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老友记第三季The One Where No-one Ready

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好,他们有水,柳橙汁这个看起来像苹果汁喝喝看吧对,这是一杯油我喝了油我知道,两分钟前我才喝过的穿燕尾服的先生你怎么还没换衣服?还有半小时那是四分钟前的事我们必须在七点四十出门放心,我们会准备好的我们只要两分钟就着装完毕若你现在就换好,我会高兴点好好看看你,多性感啊真的吗?你怎么不早点过来?因为我真是笨得要命罗斯,要不要来点苹果汁?不要你快准备好了吧妆化好了,头发梳好了我只要换衣服就好了大概只要6或7分钟吧是啊,只要我决定好要穿什么要不要喝点油?怎么了?你是不是因为要演讲而紧张?不是你要不要听听看?里面有提到我吗?等我感谢完所有捐钱给博物馆的人我就唱一首歌歌颂乔伊的伟大嗨,你看起来真棒谢谢你虽然我已经知道了看到没?这个人准备好,可以出发了菲比,你…你真是我的偶像啊那你就是我的幸运铜板好吧,我做了心理测验结果是我认为男人比事业重要起来什么?-你坐在我的位子上-为何这是你的位子?因为我刚才坐在这里但是你离开了拜托,我又不是去多远的地方我是去厕所你明知道我会回来的那有什么大不了的去坐别的地方嘛真正大不了的就是我是最后坐在这里的人所以这是我的位子事实上,你最后坐的地方就是那里,所以…各位,你们知道嘛?那个一点都不重要你们俩都必须在我脑血管爆掉前换好衣服我只要再做一件事这真的没什么大不了起来!菲比,你看起来好美好啦,早知道了你要变魔术吗?真好笑,给我换衣服去慢点,我才刚进门我才不管晚会八点开始,我们不能迟到他不能等,也不愿意等我们的桌子在前方我老板也会在那儿若晚会开始后我们才进场大家都看得到有人喝过我这一杯油吗?这像是古生物学家的女友会穿的衣服吗?我不知道你大概是首开先例吧瑞秋,你听答录机留言了吗?没有等等,这件衣服会显得我小腿很粗,算了乔伊,我今天写了一首歌歌名叫做“起来”好啦,椅子给你啦真的?天啊,你看看这个是我,我正要过去若你播出这则留言时我已经到了呢?是不是很诡异?瑞秋,你在不在?是我,快接起来瑞秋…?干嘛?没事摩妮卡,我是理查德打电话给我这则留言是新的还是旧的?新的还是旧的…?绝对是旧的你没听到两声哔吗?若是新的怎么办?我们说好不联络的可能有重要的事我该不该回电话?甜心,你已经打过了这是旧的留言是的你听当卡萝与我分手时我也经历一样的事你知道我怎么做吗?我去换好衣服快快快这就对了…你知道吗?别起来了就坐在那里吧只希望你别介意我的手放在这里没碰到,不能生气我的天啊你们这些坏孩子我该怎么办?别乱抹有什么可以去除豆泥?摩妮卡!有什么可以去除豆泥?如果那个留言是新的他到底打来说什么?好,谢谢,我会试试看的说不定他打来说你执迷不悟而且太疯狂我该不该回电话给他?不!-很好,我们一起坐在椅子上-随便啊我好舒服啊我也是事实上,我可能有点太舒服了好,我们有19分钟钱德,我要你去换衣服等你回来后,乔伊去换衣服他就会把椅子空出来-好-好的好,我要走了等我回来后这里就是椅子王国,而我是…坐在椅子上的那个人!这是不是有点太…菲比,怎么回事?我沾到豆泥了甜心,我们会找出衣服给你,你要不要穿我的黑外套?