 'tat.'

(Door buzzer goes)

Monica: Hello?

Phoebe: (Intercom) It's Phoebe.

Roger: (Intercom) And Rog.

Monica: C'mon up.

Chandler: (Sarcastic) Oh, good. Rog is here.

Joey: What's the matter with Rog?

Ross: Yeah.

Chandler: Oh, it's nothing, it's a little thing... I hate that guy.

Ross: What, so he was a little analytical. That's what he does, y'know? C'mon, he's not that bad.

(Cut to Chandler, Ross and Roger sitting at the table. Ross is upset)

Ross: Y'see, that's where you're wrong. Why would I marry her if I thought on any level thatthat she was a lesbian?

Roger: I dunno. Maybe you wanted your marriage to fail.

Ross: Why? Why would I why? Why? Why? Why?

Roger: I don't know. Maybe maybe low self-esteem, maybe maybe to compensate for overshadowing a sibling, maybe you...

Monica: Wait-wait, go back to that sibling thing.

Roger: Well, I don't know. I mean, it's conceivable that you wanted to sabotage your marriage so that the sibling would feel less of a failure in the eyes of the parents.

Ross: That that's ridiculous! I don't feel guilty for her failures!

Monica: Oh! So you think I'm a failure!

Phoebe: Isn't he good?

Ross: Nonono, thatthat's not what I was saying...

Monica: Y'know, all these years, I thought you were on my side. But maybe what you were doing was sucking up to Mom and Dad so they'd keep liking you better!

Ross: Hey, I married a lesbian to make you look good!

(Cut to later. Rachel is in tears)

Rachel: You're right! I mean you're right! It wasn't just the Weebles, but it was the Weeble Play Palace, and and the Weebles' Cruise Ship. Oh, which had this little lifeboat for the Weebles to wobble in.

Roger: That's tough. Tough stuff. C'mon, Pheebs, we're gonna catch that movie, we gotta get going.

Phoebe: Oh, okay. Feel better, Rachel, 'kay?

Roger: Geez, we're gonna be late, sweetie...

Phoebe: Oh, okay. Listen, thanks for everything, Mon.

Monica: You're welcome.

Roger: Listen guys, it was great seeing you again. Mon, um, easy on those cookies, okay? Remember, they're just food, they're not love.

(He shuts the door and Ross and Monica fling cookies at it)

Monica: Hate that guy! (Throws another cookie)

[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler and Joey are just leaving Monica and Rachel's.]

Joey: Night, you guys.

(They notice that a woman is sitting by their door)

Chandler: Oh look, it's the woman we ordered.

Joey: Hey. Can, uh, can we help you?

Ronni: Oh, no thanks, I'm just waiting for, uh, Joey Tribbiani.

Joey: I'm Joey Tribbiani.

Ronni: Oh no, not you, big Joey. Oh my God, you're so much cuter than your pictures! (Joey stares at her) I-I'm, I'm Ronni....Cheese Nip?

Chandler: Uh, Joey's having an embolism, but I'd go for a Nip, y'know?

Commercial Break

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ronni is talking to Chandler. Joey's dad is not around.]

Ronni: Now, y'see, most people, when their pets pass on, they want 'em sorta laid out like they're sleeping. But occasionally you get your person who wants them in a pose. Like, chasing their tail, (Demonstrates) or, uh, jumping to catch a frisbee.

Chandler: Joey, if I go first, I wanna be looking for my keys.

Ronni: That's a good one!

(Joey's dad enters.)

Mr. Tribbiani: Hey, Joe.

Joey: Dad, Ronni's here.

Mr. Tribbiani: Huh?

Ronni: Hi.

Mr. Tribbiani: Hey! Hello, babe! Wh what're what're you doing here?

Ronni: Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment, I figured you'd need it tomorrow for your meeting. (Hands him the hair)

Mr. Tribbiani: Thank you. Uh...

Chandler: So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?

Ronni: Look, I uh, I shouldn'ta come. I-I'd better get going, I don't wanna miss the last train.

Mr. Tribbiani: I don't want you taking that thing.

Ronni: Oh, where'm I gonna stay, here?

Joey: Who-ah-ho.

Mr. Tribbiani: We'll go to a hotel.

Ronni: (Shrugs) We'll go to a hotel.

Joey: No you won't.

Ronni: No we won't.

Joey: If you go to a hotel you'll be...doing stuff. I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.

Mr. Tribbiani: You're gonna keep an eye on us?

