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老友记第三季The One With The Giant Poking Device

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菲比,来谁要吃我的特制布朗尼?我要一块算了,不要了不是,是我牙痛好,我要一块你要找牙医吗?我认识一个好医生谢了,我也认识一个。只是我不能见他这就是隐形牙医的问题你为什么不能去找他?因为我每次去看牙医,就会有人死真诡异,我每次去看牙医都会偷看医生的胸口第一次是玛丽阿姨然后是我的邮差约翰然后是我的牛仔朋友艾拜诺巴伯这些人真的都死了?对,当我坐在诊疗椅上时所以我都自己保健牙齿,不是为了口腔卫生我用牙线是为了救人拜托,你没有杀人只是这些人死的时候,你刚好去看牙医这只是巧合你去告诉他们。啊,不行,他们死了阿甘,谢了可以给一张纸巾吗?你还不够称心如意吗?你痛得很厉害,去看牙医吧好,但如果你是下一名受害者别化身成厉鬼跑回来把我吸进电视里保证不会但还是欢迎你来找我钱德在吗?不在乔伊看到珍妮丝亲她的前夫什么?你要怎么办?要怎么告诉钱德?我一直在想这件事。最好的办法就是…不要说乔伊,既然你知道了就得告诉他那他就完了,真的完了等我去看牙医吧,或许我会让他完了丑裸男在睡吊床。好像猪肉工厂喔我要去看牙医了,听我说小心会让你们掉进去的东西或是会掉下来的东西或是…总之要小心我还想要…我只想告诉你们…我有一个麻烦。我得去忙上几个小时有一些小孩大闹智人展览(与同性恋同字)怎么个闹法?他们涂改了标题然后又把人偶重新排列。这个就不说了要我帮你照顾班吗?我正要拜托你,谢谢等一下,让我来如何?你!你想照顾班?太好了!我拜托摩妮卡是因为…她的生活很空虚我有个科学问题如果智人真的是“同志”人所以才会绝种吗?乔伊,智人就是人我没有批评的意思小班,你看,汤匙汤匙我看他觉得很无聊来,要不要玩坐飞机?要不要玩给瑞秋看?过来你想玩好玩的?好你最勇敢了,最最勇敢了没事了他没事,把他放下宝贝,过来,你好乖你怎么可以撞到他?罗斯很信任我,他会怎么说?不会的,我们不会告诉他不会吗?不会这样好你没事,你没事对吧?不,你有事,这里肿起来了什么肿起来?天哪,把它压下去我不能把它压下去好,我们得分散注意力。 好就是这样,好我知道了罗斯一走进来你就拉他进房间使出浑身解数让他快活或者……我们也可以帮他戴帽子帽子!没错,我们需要帽子。要去哪里找小帽子?我去拿雨天小熊因为他有办法?天哪,你真是天才好像缝死了拿来……好今天这里真是血腥啊等一下…你觉得这串珍珠漂亮吗?我比较喜欢登山车珍妮丝的生日快到了。我想送她特别的礼物陪我进去 慢着你想来点特别的?送花嘛送糖,送口香糖。女生都喜欢口香糖好主意,“亲爱的珍妮丝祝你生日快乐得冒泡”我想送一份严肃的礼物你要严肃的东西知道吗?你应该送…灌肠剂那个严肃得要命我要进去你以后不要送东西给我不行!你不能送她珍珠项链不行,不行,不行为什么不行?天哪是这样的是这样的…是怎样?好我那天去床垫大王的卖场看到珍妮丝在亲她的前夫什么?他们在他的办公室里她不会亲他的,她跟我在一起是真的,我亲眼看到你看错了,你错了我没有看错我巴不得我看错了对不起现在觉得送灌肠剂不错吧?穿整套比较不奇怪也免得帽子太显眼你们还活着我不是保证过没有人会死?待会就知道了借我打电话给我认识的人你用吧,我们没钱,请便喂,你没死!再见!摩妮卡天哪,他叫我的名字你听到了吗?摩妮卡,砰我听到了他是不是说“摩妮卡,砰”?天哪,他要告我的密摩妮卡,砰小乖乖,你不能再说了没什么大不了的根本不值得一提懂吗?我们经常撞来撞去懂吗?看我的摩妮卡,砰,大家,砰班,砰瑞秋,砰砰,瑞秋,砰很好玩吧,你看!大家都在砰我不撞了你还好吗?