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老友记第二季The One With Russ

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The One With Russ

[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]

RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock in the morning.

JOEY: I'm excited! I've never gotten reviewed before.

MNCA: You were so amazing as the king. I was really impressed, I was.

PHOE: Although, you know what? You might want to consider wearing underwear next time. Yeah, cause when you sat down on your throne you could kind of see your... royal subject.

JOEY: Here it is, here it is. [reading from newspaper] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of the king.

CHAN: OK, look, that is one guy's opinion, alright. Phoebs, read yours.

PHOE: OK. [reading] The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction...

CHAN: Does anyone have one from a different paper? Ross, read yours.

ROSS: I don't want to.

RACH: Joey, honey, they don't know what they're talking about.

ROSS: Yeah.

JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's gotta be a reason.

ROSS: Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just, uhhh... paying your dues.

JOEY: No, no, no, it.. it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.

MNCA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe this will change your mind. [Reads from paper] In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiana was able to achieve brilliant new levels of... continued on page 153...[turns it] sucking.

Credits
[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]

JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.

[Ross enters, depressed.]

ROSS: [sullenly] Hiiiiii.

PHOE: Are... are you OK?

ROSS: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid. Whoa, whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th--Fun Bobby's jacket! Where is he, what. He, he's here, isn't he?

MNCA: Maybe.

ROSS: Don't toy with me.

[Fun Bobby (FBOB) enters from Monica's bedroom.]

FBOB: Geller!

ROSS: Hey, Fun Bobby!

FBOB: Hey. Whoa, hey, you've been working out, huh?

ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my sister!

MNCA: You and me both.

FBOB: Hey, so what'd I miss, what'd I miss, c'mon?

PHOE: Oh, we were just trying to make Joey feel better.

FBOB: Hey, do you need me to pick you up?

JOEY: No, I'm alright man. Really.

FBOB: No, I'm picking you up.

JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.

FBOB: OK, now before I go, does anybody else need to be picked up? [everyone raises their hands] I'm still gonna go.

MNCA: OK, I'll see you later babe.

FBOB: Uh, public display of affection coming up. You can avert your eyes. [kisses Monica]

[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]

FBOB: See ya. [exits]

ALL: Bye! See you later!

PHOE: Fun Bobby is so great.

MNCA: Oh, isn't he? Oh, you know, I really think this time it may work with him. I mean, he just makes me feel so good and I've been feeling so lousy this last couple of months, no job, no boyfriend. Well, at least my cup is half full.

PHOE: Half full of looooovvvvve.

MNCA: And for our two-week anniversary, he's gonna take me to his cousin's cabin for the weekend.

PHOE: Cabin of loooooovvvvve.

RACH: We went through a lot of wine tonight, you guys. [walks over to table, holding five empty wine bottles]

MNCA: Really? I only had two glasses.

JOEY: I just had a glass.

PHOE: Two.

RACH: I had one glass.

CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural History' mug.

RACH: OK, so that's... that's what, two bottles? And yet somehow we went through five?

[All look towards door Fun Bobby left through.]

ROSS: Oooooh.

JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute ago] Ooooooh.

MNCA: So what. So he drank a lot tonight.

ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.

PHOE: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice how he always starts his stories with, um, OK, 'I was soooo wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, ooh, 'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut.'

JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he wasn't drinking?

MNCA: Well, we just happen to go to alot of places where you might drink. I mean, how do you go to a wine tasting without having a drink? Or... or to a club, or to the... zoo.

[Scene: Monica, Fun Bobby, and Phoebe sitting in Central Perk Rachel is serving them. She brings a mug to Monica.]

MNCA: Rach, does this have nonfat milk?

RACH: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it.

MNCA: [takes a sip] Mmmm, no.

RACH: Oh well, too late, sorry, you already had some.

FBOB: [pulls out a flask] Whattaya say we make these, uh, coffees Irish?

[Phoebe and Rachel look uncomfortable.]

PHOE: Um, cake.