这样跟洋装就不能搭配了没错来吧我们把衣服换掉不…可别换掉千万别把衣服脱掉,菲比可以借你的绿洋装穿吗?我打给他了对,我进入他的答录机然后我留言了不过没关系…因为那是个随兴、轻松的留言很轻松天啊,若听起来并不轻松该怎么办?怎么可能不轻松?不会,这里是个轻松的地方我知道了,我播出我的留言你们再告诉我是否轻松你怎么可能那样做?我知道他答录机的密码好,摩妮卡我不认为现在应该…好,你在拨号了…我是理查德请在哔声后留言你有两个新讯息真是个好工作 “你有两个新讯息”“请把派递给我”我是摩妮卡我只是想确定一下我有一通留言不知道是新的还是旧的所以,我只是问问看告诉我吧或者不告诉我,都可以我很轻松你不能说“我很轻松”这样就不轻松了嘛你好啊,是我打电话给我谈谈周末的计划,好吗?看,她听起来就很轻松他开始约会了我真不敢相信他开始约会-你又不知道那个是谁,-那么那是谁的声音说不定是他妹妹的说不定是他女儿的蜜雪儿,一定是了!听起来像蜜雪儿吗?太好了,开始下雨了这样计程车又更难叫了是蜜雪儿绝对是蜜雪儿去试穿摩妮卡的绿洋装不适合就穿我的灰色丝质洋装那我要穿那件?你还不知道自己要穿什么?今晚是你的大日子我只是希望自己好看一点是啊,而我们在12分钟内必须出门来吧,我帮你选衣服你看到了,我全换好了而我呢,也发现你什么都还没换所以,套小熊维尼作者的话“离开我的椅子,驴蛋!”好吧-你在干什么?-你叫我离开椅子啊你又没说不能带走椅垫但椅垫是椅子的精华!没错,我要带走精华他会回来的这里什么人也没有对不起,我觉得这样很美这是万圣节服装除非你要我穿的像小牧羊女一样?若没有那只可充气的羊我还真认不出来是啊,对了,钱德我最近想要一只回来瑞秋,很好啊这件是不是很适合我?太棒了!但是不适合今晚当然不适合今晚不适合今晚,那你穿它干嘛!对不起,不是故意的。我爱你…深呼吸我们去露营时把它们当枕头什么?那些羊啊你的闲暇时间在干嘛…我的内裤呢?拜托,你拿了他的内裤?他拿走我的精华啊好,等等,你干嘛不穿你身上的内裤?因为我现在根本没有穿内裤那你今晚为何要穿内裤?因为这燕尾服是用租的我不想没穿内裤就穿别人的衣服那有人就得把椅垫还给别人好,你把我衣服藏起来我要做一件完全相反的事什么?难道你要给我看我的衣服吗?嘿,相反的!就是相反的事他什么都没有好,我准备好了瑞秋那儿没有我喜欢的除了这个圣诞彩带我想,好吧那我就政治化一点罗-那你在支持什么?-当然是耶诞节我无所谓,已经搞定两个了我还有整整12分钟什么?我的表停了我的表,好,你看…这个恐龙指针的尾巴不动了现在几点?已经7点33分我还有7分钟我还有7分钟黑色的还是紫色的?随便挑一双,好吗?好啦,黑色的你有没有黑色的然后有细带子的?有,不过那种适合配裤子或者我该穿裤子对了,穿裤子是好主意或者不要穿裤子更好我不知道你在做什么但是你快进去…找出随便一双可以穿的鞋子我不管它是否搭配我不管它是否会…让你的脚踝,膝盖,或耳垂看起来胖胖的,快去吧进去房间里,挑出要穿的然后我们就可以走了-好吧-谢谢我要打给蜜雪儿确定那是她的声音,抱歉没错,那就是她的声音摩妮卡,我想你又开始偏执了 (西班牙语)喂?好,那是她的声音,对吗?绝对是,对啊这样就解决啦我们的危险解除啦我要去换衣服了我来接你好,摩妮卡与瑞秋的家好,请稍等请问您是哪位?是蜜雪儿她一定有来电显示功能你也该去装一个蜜雪儿?