如果不是床头板,根本不值得我的小宾宾好吗?我不知道你说呢?你有话要对我说吗?因为要是你…你应该你会告诉我你为什么瞪着眼睛?你说呢?也许是因为我和旧情人搞在一起不不不,不不不,那是你我的天很好,你怎么知道乔伊说的,他看到你们接吻在公园里?不是,在他的办公室你们亲了几次?就那两次为什么?…为什么接吻?你们不该接吻的对不起,我非常非常…我非常…抱歉,我只是…其实是…我喘不过气来可以给我一个袋子吗?拿去是收据给我听着,我一定要知道你跟我结束了吗?你跟他结束了吗?你还爱他?你还爱我?好,听我说我需要明确的答案,好吗?你选哪一个?他还是我?我不知道要是你还活着,请接电话班,我不会告诉爸爸你在晚餐前吃冰你也不能说出那个小小的意外第一,班应该不懂什么是贿赂第二,我怎么了?你说“第二”我也说了第一我知道大家好我的乖儿子好不好?他好得很,对吧班他好得不得了你们带他去捕鲸吗?摩妮卡天哪,他说了你的名字太棒了,干得好摩妮卡,砰没错那就是我爆炸的声音诅咒解除了我联络了所有认识的人大家都活着丑裸男一动也不动天哪,我又杀了一个人诅咒变强了那么胖的人也害得死也许他只是在睡觉错不了的他从早上开始就没动过我们应该求援说我们在偷窥的裸男不动了?我们得弄清楚他的死活怎么弄清楚?根本没办法有一个办法他的窗子开着,我建议…我们戳他我们每次叫中国菜都会留筷子又不知道为什么现在有用了怎么用?我们要做一个很长的探测器好你怎么了?我跟珍妮丝谈过了天哪,她要回到他身边吗?她不知道她说她两个都爱早上醒来时,我在恋爱我很快乐那十二个保险套买得绝不冤枉现在连退都不能退因为收据被她咬烂了你要怎么办?不知道你会怎么办?我的做法不重要别这样…说嘛好吧……这种话你八成不爱听,但是…如果是我…这纯属个人意见我会退出什么?你在说什么?他们有一个孩子你懂吗?他们是一家人要是…我不晓得要是他们有机会破镜重圆我不会想当那个障碍你还好吧?要不要来戳裸男?他终于睡着了他头上那个肿包…你确定那是新的?我没有恶意但我一直觉得他满头是包撞到头也没关系小孩子经常撞到头你第一次照顾他已经尽力了我有尽力我知道不过你得随时盯着我有,我盯得很紧我眼睁睁看着摩妮卡撞到他的头是摩妮卡撞的?摩妮卡,你有没有发现班今天怪怪的?没有,怎么了?我刚才在陪他玩我们唱了“字母歌”他一向很会唱今天却漏了E和F彷佛那两个字母掉出来了真的?还有,他走起路来不太对劲似乎左脚动得此右脚快他一直在里面…天哪,我害了你的儿子希望你下了地狱还会觉得好玩混蛋你明知我有多爱他!摩妮卡,砰,摩妮卡,砰我去拿帽子我有一件事要告诉你请你让我说完因为要说出口并不容易我觉得你应该回到盖瑞身边我不想当拆散家庭的人我的父母分手都是那个男人害的每次见到他,我都会想 “是你害他们不能在一起的”我恨那个人不管他人有多好还给我爸带来幸福这么做是不对的你说得对天哪,在我说再见之前有件事我一定要你知道我对你的感觉…让我终于了解莱诺李奇曲中的含意我们的一切就像演电影一样你是我的精神伴侣我们居然无法厮守到老那就不要离开我什么?忘了我说的话我是随便说说,选我吧不,你说得对我应该再给婚姻一次机会谁说的?不,你应该再给离婚一次机会对不起不要走不,我该走了亲爱的……大家都在看我不在乎我不在乎好了我要走了你走不了,我拿了你的鞋子再见,钱德宾瑞秋有一双紫红色的记住,这么大又长的东西很难操作幸好我有这方面的经验专心一点好吗?一个裸男的性命岌岌可危他一定已经死了我们会戳到一个死胖子各位先生、女士,戳吧稳着点慢慢来再高一点注意角度好…靠近窗户了把探针伸进去他还活着…而我们还在戳他收回探测器、他好像不太爽轮他亮出“探针”了兄弟,你绝对伸不过来的我会紧紧拥你在怀里我无法抵挡你的魅力爱人啊爱人我愿为你做尽傻事毋庸置疑你知道我并不介意我并不介意是的你就是我的全世界我知道在你身上我已找到无尽的爱