RACH: Yeah, we're gonna... we're gonna get some cake. [Phoebe and Rachel go to counter.]

MNCA: You know what? It seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish lately.

FBOB: Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask.

MNCA: Bobby.

FBOB: Yeah, OK.

MNCA: Look, maybe this is none of my business, or maybe it is, I don't know... but, uh, I'm kind of worried about you.

FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this, but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'

MNCA: So, what are you saying now?

FBOB: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that you worry about me. [they hug]

PHOE: [comes back to couch, with cake] Sooo, what's goin' on, huh?

FBOB: I am gonna try and quit drinking.

PHOE: [sad] Ooohh, why?

[Chandler and Joey enter.]

CHAN: Hey.

JOEY: Hey.

MNCA: Hey.

PHOE: Hey.

CHAN: Guess who's back in show business.

PHOE: Ohh, ohh, Lorne Green?

CHAN: No, no, Phoebs. You know why? Cause he's dead.

PHOE: Oh, no.

CHAN: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet now, but... Joey, that's who.

JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for Days of Our Lives!

PHOE: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a soap opera theme.

CHAN: Hey, yeah... we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.

PHOE: Hey Rach, what time do you get off? We're all gonna do something tonight.

RACH: Ummmm.... well, actually I'm already done, but I...I kinda got plans.

MNCA: [gasps] You have other friends?

RACH: Yeah... I, uhh... I have a... I have a date.

MNCA: What?

JOEY: With a man?

RACH: What? What is so strange about me having a date?

JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about you?

RACH: Noooo, no, I'm not mad at him. I'm.. I'm not really anything at him anymore.

MNCA: What are you talking about?

RACH: I don't know. Whatever I was feeling, I'm... not.

PHOE: But you guys came so close.

RACH: Oh, I know, I'm sorry you guys. You're just gonna have to get used to the fact that I will not be dating Ross.

[Russ enters Central Perk. He looks like Ross, except for his chin and hair (it is David Schwimmer in a dual role).]

RACH: Here he is. Hi. Guys, this is Russ.

RUSS: [sounding like Ross] Hhhhiiiii.

[Everyone looks at each other in amazement.]

[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Estelle (ESTL) is speaking on the phone.]

ESTL: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. It's just with the bird dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [a knock on the door] Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.

[Joey enters.]

ESTL: Well, there's my favorite client. So tell me darling, how was the audition?

JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.

ESTL: Joey, have you ever seen me ecstatic?

JOEY: No.

ESTL: Well, here it is. [She almost smiles.]

JOEY: OK, uh.... listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. The network casting lady...

ESTL: Oh, isn't Lori a doll?

JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the feeling that she was sort of... coming on to me. And I definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if I would have sent the Little General in.

ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific? [pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey] Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun Bobby at the couch.]

RACH: What's the matter?

MNCA: It's Fun Bobby.

RACH: What, isn't he sober?

MNCA: Oh, he's sober alright. Just turns out that Fun Bobby was fun for a reason.

RACH: Ohhh, OK.

[Monica returns to couch next to Fun Bobby.]

MNCA: Alright, here you go, sweetie. [hands Fun Bobby his coffee]

FBOB: Thanks. You wanna hear something funny?

MNCA: Oh God, yes!

FBOB: There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.

PHOE: That is funny.

FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.

MNCA: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your interview now?

FBOB: Oh yeah. See you guys. [leaves]

CHAN: Bye..... ridiculously dull Bobby.

MNCA: Oh.... my... God.

PHOE: It's not that bad.

MNCA: Not that bad? Did you hear the hammer story?

PHOE: OK, OK, don't get all squinky.

RACH: Maybe it was just the kind of story where you have to be there.

MNCA: But I'm gonna be there... for the rest of my life. I mean, I can't break up with him. I'm the one who made him quit drinking. He's dull because of me.

PHOE: Alright, don't say that. He's probably always been dull. You just, you know, set it free.

[Russ enters, walking in behind Chandler.]

RUSS: Hi.

CHAN: [turning around] Hey Ross.... bahhhh!

