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老友记第三季The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy

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我会认为是范莫里生的“陶此洛密糖”不会吧我会认为最浪漫的曲子是“俏郎君”我觉得是艾尔顿强帮演“妙管家”的家伙写的歌那是什么歌? “抱紧我,年轻的汤尼丹佐”-莫妮卡-莫妮卡天啊她到底有没有睡觉?没有已经连续三个晚上了从昨天起,她终于不哭了但是她又在阳台发现理查德抽过的雪茄好吧,这说明了为何我在清晨两点接到一通电话而我只能听到一些吱吱的声音我就想“一定是老鼠或负鼠”然后我就想,好吧…老鼠或负鼠怎么会有钱打电话呢?早你做了松饼啊?是啊,你还以为我真的会做呢摩妮卡和瑞秋有糖浆我可以让我的男人开心了早安,乔伊早安你干脆别去上班跟我在一起就好了是啊,但愿如此你有报告要做而我得去见律师我真不敢相信我竟跟要离婚的女生约会我真像个大人我要走了…给我个吻才能走或者我就不亲你这样你就会留下来亲她!再见甜心,再见乔伊再见,珍妮丝你什么时候要甩掉她?不会这次不会了拜托,别整我了我又没有整你-她可是珍妮丝-对,我知道她让我很愉快好,你看着我的眼睛告诉我,不可以眨眼睛说你不会跟她分手但别眨眼睛我不会跟她分手天啊,你看我在排水管里发现什么?什么?这些是理查德的头发我该拿这些怎么办?第一件事就是把它从我身边拿开奇怪,但我并不想把它丢掉这些是我仅有的属于他的东西呕心的…排水管的头发真好玩,好像有一个小人在你的麦片里淹死了-我是怎么了?-你需要一些睡眠我需要的是理查德你跟他分手是有原因的我知道…我只是不想再这么想他不愿再去想,他为何不打来?他为何都没打来?可能因为你叫他别再打来?你到底是什么?记忆女王吗?他们不会分手!我是说钱德和珍妮丝他们不会分手!他的眼睛连眨一下都没有我一点也不惊讶你看过他们在一起的样子吗?他们真的好可爱 “可爱?”那可是珍妮丝!你记得珍妮丝吗?我记得啊,她很惹人厌但是你知道吗?她现在是他的女朋友那我们能怎么办?这就对了,我就是要这种精神“我们能怎么办?”好,谁先来?罗斯?钱德是我们的朋友而珍妮丝能让他快乐所以我们就成熟点,接受她这个先归类在B计划甜心我在想啊……你那套海军制服还在吗?不,我拿去戏服店还了我还有一套高中乐团的旧制服你记得高中时不能做爱吧?是啊甜心,那么你呢…你有任何有趣的幻想吗?别这样,你一定有没有罗斯,你知道吗?如果你跟我说或许我会帮你实现你有没有看过星际大战的“绝地大反攻”?你记不记得那场戏…当赫特族的贾霸出现时?贾霸和他的囚犯…莉亚公主莉亚公主穿着…金色的此基尼那样子很好看莉亚公主穿金色此基尼?我们这年纪的男人都很喜欢真的吗?很重要的!那个时刻,她不再是个公主她变成了…一个女人你曾扮过莉亚公主吗?真的吗?有那么棒啊?不,只是我买了新的呼叫器我把它调成“震动”再见你们好啊你看我在中国龙餐厅外找到谁了?她盯着停车收费表看-你怎么没去上班?-他们把我送回家了为什么?因为我并不是在中国龙餐厅上班你真的需要睡一下我知道该睡了你猜怎么着?有人要发行我的论文真的吗?让我看看…瑞秋,你看我那强壮的罗斯天行者何时会来拯救我?他来了幸运的!轮盘!这个家伙好笨是“罗斯莫尔”公爵啦你真的该去参加这个节目我有三张今晚游骑兵队的票你觉得如何?我一定去太棒了罗斯也会去吗?不,是珍妮丝珍妮丝?因为我会替罗斯难过你知道吗?我们总是一起去的我们是曲棍球三兄弟啊我可能误会你了但你是否反感珍妮丝?没有对啦……天啊,我该怎么说?你知道希腊餐厅里那个头发很蓬的女孩子?那个我很讨厌的女孩子?她快把我这疯了听着,我不讨厌珍妮丝只是她令人难以忍受你说出来了吧别那样看着我以前她也快把你这疯了记得吗?但是我现在为她疯狂这次可能是来真的我是说“真的”别担心,我说的字母是对的你到底要我说什么?我要你说你喜欢她我说不出来这种像是一种化学作用每次她一开始笑,我就想…想把我的手臂拔下来我就能往她身上砸谢谢你的努力对了,根本就没有罗斯莫尔公爵!那是谁在罗斯莫尔山上塑了那些总统肖像?你怎么可以告诉她?我想又没什么大不了的她认为没什么大不了的?