对,就是我我不小心拨了你的电话只要试着…你真的好贴心是啊,我们是一对很好的情侣我知道,我真的很想他你了解的你知道奇怪的是什么?唐老鸭从来不穿裤子但是当他洗完澡出来…他总是在腰间围上一条毛巾我是说,那算什么?蜜雪儿,我只是进入信箱来听我自己的留言那样总可以吧我真的希望你别告诉你爸…你说你不高兴是什么意思?我们是朋友呢那个小婊子根本就讨厌我我要再打给她-别别别!-好吧她房间里有电话吧?好,我们来处理吧我知道单子上写“打领带与否,自行决定”但你这样好象过于随便了?我不去了你不去了?不,我想更新我的通讯录你怎么可以不去呢?我就是不去了我想这样就表明了“我不去”的意思我只是好奇…自从你在我朋友面前羞辱我,又对我大吼我就没有情绪去参加什么博物馆的慈善会了好…天啊,很抱歉我对你大吼大叫,对不起-没关系,-可是你在生气我没有生气,我只是不去了你不去?你知道我一定要去吧?那这样会不会变成我在你难过时离你而去?不我对你大吼,你不难过?对,还包括你的羞辱当然罗,还有羞辱那么我们之间没问题?恩我们之间没问题?把电话放下她已经开始换衣服了我居然因此而兴奋我是不是有问题?好啦,兄弟,就是这样啦你把我衣服藏起来我就把你所有的衣服穿上天啊!这算什么相反的事!我把你的内裤藏起来你就这样干?你看看我,我是钱德我还能再多穿一件衣服吗?或许我不该不穿内裤的…穿这么多真是热死我了我最好别再做些运动…像是蹲马步之类的够了,别再蹲马步了我快被烦死了我真的已经受够了你们两个都不准参加晚会天啊,真幼稚你干嘛破坏一切我正要去换衣服了那个唯一我会在乎她是否换好衣服的人却是那个不肯去的人瑞秋,我很抱歉,好吗?我真是个混球抱歉对你大吼,我希望你能去我需要你去要怎样做才能证明我有多希望你去?你可以把那杯油喝掉欢迎你进人大人的谈话世界不,等一下…听起来挺有意思的什么?我想你应该把那杯油喝掉好,若这样就能证明你对我有多重要…以及我多希望你能去那我就愿意去做我帮你换一个杯子这一杯放好久了我想这样可以了好吧,香草奶昔只不过是香草奶昔…只不过有鸡肉的碎屑浮着干杯!不,不要!好吧,我去就是了…你肯去?你真的会那么做,对吧?是啊你真的愿意喝下那些油?我们来看看他还能做什么不如你现在去换衣服你把他的内裤还给他我来叫计程车我要大家在两分钟内下楼摩妮卡别做了别再做了罗斯去叫计程车了那么我们…?别!摩妮卡你在干什么!我是理查德你有三个新讯息再也没有了讯息已删除请在哔声后留言你好,理查德,我是摩妮卡我今晚做了一件很疯狂的事或许我“那个”快来了我也不晓得反正我进入你的答录机然后听到一个留言…快把我搞疯了其它的蜜雪儿会告诉你我很抱歉我希望你忘了这整件事你的主人留言已经更改主人留言?他刚刚是说主人留言?不是主人留言你好,理查德,我是摩妮卡我今晚做了一件疯狂的事或许我“那个”快来了我也不晓得你是怎么做的?我不知道!再见好,我叫到两辆计程车但没人下来!或许我们可以叫电话公司改掉那个留言?他们可以把他的电话号码改掉我想经过这件事他会自己处理了瑞秋!瑞秋!而我还剩下五秒钟这样大概花掉七秒钟所以我们迟了一点走吧走吧什么事?我里面也没穿…盖勒博士?我是伦敦来的雪曼惠菲很荣幸见到你你的前白垩纪化石报告写得真不错是的,你再次验证了我以前写的东西对不起你好什么事?你好像坐在我的位子上什么意思?你的位子?我是说,我本来坐在这里但是你来了可是我没有离开这个房间但是你离开椅子了好吧,就这样把你的内裤给我