RACH: Hi Russ, I've just got two more tables to clean and then we'll go, OK?

RUSS: OK, I'll just sit here and... uh... chat with your, uh.... friend-type....people.

[Phoebe walks up to Rachel, cleaning tables.]

PHOE: Rachel? Um, hi.

RACH: Hi.

PHOE: OK, so, you know what you're doing, right?

RACH: Uhh.... waitressing?

PHOE: Well, yeah, but... no. I mean, umm... doesn't.... doesn't Russ just remind you of someone?

RACH: [looks at him] Huh, Bob Saget?

PHOE: [looks at Russ] Oh, yeah! No, no, no, no, oh, oh.

[Phoebe turns back around but Rachel is gone. Ross enters.]

PHOE: Oh, my, oh!

ROSS: What? What's wrong?

PHOE: I, OK....

MNCA: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered a spider into her toast this morning.

ROSS: Alright.

CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. [introducing Russ and Ross] Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.

RUSS: Hi.

ROSS: Hi.

RUSS: Are you a, uh, friend of Rachel's?

ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?

RUSS: Actually, I'm a... kind of a.... you know, a... date-type... thing... of Rachel's.

ROSS: A date.

RUSS: Yeah, I'm her date.

ROSS: Oh, oh, you're... uh... you're, oh you're the date.

CHAN: You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.

RUSS: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.

ROSS: Yes, yes I am. And you are a....

RUSS: Periodontist.

MNCA: See? They're as different as night and... later that night.

ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting you.

RUSS: Ditto.

[ROss approaches Rachel at counter.]

ROSS: I, uh, well... I... I met Russ.

RACH: Oh.

ROSS: Hey, I didn't know we were, uh, seeing other people.

RACH: Well, we're not seeing each other, so....

ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if this is the deal...

RACH: Well, yeah, this is the deal.

ROSS: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.

RACH: Um, Russ, you ready?

RUSS: Yeah.

RACH: Bye.

MNCA: Bye.

PHOE: Bye.

[Russ and Rachel leave together.]

ROSS: [upset] She's dating. She's dating.

CHAN: Yes, yes, but did you see who she was dating?

ROSS: What do you mean?

MNCA: Do you not see it?

ROSS: See what? I don't know what she sees in... innn that goober. And it takes him, what? Like... like... I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello.... a... week, to get out a sentence.

CHAN: Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?

ROSS: ....................Yeah.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every container in sight. Chandler enters.]

CHAN: Hey.

JOEY: Hey.

CHAN: Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part, or... uh, Italy called and said it was hungry.

JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.

CHAN: Oh my God!

JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.

CHAN: [not knowing how to react] Oh my... God?

JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, Days of Our Lives. That's actually on television.

CHAN: So, what're you gonna do?

JOEY: Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?

CHAN: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.

JOEY: I've never slept with someone for a part.

CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out, covered with pasta sauce]

JOEY: Sorry.

CHAN: It's alright. Is she good-looking?

JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something, I'd be buying her breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept with her.

CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it is you get a great job and you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and a fat guy and you've got Christmas.

JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean, let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.

CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?

JOEY: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.

[Scene: A restaurant. Fun Bobby and Monica are ordering.]

WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?

MNCA: Yes, I would like something. [looks at Fun Bobby, changes her mind] No, no thank you.

FBOB: If... if you want to drink, it's OK with me, I've got to get used to it.

MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.

FBOB: So the light went out in my refrigerator...

MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch between Russ and Ross, doing a crossword puzzle.]

CHAN: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross? Wanna do another one, huh Russ? OK... eleven letters, atomic element number 101... ends in ium.

RUSS: Dysprosium.

ROSS: [condescendingly] Dysprosium? Try mendelevium.

CHAN: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine-down, Knights in White Satin was sung by the Doody Blues.

[Phoebe and Rachel are at the counter talking.]

PHOE: You don't see it? You actually don't see it?

RACH: What?

PHOE: OK honey, you're dating Ross.

RACH: No, Phoebs. I'm dating Russ.