你这样子是在跟谁讲话?这些应该是我们之间很私密的对话菲比是我的女性好友,好吗?我们无话不谈的男人也一样啊那些更衣室里的对话呢?那又不一样了,我们会谈像是谁跟脱衣舞娘约会或谁在史坦登岛渡轮后面做爱这两个都是乔伊吧难道你们不谈女朋友…还有你们之间亲密的事?连最好的朋友也不谈?真可悲啊你们错过太多乐趣了那是种互相连结与分享的感觉…并知道她们也和你经历过一样的事那你们什么都跟对方说吗?差不多啊你们有没有谈过—夜五次的纪录?你有没有告诉她们那次一夜五次的纪录?甜心,你那次是跟凯萝我知道,我想还是值得一提全身肌肉放松听着叮叮咚咚的音乐好,闭上你的眼睛想一个很愉快的地方告诉我让你快乐的地方是哪里理查德家的客厅,一起喝酒不…不可以跟理查德有关把酒杯放下,快出来对不起,那是让我快乐的地方好,我的快乐地方借你用但别弄乱我会试着不乱动好,你现在在草地上…天上有一片繁星你觉得分手是错误的吗?快乐的地方不准问问题只有和煦的微风和从树上撒下的月光我赌他一定忘了我我打赌他好得很快乐的地方不允许赌博和下注那里只有…美丽的瀑布和缓慢流动着的喷泉还有低声轻语的小溪产生平静的音律好,一点用也没有我还是醒着的而且我得去上厕所我听说…你讨厌我我没说我讨厌你我可是很小心的有一只小鸟告诉我你想扯下手臂,丢到我身上这样你就觉得我讨厌你?你也太断章取义了吧好吧 这种情形,我们得想点策略这是我的主意你和我花点时间,好好相处但是那有什么关系…为了钱德好吧,我加人好!这就叫做…乔伊和珍妮丝的道遥一日游要一整天啊?因为如果你要爱上我得花上一整天是,我知道我睡在你们的隔壁我今天去了邮局寄来的是我订的录影带是帮理查德订的,有关内战的他很喜欢看内战你要不要我们带你回家?带我到遥远的银河去吧女人什么事都说,你知道吗?不,钱德,我是说全部的事你喜欢的东西,她喜欢的东西技巧,精力,腰围腰围?为什么…?她们为何这样做?瑞秋说分享的感觉很棒,而…我们也应该这么做你想要吗?我们不会要讨论腰围吧?好,你先吧好,我先说有天晚上…瑞秋和我在床上讨论彼此的性幻想我就形容了一个画面…星际大战里的…莉亚公主和金色此基尼我知道这倒挺容易的好,换你了好,当你跟一个女人在床上…正在亲热…脑袋里突然出现一些疯狂的念头就像超级名模艾尔或是影印店的那个女孩吗?穿了肚脐环的那个?我知道但是突然之间你忽然想到你妈然后你就想“妈,快走开啦!”但当然这之后你就完全没情没绪了而你正在做的事又不能停止所以你就好像…所以你不知道你妈妈?你是说跟你妈一起?你究竟有什么毛病?你说…我说要分享,不是吓唬人你给我坐到那边去我们回来了你们俩在一起干嘛?乔伊和珍妮丝的道遥一日游真的吗?我们去看纽约大都会的比赛还吃了中国菜你知道的,我爱这个女人你有竞争对手了,兄弟我只是上来亲你一下我得去接孩子了待会儿见,甜心你也是,钱德你还是受不了她,是吗?抱歉,我已尽最大努力了还是谢谢你的努力但是有一点可喜的是…我们整天在一起而我还能存活更了不起的是,她也做到了今天是大都会主场的打击日我想这还蛮了不起的天啊,这可是大事呢现在我知道我可以待在她旁边,表示…我可以和你一起出去…反正这就是我的重点我们在咖啡店停了一下结果遇到罗斯天啊希望这会让你好过点我也会有这种想法真的?当我在做爱时我都会想象“你”妈的样子1861年4月12日美国于山德堡的部队受到炮轰这场炮轰是由于…爸,你怎么来了?你妈今晚打桥牌所以我进城来,抱抱摩妮卡你什么时候开始抽雪茄了?我没有,只是喜欢闻它的味道你来这里真正的目的是什么?我只想确定一下你还好吧我为什么会不好呢?我看到理查德了你还好吗?我很好我只是有点累理查德怎么样了?你不会想知道的我真的很想知道他的情况很糟真的?比他跟芭芭拉分手时还糟你不是故意这么说的吧,那个男人简直一团糟他有没有哭?你觉得他是否等你走后才一个人开始哭?或许吧我想也是宝贝,感情这回事很难说就像我跟你妈大学毕业后我们曾分手一阵子她父亲,就是你祖父,似乎…希望你妈跟他一样到欧洲四处旅行…当然,他是为了美国政府,因为当时他也在猛轰德列车然而好吧,开始罗我是贾霸的囚犯,而你…你脸上的表情好怪怎么了,甜心?有什么问题?我的头发不对吗?还是别的问题?跟你想象的不同,还是…?不是你的问题,是…怎么了?拜托,甜心你快把我吓坏了我恨钱德那个混蛋毁了我的人生

