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老友记第一季The One Where the Monkey Gets Away

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The One Where the M Gets Away

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]

Rachel: Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica enters with some mail.]

Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.

Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!

Monica: Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?

Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.

Monica: What is it?

Rachel: Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for 'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!

Monica: Barry who you almost...?

Rachel: Barry who I almost.

Monica: And Mindy, your maid of...?

Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!

Monica: (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To have had a friend like you.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]

Ross: Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?

Rachel: What?

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.

Ross: Really.

Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.

Ross: Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?

Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...

Ross: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.

Rachel: Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?

Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...

(Enter the other four)

Monica: Hi.

Ross: ...Gets interrupted. Hi!

Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?

Monica: Wonderful!

Phoebe: So good!

Joey: Suck-fest.

Chandler: Toootal chick-flick.

Phoebe: I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs and, like, buses going really fast...

Joey: Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a little nudity.

Monica: There was nudity!

Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou Grant frolicking.

Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!

Ross: Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.

Chandler: They're still just friends, right?

Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!

Ross: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.

Monica: Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?

Ross: 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be there.

[Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.]

Chandler: I can't believe we are even having this discussion.

Joey: I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.

Chandler: I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they would've happened already?

Ross: I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.

Joey: She really said that?

Ross: Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.

Joey: 'Tonight' tonight?

Ross: Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking care of my m...

Chandler: I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my m.

Ross: Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo her.

Chandler: Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the 1890's, when that phrase was last used.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]

Rachel: Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad m! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry. Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open door)

[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]

Joey: How could you lose him?

Rachel: I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-

Monica: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?

Rachel: I don't know. The left one.

Monica: Which ones?

Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.

Phoebe: (Entering) Hey.

All: Hi.

Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?

Chandler: Rachel lost Marcel.

Phoebe: Oh no, how?

Monica: He- he pooped in my shoe.

Phoebe: Which one?

Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.

Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left one is lucky...

Rachel: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?

Joey: Alright alright. You're a m. You're loose in the city. Where do you go?

Chandler: Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of the touristy things. I'll go to Cats, you go to the Russian Tea Room.

Rachel: Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill me!

Monica: Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.

Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?

Monica: Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray Lysol in my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.

(They all leave)

Rachel: Anybody wanna trade? Oh...

[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles emerges.]

Mr. Heckles: Whaddyou want?

Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a m. Have you seen it?

Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?

Monica: No!

Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?

Mr. Heckles: I wasn't ready for it.

Monica: A m. Have you seen a m?

Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once...

Phoebe: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. (They move off)

Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle.

[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.]

Rachel: (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian m with a white face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay. Thanks.

Ross: Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?

Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?

Ross: Yeah. You, uh, you want some?

Rachel: Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?

Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine) Well-

Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.

Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)

Rachel: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.

Ross: Oh, what? What-what?

Rachel: Y'know Marcel?

Ross: ...Yeah?

Rachel: Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.

[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]

Commercial Break

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]

Ross: (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the apartment.

Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry-

Ross: No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off with a m. I should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.

Rachel: (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?

Intercom: Animal Control.

Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control!

Ross: You called Animal Control?

Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?

Ross: Marcel is an illegal exotic animal. I'm not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.

Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that...

Ross: That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment!

(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)

Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming.

Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a m?

Rachel: Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)

Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a m, but we-we didn't.

Rachel: Turned out it was a hat.

Ross: Cat!

Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!

(Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in)

Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.

Luisa: Marcel?

Ross: My uncle Marcel.

Phoebe: Oh, is that who the m's named after?

Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?

Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail?

Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself first?

Phoebe: Yes, but there isn't always time!

Monica: Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.

Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!

Rachel: Yeah!

Luisa: Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!

Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!

Monica: The Luisa from home room!

Rachel: Yes!!

Luisa: You have no idea who I am, do you.

Monica: No, none at all.

Rachel: None.

Luisa: Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean, would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?

Monica: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!

Luisa: Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel) But you? What a bitch!

Rachel: What?!

Monica: Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that m thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?

Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that m, he's mine. (Leaves)

Phoebe: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.

[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]

Chandler: Marcel?

Joey: Marcel?

Chandler: Marcel?

Joey: Marcel?

(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)

Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you?

(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)

Chandler: Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for something...

Joey: A m.

Chandler: Yes have you seen any?

Woman No. 1: No. No, haven't seen a m. Do you know anything about fixing radiators?

Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?

Woman No. 1: Of course.

Joey: Oh. Then, no.

(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)

Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here?