PHOE: Russ is Ross. Russ... Ross!

RACH: Steve... sleeve!

PHOE: OK, noone is named Sleeve.

RACH: Phoebe, what the hell are you talking about? Other than their names being similar, I'm sorry, I do not see what you're seeing.

[They look over at Russ and Ross.]

ROSS: [to Russ] For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark.

RUSS: You could not be more wrong. You could try... but you would not be successful.

CHAN: OK, I'm gonna get some more coffee before the pinching and eye-poking begins.

RUSS: I know what your problem is.

ROSS: Oh you do, do you?

RUSS: Um-hum, you're jealous.

ROSS: Of... of what?

RUSS: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.

ROSS: Hey, you're a doctor of gums. That's the smallest body part you can major in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.

RUSS: Hey, you listen.

ROSS: No, no, let me finish.

RUSS: No, let me finish.

ROSS: No, you let me fini...

[Rachel walks up behind them.]

ROSS: Hi.

RUSS: Hi.

RACH: Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww! [turns away]

[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]

RACH: Did Joey say what he was gonna go when he left?

CHAN: No, I don't even think he knew. Hey, would you sleep with somebody to get a great job?

RACH: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?

CHAN: Me.

RACH: Why would I have to sleep with you?

CHAN: It's my game. You want the job or not?

[Monica enters from her bedroom.]

CHAN: Hey.

MNCA: Morning.

ROSS: Where ya goin'?

MNCA: Bobby and I are going away for the weekend, remember?

ROSS: Ooooohhhh.

[Monica pulls out a bag full of airline bottles of liquor.]

PHOE: What's with all the bottles of liquor?

ROSS: What's going on, is... uh, Bobby drinking again?

MNCA: Oh no no, this is not for him, this is for me. That way he's still sober but I find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.

[Three slow knocks on the door.]

RACH: Oh God, even his knock is boring.

[Monica answers the door. Its Fun Bobby.]

MNCA: Hi. I'll be ready in just a second.

FBOB: Uh, can I talk to you a minute?

MNCA: Sure.

[They both step out into the hall.]

FBOB: This is really hard for me to say.

MNCA: Oh God, you fell off the wagon.

FBOB: Oh, no, no, it's about you.

MNCA: What about me?

FBOB: I think you may have a drinking problem.

MNCA: What these? [holding up liquor bottles] Oh, these are, um, for.. cuts and scrapes.

FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now, OK?

MNCA: Oh... shoot.

FBOB: Well, anyway, I hope we can be friends.

MNCA: OK.

[They hug and kiss.]

MNCA: Take care.

FBOB: You too.

[Fun Bobby leaves and Monica goes back inside.]

RACH: What happened?

MNCA: Well we... we kinda broke up.

GANG: Awwwwwwww.

[Ross, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel all exchange money.]

MNCA: [holding bottles] Does anybody want these?

CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.

[Joey enters.]

JOEY: Hey.

GANG: Hey!

ROSS: How'd the callback go?

JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.

CHAN: So what'd you do?

JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.

ROSS: Good for you.

JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the elevator and offered me an even bigger part.

PHOE: So... and?

JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at least four episodes!

GANG: Allright!

JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves]

[Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Chandler exchange money again.]

Credits [Scene: Central Perk. Russ enters. Chandler and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]

RUSS: Hi.

CHAN: Oh, hey.

PHOE: Hi.

RUSS: I guess you guys heard, Rachel dumped me.

CHAN: Yeah, I'm sorry man.

RUSS: Oh, all she said was that I remind her too much of somebody. You have any idea who she's talking about?

[Chandler and Phoebe feign ignorance.]

PHOE: Oh I do, it's.... it's Bob Saget. She hates him.

RUSS: Oh.

[Julie... Ross's ex-girlfriend... enters.]

JULIE: Hey.

CHAN: Hey!

PHOE: Hey, Julie! Hey, how are you doing?

JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....

[Russ and Julie look at each other with love in their eyes. The music builds...]