The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy

[Scene Central Perk, the whole gang is entering]

JOEY: I'm tellin' ya that girl totally winked at me.

ALL: Did not, she did not wink at you...(sees that their sacred couch is occupied by strangers).

CHANDLER: Huh. (They all leave, dejected)

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]

ROSS: I have to say Tupolo Honey by Van Morrison.

RACHEL: Nooo Way! The most romantic song ever is The Way We Were.

PHOEBE: See, I-I think that one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on Who's The Boss.

RACHEL: What song was that, Pheebs?

PHOEBE: (singing) Hold me close, young Tony Dan-za.

(Monica enters from her bedroom)

PHOEBE: Hi Monica!

ROSS: Hey Mon!

RACHEL: Hey Mon!

(she just walks straight into the bathroom)

PHOEBE: Oh my God, has she slept at all?

ROSS: Nope.

RACHEL: No, it's been three nights in a row.

ROSS: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so.

PHOEBE: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is coming in from the bedroom]

CHANDLER: Morning.

JOEY: Morning, hey, you made pancakes?

CHANDLER: Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do that.

JANICE: (entering and singing) Monica and Rachel had syrup, now I can get my man to cheer up. (laughs hysterically) Good morning Joey.

JOEY: (sarcastically) Good morning.

CHANDLER: Hey, you know what, here's a thought. Why don't you stay home from work today and just hang out with me.

JANICE: Oh, I wish. Look, honey, you have that report to finish, and I gotta go see my lawyer.

CHANDLER: I can not believe that I am going out with someone that is getting divorced. I'm such a grown up.

JANICE: (laughs) I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss.