The One Where No-one's Ready

[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet]

JOEY: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a glass from the fridge.)

CHANDLER: Taste it.

JOEY: (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!

CHANDLER: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.

ROSS: (entering) Hey!

CHANDLER: Hey, mister tux!

ROSS: Why aren't you guys dressed?

JOEY: We have a half hour.

ROSS: No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at twenty to eight.

JOEY: Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.

ROSS: Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.

CHANDLER and JOEY: Okay. (they don't move)

RACHEL: (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.

ROSS: Really.

RACHEL: Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi.

ROSS: Hi.

RACHEL: How come you didn't come over earlier?

ROSS: 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man.

JOEY: Hey, Ross, want some cider?

ROSS: No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see your pretty close, huh. Make-up's on, hair's done.

RACHEL: Yeah, I just have to get dressed.

ROSS: Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.

RACHEL: Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm wearing.

JOEY: Glass of fat?

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting nervous]

JOEY: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?

ROSS: No! Do you wanna hear it?

JOEY: Am I in it?

ROSS: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.

PHOEBE: (entering) Hello.

ROSS: Hey!

JOEY: Whoa!

ROSS: Wow, hello! You look great!

PHOEBE: Thank you! I know, though.

ROSS: You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my star.

PHOEBE: Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny.

CHANDLER: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.

JOEY: What?

CHANDLER: You're in my seat.

JOEY: How is this your seat?

CHANDLER: 'Cause I was sitting there.

JOEY: But then you left.

CHANDLER: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.

JOEY: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.

CHANDLER: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.

JOEY: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the bathroom). Soo...

ROSS: You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..

CHANDLER: All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!

MONICA: (entering) Hi.

ALL: Hey.

MONICA: Ooh, Phoebe, you look great!

PHOEBE: All right all ready.

MONICA: (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic?

ROSS: That's, that's funny. Change!

MONICA: Hang on a second I just got in.

ROSS: Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.

PHOEBE: We could not, would not want to wait.

ROSS: Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone will see if we arrive after it starts.

MONICA: Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)

RACHEL: (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?

PHOEBE: I don't know, you might be the first one.

MONICA: Rach, did you check the machine?

RACHEL: Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look fat. Nevermind.

CHANDLER: Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up.

JOEY: All right! You can have the chair.

CHANDLER: Really!

JOEY: Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)

PHOEBE: (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?

ROSS: (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel. Rach!"

RACHEL: (entering from her bedroom) What?!

ROSS: Nevermind.

RICHARD: (on machine) "Monica, it's Richard. Call me."

MONICA: Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?!

ROSS: It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?

MONICA: What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?

CHANDLER: Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old.

ROSS: Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the same thing. And you know what I did?

MONICA: Huh?

ROSS: I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we go, there we go.

CHANDLER: You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)

PHOEBE: Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys!

CHANDLER and JOEY: Sorry Phoebe.

JOEY: I'm so sorry.

PHOEBE: What am I gonna do?

ROSS: No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What gets out hummus?!

PHOEBE: Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.

MONICA: If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?

PHOEBE: Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.

CHANDLER: Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.

MONICA: So, should I call him back?

THE GUYS: Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room and stops) NO!

CHANDLER: All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.

JOEY: Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.

CHANDLER: All right! (jumps up)

ROSS: Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated the chair. Okay. Okay.

CHANDLER: All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)

RACHEL: (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what happened?

PHOEBE: Hummus. I got the hummus.

RACHEL: Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black jacket?

PHOEBE: That won't go with this dress though.

RACHEL: No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of that. Come on.

ROSS: No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes.

RACHEL: Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress?

MONICA: I called him.

ALL: Nooo.

MONICA: Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God, what if it wasn't breezy?

PHOEBE: Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a breezy place.

MONICA: Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me if it's breezy enough.

JOEY: Monica, how are you gonna do that?

MONICA: I know the code to his answering machine.

ROSS: Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are dialing.

(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who gets the chair and Joey wins)

RICHARD: (on machine) "Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a message at the tone."

MACHINE: "You have two new messages."

JOEY: Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.' 'Please, pass the pie.'

MONICA: (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."

JOEY: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.

WOMAN'S VOICE: (on machine) Hola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay.

JOEY: Now she sounded breezy.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier]

MONICA: He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone.

PHOEBE: Monica, you don't know that.

MONICA: Well, who's voice was that?

CHANDLER: Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's.

MONICA: Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle?

ROSS: Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.

MONICA: It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.

RACHEL: Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!

ROSS: You don't, you don't know what your wearing?

RACHEL: Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.

ROSS: Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right, come on, I'll just pick something out for you.

CHANDLER: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"

JOEY: Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)

CHANDLER: What are you doing?

JOEY: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.

CHANDLER: The cushions are the essence of the chair!

JOEY: That's right! I'm taking the essence.

CHANDLER: Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.

ROSS: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.

RACHEL: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.

ROSS: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.

RACHEL: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.

PHOEBE: Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another dress on a hanger around her neck)

RACHEL: Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.

PHOEBE: Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi!

ROSS: Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing?

RACHEL: No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you.

CHANDLER: We used them as pillows when we went camping.

ROSS: What?

CHANDLER: (shyly) The sheep.

ROSS: Hey, what you do on your own time...

JOEY: (entering) Where's my underwear?!

ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?

CHANDLER: He took my essence!

ROSS: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?

JOEY: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.

ROSS: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?

JOEY: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.

CHANDLER: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.

