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老友记第二季The One With the Baby on the Bus

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The One With the Baby on the Bus

[Scene: At Monica and Rachel's.]

MONICA: Who da wenny-Benny boy? You the Wenny-wenny-Benny-Benny boy, yes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Why is he still crying?

ROSS: Let me hold him for a sec. There. (Ben stops crying) Huh? There we are.

MONICA: Maye it's me.

ROSS: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.

CHANDLER: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl, kinda moody.

ROSS: There we go. All better. (gives Ben back to Monica)

MONICA: There's my little boy. (Ben starts crying again)

CHANDLER: Can I uh see something? (Takes Ben. When he puts him close to Monica, Ben cries. When he moves Ben away, he stops crying.)

JOEY: Cool.

MONICA: He hates me. My nephew hates me.

ROSS: Come on, don't do this.

MONICA: What if my own baby hates me? Huh? What am I gonna do then?

CHANDLER: Monica, will you stop? This is nuts. Do you know how long it's gonna be before you actually have to deal with this problem? I mean, you don't even have a boyfriend yet. Joey, she does not look fat.

(Chandler has a basketball which he is moving closer to, then away from, Monica)

JOEY: Goo, goo, goo, waaah!

MONICA: That is so funny. Let me see that. (throws the ball out the window)

JOEY: Are you ok, Ross?

ROSS: I don't know. What's in this pie?

MONICA: Uh, I don't know, butter, eggs, flour, lime, kiwi--

ROSS: Kiwi? Kiwi? I thought it was a key lime pie.

MONICA: No I didn't, I said kiwi lime. That's what makes it so special.

ROSS: And that's what's gonna kill me. I'm allergic to kiwi.

MONICA: No you're not. You're, you're allergic to lobster and peanuts and--oh my god.

ROSS: Ugh.

MONICA: Oh my god.

ROSS: Ugh. It's definitely getting worse.

MONICA: Is your tongue swelling up?

ROSS: Either that or my mouth is getting smaller.

MONICA: All right, get your coat, we're going to the hospital.

JOEY: Is he gonna be ok?

MONICA: Yeah, he's just gotta get a shot.

ROSS: You know, you know, actually it's getting better. It is. It is. Let's not go. Anyone for Thcrabble?

MONICA: Jacket now.

ROSS: What about Ben? We can't bring a baby to a hospital.

CHANDLER: We'll watch him.

ROSS: I don't think tho.

JOEY: What? I have seven Catholic sisters. I've taken care of hundreds of kids. Come on, we wanna do it, don't we?

CHANDLER: I was looking forward to playing basketball, but I guess that's out the window.

ROSS: Ok, well, if you do take him out for his walk, you might wanna bring his hat, and there's extra milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bag.

JOEY: Hat, milk, got it.

ROSS: ??? (speech garbled) Thro up a thro thro--a thro thro!

JOEY: Consider it done.

CHANDLER: You understood that?

JOEY: Yeah, my uncle Sal has a really big tongue.

CHANDLER: Is he the one with the beautiful wife?

(Central Perk)

PHOEBE: Hey Rach, wanna hear the new song I'm thinkin' of singing this afternoon? I wrote it this morning in the shower.

RACHEL: Ok.

PHOEBE: (singing) I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song. Stop me if you've heard it. My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet, and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.

TERRY: Uh, Rachel, sweetheart, could I see ya for a minute?

RACHEL: What's up?

TERRY: F.Y.I.. I've decided to pay a professional musician to play in here on Sunday afternoons. Her name is Stephanie... something. She's supposed to be very good.

RACHEL: But what about Phoebe?

TERRY: Rachel, it's not that your friend is bad, it's that she's so bad, she makes me want to put my finger through my eye into my brain and swirl it around.

RACHEL: Ok, ok, so you're not a fan, but I mean, come on, you cannot do this to her.

TERRY: Uh--

RACHEL: Oh, no no no no. Oh no no no no. I have to do this to her?

PHOEBE: (singing) Lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, and lather, rinse, repeat, as needed.

(Chandler and Joey are loaded down with baby stuff, and Ben)

CHANDLER: You know, I don't think we brought enough stuff. Did you forget to pack the baby's anvil?

JOEY: It's gonna be worth it. It's a known fact that women love babies, all righ? Women love guys who love babies. It's that whole sensitive thing. Quick, aim him at that pack o' babes over there. Maybe one of them will break away. No, no wait, for get them, we got one, hard left. All right, gimme the baby.

CHANDLER: No, I got him.