Joey: That's right, mister, and I don't care how old you are, as long as you're under my roof you're gonna live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.

Ronni: Wow. He's strict.

Joey: Now dad, you'll be in my room, Ronni uh, you can stay in Chandler's room.

Ronni: Thanks. You're, uh, you're a good kid.

Chandler: C'mon, I'll show you to my room. ...That sounds so weird when it's not followed by "No thanks, it's late."

Joey: Okay. Now this is just for tonight. Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change. This has gone on long enough.

Mr. Tribbiani: What kinda change?

Joey: Well, either you break it off with Ronni

Mr. Tribbiani: I can't do that!

Joey: Then you gotta come clean with Ma! This is not right!

Mr. Tribbiani: Yeah, but this is

Joey: I don't wanna hear it! Now go to my room!

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, night. Chandler and Joey are sharing the sofabed in the living room. Joey is restless.]

Chandler: Hey, Kicky. What're you doing?

Joey: Just trying to get comfortable. I can't sleep in my underwear.

Chandler: Well, you're gonna.

Joey: I've been thinking. Y'know, about how I'm always seeing girls on top of girls...

Chandler: Are they end to end, or tall like pancakes?

Joey: Y'know what I mean, about how I'm always going out with all these women. And I always figured, when the right one comes along, I'd be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, y'know? Now I'm looking at my dad, thinking...

Chandler: Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?

Joey: No.

Chandler: No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say "No thanks, I'm married."

Joey: You really think so?

Chandler: Yeah. I really do.

Joey: Thanks, Chandler. (Snuggles up to him)

Chandler: Get off!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, morning. Someone knocks on the door and Monica gets it.]

Ronni: Hi.

Monica: Hi...May I help you?

Ronni: Yeah, uh, Joey said I could use your shower, since, uh, Chandler's in ours?

Monica: Okay...who are you?

Ronni: Oh, I'm Ronni. Ronni Rappelano? The mistress?

Monica: Oh, c'mon in.

Ronni: Thanks.

Rachel: Hi, I'm Rachel.

Ronni: Hi.

Rachel: Bathroom's up there.

Ronni: Great.

Rachel: Hey, listen, Ronni, how long would you say Chandler's been in the shower?

Ronni: Oh, like, uh, five minutes?

Rachel: Perfect. Fasten your seatbelts, it's peepee time. (She goes into Joey and Chandler's apartment, where Mr. Tribbiani is reading the paper) Hey, Mr. Trib.

Mr. Tribbiani: Hey. Morning, dear.

(Rachel goes up to the door of their bathroom)

Rachel: Chandler Bing? It's time to see your thing.

(She opens the door and whips back the curtain. It's Joey. They both scream)

Joey: (Runs out in a towel) What's the matter with you?!

Rachel: I thought it was Chandler!

Chandler: (Comes out of his room) What? What?

Rachel: You were supposed to be in there so I could see your thing!

Chandler: Sorry, my my thing was in there with me.

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Phoebe enters.]

All: Hey, Pheebs.

Phoebe: Hey.

Monica: How's it going?

Phoebe: Good. Oh oh! Roger's having a dinner thing and he wanted me to invite you guys.

(Chandler laughs)

Phoebe: So what's going on?

Monica: Nothing, um, it's just, um... It's Roger.

Ross: I dunno, there's just something about...

Chandler: Basically we just feel that he's...

Rachel: We hate that guy.

All: Yeah. Hate him.

Ross: We're sorry, Pheebs, we're sorry.

Phoebe: Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, don't you think, maybe, though, it's just that he's so perceptive that it freaks you out?

All: ...No, we hate him.

Rachel: We're sorry.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment, Joey is trying to turn the sofabed back into a sofa. Someone knocks on the door and it rears up at him.]

Joey: Ma! What're you doing here?

Mrs. Tribbiani: I came to give you this (Gives him a bag of groceries) and this. (Whacks him round the ear)

Joey: Oww! Big ring!

Mrs. Tribbiani: Why did you have to fill your father's head with all that garbage about making things right? Things were fine the way they were! There's chicken in there, put it away. For God's sake, Joey, really. (She gives the sofabed a tiny push and it folds away)

Joey: Hold on, you-you knew?

Mrs. Tribbiani: Of course I knew! What did you think? Your father is no James Bond. You should've heard some of his cover stories. "I'm sleeping over at my accountant's," I mean, what is that? Please!

Joey: So then how could you I mean, how could you?!