The One With The Giant Poking Device

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there, Rachel is serving brownies.]

Rachel: Here you go Pheebs. Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?

Chandler: I will have one. (Ross and him both take one.)

(Phoebe takes a bite and spits it out and screams.)

Chandler: Okay, I抦 not gonna have one.

Ross: Neither will I. (they both put back the brownies.)

Phoebe: No, no, it抯 just my tooth.

Chandler: All right I抣l have one. (he and Ross take another brownie,)

Ross: So what抯 a matter, you need a dentist? I抳e got a good one.

Phoebe: No thanks, I have a good one too. I just, I, I can抰 see him.

Chandler: See that is the problem with invisible dentists.

Ross: Why? Why can抰 you go to him?

Phoebe: Because, every time I go to the dentist, somebody dies.

Chandler: That is so weird, because every time I go to the dentist, I look down the hygienist抯 blouse.

Rachel: Phoebe, what? Umm...what?!

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, first there was my aunt Mary, and then there was umm, John, my mailman, and then my, my cowboy friend 慉lbino Bob?

Rachel: And all these people actually died?

Phoebe: Yes, while I was in the chair! That抯 why I take such good care of my teeth now, y'know, it抯 not about oral hygiene, I floss to save lives!

Ross: Pheebs, come on, you didn抰 kill anybody, these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist. It抯, it抯, it抯 just ah, a coincidence.

Phoebe: Well tell that to them. Oh! You can抰, their dead.


OPENING CREDITS


[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]

Ross: Thanks, Gunther. (takes the plate Gunther serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him) (to Rachel) Hey! (to Gunther) Umm, can I get a napkin too?

Gunther: Oh, like you don抰 already have everything.

Phoebe: (trying to bite into an apple) Ow! Ow! (drops the apple in disgust.)

Rachel: Phoebe, your in pain, would you just go to the dentist, just go.

Phoebe: All right, fine, fine, but if you抮e my next victim, don抰 come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.

Rachel: I promise.

Phoebe: Although, don抰 feel like you can抰 visit.

Joey: (entering with Monica) Hey, is, is, is Chandler here?

Ross: (patting his clothes like he is looking for his wallet) No, no he抯 not.

Monica: You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.

Ross: What? (to Joey) So what are you going to do? I mean how, how are you going to tell Chandler?

Joey: Well, I was thinking about that and I, I think the best way would be, to not.

Rachel: Joey, you can抰 keep this to yourself, if you know about this, you have to tell him.

Joey: It抣l kill him. I mean it抣l, it抣l just kill him.

Phoebe: Well, you could wait 憈il I go to the dentist, maybe I抣l kill him.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, All are there except for Chandler.]

Joey: (looking out the window) Ewww! Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock. It抯 like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.

Phoebe: Well, I抦 going to the dentist, so listen, okay, just be on the look out for anything that, that, that you can fall into, or, or that can fall on you, or... All right, just look out! Okay, And um, I also just wanna, I just wanna tell you all that um...... (starts to cry and runs out)

Ross: Okay, I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours, some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.

Joey: What did they do?

Ross: Well, they painted over the word 慡apien?for one thing, then they rearranged the figures, let抯 just leave it at that.

