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老友记第一季The One With the Birth

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The One With the Birth

[Scene: The hospital, Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are in the waiting room, waiting for Carol and Susan to arrive.]

Ross: She's not here yet. She's not here. She's having my baby and she's not here.

Monica: I'm sure everything's fine. Has her water broke yet?

Ross: I don't know, but when I spoke to her, she said she had already passed the mucus plug.

(Joey makes a sound of absolute disgust.)

Joey: Do we have to know about that?

Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?

Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.

Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.

Ross: God, I don't believe this. She could be giving birth in the cab.

Rachel: Oh, Ross, relax. It's probably like two dollars for the first contraction, and then fifty cents for each additional contraction.

(Everyone looks at Rachel as though she made a tasteless comment.)

Rachel: What, it's ok when Chandler does it?

Chandler: You have to pick your moments.

(Phoebe arrives, guitar in hand.)

Phoebe: Did I miss it, did I miss it?

Ross: She's not even here yet.

Monica: What's with the guitar?

Phoebe: I just thought we might be here for awhile. You know, things might get musical.

(Carol and Susan arrive.)

Ross: (to Carol) Where the hell have you been?

Susan: We stopped at the gift shop.

Carol: I was looking at stuffed animals, and Susan wanted a Chunky.

Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby, you don't stop for Chunkys.

Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.

(Everyone is amused by Chandler's comment.)

Chandler: (to Rachel) You see what I mean.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Carol is on the bed, Ross and Susan are at her side.]

Ross: Stopped for a Chunky.

Carol: Let it go, Ross.

Susan: I got an extra one. You want this? (holds the candy in front of Ross' face)

Ross: (weakly) No.

(Carol's doctor, Dr. Franzblau arrives.)

Dr. Franzblau: Hey, how's my favorite parenting team doing?

Ross: Dr. Franzblau, hi.

Dr. Franzblau: So, I understand you're thinking of having a baby? Well, I see you're nine months pregnant. That's a good start. How you doing with your contractions?

Carol: Oh, I love them. Each one's like a little party in my uterus.

Susan: They're every four minutes and last 55 seconds.

Ross: 59 seconds. (holds up his watch) Quartz, ha.

Susan: Swiss quartz, ha, ha.

Carol: Am I allowed to drink anything?

Dr. Franzblau: Ice chips, just ice chips. They're at the nurses' station.

Ross: I'll get it.

Susan: No, I'm getting it. I'll be right back.

Ross: I got it—I'm getting it!

(They both leave just as Rachel enters the room, holding a cup.)

Rachel: Hi, I thought you might like some ice chips.

Carol: Thanks.

Rachel: And if you need anything else, I—(notices the handsome Dr. Franzblau)—do not believe we've met. Hi. I'm, uh, Rachel Green. I'm Carol's... ex-husband's... sister's roommate.

Dr. Franzblau: It is nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Franzblau. I'm your roommate's... brother's... ex-wife's obstetrician.

Rachel: Oh, that's funny!

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Chandler is falling asleep on Monica's shoulder.]

Monica: I want a baby.

Chandler: Mmmm. Not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.

Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.

Chandler: Oh, ok, 'cause we never do that.

(Chandler and Monica leave. Cut to Joey, watching the Knicks/Celtics game on television.)

Joey: (to the screen) Shoot! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot, or just fall down. That's good too.

(A young pregnant woman enters.)

Lydia: Knick fan?

Joey: Oh, yeah.

Lydia: Oh, boy, do they suck.

Joey: Hey, listen, lady....(sees that she's pregnant)...whoa.

Lydia: Look, look at your man, Ewing. Nice shot. You know what, he couldn't hit water if he was standing on a boat.

Joey: Oh yeah? And who do you like?

Lydia: The Celtics.

Joey: The Celtics? Ha. They couldn't hit a boat if...wait. They suck, alright?

Lydia: Oh, shut up. You know, it's a rebuilding year. You... waah!

Joey: Wha? Wha..aa? Let me get the father. Hey, we need a father over here! We need a father!

Lydia: There is no father.

Joey: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.

Lydia: Ok, that's ok. I'm fine. I'm... oh!

Joey: Oh, uh, ok. Right this way. All the other pregnant women seem to be goin' in here.