Mrs. Tribbiani: Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling, always yelling nothing made him happy, nothing made him happy, not that wood shop, not those stupid little ships in the bottle, nothing. Now he's happy! I mean, it's nice, he has a hobby.

Joey: Ma, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but... what the hell are you talking about?! I mean, what about you?

Mrs. Tribbiani: Me? I'm fine. Look, honey, in an ideal world, there'd be no her, and your father would look like Sting. And I'll tell you something else. Ever since that poodle-stuffer came along, he's been so ashamed of himself that he's been more attentive, he's been more loving... I mean, it's like every day's our anniversary.

Joey: I'm...happy...for you?

Mrs. Tribbiani: Well don't be, because now everything's screwed up. I just want it the way it was.

Joey: Ma, I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you'd want.

Mrs. Tribbiani: I know you did, cookie. Oh, I know you did. So tell me. Did you see her?

Joey: Yeah. You're ten times prettier than she is.

Mrs. Tribbiani: That's sweet. Could I take her?

Joey: With this ring? (Her engagement ring.) No contest.

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe is there with Roger.]

Roger: What's wrong, sweetie?

Phoebe: Nothing, nothing.

Roger: Aaaah, what's wrong, c'mon. (Pats his leg. She lies down and rests her head in his lap)

Phoebe: It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't.

Roger: Oh. They don't.

Phoebe: But they don't see all the wonderfulness that I see. They don't see all the good stuff and all the sweet stuff. They just think you're a little...

Roger: What?

Phoebe: Intense and creepy.

Roger: Oh.

Phoebe: But I don't. Me, Phoebe.

Roger: Well, I'm not I'm not at all surprised they feel that way.

Phoebe: You're not? See, that's why you're so great!

Roger: Actually it's, it's quite, y'know, typical behaviour when you have this kind of dysfunctional group dynamic. Y'know, this kind of co-dependant, emotionally stunted, sitting in your stupid coffee house with your stupid big cups which, I'm sorry, might as well have nipples on them, and you're like all 'Oh, define me! Define me! Love me, I need love!'.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is letting everyone in on the new developments.]

Monica: So you talked to your dad, huh.

Joey: Yeah. He's gonna keep cheating on my ma like she wanted, she's gonna keep pretending she doesn't know even though she does, and my little sister Tina can't see her husband any more because he got a restraining order...which has nothing to do with anything except that I found out today.

Rachel: Wow.

Chandler: Things sure have changed here on Waltons mountain.

Ross: So Joey, you okay?

Joey: Yeah, I guess. It's just parents, after a certain point, you gotta let go. Even if you know better, you've gotta let them make their own mistakes.

Rachel: Just think, in a couple of years we get to turn into them.

Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.

Phoebe: (entering) Hey.

All: Hey, Pheebs.

Monica: How's it going?

Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.

All: Awww.

Phoebe: Yeah, right.

All: Aaawwwwww!!

Rachel: What happened?

Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet, and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!

Closing Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is reading the paper and Joey enters.]

Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What's going on?

Joey: Clear the tracks for the boobie payback express. Next stop: Rachel Green. (He goes into the bathroom. We hear a scream and he comes out, closely followed by Monica in a towel)

Monica: Joey!! What the hell were you doing?!

Joey: Sorry. Wrong boobies.

(He leaves. Cut to Monica entering Chandler and Joey's apartment. She sneaks up to the shower door)

Monica: Hello, Joey.

(She whips back the curtain to reveal Joey's dad)

Mr. Tribbiani: Oh! ...Hello, dear. (She whips the curtain shut in horror)

End

抱歉  天啊,我受够了

你不敲门就闯进来?  难道你不尊重别人的隐私权?

瑞秋,慢着   不,你慢着,这太荒唐了

我能说一件事吗?  什么事?

这块布编的非常松

因此我仍能看见你的胸脯

亲爱的,告诉他们你的病人如何把事想成另一件事

例如电话响时她就去洗澡

差不多是那样

但你说得很好  谢谢

快走开我们才能谈你

好吧,我会想念你的

他很不错吧

他好帅,也好像很喜欢你

我知道,他人很好

导演:亚伦梅尔森

而且很复杂

为何他们就得成为人间男女?

他会在沙发上做吗?

我不知道…有点奇怪

聚乙稀做的

大家还想要别的吗?

要,我要…  抱歉,卖完了,其他人呢?