JOEY: No, seriously.

CHANDLER: Oh, seriously you want him?

CAROLINE: Hello.

BOYS: Hello.

CAROLINE: And who is this little cutie pie?

CHANDLER: Well, don't, don't think me immodest, but, me?

JOEY: You wanna smell him?

CAROLINE: I assume we're talking about the baby now.

JOEY: Oh, yeah. He's got that great baby smell. Get a whiff of his head.

CAROLINE: I think my uterus just skipped a beat.

JOEY: (to Chandler) What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?

CAROLINE: I think it's great you guys are doing this.

CHANDLER: Well, we are great guys.

CAROLINE: You know, my brother and his boyfriend have been trying to adopt for three years. What agency did you two go through?

(Central Perk)

PHOEBE: But, but this is my gig. This is where I play. My, my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.

RACHEL: Honey, I'm sorry.

PHOEBE: And he's going to be paying this woman? Why doesn't he just give her like a throne, and a crown, and like a, you know, gold stick with a ball on top.

RACHEL: Terry is a jerk, ok? That's why we're always saying "Terry's a jerk!" That's where that came from.

PHOEBE: Yeah, ok. You probably did everything you could.

RACHEL: Ok, you know what, lemme, let me just see what else I can do. All right, look, look. Why don't you just let her go on after Stephanie whatever-her-name-is. I mean, you won't even be here. You don't pay her. It's not gonna cost you anything.

TERRY: I, I don't know.

RACHEL: Come on, Terry, I'll even clean the cappuccino machine.

TERRY: You don't clean the cappuccino machine?

RACHEL: Of course I clean it. I mean, I,I will cleeeean it. I mean, I will cleeeean it.

TERRY: Oh, all right, fine, fine, fine.

RACHEL: Done.

PHOEBE: Really?

RACHEL: Yeah. Who's workin' for you babe?

PHOEBE: Oh! Oh my god. This is so exciting. How much am I gonna get?

RACHEL: What?

PHOEBE: Well you said that he's paying the people who are playing.

RACHEL: Oh, no, no no. I meant that he's gonna be paying that other woman beause she's a professional.

PHOEBE: Well, I'm not gonna be the only one who's not getting paid.

RACHEL: Well, but Pheebs.

PHOEBE: No, huh uh, I'm sorry, no. No, I'm not some like sloppy second, charity band. You know what, there are thousands of places in this city where people would be happy to pay to hear me play. (Out on the sidewalk, singing) When I play, I play for me, I don't need your charity. (Someone puts a coin in her guitar case) Thank you! La la la la la la la....

ROSS: Well, there's no way I'm gonna get a shot. Maybe they can take the needle and thquirt it into my mouth, you know, like a thquirt gun.

DOCTOR: Hello, there. I'm Dr. Carlin. I see someone's having an allergic reaction.

MONICA: Doctor, can I see you for just a minute please? My brother has a slight phobia about needles.

ROSS: Did you tell him about my thquirt gun idea?

MONICA: My brother, the PhD would like to know if there's any way to treat this orally.

DOCTOR: No, under these circumstances it has to be an injection, and it has to be now.

ROSS: Tho?

(Monica shakes her head.)

ROSS: Ohhh.

MONICA: That's good, have a seat. Um, the doctor says it's gotta be a needle. You're just gonna have to be brave, ok? Can you do that for me?

ROSS: Ok.

MONICA: Ok. Oh boy. You are doin' so good. You wanna squeeze my hand? All right, Ross, don't squeeze it so hard. Honey, really, don't squeeze it so hard! Oh, Ross! Let go of my hand!

CHANDLER: That's a good plan, Joe. Next time we wanna pick up women, we should just go to the park and make out. Taxi, taxi!

JOEY: Hey, hey, look at that talent.

CHANDLER: (to taxi driver) Just practicing. You're good. Carry on.

GIRL 1 ON BUS: Hey, you. He's just adorable.

CHANDLER: Ok, but can you tell him that, because he thinks he's too pink.

GIRL 2 ON BUS: So what are you guys out doing today?

JOEY: Oh we're not out. No, no. We're just uh, two heterosexual guys, hanging with the son of our other heterosexual friend, doin' the usual straight guy stuff.

CHANDLER: You done?

JOEY: Yeah.

GIRL 1: Oh, there's our stop.

JOEY: Get outta here. This is our stop too.

GIRL 2: You guys live around here too?

JOEY: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. We live in the building by the uh sidewalk.

CHANDLER: You know it?