Monica: So, do you want me to watch Ben for you?

Ross: Yes, that抯 what I was going to ask, thank you.

Rachel: Whoa! Wait! Hello! What about me?

Ross: You? You! Want to watch Ben? (in the background Monica mouths 慏on抰 worry, I抣l be here the whole time.?to Ross.) Yes! That抎 be great, no, I just wanted to ask Monica, because I know how empty her life is. (Monica sarcastically mouths 慪eah!?and holds up her thumb.)

Joey: Hey-hey, Ross?

Ross: Yeah.

Joey: I抳e got a science question.

Ross: Hmm?

Joey: If the Homo Sapiens, were in fact 慔omo-sapien? is that why there extinct?

Ross: Joey, Homo Sapiens are people.

Joey: Hey-hey, I抦 not judging.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are babysitting Ben.]

Rachel: (holding Ben) Look Benny, spoon. (moves it back and forth) Spoon. Come on! All right, y'know what I think he抯 bored.

Monica: Here. Ben, do you wanna play the airplane game, do you wanna show Rachel? Come here. (takes Ben) We抮e gonna do something fun. Okay. (throws Ben up in the air a little bit and catches him) Weee!! (moves into the living room and does it again) Weee!! (starts to walk back into the kitchen as she does it again, and hits Ben抯 head on that wooden beam across the ceiling.)

[cut to later]

Monica: (to Ben) Who抯 so brave, you抮e so brave, yes you are, you抮e so brave.

Rachel: Okay. Okay honey, he抯 fine, he抯 fine, let抯 just put him down. Come here, Ben. (sets him on the couch) See that抯 a good boy. (to Monica) How could you do that to him!! Ross trusted me, what is he going to say?!

Monica: He抯 not gonna say anything, because we抮e not gonna tell him.

Rachel: We抮e not?!

Monica: No we抮e not.

Rachel: All right, I like that.

Monica: Okay.

Rachel: So we抮e okay, we抮e okay, we抮e okay, (starts to exam Ben) aren抰 we? No, we抮e not okay, we抮e not okay, there抯 a bump, there抯 a bump.

Monica: Oh my God! Well push it in! Push it in!

Rachel: I cannot push it in!

Monica: Okay, we抮e gonna need a distraction.

Rachel: Okay, okay, okay.

Monica: I got it!

Rachel: Okay.

Monica: The second that Ross walks in that door, I want you take him back to your bedroom and do whatever it is that you do that makes him go, (high pitched) rweee!!

Rachel: Or. We could put a hat on his head.

Monica: A hat! Yes! We need a hat.

Rachel: We need a hat..

Monica: Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?

Rachel: Oh, oh, oh, I抣l get 慠ainy Day Bear?! (runs to get him)

Monica: Because he抣l know what to do? (Rachel comes out of her room with a bear that抯 dressed in a rain suit.) Oh my God, you抮e a genius!

Rachel: Oh God, oh God, it抯 sowed on though.

Monica: Give it. Give it.

Rachel: Okay.

(Monica takes the bear, grabs his hat, and rips off his head.)

Monica and Rachel: Oh!!

Rachel: Oh, it抯 just like a bloodbath in here today.

[Scene: The street, Chandler and Joey are walking past a jewelery store.]

Chandler: Hey! Hold on a minute, hold on a second. Do you think these pearls are nice?

Joey: I抎 really prefer a mountain bike.

Chandler: Janice抯 birthday is coming up, I want to get her something speacial. Come in here with me.

Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, whoa. Do you ah, want to get her something speacial, get her flowers, get her candy, get her gum, girls love gum.

Chandler: That抯 a good idea, 慏ear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday? I would like to get her something serious.

Joey: Oh, you want something serious. Y'know what you should do, you should get her one of those um, barium enemas. Those are dead serious.

Chandler: All right. Look, I抦 gonna go in here, and you don抰 buy me anything ever. (starts to go into the store)

Joey: (stopping him) No, no, you can抰, you can抰, okay, you can抰, you can抰 buy her pearls, you just can抰, you can抰, you can抰.