END

你慢一点,报纸不会在半夜一点就全部卖光的

我好兴奋第一次有我的剧评

你演国王演得太精采了我真的好欣赏,真的

不过你知道吗?

我觉得下一次啊你应该考虑要穿穿内裤

因为当你登上宝座的时候观众可以看到你的…

…龙根子

有了,在这儿

”唯一此没大脑又孩子气的导演还要烂的是…

…崔乔伊对国王的超级逊诠释”

那只是一个人的意见

菲碧,念你的

”唯一此没大脑又孩子气的导演还要烂的是…”

谁念一念别家报纸可以吗?

罗斯,念你的

我不想念

乔伊,蜜糖他们不知道他们在讲什么

那不一定

演了十年还混不出名堂不是因为我烂是什么

别这样嘛,你现在是耕耘阶段

不…太难了

这不值得,我不干了

等一下…

包你听了会回心转意的

”在这出平凡的戏里崔乔伊成功地跃上另一美妙新境界…

小时候,我的志愿是当兽医

然后我发现我必须要把手伸到牛的什么的里面

你好吗?

很好,只是水深火热的一天

剑龙倒了,困住一个小孩

我认得这件夹克这是风趣巴此的夹克

他在哪里?他在,对不对?

或许

老盖勒

风趣巴此

你有去健身啊?

才没有呢

我爱这家伙

好高兴听到你又跟我妹妹在一起了

我们都是我错过了什么吗?

我们只是让乔伊觉得好过一点

需要我把你举起来吗?

不,我没事了,真的

不,我要把你举起来

不,真的,我不需要…

好吧,还是有用

在我走之前有谁还要被我给举起来的?

我还是走好了

待会儿见了,拜拜

我们要公开亲热大家的眼睛请回避一下

这个风趣巴此好棒

可不是嘛

我认为这一回我们会定下来他让我觉得好棒

过去两个月我一直觉得好郁卒没有工作,没有男友

至少现在我有一样了

他为了庆祝我们的双周庆周末要带我去他表哥的小木屋

我们今晚喝了好多酒

真的?我才喝了两杯

我只喝了一杯

两杯

我喝了一杯

我用这可爱的…

…”我在自然历史博物馆看到骨头了”喝了一杯

这么说的话,顶多两瓶

可是这里有五个瓶子

那又怎么样,他今晚喝多了

是呀,不过现在我想起来…

我记得风趣巴此酒不离手

你们有没有注意过他故事的开头总是…

”我喝得烂醉了”或者是”我们好醉了”

或者是”我醒来以后发现我在康州一辆清道车里面”

摩妮卡,你们约会时他有没有喝过酒?

只是恰巧而已我们去的地方都会喝酒的

我是说去品酒会怎么可能不来杯酒的

或者是去俱乐部或是去…

…动物园

中央公园

瑞秋,里面有没有脱脂奶?

不知道,你试试看吧

来不及,抱歉,你喝过了

我们把这都弄成了爱尔兰咖啡你们认为怎么样?

蛋糕!

对,我们去拿蛋糕

我发现你最近好像把很多东西都弄成爱尔兰式的

我很想弄成此利时式的可是饼干很难塞进酒瓶子里

好吧

听着,这或许不关我的事或许有关,我不知道

我有点担心你

这不是第一次有人跟我说过这件事情了

我老是为我自己找一些借口像”跟朋友在一起才喝”

或”来嘛,今天是国庆日”

那你现在怎么说呢?

我猜我要说…

…我戒戒看

我喜欢你担心我的样子

发生什么事了?

我要试着戒酒了

为什么?

猜谁又回演艺圈了?

罗伦格林

不是,菲此你知道为什么吗?他死了

我猜这似乎有点苦乐参半…

是乔伊老弟耶

是啊,我经纪人叫我去”我们的日子”试镜看看

那我们必须要庆祝应该开个肥皂剧主题派对

对,我们可以一起上床然后其中一个人失去记忆

阿秋,你什么时候下班?晚上一起做点什么

事实上,我下班了 但我有其他计划

你有别的朋友

对,我…我有约会

什么?