JOEY: Hey, look, since we're neighbors and all, what do you say we uh, get together for a drink?

GIRL 1: So uh, you wanna go to Marquel's?

CHANDLER: Oh, sure, they love us over there.

GIRL 2: Where's your baby?

CHANDLER AND JOEY: (running after bus) Ben! Ben! Ben!

CHANDLER: Oh, that's good. Maybe he'll hear you and pull the cord.

BOTH: Stop the bus! Wait! Wait! Wait!

MONICA: Are you sure he didn't break it because it really hurts.

DOCTOR: No, it's just a good bone bruise. And, right here is the puncture wound from your ring.

ROSS: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. Sorry! Hey! Hey! I got my s's back! Which we can celebrate later. Celebrate.

PHOEBE: (singing) ... with the double double double-jointed boy. Hey. So um, are you the professional guitar player?

STEPHANIE: Yeah. I'm Stephanie.

PHOEBE: Right. My name was on there, but now it just says "carrot cake". So, um, so um, how many chords do you know?

STEPHANIE: All of them.

PHOEBE: Oh yeah, so you know D?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

PHOEBE: Ok, do you know A minor?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

PHOEBE: Ok, do you know how to go from D to A minor?

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

PHOEBE: Ok. Um, so does your guitar have a strap?

STEPHANIE: No.

PHOEBE: Oh. Mine does. (singing) Stephanie knows all the chords. (makes a face)

CHANDLER: (on pay phone) Come on, pick up, pick up! Hello? Transit Authority? Yes, hello. I'm doing research for a book, and I was wondering what someone might do if they left a baby on a city bus. Yes I do realize that would be a very stupid charact er.

JOEY: Hi, here's the deal. We lost a carseat on a bus today. It's white plastic, with a handle, and it fits onto a stroller. Oh, and there was a baby in it. He wants to talk to you again.

RACHEL: Ok, everybody, let's give a uh nice warm Central Perk welcome to--

PHOEBE: (singing angrily) Terry's a jerk, and he won't let me work, and I hate Central Perk!

RACHEL: Uh, to Stephanie Schiffer.

STEPHANIE: Thank you. I'd like to start with a song that I wrote for the first man I ever loved. (singing) Zachary.

PHOEBE: (singing/screaming) You're all invited to bite me!

CHANDLER AND JOEY: Hi. We're the guys who called about the baby. We left the baby on ths bus. Is he here? Is he here?

TRANSIT AUTHORITY GUY: He's here. (Chandler and Joey hug each other in relief) I'm assuming one of you is the father.

CHANDLER: That's me.

JOEY: I'm him.

CHANDLER: Actually, uh, we're both the father. (Puts his arm around Joey)

BOTH (but to different babies): Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy!

CHANDLER: Please tell me you know which one is our baby.

JOEY: Well, well that one has ducks on his t-shirt, and this one has clowns. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.

CHANDLER: Ok.

JOEY: Or clowns. Oh, oh wait. That one's definitely Ben. Remember, he had that cute little mole by his mouth.

CHANDLER: Yeah?

JOEY: Yeah.

CHANDLER: Hey, Ben, remember us? Ok, the mole came off.

JOEY: Ahh!

CHANDLER: What're we gonna do? What're we gonna do?

JOEY: Uh, uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns.

CHANDLER: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?

JOEY: You got a better idea?

CHANDLER: All right, call it in the air.

JOEY: Heads.

CHANDLER: Heads it is.

JOEY: Yes! Whew!

CHANDLER: We have to assign heads to something.

JOEY: Right. Ok, ok, uh, ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.

CHANDLER: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

(on the sidewalk outside Central Perk)

RACHEL: Hey.

PHOEBE: Oh, hi.

RACHEL: Here. I thought you might be cold.

PHOEBE: Thank you.

RACHEL: Whoa, look at you, you did pretty well.

PHOEBE: Eight dollars and 27 cents. But not really, 'cause I put in the first two, just to, you know, get the ball rolling, and to make myself feel better.

RACHEL: Do you?

PHOEBE: No. This whole like playing-for-money thing is so not good for me. You know, I don't know, when I sang "Su-Su-Suicide", I got a dollar seventy-five. But then, "Smelly Cat", I got 25 cents and a condom. So you know, now I just feel really bad for Smelly Cat.

RACHEL: Well, you know, honey, I don't think everybody gets Smelly Cat. You know, I mean, if all you've ever actually had are healthy pets, then, whoosh!