JOEY: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.

CHANDLER: What are you, what are you gonna show me my clothes?

JOEY: Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)

CHANDLER: He's got nothing!

PHOEBE: (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay, I'm ready.

ROSS and CHANDLER: Oh, aaaah!

PHOEBE: Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'

CHANDLER: What are you supporting?

PHOEBE: Duh!! Christmas!

ROSS: Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!

RACHEL: (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The black or the purple?

ROSS: Just, just, just pick one!

PHOEBE: Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little strappys?

RACHEL: Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear pants?

ROSS: Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match. I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.

RACHEL: But I...

ROSS: No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go.

RACHEL: All right.

ROSS: Thank you!

MONICA: (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to.

ROSS: It was, it was her voice.

CHANDLER: Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place.

MICHELLE: Hola! Hello. Hello?

MONICA: Okay. That was her right?

PHOEBE: Definitely.

MONICA: See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now.

ROSS: Yay!

(phone rings)

PHOEBE: I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah, just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that.

MONICA: (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....

CHANDLER: (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

MONICA: (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.

ROSS: No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

MONICA: Okay, fine. (runs to her room)

CHANDLER: They got a phone in there, right?

PHOEBE: Okay, we're on it. We're on it.

(Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt)

ROSS: Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a little, um.

RACHEL: I'm not gonna gooo.

ROSS: You're not going to go.

RACHEL: No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence.

ROSS: How, how, um how can you not be going?

RACHEL: I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will accomplish the not going.

ROSS: Um, you know, just out of curiosity...

RACHEL: Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.

ROSS: Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled.

RACHEL: It's fine.

ROSS: No, but, your-your mad.

RACHEL: I'm not mad.

ROSS: No.

RACHEL: I'm just not going.

ROSS: Your not going.

RACHEL: Right.

ROSS: Okay. You know that I-I have to go.

RACHEL: Um, hum.

ROSS: Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while your upset.'

RACHEL: No.

ROSS: No, because your not upset.

RACHEL: Right.

ROSS: About the yelling.

RACHEL: Right, and the humiliating.

ROSS: Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay.

RACHEL: Um, hum.

ROSS: We're good.

RACHEL: Right.

ROSS: Okay. Honey?

RACHEL: Yes, Ross. (turns toward him)

ROSS: I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.)

PHOEBE: (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.

CHANDLER: Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?

(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)

JOEY: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.

CHANDLER: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!!

JOEY: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...

CHANDLER: Oooo-ooh!

JOEY: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)

ROSS: Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!

CHANDLER: Jeez, what a baby.

JOEY: Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed.

ROSS: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.

JOEY: You could drink the fat.

ROSS: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.

RACHEL: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I think you should drink the fat.

JOEY: Yaaaay!

ROSS: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.

PHOEBE: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out.

ROSS: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just before he starts drinking)

RACHEL: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go!

ROSS: You will?!

RACHEL: You were really gonna do that, weren't you?

ROSS: Well, yeah.

RACHEL: You were gonna drink the fat.

JOEY: Let's see what else he'll do!

ROSS: (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!

(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)

CHANDLER: Stop it. Stop it!

(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)

PHOEBE: Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No, Monica, no!

RICHARD: (on machine) Hi, this is Richard.

MACHINE: You have three new messages.

MONICA: Not any more!

MACHINE: Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.

MONICA: Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.



MACHINE: Your outgoing message has now been changed.

MONICA: Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!!

MONICA: (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know." Nooo!!

PHOEBE: How did you do that?

MONICA: I don't know!

MACHINE: Good-bye.

MONICA: Noooo!!!!

ROSS: (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!

MONICA: Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message. Maybe they can change his number.

PHOEBE: Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.

ROSS: Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!

RACHEL: And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was about seven seconds.

ROSS: So we're a little late.

RACHEL: Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I'm going commando, too.

ROSS: Awwww!!!

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: At the banquet]

SHERMAN WHITFIELD: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.

ROSS: Wow! What a pleasure.

WHITFIELD: (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.

CHANDLER: Excuse me. Hi.

WHITFIELD: Yes?

CHANDLER: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat.

WHITFIELD: What do you mean, your seat?

CHANDLER: I mean, I was sitting there.

WHITFIELD: But, you got up!

CHANDLER: But, I never left the room!

WHITFIELD: But, you left the chair area.

CHANDLER: All right, that's it, give me your underwear.

END

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