跟男人?

怎么?我有约会有什么奇怪的?

那罗斯怎么办?

你还在为列单子的事在跟他生气,是不是?

不…我不生气了

我对他再也不怎么了

你在胡说些什么?我不知道

不管我从前怎么样,我…

你们就差一点点咧

我知道,对不起啦,各位你们只得习惯…

…我不会跟罗斯约会这个事实

他来了

各位,这是洛斯

不…我不是说你没才华你非常有才华

只是那只乌死了之后剩下的戏就很少了

蜜糖,放我一马,好吗?

我等会儿再打给你

我最喜爱的客户来了

告诉我,亲爱的试镜结果如何?

我觉得进行得满顺利的他们要我周四复试

乔伊,你见过我心醉神迷吗?

那你见识看看

对了,有件事我想跟你谈谈

电视台的选角小姐·,

罗莉是不是很棒?

对…她很棒

可是…我有点觉得她好像对我有那么一点点意思

我觉得如果我想得到那个角色的话,就要…

派我的”小将军”出马

我懂了我现在就打个电话…

…把事情搞清楚看看究竟是怎么回事

你好啊,请接罗莉

亲爱的

崔乔伊适不适合计程车司机那个角色?

他是不是棒透了?

我们等会儿再谈

对,你必须跟她上床

怎么?他又喝酒了?

他是没喝酒

只是我发现风趣巴此风趣是有原因的

拿去吧,甜心

谢了要不要听一个有趣的故事?

只要一过了午夜这附近的五金行就全都关门了

好好笑哦

前几天晚上我需要买一把鲫头我就出去在这附近逛了一逛

这附近所有的五金行过了午夜之后都关门了

甜心,你不是该去面试了吗?

是呀

各位再见了

拜拜

…无聊至极的巴此

老天啊

他还没那么糟啦

没那么糟?你没有听到那个故事吗?

别那么挑剔嘛

也许你应该身历其境才会觉得好笑啊

但我下半辈子...

都会身历其境啊

我不能跟他分手,我叫他戒酒所以他无聊是因为我

好了,别这么说了

也许他一直很无聊,你只是…

…你只是把他解放了

罗斯

洛斯

再两张桌子我们就可以走了,好吗?

我就坐这儿好了…

跟你的…

…好朋友一起聊天

瑞秋

你知道你在干什么吗?

服务生?

是又不是…

洛斯会不会让你想起某个人来呢?

巴布西格?

对呀

天呀

怎么了?

她心情不好是因为…

…她不小心把一只蜘蛛涂在吐司上了

好吧

听我说,菲菲,这不要紧的

罗斯,洛斯洛斯,罗斯

你是…瑞秋的朋友?

是,我是

你是…瑞秋的朋友吗?

事实上,我是…

瑞秋的约会对象…

约会?

对,她的约会对象

你是…你是…

她约会的对象

其实这也满好玩的…

因为万一我们失去了罗斯还有一个备用的

你是那个…古生物学家

对,我是

牙科医师

瞧,现在他们简直是黑夜跟·,

…更黑的夜

我现在要去…拿杯饮料

很高兴…很高兴认识你

彼此

我…我见过洛斯了

我不知道我们…边跟别人交往

我们又没有在交往,所以…

我告诉你好了我们馆里有个女的…

…跟其他有翅生物…

…她明显地表示她喜欢我就像是…

你知道嘛

我到现在还跟她保持距离但是如果你要这样的话…

对,我要这样

那好,祝你有愉快的一晚

洛斯,你好了吗?

她在约会?

她在约会?

对,对 但你看到她在跟谁约会了吗?

什么意思?

你看不出来吗?看什么?

我真搞不懂她看中那驴蛋哪一点

…讲完一句话要等一个礼拜

是呀,烦死人了,是不是?

我猜你没有得到那个角色…

…或是义大利来电说它饿了

不,我要的话那角色就是我的

老天啊

对呀,只要我愿意跟选角小姐上床的话

老天啊?