PHOEBE: It's not even that. I used to do my songs because it made me happy, but now it's like, it's just all about the money.

RACHEL: Well, people missed you in there. And in fact, there was actually a request for "Smelly Cat".

PHOEBE: Really? From who?

RACHEL: Well, from me. And I know it's not your big money song, but it's my favorite.

KID: Hi. Uh, did I accidentally drop a condom in your case? It's kind of an emergency.

PHOEBE: Yeah. Here you go.

KID: Thanks a lot. Hey Christine, I got it!

(chez Monica and Rachel)

ROSS: I just wanna thank you for being there for me today. And I'm sorry I,I almost broke your hand.

MONICA: That's ok. I'm sorry I poisoned you.

ROSS: Yeah. Hey, remember the time I jammed that pencil into your hand?

MONICA: Remember it? What do you think this is, a freckle?

ROSS: Oh.

MONICA: Wait, what about the time I hit you in the face with the Silvian's pumpkin?

ROSS: Oh, man. Oh, remember when I stuck that broom in your bike spokes, and you flipped over and hit your head on the curb?

MONICA: No. But I remember people telling me about it.

ROSS: I hope Ben has a little sister.

MONICA: Yeah. I hope she can kick his ass.

ROSS: I'm gonna get a new band-aid. Hey, how 'bout the time I cut the legs off your Malibu Ken?

MONICA: That was you?

ROSS: They, uh, were infected. He wouldn't have made it.

MONICA: Aw, my little nephew. Come here, little one. There's my little baby Ben. Hey, my little boy. Hey, he's not crying.

CHANDLER: (looking fearfully at Joey) Hey, he's not crying.

(Ben starts crying)

JOEY: Yes! There's still pie.

ROSS: I'm here. How's my little boy? Want Daddy to change your diaper? So, did you have fun with Uncle Joey and Uncle Chandler today?

JOEY: Oh, yeah, he rode the bus today.

ROSS: Ohhh. Big boy, riding the bus--Hey, I have a question. How come it says Property of Human Services on his butt?

CHANDLER: You, you are gonna love this.

ROSS: Will you hold Ben for a sec? Come here. Come here.

CHANDLER: Stay back, I've got kiwi. Run, Joey, Run!

STEPHANIE: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you?

PHOEBE: No, no, no. I'm sorry. It's "smelly cat, smel-ly cat".

STEPHANIE: Smelly cat, smel-ly cat...

PHOEBE: Better. Yeah.

STEPHANIE: Yeah?

PHOEBE: Yeah, much better. And you know what, don't feel bad, because it's a hard song.

STEPHANIE: Yeah.

PHOEBE: You wanna try it again?

STEPHANIE: Yeah. From the top?

PHOEBE: Ok, there is no top. That's the beauty of Smelly Cat. Um, why don't you just follow me?

STEPHANIE: Ok.

PHOEBE: Mmmm hmmm.

TOGETHER: Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.

PHOEBE: That's too much. Sorry.

END

我的小不点儿

你是个小小的小不点儿

不要哭啊

不要哭嘛

他为什么还在哭?

我来抱他一下

来,爸爸抱

不哭了

或许是因为我

别傻了,班爱你他只是爱发牢骚而已

我跟一个牢骚小姐约过会呀

好女孩,有点情绪化就是了

好了,好多了

这才是小乖乖

我可以试一件事吗?

酷哎

他恨我,我的侄子恨我

好啦,不要这样嘛

要是我自己孩子恨我怎么办啊?

摩妮卡,你住口好不好?你疯了是不是啊?

你知道你还要多久才会遇到这个问题呢?

我是说你现在连男朋友都没有

乔伊,她看起来不胖

拿去

真好笑,那个借我一下

你还好吧,罗斯?

不知道

馅饼里有什么呀?

不知道,奶油,鸡蛋,面粉莱姆,奇异果跟…

奇异果?奇异果?

你说这个是奇莱馅饼

不是,我是说奇异果莱姆所以才会那么特别

所以我才会死

我对奇异果过敏

你才不会呢你会过敏的是龙虾,花生跟…

越来越严重了

你的舌头肿了吗?

要不然就是我的嘴小了

穿外套,我们现在就到医院去

他不会怎么样吧?不会,只是得打一针

事实上我觉得好多了

没错,别去了谁要玩拼字游戏啊?

去穿外套

但是班怎么办呢?我们不能带个宝宝去医院啊

交给我们吧

恕难从命

干嘛?我有七个天主教姐妹我照顾过上百个小孩

别这样我们想帮忙,对不对?