CHANDLER: Well, maybe I won't kiss you, and then you'll have to stay.

JOEY: (under his breath) Kiss her! Kiss her!

JANICE: I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye Joey.

JOEY: B-bye Janice. So when ya' dumpin' her.

CHANDLER: Nope, not this time.

JOEY: Come on, quite yankin' me.

CHANDLER: I'm not yanking you.

JOEY: This is Janice.

CHANDLER: Yeah, I know. She makes me happy.

JOEY: Okay. All right. You look me in the eye and tell me, without blinking, that you're not breaking up with her. No blinking.

CHANDLER: (looks him in the eye) I'm not breaking up with her! (they stare at each other for a while, then Joey blows in his face)

[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is entering from the bathroom.]

MONICA: God, look what I found in the drain.

RACHEL: What?!

MONICA: It's some of Richard's hair! (holds it close to Ross) What do I do with this?

ROSS: Getting it away from me would be job one.

MONICA: It's weird, but you know what I don't wanna throw this away. I mean this is like all I have left of him, gross, drain hair. Ooh! (drops it in Ross's cereal)

PHOEBE: Ooh. Oh. It looks like, like a tiny little person drowning in your cereal. (Ross gives her this look, like 'Yeah, doesn't it', and gets up to dump it down the drain.)

MONICA: God, what is wrong with me.

ROSS: You need to get some sleep.

MONICA: I need to get some Richard.

RACHEL: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason.

MONICA: I know, I know. I'm just so tired of-of missing him. I'm tired of wondering why hasn't he called. Why hasn't he called!

PHOEBE: Maybe, because you told him not to.

MONICA: What are you the memory woman?

JOEY: (entering) Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything.

RACHEL: Well, you know I'm not surprised. I mean have you seen them together, they're really cute.

JOEY: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice?

RACHEL: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do?

JOEY: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross?

ROSS: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her.

JOEY: Yeah, we'll call that Plan B. All right?

[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is working and Rachel is reading a book in bed]

RACHEL: (she leans over and kisses him on the cheek) Honey, I was wondering....

ROSS: Hmm?

RACHEL: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform?

ROSS: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place.

RACHEL: Hmm.

ROSS: I think I have an old band uniform from high school.

RACHEL: You remember not having sex in high school, right?

ROSS: Yeah.

RACHEL: Well honey, what about you?

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I mean do you have any fun, you know, fantasy type things?

ROSS: No.

RACHEL: Come on you gotta have one!

ROSS: Nope.

RACHEL: Ross, you know what...

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: ...if you tell me, I might do it.

ROSS: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi?

RACHEL: Yeah.

ROSS: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia.

RACHEL: Oooh!

ROSS: Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing. It was pretty cool.

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there]

PHOEBE: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that.

RACHEL: Really!

PHOEBE: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know.

RACHEL: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing?

PHOEBE: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh!

RACHEL: Really! That-that great huh?

PHOEBE: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate. See ya!

ROSS: (entering with Monica in tow) Hey!

RACHEL: Hi you guys!

ROSS: Look who I found standing outside of the Szechwan Dragon staring at a parking meter.

RACHEL: Mon. Hi!

MONICA: Hi.

RACHEL: Why aren't you at work?

MONICA: Oh, they-they sent me home.

RACHEL: Why?

MONICA: Because I don't work at the Szechwan Dragon.

ROSS: Okay.

RACHEL: You really, really need to get some sleep, honey.

MONICA: I know I do.

ROSS: Hi.

RACHEL: Hi.

ROSS: Guess what?

RACHEL: What?

ROSS: They published my paper.

RACHEL: Oh, really, let me see, let me see.

PHOEBE: Rach, look! (she holds two buns up to her ears to make her hair look like the Princess Leia 'do.) Oh, hi! Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come rescue me. (Ross stands up horrified) There he is.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Wheel of Fortune, the puzzle is showing _oun_ Rush_ore.]