Lydia: Ok.

(Joey accompanies Lydia to a hospital room.)

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Phoebe is playing a song. Chandler, Monica, and Ross are there as well.]

Phoebe: (singing)

They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch,
and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why,
you cry and you cry and you cry.
And you cry and you cry and you cry...

(Ross gives Phoebe a dollar.)

Phoebe: Thanks, Ross.

Ross: Yeah. I'm paying you to stop.

Phoebe: Ok.

(A woman passes by, carrying newborn twins.)

Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.

Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?

Chandler: You'll get one.

Monica: Oh yeah? When?

Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?

Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?

Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.

Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?

Chandler: No, no, no.

Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?

Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.

Monica: Well?

Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)

(Rachel enters, in a formal dress.)

Rachel: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey. Ooh, look at you, dressy-dress.

Monica: Did you go home and change?

Rachel: Yeah, well, it's an important day. I wanna look nice. Um, has uh Dr. Franzblau been by?

Monica: No, I haven't seen him.

Rachel: Well, where is he? He is supposed to be here. (Pause) What if the baby needs him?

Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Was, like, your father a doctor?

Rachel: Yeah, why?

Chandler: No reason. (turns around, makes an 'Oh my God' gesture with his eyes)

[Scene: Joey and Lydia in the hospital room. Lydia is on the phone with her mother.]

Lydia: Mom, we've been through this. No, I'm not calling him. I don't care if it is his kid, the guy's a jerk. No, I'm not alone. Joey's here. (pause) What do you mean, Joey who? (covers the phone, to Joey) Joey who?

Joey: Tribbiani.

Lydia: Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. (to Joey) She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.

Joey: (takes phone) Hi, yeah, it's me. (Listens) Oh, no no no, we're just friends. (Listens) Yeah, I'm single. (Listens) 25. (Listens) An actor. (Listens) Hello?

Lydia: She's not much of a phone person.

Joey: Yeah, so, uh, so, uh, what's the deal with this father guy, I mean, if someone was havin' my baby somewhere, I'd wanna know about it, you know?

Lydia: Hey, Knick fan, am I interested in your views on fatherhood? Uh, no.

Joey: Ok, look, maybe I should just go.

Lydia: Maybe you should.

Joey: Good luck, and uh, take care, huh?

(He leaves, but then returns a moment later.)

Joey: You know what the Celtics problem is? They let the players run the team.

Lydia: Oh, that is so not true.

Joey: Oh, it is.

Lydia: It isn't.

Joey: It is.

Lydia: Isn't!

[Scene: Carol's Hospital Room, Ross and Susan are coaching Carol.]

Ross: Breathe.

Susan: Breathe.

Ross: Breathe.

Susan: Breathe.

Ross: Breathe.

Susan: Breathe.

Carol: You're gonna kill me!

Ross: 15 more seconds, 14, 13, 12...

Carol: Count faster.

Susan: It's gonna be ok, just remember, we're doing this for Jordie. Just keep focusing on Jordie.

Ross: Who the hell is Jordie?

Susan: Your son.

Ross: No-no-no. I don't have a son named Jordie. We all agreed, my son's name is Jamie.

Carol: Well, Jamie was the name of Susan's first girlfriend, so we went back to Jordie.

Ross: What? Whoa, whoa whoa whoa, what do you mean, back to Jordie? We never landed on Jordie. We just passed by it during the whole Jessy, Cody, Dylan fiasco.

Carol: Ow, ow, ow, ow, leg cramp, leg cramp, leg cramp.

Ross: I got it.

Susan: I got it.

Ross: I got it! Hey, you get to sleep with her, I get the cramps.

Susan: No, you don't.

Carol: All right, that's it. I want both of you out.

Ross: Why?

Susan: He started it!

Ross: No, you started it.

Susan: You did!

Carol: I don't care. I am trying to get a person out of my body here, and you're not making it any easier.

Ross: But...

Carol: Now go!

Ross: (to Susan) Thanks a lot.

Susan: (to Ross) See what you did.

Ross: (to Carol) Yeah, listen...

Carol: Out!

(Ross and Susan both angrily leave the hopsital room.)