拜托,我本来想去打篮球的…

…不过球被丢出窗外去了

好,如果你要带他去散步记得要帮他戴帽子,好吗?

冰箱里还有一些牛奶尿布在袋子里

懂了

包在我身上啊

你听得懂吗?

懂啊,我沙叔叔就有大舌头

他是老婆很正的那个

中央公园

阿秋,要不要听听我今天下午要唱的新歌呢?

今天早上洗澡的时候写的

我一边洗澡一边在写歌

听过的话请阻止我

我全身泡沫,头发湿搭搭

香皂倒过来是皂香

瑞秋,亲爱的麻烦你过来一下好吗?

什么事啊?

告诉你…

我决定以后周日的下午要付钱请一位职业歌手来演出

她叫什么芬妮的,很出色的

伔拼嗽趺窗?

瑞秋,你的朋友不是差而已

她实在是差到…

差到让我想把手指头伸进我的眼睛里

然后把脑袋搅成浆糊

那好,你不是她的歌迷

可是你不能这样对她嘛

你叫我出面?

涂皂,冲水,再一次…

视需要而定

我觉得我们东西没有带够

你有没有记得把宝宝的止痛药带出来?

我告诉你,这绝对值得

大家都知道女人最爱宝宝了

女人爱喜欢宝宝的男人这是感性的问题,懂了吗?

把他对准那边那些宝贝说不定待会儿有一个会过来

来,宝宝给我

快,我说真的

你真的要他吗?

这个小可爱是谁啊?

不要怪我不懂得谦虚,刃?

要不要嗅嗅他?

我想你指的是宝宝吧?

是呀,他的宝宝味好香嗅嗅他的头

我想我的子宫刚刚顿了一下

你看吧

我觉得你们这样做很棒

我们都是很棒的男人

我弟弟跟他的男友试了三年都领养不到孩子

你们是找哪一家办的?

这是我的表演

这是我的地盘

我的名字用粉笔写在外面

你不能把粉笔擦掉的

对不起,我很遗憾

而且他居然还要付这个女人钱

那他干脆给她一个宝座一顶皇冠

还有一根上面有球的权杖

泰利是混蛋,所以我们才会常说”泰利是混蛋”

不然我们干嘛那么说

你说不定已经尽力了

好吧,这样让我看看还有没有别的办法

你何不让她接在那个叫黛什么芬的后面唱啊?

你又不在这里,又不付她钱

我不知道

我帮你洗卡布基诺机好了

你不洗卡布基诺机吗?

我当然会

我是说我会清洗

我会清的

对呀,看谁出马嘛

天啊,好兴奋哦我会收到多少钱啊?

什么?

你说他要付钱给演出的人

我是说他要付另外那个女人钱因为她是职业歌手

我可不想当那个唯一没有收到钱的人

对不起,不

不,我可不是什么二流的…慈善乐团

这个城市里面有上千个地方…

…愿意付钱听我来演唱

我为自己而演唱

我不需要你的施舍

谢谢

你说什么都别想叫我打针我是说,或许他们可以把…

…药水射进我的嘴里就像水枪那样

你们好,我是林医生

好像有人有一点点过敏的反应

对,医生我可以单独跟你谈谈吗?

我哥哥有一点点窖十的丁针

你有没有告诉他我那个水枪的主意?

我的博士哥哥想知道…

这个药有没有可能用口服的?

在这种情况之下,打针是避免不了的,而且要马上打针

怎么样?

好吧,坐下来医生说这一针非打不可

所以你一定要勇敢起来为我这么做,好不好?

你做得非常好

要不要握紧我的手啊?

罗斯,不要握得那么紧

真的,不要握那么紧

罗斯,放开我的手

还真是个好计昼下一回想泡妞…

…我们干脆直接去公园亲热算了

计程车…

你看那票妞儿

只是在练习,你很行

继续开吧

等等,等等我们

他好可爱哦

告诉他,好不好?他觉得他脸色太红润了

你们今天出来做什么?我们没有

我们只是帮我们的异性恋朋友…

…带孩子的异性恋男人做一般男人应该做的事情

讲完了?

讲完了?

少来了,我们才到了

你们也住在这附近啊?

我们住在那个人行道旁边

你们知道吗?

对了,既然大家是邻居嘛我们聚一聚喝点东西,如何?

我们去马可咖啡厅,好吗?

你们的宝宝呢?