[Chandler enters]

CHANDLER: Hey!

JOEY: Wheel!

CHANDLER: Of!

JOEY: Fortune! This guy is so stupid. (yelling) It's Count Rushmore!!

CHANDLER: You know, you should really go on this show. All right, listen, I got three tickets to the Rangers tonight. What'd ya' say?

JOEY: I say, 'I am there!' Cool! Aw, is Ross going to?

CHANDLER: No, Janice.

JOEY: Jan-ice. 'Cause I, just, I feel bad for Ross, you know, we-we always go together, we're like the three hocke-teers.

CHANDLER: You know, I may be way out on a limb here, but do you, do you, have a problem with Janice?

JOEY: No, Yeeees. God, how do I say this. (walks into the kitchen, Chandler follows closely, he turns around and gets startled). Oh, hi, you know that girl from the Greek restaurant with the hair (holds his hands up to signify she has big hair)?

CHANDLER: Ooh, that girl that I hate, eww, drives me crazy, eww, eww, oh!

JOEY: Look, I don't hate Janice, she's-she's just a lot to take, you know.

CHANDLER: Well, there you go.

JOEY: Oh, hey. Come on man, don't look at me like that, she used to drive you nuts before too, remember?

CHANDLER: Well, I'm crazy about her now. I think this could be the real thing. Capital 'R'! Capital 'T'! (Joey stares at him) Don't worry, those are the right letters.

JOEY: Look, what do you want me to say?

CHANDLER: I want you to say that you like her!

JOEY: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna (grimaces and tenses up) pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her.

CHANDLER: Thanks for trying. (grabs the ticket and starts to leave) Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore!

JOEY: Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain? (Chandler gives him a look like 'You stupid idiot!')

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are entering]

ROSS: How could you have told her?

RACHEL: Ross, I didn't think it would that big of a deal.

ROSS: Oh, she didn't think it would be that big of deal.

RACHEL: Okay, who are you talking to when you do that?

ROSS: Look, that was supposed to be like a private, personal thing between us.

RACHEL: Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay, we tell each other everything. You know, I mean, come on, guys do the same thing, I mean, what about all that locker room stuff.

ROSS: That's different, okay. That's like, uh 'Who dated a stripper?' or 'Who did it on the back of the Staton Island Ferry?'.

RACHEL: Were both of those Joey?

ROSS: Yeah. Look, you don't, you don't talk about like, you know, your girlfriend and the intimate stuff you, you do with her.

RACHEL: Not even with your best friend.

ROSS: Noo!

RACHEL: That is so sad. Your missing out on so much, Ross. I mean, the bonding and the sharing, you know. And-and knowing that someone else is going through the same thing you are.

ROSS: Hmph. So what you, you tell each other everything?

RACHEL: Pretty much.

ROSS: Did you talk about the night of five times? Do you tell people about the night of five times?

RACHEL: Uh, honey, yeah that was with Carol.

ROSS: I know, but it's still worth mentioning, I think.

[Scene: Monica's bedroom, Phoebe is trying to relax her.]

PHOEBE: ( in a soothing voice) Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place.

MONICA: Richard's living room, drinking wine.

PHOEBE: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out!

MONICA: I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.

PHOEBE: Well, okay, fine, use my happy place. Okay, I'm just gonna, I have to ask that you don't move anything.

MONICA: All right, I'll try not to.

PHOEBE: Okay, all right, so, your in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky....

MONICA: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake?

PHOEBE: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees....

MONICA: I'll bet he's totally over me, I'll bet he's fine.

PHOEBE: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook....

MONICA: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I have to pee.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's]

JANICE: So, I hear, you hate me!

JOEY: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that.

JANICE: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me.

JOEY: And you got a 'hate' from that?! Your taking a big leap there...

JANICE: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, we've got to do something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my idea: you and me spending some quality time together.

JOEY: But what does that gonna do...

JANICE: For Chandler!

JOEY: Okay. I'm in.