[Scene: Lydia's Hospital Room, Joey is helping Lydia go through labor, a nurse is now present in her room as well.]

Nurse: Breathe, breathe, breathe...

Lydia: Oh, no.

(Joey looks down at Lydia.)

Joey: Ew! What is that? Something exploded!

Nurse: It's just her water breaking. Calm down, will you?

Joey: (panicked) Water breaking, what do you mean? What's that, water breaking?

Nurse: (to Joey) Breathe, breathe, breathe.

[Scene: The Hall, Ross and Susan are arguing.]

Ross: Please. This is so your fault.

Susan: How, how is this my fault?

Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.

Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.

Ross: You tryin' to be clever? A funny lady?

Susan: You know what your problem is? You're threatened by me.

Ross: Oh, I'm threatened by you?

Susan: Yes.

(Phoebe has heard them arguing and comes down the hall, taking them into a broom closet.)

Phoebe: Hey, hey, ok, all right, that's it! Get in here. Come on. My god, you guys, I don't believe you. There are children coming into the world in this very building and your negative fighting noises are not the first thing they should be hearing. So just stop all the yelling, just stop it!

Ross: Yeah, Susan.

Phoebe: Don't make me do this again, I don't like my voice like this.

(Phoebe goes to leave the room, but the door is locked.)

Phoebe: Ok, who wants to hear something ironic?

Commercial Break

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross and Susan are trying to get out.]

All: Help!

Ross: I'm having a baby in here! Ok, everyone stand back. (Walks backwards as if he is going to break down the door, but steps in a bucket and falls) Ow.

[Scene: Carol's room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau are there with her.]

Carol: Are they here yet?

Rachel: No, honey, they're not, but don't worry, because we are going to find them, and until we do, we are all here for you, ok?

Carol: Ok.

Rachel: Ok?

Carol: Ok.

Rachel: (to Dr. Franzblau) Ok, so anyway, you were telling me about Paris, it sounds fascinating.

Dr. Franzblau: It really was. There was this great little pastry shop right by my hotel. (Carol sits up in pain, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau casually lay her back down) There you go, dear.

[Scene: Lydia's Room, Joey is helping her deliver.]

Joey: Come on, Lydia, you can do it. Push! Push 'em out, push 'em out, harder, harder. Push 'em out, push 'em out, way out! Let's get that ball and really move, hey, hey, ho, ho. Let's— (notices the nurse looking at him strangely) I was just—yeah, right. Push! Push!

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has picked up a vacuum and is holding it at the door.]

Susan: What're you gonna do, suck the door open?

Ross: Help! Help!

Phoebe: (singing) They found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next...(sees Ross and Susan staring at her) la la la la la la.

Susan and Ross: (even louder) Help!

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Monica is on the phone with her mother, Chandler is standing behind her.]

Monica: Now, Mom, everything's going fine, really. (Listens) Yeah, Ross is great. He's uh, he's in a whole other place. (Listens) No, he's gone. (Listens) No no, you don't have to fly back, really. (Listens) What do you mean this might be your only chance? (Listens) Would you stop? I'm only 26, I'm not even thinking about babies yet.

(Monica sees a woman pass by with a baby, puts the phone to her chest, and starts to cry. Chandler takes the phone, makes a noise in it resembling static, and hangs up. Joey enters.)

Chandler: Where have you been?

Joey: Oh, just had a baby.

Chandler: Mazel tov!

[Scene: The Waiting Room, Rachel and Dr. Franzblau have gone to get coffee.]

Dr. Franzblau: I don't know, could be an hour, could be three, but relax, she's doing great. So, uh, tell me, are you currently involved with anyone?

Rachel: (anxiously) No, no, not at the moment, no, I'm not. Are you?

Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me.

Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.

Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.

Rachel: Oh.

Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you... do what I do. It's like uh...Well, for instance, what do you do?

Rachel: I'm a waitress.

Dr. Franzblau: Ok, all right, well aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just like, 'if I see one more cup of coffee'...

Rachel: (getting the point) Yeah. Gotcha.

Dr. Franzblau: I'm gonna go check up on your friend.

Rachel: Ok. That's fine. (takes her earrings out)

[Scene: The Hall Outside Lydia's Room, Joey is walking up to Lydia's room with balloons, but before he enters he sees that the baby's father has arrived. He listens at the door.]