我等了十年才等到这个机会,钱德

我是说”我们的日子”那真的会在电视上擂出

那你要怎么做?

我可以跟她上床…

但我怎么能够那么做呢

我有一本教我关于性的一切的立体书

我从没有为了角色跟人家上床过

那么她是…

抱歉

她长得好看吗?

好看,她长得非常的好看若我在酒吧认识她的话…

…我一定会请她吃早餐

你知道,我是说跟她上床之后

乔伊,或许这没什么大不了的

依我看你不但得到一份好工作还可以跟她上床

也许再加上一棵树跟胖子就像圣诞树了

我只是不希望那样得到这份工作

就说有一天万一我成名好了

我会怀疑那到底是因为我的才华,还是因为我的…

…你知道,我的小将军

你以前不是叫它”小少校”的吗?

对呀,但是在上过狄丹妮后它就升级了

两位要不要来一杯酒啊?

好,我要点杯酒

不,不,谢谢

没关系,你想喝酒的话我没问题,我要习惯这种事

不…真的我冰箱里面的灯熄了

来杯水好了

我会觉得很不舒服来杯威士忌加冰块跟柠檬

这个游戏很有趣吧,罗斯?

我们再做一个好不好,洛斯?

十一个字母

它的原子序号码是101字尾是”IUM”

是镝

什么是镐?

我看试试扪吧

号参赛者答对了

除非直九的”白缎之夜”是”杜迪蓝调”唱的

你真的看不出来吗?

什么?

你在跟罗斯约会

不,菲菲,我跟洛斯约会

洛斯就是罗斯,洛斯,罗斯

史提,史里

没有人叫那种名字

菲此,你到底在鬼扯什么?

除了名字相似之外对不起,我看不到你看到的

我老实告诉你好了…

你错得不可能再错

你可以试,可是你不会成功

我先倒杯咖啡然后再回来看你们互戳眼睛

我知道问题在哪儿了

是吗?

你嫉妒

嫉妒什么?

你嫉妒我是个真正的医生

你是牙龈的医生

那是人能够钻研的最小的人体器官

就像是第一天教你用牙线第二天,这是你的文凭

你给我听着…

不,让我说完不,你让我说完

不,你让我说完…

乔伊走时有没有说打算怎么做

没有,我想他自己也不知道

你会为一个很棒的工作跟别人上床吗?

我必须跟谁上床?

我干嘛得跟你上床?

这是我的事这工作你到底要不要?

你去哪里?

我要跟巴此去小木屋度周末记得吗?

带那么多酒干什么?

怎么了?巴此又开始喝酒了

不…这不是他喝的这是给我的

这样他会很清醒,而我会觉得他的鞋带笑话好笑多了

天哪,他连敲门怎么都这么乏味啊

我马上就好了我可以跟你谈一谈吗?

可以啊

这真的很难开口

天啊,你又开始喝酒了

不是…

是关于你的

我怎么了?

我想你或许有酗酒问题

不,这些是…

…擦伤口用的

我现在无法扯人一段相互依赖的关系当中

该死

不管怎么样我希望我们还是朋友

保重了

你也是

怎么了?

我们分手了

这些酒谁要?

我拿一瓶

我有时候喜欢拿这种东西假装我是个巨人

复试结果怎么样?

简直不可思议,我一进去她就开始对我上下其手

我就是办不到

我告诉她我不想那样得到角色

干得好…

等等,我离开她办公室之后她追我追到电梯来

她说要给我一个更重要的角色

所以呢?

所以…各位面前站的是雷医生…

…是一位至少会在四集里面出镜的神经外科医师

太棒了…我去洗澡了

你们听说我被瑞秋甩了吧?

是呀,很遗憾啊,老兄

她说我会让她想起另外一个人

你们知道那个人是谁吗?

我知道,是…沙巴西格

她恨他

最近好吗?

我不知道没有了罗斯,的确很不对劲…

…但是我猜我还好啦

事实上我带了一些他的东西…

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