我是否错过某事?  没有

她很生气因为我看见她的胸脯

你看她的胸脯干吗?  那是意外

和拿着望远镜和甜甜圈过街的感觉不同

能改变话题吗?

没错,因为那不是她的胸脯

而是她的胸部

菲比,我要的不只是改变字眼

我不知你如此介意

你的胸脯很好看

好看?就这样?手套也很好看

我…左右为难

你真逗

他真的很逗

他不笑的时候  我也不想待在这儿

等等

那是什么意思?

你似乎有亲密上的问题

你用你的幽默和人保持距离

我才刚认识你

我对你毫无所知

独子?

父母在你青春期前离婚?

你怎会知道? 你很典型

各位  乔伊

你们都认识我爸吧?

打算在纽约待多久?几天

我在中城工作

我想和儿子同住  比来回坐渡轮好

我没见过他

他是我朋友罗杰

幸会,罗杰  彼此彼此

玩布偶的那个怎么了?  爸

抱歉,罗斯,你的太太呢?

两人出局了?

钱德,说点好笑的

我得挂电话了,我也想你

我爱你,但现在很晚了

让我向她打声招呼

妈,我和包西达大夫约了时间

什么?

你知道这不是妈吗?

她叫罗妮,宠物殡葬业者

当然

你和她多久了…

记得小时候我常带你去海军军港看大船?

从那时候?

不,才6年

我只想勾起你美好的回忆

让你不会觉得我一直是个大烂人

乔伊,你爱过吗?

我不知道  那就是没有

你的蕃茄烧焦了

别想转移话题

乔,你老爸爱得无法自拔

最糟的是我爱两个女人

拜托你告诉我其中一个是妈

当然其中一个是你妈

你是怎么搞的?

这就像你某天起床突然发现你爸是个双面人

就像是为中情局工作的间谍

那一定很酷

但这个很烂

我懂

为何父母就不能是父母?

为何他们就得成为人间男女?

别再盯着我的胸部看

什么?

什么?

那一天你还看得不够吗?

我们都已是成年人

此事只有一个解决之道

既然你看过她的胸脯

你应该让她看你的小弟弟

办不到

拜托,他说得对

以眼还眼

我不会让你看的

我不会让你看的

快上来

这下可好,罗杰来了

罗杰有什么不对劲吗?

没什么,小事

我讨厌这家伙

为什么?因为他太善于分析

他就是这种人别这样嘛,他没那么糟

这就是你错误的地方

如果当初我感觉到她是女同志我何必和她结婚呢?

我不知道

或许你想让婚姻失败

为什么…

我不知道,或许自信心不足

或许是弥补你让你妹相形见绌的愧疚

或许…等等,回到妹妹的话题

什么?我不知道

你要使你的婚姻触礁

让你妹在父母面前不那么抬不起头

这太荒谬了

她不争气我并未感到自责

你认为我不争气?

他不错吧我不是那个意思?

多年来我以为你支持我

但或许你婚姻失败目的是想巴结爸妈

让他们更心疼你

我娶女同志是想让你建立自信

你说得对

那不是“威伯”的问题

而是威伯游乐宫和游轮的问题

它上面的救生艇让威伯能缓缓驶出

那滋味不好受

菲比,如果想看电影我们现在该走了

打起精神来,瑞秋

菲比,我们快来不及了 好

谢谢 不客气

各位,很高兴和各位再度见面

摩妮卡,饼干别吃太多

切记,那只是食物

不是爱

我讨厌这家伙

晚安,各位

这是我们订的女人

需要帮忙吗?

不用,谢谢,我在等乔依

我就是乔依

不是你,是老乔依

天啊,你此照片上帅多了

我是罗妮

想吃起司块(夹子)吗?

乔伊有“栓子”

但我可以来一点

大部份人在宠物过世后

希望它们就像长眠一样

但有些人要他们摆出姿势

像追自己的尾巴

跳起接住飞盘

乔伊,如果我先走 我的姿势要像找钥匙一样

这姿势不错 乔伊

罗妮来了

宝贝

你来干什么?

你的假发留在我的住处

我想你明天用得上

谢谢

谁想玩“科普朗克”?

我不该来这儿

我该走了 我不想错过最后一班地铁

不,我不要你坐这么晚的车

我要住哪儿?这里?

我们去住饭店

我们去住饭店

不行 不行

你们去饭店就一定会办事

我要你们待在这儿

这样我就可以监视

你要监视我们?