Lydia: So how did you know I was even here?

Guy: Your mom called me. So is this her?

Lydia: No, this is a loaner.

Guy: I'm sorry you had to do this by yourself.

Lydia: I wasn't by myself. I had a doctor, a nurse, and a helper guy. (Joey smiles) So, did you see who won the game?

Guy: Yeah, the Knicks by 10. They suck.

Lydia: Yeah, they're not so bad.

(Joey closes the door and ties the balloons to the knob. Then he walks away, holding the hand of an inflated balloon animal he had brought.)

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross is trying to open the door with a credit card, with no success.]

Ross: Come on, come on. Damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit. (to Susan) This is all your fault. This is supposed to be, like, the greatest day of my life, y'know? My son is being born, and I should be in there, you know, instead of stuck in a closet with you.

Susan: The woman I love is having a baby today. I've been waiting for this just as much as you have.

Ross: No no no, believe me. No one has been waiting for this as much as I have, ok? And you know what the funny thing is? When this day is over, you get to go home with the baby, ok? Where does that leave me?

Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Mother's Day, there's Father's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day.

Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day.

Phoebe: This is so great.

Ross: You wanna explain that?

Phoebe: I mean, well, 'cause when I was growing up, you know my dad left, and my mother died, and my stepfather went to jail, so I barely had enough pieces of parents to make one whole one. And here's this little baby who has like three whole parents who care about it so much that they're fighting over who gets to love it the most. And it's not even born yet. It's just, it's just the luckiest baby in the whole world. (pause) I'm sorry, you were fighting.

[Scene: Carol's Room, she is ready to give birth. Everyone is there except for Phoebe, Ross, and Susan, who are in the broom closet.]

Carol: Where are they?

Monica: I'm sure they'll be here soon.

Rachel: Yeah, honey, they wouldn't miss this.

Joey: Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station.

Chandler: (to Joey) You are really frightening me.

(Carol suddenly screams in pain and grabs Chandler by the shirt.)

Chandler: Somebody wanna help me, tryin' to rip out my heart. (they pull her hand off of him) Uh, that's great. (looking around) Anybody seen a nipple?

Dr. Franzblau: All right, ten centimeters, here we go.

Nurse: All right, honey, time to start pushing.

Carol: But they're not here yet!

Dr. Franzblau: I'm sorry, I can't tell the baby to wait for them.

Carol: Oh, god.

[Scene: The Broom Closet, Ross has used a broom to open the air vent in the ceiling. Phoebe is wearing a janitor's uniform, ready to go up in the vent.]

Ross: Ok, got the vent open.

Phoebe: (reading the nametag on the uniform) Hi, I'm Ben. I'm hospital worker Ben. It's Ben... to the rescue!

Ross: Ben, you ready? All right, gimme your foot. Ok, on three, Ben. One, two, three. Ok, That's it, Ben.

(Ross and Susan lift Phoebe up into the vent.)

Susan: What do you see?

Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is in fact a dark vent.

(A janitor opens the closet door from the outside.)

Ross: Phoebs, It's open! It's open!

(Ross and Susan run to the delivery room, leaving Phoebe dangling from the vent.)

Janitor: (to Ross and Susan) Wait! You forgot your legs!

[Scene: Carol's Room, Ross and Susan rush in.]

All: Push, push!

Ross: We're here!

Carol: (irked) Where have you been?

Ross: Long story, honey.

Dr. Franzblau: All right, Carol, I need you to keep pushing. I need—(reaches for an instrument, Rachel's hand is on it) Excuse me, could I have this?

Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room, and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a lesbian life partner, out you go!

All: Good luck!

(Everyone heads for the door.)

Chandler: (to nurse) Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life partner?

Nurse: Out!

Dr. Franzblau: All right, he's crowning. Here he comes.

Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head. Oh, it's, it's huge. Carol, how are you doing this?

Carol: (straining) Not.... helping!

Dr. Franzblau: You're doing great, you're doing fine.

Ross: (puts his head near the baby) Hello! (to Dr. Franzblau) Oh, sorry.

Susan: What do you see? What do you see?