(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances)

Woman No. 1: Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your m. (She starts to shut the door)

Chandler: Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling... mileu.

Joey: Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here?

Chandler: Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're very hot.

Joey: We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd find this m. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us out.

(The women quickly shut the door)

Chandler: Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.

Joey: Marcel?

Chandler: Marcel?!

[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.]

Phoebe: Marcel?

Monica: Marcel?

Phoebe: Marcel?

Both: Marcel?

Phoebe: Oh-my-God!

Monica: Whaaat!

Phoebe: Something just brushed up against my right leg!

Monica: What is it?

Phoebe: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.

(Marcel makes a mish noise. He is sitting in the corner)

Monica: Look, Phoebe!

Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!

(Luisa appears on the stairs)

Luisa: Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)

Monica: What're you gonna do?

Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser.

(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.)

Monica: Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?

Phoebe: Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.

Monica: Oh gosh.

[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and Rachel on the street outside.]

Ross: Marcel?

Rachel: Marcel?

Ross: Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's gone, he's-he's just gone.

Rachel: Ross, you don't know that.

Ross: Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no m, and a broken foot! Thank you very much.

Rachel: Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you happy now?!

Ross: Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!

Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.

Ross: Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious to people's ms, or to people's feelings...

Rachel: Ross.

Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...

Rachel: Ross.

Ross: Oh, forget it, okay?

Rachel: Ross!

Ross: What? What?

(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then hobble after him)

Both: Hey! Hey, Bananaman!

(Scene 4: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles' door. Ross is carrying the box of bananas. He bangs on the door)

Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.

(Mr. Heckles opens the door)

Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas?

Mr. Heckles: What about it?

Ross: Gimme back my m.

Mr. Heckles: I don't have a m.

Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?

Mr. Heckles: Potassium.

(There is a m-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)

Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?

(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)

Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him?

Mr. Heckles: That's my m. That's Patti, Patti the m.

Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)

Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Marcel turns round)

Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)

Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles)

Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, m. Here, m! Here, m! (Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.

Ross: Okay, gimme my m back.

Mr. Heckles: That's my m.

Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.

Mr. Heckles: That's not my m. Just the dress is mine, you can send that back whenever.

Ross: Alright, I want my m.

Luisa: No!

Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!

Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.

Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.

Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this m, I will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here! Take it!

Luisa: Nope.

Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]

Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. (Marcel resists) Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.

Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little outfit.

Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I...

Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...

Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?

Rachel: That'd be good.

Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...

(Barry bursts in)

Barry: Rachel.

Rachel: Barry?!

Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still in love with you.

Ross and Rachel: Oh!

Ross: We have got to start locking that door!

Closing Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]

Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids?

Phoebe: Nope.

Monica: That's because I'm in front of them.

Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.

Monica: Well, high school was not my favourite time.

Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.

Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.

Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?

Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around) Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!

End

我刚看过了

我们有伯爵茶,英式早餐茶

肉桂茶,菊花茶薄荷茶,黑莓茶

还有,让我想一下,哦…柠檬派

你不是那个要喝茶的人对吧?

瑞秋,你有信

谢谢

酷,免费试喝的咖啡

太好了

因为在哪儿还有免费的咖啡?

太好了

那是什么?

乡村俱乐部的每日公报

我妈寄来通知有人要订婚了

噢,我的天!

是巴瑞和明蒂

巴瑞,你几乎...

巴瑞,我几乎...

明蒂,你的伴娘

明蒂,我的伴娘

我看看

那是明蒂?真漂亮

她真幸运…

有你这样的朋友

马修,拿饭给我,快…

真乖,谢谢

他终于能分辨”拿来”

和”尿在”的差别了

瑞秋,怎么啦?

抱歉,我真是太笨了

是我不要巴瑞的

我应该为他们高兴

我真为他们高兴

真的?

如果我和别人在一起就不同了

你不是说要忘了那段感情

不再和男人在一起

厌恶男人吗?

我不知道

我想这不是没有男人的问题

而是合适男人的问题

和巴瑞在一起安全自在

没有激情

和保罗在一起就充满激情

如野兽般原始的性爱

好了,我懂,

我看过你们两个在一起的样子

你认为我能两者同时拥有吗?

找到一个能当知己

又能让我感受到激情的人?

是呀,我也这么认为.

其实说来好笑

时常你认为无法让你感受到激情的人

却是…

被打断了

电影如何?