JANICE: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!'

JOEY: Does it have to be a whole day?

JANICE: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.

JOEY: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel and Monica are entering]

MONICA: (crying) So, I went down to the post office, and it turns out it was those videos that I ordered for Richard about the Civil War. He loved the Civil War.

PHOEBE: Monica, do you want us to take you home?

MONICA: Uh, huh. (to Ross) Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away. (Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe leave)

ROSS: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that?

CHANDLER: Umm, yeah.

ROSS: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth....

CHANDLER: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this?

ROSS: Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna?

CHANDLER: We're not gonna talk about girth are we?

ROSS: Nooo!

CHANDLER: Yeah, okay.

ROSS: Yeah?

CHANDLER: Yeah! All right! You go first.

ROSS: Okay, okay, I'll go first.

CHANDLER: Okay.

ROSS: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing....

CHANDLER: Princess Leia in the gold bikini.

ROSS: Yes!

CHANDLER: I know!

ROSS: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay, you-you go.

CHANDLER: Okay.

ROSS: Okay.

CHANDLER: Okay, you know, you know when your in bed, with a woman.

ROSS: Hmph.

CHANDLER: And, ah, you know, your fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place....

ROSS: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa!

CHANDLER: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And your like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what your doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know...(Ross just stares at him). You don't know!

ROSS: Your Mom, your telling me, your telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you?

CHANDLER: You said...

ROSS: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! (Chandler goes over and sits at a table and puts his head down).

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Janice are returning from their DAY OF FUN!]

JANICE: We're baack!

JOEY: Hey!

CHANDLER: What are you guys doing together?

JANICE: Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!!! (laughs)

CHANDLER: Really.

JOEY: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy.

JANICE: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. (laughs)

CHANDLER: You still can't stand her can you?

JOEY: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did.

CHANDLER: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot.

JOEY: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium.

CHANDLER: Well, I guess that's something.

JOEY: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway.

CHANDLER: Okay.

JOEY: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross.

CHANDLER: Oh God!

JOEY: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too.

CHANDLER: Really?

JOEY: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex.

[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, Monica is watching the Civil War videos]

VIDEO: April Twelve, Eighteen hundred, Sixty-One (Monica lights Richard's cigar butt), 4:30 A.M. on Tuesday, the United States garrison at Fort Sumter was fired upon (knock on door) it is now under bombardment by....

(Monica answers the door)

MONICA: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here?

MR. GELLER: Well, it's your mother's bridge night so I thought that I would come into the city for a little Monicuddle. (hugs her) Since when did you start smoking cigars?

MONICA: I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them. So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad?

MR. GELLER: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

MONICA: What makes you think that I might not be okay?

MR. GELLER: I saw Richard.

MONICA: Oh.

MR. GELLER: So, how are you doing?

MONICA: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing?

MR. GELLER: You don't wanna know.

MONICA: No, I really, really do.

MR. GELLER: Well, he's doing terrible!

MONICA: Really!

MR. GELLER: Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.

MONICA: You're not just saying that are you?

MR. GELLER: No, the man is a mess.

MONICA: Was he crying?

MR. GELLER: No.

MONICA: Well, do you think he was waiting 'til after you left, so he could cry?

MR. GELLER: Maybe.

MONICA: I think so.

MR. GELLER: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me. You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while. It seems her Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel, because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time. However, (turns around and sees that Monica is sleeping and puts a blanket around her, kisses her, picks up the cigar, and starts watching the video)

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Ross's bedroom, Ross is humming the Star Wars theme. Rachel enters, with her hair done up like Princess Leia's, and wearing a belly dancer's outfit, to simulate the gold bikini thing.]

RACHEL: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What?

ROSS: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's (turns and sees his Mom standing where Rachel is)

MRS. GELLER: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, your like, freaking me out here.

ROSS: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life. (Rachel starts looking around and down, with a 'What the hell is going on?' look on her face.)

END

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