Ross: We got a head, we got shoulders, we got arms, we got, oh, look at the little fingers, oh, and a chest, and a stomach. It's a boy, definitely a boy! All right! Ok, legs, knees, and feet. Oh, oh. He's here. He's a person.

Susan: Oh, look at that.

Carol: What does he look like?

Ross: Kinda like my uncle Ed, covered in Jell-o.

Carol: Really?

Phoebe: (from the air vent overhead) You guys, he's beautiful!

Ross: Oh, thanks, Pheebs!

(They look up towards the vent and wave at Phoebe.)

[Scene: The Delivery Room, Carol is holding the infant.]

Susan: No shouting, but we still need a name for this little guy.

Ross: (thinking) How 'bout Ben?

Susan: I like Ben.

Carol: Ben. Ben. Ben's good. How come you never mentioned Ben before?

Ross: We uh, we just cooked it up.

Susan: That's what we were off doing.

(Monica opens the door.)

Monica: Hi.

Ross: Hey.

Monica: Can we come in?

(The whole gang enters.)

Ross: (to Ben) I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.

Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.

Susan: Thanks.

Rachel: Oh, god, I can't believe one of us actually has one of these.

Chandler: I know, I still am one of these.

Monica: Ross, can I?

(Monica holds Ben.)

Ross: The head, the head. You gotta...

Monica: (getting choked up) Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica. Yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I...I will always have gum.

Closing Credits

[Scene: The Hospital, the camera is placed as though it were Ben's eyes.]

Ross: Ben, I want you to know that there may be some times when I may not be around, like this. (walks out of the picture) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns) And sometimes I may be away longer, like this. (walks away) But I'll still always come back, like this. (returns)

(Chandler comes into the picture.)

Chandler: And sometimes, I'll want you to steal third, and I'll go like this. (Does a baseball sign.)

(The rest of the group come into the picture.)

Monica: He is so amazing.

Rachel: Oh, I know. Look at him.

Joey: Ben, Ben, hey Ben. Nothing. I don't think that's his name.

Phoebe: Oh, look, look, he's closing his eyes. (screen goes blank) Look, he's opening his eyes. (picture comes back)

Joey: He doesn't do much, does he?

Ross: No, this is pretty much it.

(long moment of silence)

Rachel: You guys wanna get some coffee?

All: Yeah.

Ross: All right, I'll see you guys later.

(They all leave but Ross, but they all come back a few seconds later. They make faces at the baby.)

Phoebe: Oh, look, he's closing his eyes again.

(The screen fades to black.)

End

强森大夫,七线电话

她还没来

她将生下我的小孩却还没来

不会有事的

她的羊水破了吗?我不知道

她和我通话时说她已分泌粘液

我们需要知道这一些吗?

乔伊,你有小孩时你会怎么做?

我会在等待室中送雪茄

乔伊准备让他孩子出生在50年代的电影中

我不敢相信她可能会在计程车中生产

罗斯,冷静点第一次收缩收费二块钱

之后每收缩一次收五毛钱

什么?钱德这样说时就没事

你得选对时间

我错过了吗?

没有,她根本还没出现

干嘛带吉他来?

我想我们会在这儿待一阵子

来点音乐

你到底上哪儿去了?

我们中途在礼品店待了一会儿

买什么?

我想买填充玩具苏珊想买”矮胖”

苏珊要矮胖?她就快生小宝宝了

是小宝宝不能中途下车买矮胖

我过去也用那个汽车贴纸

懂我意思吗?

下车买矮胖别介意了,罗斯

我多了一个,想要吗?不想

我最喜爱的父母团队好

法大头

我了解你们在考虑生宝宝的事

我知道你已怀胎九月

这是好的开始

收缩的情况如何?

我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会

我喜欢每一阵都像是子宫中的小舞会

制片:陶德史帝芬

59秒,石英表

瑞士石英表

我能喝饮料吗?

碎冰,只能喝碎冰护士站有

我去拿

不,我去,马上回来不,我去…

我想你或许想喝碎冰谢谢

如果还需要别的…我没见过吧?