没错,我不管你们多大

只要住在我家 —切就得听我的

那就是不准你们睡在一起

他好严格

爸,你睡我房间

罗妮,你睡钱德的房间

谢谢

你真是个好孩子

来,我带你去看我房间

感觉真奇怪

你没说“不,谢了,时候不早了”

只有今晚 明天你们就得做出改变

6年已经够久了

什么改变?

不是和她分手就是… 我办不到

不然就是向妈自首 这样是不对的

对,但是… 我不想听

快进我房里

别踢了

你在干什么?找寻舒适的位置

穿着内裤我睡不着 你非穿不可

我一直在想…

我总是看见女人叠在女人上面

她们是首尾相接 或是像煎饼一样高

懂我意思吗?

我总想像自己和这些女人约会

因为我总想梦中情人出现时

我就会勇往直前坚持到最后

但如今看见我爸…

你不是他,你是你自己

当全天下都希望你继承你爸的事业时

你有屈服吗? 没有

你决心当个演员

这不是一件容易的事 但你办到了

我也相信梦中情人出现时

你会有勇气对她说“抱歉,我已婚”

你真的这样认为?

真的

谢谢 滚开

有事吗?

乔伊说我能用你的浴室

因为钱德正在用我们的 可以啊

你是谁? 我叫罗妮

情妇

请进 谢谢

我叫瑞秋

浴室在那儿  好

罗妮,钱德进浴室多久了?

约5分钟  太好了

请系好安全带

“小弟弟”时间到了

崔先生

早安

钱德,该我看你的小弟弟了

你是怎么搞的?

我以为你是钱德

什么事?

你应该在浴室  这样我才能看见你的小弟弟

抱歉,我的小弟弟和我在那儿

菲比

如何?  不错

罗杰想邀大家一起吃晚餐

怎么了?  没事

只是…罗杰

我说不上来,有些事…

基本上我们认为他…

我们讨厌他…

菲此,我们很抱歉

是不是他观察入微反而吓到你们了

不,我们讨厌他…  抱歉

妈,你来干什么?

我拿这个来给你

还有这个

头好晕

你为何讲一大堆要你爸改正的垃圾?

何不顺其自然呢?

里面有鸡肉,拿去放

拜托,乔依,真的

慢着,你都知道?

我当然知道,你认为呢?

你爸又不是詹姆士庞德

你应该听过他的谎言

“我在会计这儿睡”

那是什么?拜托

你怎能…记得你爸以前的模样吗?

总是大吼大叫

总是不开心

连木店和瓶内的小船也无法让他开心

这样也好,他总算有个嗜好

妈,恕我直言

你到底在说什么?

你呢?  我很好啊

在理想的世界中没有她

你爸也长得和史汀一样帅

再告诉你别的

自从那女人出现后

他感到内疚而开始对我体贴

每天都像我们的结婚纪念日

我该为你高兴?

不需要

因为现在全搞砸了

我只想回到从前

妈,对不起

我以为自己做了你想做的事

我知道

告诉我,你看见她没?

你此她漂亮多了

嘴巴真甜

我斗得过她?

你有戒指,她斗不过的

怎么了?  没事

到底怎么了?快说嘛

好吧,我…没事

问题出在我朋友身上

他们对你有意见

他们…  他们?

他们看不见你的好处

他们看不见你好的一面

他们认为你有点…   什么?

难以相处

但我菲比不这么认为

我对他们的反应毫不感到惊讶

你不惊讶?  这就是我欣赏你的地方

当群体动力失调时这是很平常的反应

这种相互依赖,情绪激动

坐在那家烂咖啡屋

拿着大咖啡杯

抱歉,或许还有乳头在上面

你们都会说“定义我这个人”

“爱我,我需要爱”

你和你爸谈过了?

他要以我妈希望的方式继续欺骗我妈

我妈要继续假装她一无所知

我妹蒂娜不能再见她丈夫

因为他接到禁制令

这两件事没关系  但我今天才听说

华登山这儿的事全变了

乔伊,你没事吧?

或许吧,他们是父母

你不得不顺其自然

即使你知道这样做不对

但你还是得让他们犯自己的错误

而且几年后我们就和他们一样

拜托

如果我像他们一样

我不是变成追逐金发帅哥的酒鬼

就是变得和我妈一样

如何?

还好,只是我和罗杰分手了

没错  不…

怎么了? 我说不上来

他的个好人而且对我很体贴

他的某些方面很适合我

只是…我讨厌这个人


 

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