很不错

很不错

逊毙了

根本是小妞们看的嘛

真遗撼这不是枪林弹雨

公车速度奇快的那种电影

暴力并不能吸引我

只要有裸体镜头我就满足了

那电影也有裸体镜头

我是指女生的裸体镜头

我不爱看卢葛兰的春宫

休葛兰

我得走了

走吧,马修,快

我们去洗澡

对不对?

他们只是朋友吗?

明天见

对,你明天要到瑞秋阿姨家

等等,摩阿姨能说句话吗?

摩阿姨请说

别紧张了,你不会在这儿的

我无法相信我们竟在讨论此事

我同意,我也无法相信

你不认为

如果你和瑞秋会爱情产生的话

还会一直拖到现在吗?

告诉你,她说她在寻找像我这样的人

她真的这样说?

”像我这样”是我自己加的

她说她在寻找某人

而此人今晚就会出现

今天晚上?

这样最好不过了

因为只有我们两个

她整天都在照顾我的猴子

我早已忘记哪个女人照顾过我的猴子

总之下班后我要去买瓶酒

去向她”示爱”

知道你该怎么做吗?

带她回到用”示爱”的十九世纪去

如果你继续这样

我发誓这星期内

你就可以和这个浑蛋结束

围羽毛围巾的是法博土

她曾是个男人

出现了蕾文

我们讨厌她

真高兴她就快死了

什么?

马修,想玩摩妮卡的鞋吗?

你不能玩…

马修,你在鞋里大便?

天啊,坏猴子

抱歉,巴瑞,订婚礼物

我相信你没登记

谁死了?

翻过去

不是崔斯勒 马修?

因为…马修…

你怎会把它弄丢了呢?天晓得

我正在看电视

它在摩妮卡的鞋内大便

它在我的鞋里大便?

我不知道,左脚

哪一双?

搭配什么都好看的阿米许鞋

为何一片愁云惨雾?

瑞秋把马修弄丢了

不会吧,怎么丢的?

它在我鞋里大便

哪个?

我常穿的那只黑鞋

是哪一只?左脚还右脚?

因为左脚是幸运鞋

大家快想办法

我们该怎么办?

有了,如果你是只猴子

迷失在大城市时

你会去哪儿?

这是它第一次出门

所以大概和一般游客一样

我去百老汇找.

你去俄罗斯茶坊.

别再闹了

他马上就会回家

他不会饶过我的

我们从这栋公寓开始找起

你们找一楼和二楼

菲此和我找三楼和四楼

我该怎么办?

你留在家里等电话

在我鞋内啧芳香剂

顺便等罗斯回来杀你

有人要交换吗?

干嘛?

哈先生

我们朋友遗失了一只猴子

你有看见吗?

我放了威化饼在这儿

是不是你拿了?

不!

你怎会放威化饼在走廊?

我还不想吃

你有看见猴子吗?

我见到过一次”理吉斯菲邦”(著名电视节目主持人)

谢谢你,哈先生

你们欠我威化饼

他是一只白脸的黑卷尾猴

加俄国酱外加腌黄瓜

好,谢谢

今天过得如何?很好啊

很好啊

真的很不错.那是酒吗?

是的,想喝吗?

可是我们别在这儿喝

我感觉有点疯狂

我们去纽华克好吗?

什么?

当然可以去

前往这东北犯罪首府

我有些话想说

我们曾谈过感情的问题

罗斯,我受不了了

你回绝得倒是很快嘛

好吧,罗斯,别恨我

到底是什么?

马修它…

我把它…弄丢了

我真不敢相信

我只是麻烦你别让它跑出去

我知道,对不起

不,我该负一半的责任

我不该叫你照顾猴子

应该叫你照顾笔才对

罗斯,我已尽最大的努力

我已叫大家分头去找

是谁?

动物控制中心.

瞧,我甚至打给动物控制中心

你打给动物控制中心?

怎么了?你不喜欢他们?

马修是非法的外来动物

我是非法饲养

万一被他们找到他们就会带走它

你从来就没有告诉大家

没错,因为我没想到你会请他们来

谢谢你来

有人遗失猴子?

对,这是个误会

我以为我们有养猴子

但是我们没有

结果是帽子

猫,我刚说什么?

我们问过三楼和四楼

没人看见马修

我叔叔马修

那猴子是以你叔叔命名?

你知道持有非法外来动物

可判刑两年并没收动物?

天啊,你要把猴子关进监牢?

菲比,你记得如何先对自己小声说吗?