我叫瑞秋格林

卡萝前任丈夫妹抹的室友

幸会,我是法大夫

你室友哥哥前妻的医生

真有趣

我要个宝宝

今晚不行,亲爱的我明天得早起

起来,我们去买咖啡

好吧,因为我们没做过

投…或是不进也行

尼克迷?

他们烂透了

女士

看,你的尤恩,漂亮

他连坐在船上都投不进水里

是吗?你支持谁?

是吗?你支持谁?

他们无法投进船…

反正他们很烂

闭嘴,今年是重建年•,

我帮你孩子的爹

我们这儿需要爸爸…

他没有爸爸

抱歉

没关系,我没事

这边洼

所有的孕妇似乎都往这儿走

他们又小又肉摸起来感觉很好

不久他们长大后就会开始恨你

现在他们对你大吼大叫

你不知原因为何

你不知原因为何

谢谢,罗斯

用来叫你停止的好吧

看,是双胞胎,好可爱

不公平,我一个都没有

他们怎会有两个?

你也会有的

是吗?什么时候?

好吧,告诉你

我们40岁时如果都还单身

我们就一起生一个,如何?

为何我40岁时还单身?

不,这只是假设

假设为何我到40岁时还单身?

假设为何我到40岁时还单身?

我有不适婚姻的毛病吗?

这降落伞是个背包

看你,盛装登场

你回家换衣服?

今天是个重要的日子

我想漂亮一点

法大夫…不,我们还没见到他

他在哪儿?他应该在这儿的

万一小孩需要他怎么办?

瑞秋,你和医生到底是怎么了

难道你爸也是个医生?

对,干嘛问?

没理由

没理由

不,我不找他

我不管这是不是他的孩子他是个大浑蛋

不,我不是一个人乔伊在这儿

什么意思?乔伊什么?

什么意思?乔伊什么?

对,等等,她要跟你谈

对,等等,她要跟你谈

对,是我

不,我们只是朋友

对,我单身

25岁,演员

她不擅于讲电话

孩子的爸怎么了?

如果有人即将生下我的孩子

我会想知道的

尼克迷你对爸爸的观点我不在乎

或许吧

祝你好运

保重了

你知道塞尔提克有什么问题?

他们让球员经营球队这不是真的

他们让球员经营球队这不是真的

他们让球员经营球队这不是真的

你们会窖死我的

剩15秒

14,13,12数4央点

你会没事,记得这样做全是为了裘帝

将全力集中在裘帝裘帝到底是谁?

你儿子不,我不要我儿子叫裘帝

我们协议过,我儿子叫洁米

洁米是苏珊第一任女友的名字

所以我们决定还是用裘帝

这是什么意思?

我们根本没讨论过裘帝

我们讨论过洁希寇帝,迪伦时提到一下

我脚抽筋

我脚抽筋

你和她睡觉我来处理抽筋

你不行

够了,你们都给我出去

什么?是她引起的…

我不管,我想生下小孩

你们在这儿根本是愈帮愈忙

卿走

卿走

出去

出去

怎么了?有东西爆炸了

她破水了

冷静点,行吗?

她破水了?什么意思?

什么是破水?

什么是破水?

拜托,都是你的错

怎么说?为什么都是我的错?

你们在一起之前卡萝从未把我赶出房间

是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过

是吗?我出现之前有许多事卡萝没做过

知道你的问题出在哪儿吗?

你因我而感到岌岌可危

我说的每件事都是问题

我因你而感到岌岌可危?

你到底在说什么?

够了,进去,快

我简直不敢相信你们两个

小宝宝即将诞生在这栋建筑

他听见的第一个声音不该是你们的吵闹声

所以你们别再吵了

对,苏珊

别让我再发一次脾气

我不喜欢我自己这样

谁想听反讽的事?

救命啊…我的宝宝就要诞生

你们都退后

你们都退后

你们都退后

找到人之前我们都会在这儿陪你的

你告诉我巴黎的事真棒

真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁

真的?那家糕饼店就在我住的饭店隔壁

加油,莉迪亚,你办得到

加油,莉迪亚,你办得到

我只是…

我只是…

你想干嘛?将门吸开?

你想干嘛?将门吸开?

最后他们终于发现他们的尸体

不,妈,一切顺利

对,罗斯很好

他在其他地方

不,他不见了

不,你们不用飞回来

我唯一的机会?什么意思?