或许他会听到拉铃啊

停车

你肯定没有捏断?我真的很痛

没有,只是有一块瘀青

还有这是你戒指压出来的痕迹

对不起,我真的很抱歉没关系

抱歉…我说清楚了

那我们待会儿再庆祝

那我们待会儿再庆祝

他是个双双双

双关节男孩

你就是那个专业的吉他手吗?

对,我叫黛芬

对,上面本来有我名字的现在只剩红萝卜糕了

你会弹几个和弦?

全都会啊是吗?那你会D调

那你会A小调吗?

你会从D和弦转到A小调吗?

那你的吉他有背带吗?

我的有

黛芬什么和弦都会

运输中心吗?

我在帮一本书做调查

如果有人把婴儿留在市公车上那该怎么办呢?

是,我知道只有笨蛋才会这么做

我们今天在公车上掉了汽车安全座椅

白塑胶材质有把手,可以用在推车上面

里面还有一个婴儿

他要跟你讲

各位我们以最热烈的掌声欢迎…

我恨中央咖啡园

欢迎史黛芬

首先我想唱一首我为我的初恋情人写的歌

柴克力…

被邀来咬我

我们打过电话来公车上的婴儿怎么样了?到了没有…

到了

你们之中有一个是父亲吧

是我!是我!

事实上呢,我们两个都是

你知道哪个是班吗?

那个T恤上有鸭子这个有小丑

班绝对是穿着鸭子T恤的

或小丑

等一下,那个绝对是班记得他嘴边那颗可爱的小痣

班,记得我们吗?

天啊,痣掉了

我们该怎么办?

丢铜板决定,鸭或小丑

要丢铜板决定你有更好的主意吗?

好吧,在空中叫

就是头

我们得决定头是哪一个

好的

鸭子是头,因为鸭子有头

帮你庆祝生日的小丑没有头不会吓坏你吗?

叫我清晨天使

在离开我之前

叫我清晨天使

然后转身离去

我不会求你留下来

陪我

来,我想你可能会冷

谢谢

看看你,干得不错嘛

这里一共是八块又二十七分

其实没那么多啦头两块是我放的

只是让钱滚滚来还有让自己舒服一点

结果呢?

为了钱演奏这码子事对我非常的不好

我不知道当我唱到”自杀”.,

…我得到一块七十五分钱

可是”臭臭猫”呢?

十五分钱跟一个保险套

所以现在我为”臭臭猫”感到很难过

我不认为大家都会懂”臭臭猫”啊

我是说如果你只要养过健康的猫的话

可是根本就不是那个嘛

本来我唱歌只是因为我很高兴

可是现在却变成全都是为了钱

菲此,大家都很想你

事实上还有人指名要听”臭臭猫”呢

真的啊?是谁呢?

我啊,就是我

我知道那不是赚大钱的歌佄易钕不兜木褪悄鞘?

我是不是不小心丢了一个保险套啊?

情况紧急嘛

情况紧急嘛

克丽丝,拿到了

我只是想要谢谢你今天的帮忙

对不起,我差点捏断你的手

没关系,抱歉你中了我的毒

你还记得我用铅笔戳你的手那回吗?

记得吗?你以为这是什么?雀斑啊

等等,那我用薇恩的南瓜打你脸那一次呢?

天啊,记得我把扫把插进你脚踏车轮里…

结果你翻车头撞到路边那次吗

不,我记得是别人告诉我那件事

我希望班有个小妹妹

希望她能够好好的整整他

我去拿一个新的绷带

我切下你马里布肯娃娃的腿那次呢?

是你干的啊?

对,它的腿发炎了不切的话它会死

我的小侄子

过来,小东西

我的小宝贝班班

他居然没有哭

他没哭呀

还有馅饼

我在,我在

我的小宝贝好吗?

要爸爸帮你换尿布,对不对?我知道…

你今天跟乔伊叔叔还有钱德叔叔玩得开心吗?

开心,他今天坐公车了

好耶,大男生坐公车喔

我有个问题耶

他的小屁股上为什么会有”服务处财产”这些字?

你一定会觉得很精采的

帮我抱一下班,好吗?

别过来,我有奇异果跑呀,乔伊

臭臭猫…

你都吃些什么啊?

不对…对不起

臭臭猫…

好一点了

好多了

你知道吗?不要难过这首歌本来就很难

要不要再试一次?好,从头

这次没有头,好吗?

那是”臭臭猫”的美妙之处

臭臭猫…

他们喂你什么?

臭臭猫,臭臭猫

不是你的错

太夸张了,对不起



 

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