记得,但总不是时候.

我相信我们能以友善的处理方式

请坐

首先,我们还没自己介绍

我叫摩妮卡

天啊,你是莫尼卡

还有,你是瑞秋对吗?

露莎,林肯高中

我坐在你们后面

露莎

摩妮卡,是露莎

是在后面那个?

没错.

你们根本不知道我是谁对不?

不,一点也不.

或许你们那四年

都在当我不存在

难道说”早安,露莎”

或”好漂亮的连身裤”有那么困难吗?

对不起

我不怪你,你当时很胖

你有自己的烦恼

可是你实在是个贱货

什么?

别计较了

你真认为你能帮我们找猴子?

看在过去的份上?

帮我们找

我可以,我不

找到猴子后

它就是我的了

抱歉

马修?

马修?

需要帮忙吗?

我们有急事

我们在找东西

猴子

对,你有看见吗?

我没看见猴子

你知道如何修理散热器吗?

当然你试过将转钮转回去吗?

当然

那我就不知道了

试试这个是不是加太多兰姆酒了?

等等,希望你们能找到猴子

不,等等

我们对散热器或许不太懂

我们可是冷暖环境的专家

我们不是正在忙吗?

对,她们很热而且需要帮助

而且很火辣

我们不行

抱歉你们不知道

我们有多抱歉

我们答应人家要找猴子

如果你们看见它

它约这么高,名叫马修

如果能拥有你们的照片

就算是帮了大忙

从现在起不准你和其他人讲话

马修?

马修?

马修?

马修?

噢,我的天

有东西碰到我的右脚

是什么?

没什么,是我的左脚

看,菲此

马修,过来…

站过去,两位小姐

你要干什么?

打镇定剂

快跑,马修,快跑!

你还好吧?

还行.哦

马修…这简直是太荒谬了

我们到处都找遍了

它不见了,就这么消失了

罗斯,还不一定

拜托,天气好冷天又黑

它根本不认识路

现在我的脚又受伤了

猴子换来受伤的脚

真的感谢你

罗斯,我已向你道歉过无数次

你到底要我怎么样?

你到底想怎样?你也要我的脚受伤?

瞧,高兴了吧

对,你踢完路标后

我突然不再想念马修了

我真的不是故意的

当然,这是典型的瑞秋

这种事常发生在你身上

你活在自己的世界中

完全无视于别人的猴子

或是别人的感觉…

罗斯

我不想听

罗斯

罗斯

搬香蕉的

这下可好

一边的屁股在睡觉

另一边却毫无所知

你有订香蕉吗?

那是干吗的?

还我的猴子.

我没猴子

干嘛买一箱香蕉?补充钾

马修?它在哪儿?

马修?它在哪儿?

马修

你对它怎么了?

这是我的猴子,它叫佩蒂

你疯了不成

过来,马修…

过来,佩蒂

猴子过来…

总算逮到你了

把我的猴子还给我

那是我的猴子

你们到法官面前去争吧

那不是我的猴子

只有衣服是我的

随时可以送回来

我要我的猴子

露莎,拜托抱歉了,舞会皇后

你高中时干嘛那么贱

为何不当个胖妹?

在学校我是舞会皇后

返校皇后和班代

你也在场

如果你把猴子带走

我将失去我生命中重要的人

你可以恨我

请别折磨他

此时你有机会成为大人物

把握机会吧

那么我只好告诉你的长官

你在我朋友的屁股上开了一枪

终于能脱去这件衣服

或是这样也不错

配上鞋就是完整的一套

抱歉,我对你这么凶

不,这都是我的错

我差点…

不,它也是你找回来的

你做得很好

那瓶酒还在

有心情喝杯葡萄酒吗?

好呀.

很好

隔壁一定在用吸尘器

只要我们在这儿不谈那个话题

我在想我们刚刚实在是恶言相向

大概是因为我们…

瑞秋

我办不到

我无法和明蒂结婚

我想我爱的人依然是你

我们得开始锁门了

这是演”真善美”的我

看见范崔普的孩子吗?没有

因为我挡在他们前面

我以为那是阿尔卑斯山

我的高中时代并不如意

我爱高中,知道吗?

那只是.

四年的舞会,约会和做爱

是吗?

我上住宿的学校和四百个男孩子

每次做爱都是一次生活方式的重大抉择

天啊,那不是回到史前时代?

我的屁股醒了


 

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