别再说了,行吗?我才26岁

我连小孩的事都没想过

你上哪儿去了?

我刚生了个小孩

了不起

说不定,或许是一小时也可能是三小时

别请放心,她的状况良好

告诉我,目前有对象吗?

没有,现在没有

你呢?没有,我不容易找到对象

对,我听过有关帅哥大夫的传间

没有,真的

我想和我工作有关

我试着不让工作影响我的生活

如果你是我

你从事什么工作?

我是服务生

难道你下班回家后不会觉得…

如果我再看见咖啡杯…

我懂

我去看看你朋友

你怎么会知道我在这儿?

你妈打电话告诉我的

这就是她?不,这是我捡来的

抱歉,让你自己承担这一切

我不是自己一个

我有大夫,护士和善心人士

知道谁赢吗?

尼克胜十分

他们好烂

是吗?他们没那么差劲

可恶…都是你的错

这本来是我今生最快乐的日子

我儿子即将出世

我应该在那儿的

而不是被困在这儿

我所爱的女人就要生

我和你一样期待已久

不,相信我没人像我如此期待

讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家

讽刺的是你们将带着宝宝回家

大家都知道你是

我是谁?这世上有父亲节,母亲节

却没有女同志节

每天都是女同志节

精彩

愿意解释吗?

因为我小时候我爸离开

我妈过世,我继父入狱

我根本得不到父母的爱

如今他有如此爱他的三个父母

甚至为谁给他的爱最多而吵架

而且他根本还未出世

他真是全天下最幸福的宝宝

抱歉,你们正在吵架

他们在哪儿?

他们很快就会来对,他们不会错过的

对,放轻松

才开九公分宝宝没那么快出来

你吓到我了

谁愿意帮我吗?她想掏出我的心脏

这下可好,有人看见乳头吗?

十公分,开始用力

不要再用力了

他们还没好

抱歉,我无法叫宝宝等他们来

抱歉,我无法叫宝宝等他们来

通气口开了

我是宾

我是医院工人宾

宾前来抢救了

宾,准备好没?

脚给我

数到

数到

数到

你看见什么?

我看见黑暗的通气孔

等等,真的是黑暗的通气孔

菲此,门开了

等等,你们忘了脚

我们来了

你们上哪儿去了说来话长

卡萝,我要你不断用力

抱歉,我能用这个…

这里人太多了

而且待会儿又会多一个

所以不是前任丈夫和女同志终身伴侣者请出去

再见了…祝好运…

我问你,要卡萝的女同志终身伴侣才行吗?

出去

他的头露出来了让我看看…

是头…好大

卡萝,你是怎么办到的?

于事无补

你做得很好…

抱歉

你看见什么?

我何时能见到头,肩膀和手臂都出来了

看,是手指,肚子

是男的

百分百男孩

百分百男孩

他出来了

他是个人

他是个人

他像谁?

像我叔叔艾德,被果冻包着

像我叔叔艾德,被果冻包着

各位,他好漂亮

谢了,菲此

不准大吼

我们仍需要为他取个名字

宾如何?

我喜欢宾

宾,这名字不错

你们之前怎没提过这名字?

刚想出来的

这就是我们不在时做的事

我们能进来吗?

当然,请进

我知道

各位,向你们介绍一个人

他叫宾

宾,这是大家

宾,这是大家

苏珊,他看起来像你

谢谢

天啊,没想到我们之啤有人生宝宝了

我知道,我也是其中之

罗斯

我能吗?

好,头,你必须…

宾,我是你姑姑摩妮卡

没错,我就是你姑姑摩妮卡

我将永远有…牙齿

我将永远有…牙齿

我要你知道有时我会不在

像这样

我会回来

像这样

有时我会离开更久

像这样

我仍会回来

像这样

有时我要你到三垒

我会这样

他太神奇了

对,我知道,你看他

对,我知道,你看他

没反应

我想他不喜欢这名字

看,他闭上眼睛了

看,他张开眼睛了

他不常动吧?

这样已算动了

你们想喝咖啡吗?想…

口引门待会儿见

看,他又闭上眼睛了


 

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