Chandler: Why not?!

Joey: Oh God. Uh, okay, here抯 the thing, this is the thing, okay, the thing is...

Chandler: What is the thing?

Joey: Okay. I went down to the 慚attress King?showroom and, and I saw Janice, kissing her ex-husband.

Chandler: (shocked) What?

Joey: They were in his office.

Chandler: Well she, she wouldn抰 do that, she抯 with, she抯 with me.

Joey: I抦 telling you man, I saw it.

Chandler: Yeah, well, you抮e wrong! Okay, you抮e wrong.

Joey: I抦 not wrong! I wish I was. I抦 sorry. Bet that barium enema doesn抰 sound so bad now, huh?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are dressing up Ben in the entire rain suit from Rainy Day Bear.]

Monica: It just makes more sense as an ensemble.

Rachel: Right.

Monica: Besides, it takes the focus off the hat.

Phoebe: (running through the door) No! Oh! You抮e alive! You抮e alive!

Rachel: See Pheebs, I promised you no one would die, didn抰 I?

Phoebe: Yeah, well, we抣l see about that. Can I use your phone? I just wanna call everyone I know.

Monica: Sure, we have no money, go ahead.

Phoebe: (on phone) 慔ey! You抮e not dead! Okay, see ya!?br>
Ben: Monica.

Monica: Oh my God! He just said my name! Did you hear that?

Ben: Monica bang!

Rachel: Okay, I heard that.

Monica: Did he just say 慚onica bang?

Rachel: Uh-huh.

Monica: Oh my God! He抯 gonna rat me out!

Ben: Monica bang!

Monica: Oh-ho-ho, sweetie, sweetie, you gotta stop saying that, now. It抯 no big deal, it抯 not even worth mentioning, you see we all do it all the time. See watch this, Ben, Ben, Ben. (goes over and starts hitting her head on the post) Ow, Monica bang! (does it again) Everybody bang. (repeats) Ben bang. (repeats) Rachel bang. (repeats) Bang, Rachel bang! Oh, isn抰 that fun?

Rachel: (goes over and hits her head on the post) Look at that! (repeats) Look at that! (repeats) We all do it. (repeats) Okay, I抦 stopping now.

Monica: You okay?

Rachel: Oh yeah! Y'know, if it抯 not a headboard, it抯 just not worth it.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is waiting for Janice to arrive, and is angrily fllipping through a magazine.]

Janice: (entering) How抯 my Bing-a-ling?

Chandler: Ah, I don抰 know, you tell me. Anything you ah, wanna tell me, because, if you ah, you should, if you, you would, tell me.

Janice: Why are your eyes so white?

Chandler: You tell me! Maybe, it抯 because I was just fooling with my ex! Oh no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, that was you!!

Janice: Oh my God!!

Chandler: All right!

Janice: How did you know?

Chandler: Joey told me, he saw you two kissing.

Janice: In the park?

Chandler: No! In his office! How many kisses were there?

Janice: Just those two!

Chandler: Wh-wh-why, wh-why, why, why was there kissing!? There should be no kissing!!

Janice: Oh, I抦 sorry honey, I抦 so, so, (nasally) haaaaa! I抦 so, so sorry, I just (nasally) haaaaaa! But I, oh what happened was, I-I-I can抰 breathe. Can you get me a bag, or something?

Chandler: (giving her a bag) Here.

(Janice starts to breath into it and sucks in the reciept, and then spits it out.)

Janice: The receipt.

Chandler: I抣l take it! All right look, I gotta know. Are you finished with me? (Janice shakes her head no) Are you finished with him? (Janice shakes her head no) Do you still love him? (Janice shakes her head yes) Do you still love me? (Janice shakes her head yes) All right look, (grabs the bag) I抦 gonna need an actual answer here okay, so which is it, him or me? (his phone starts to ring)

Janice: I don抰 know.

Phoebe: (rushing in) Okay. If you抮e alive you answer your phone!


COMMERCIAL BREAK


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]

Monica: Okay, Ben, I won抰 tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner, if you don抰 tell about our little bonking incident.

Rachel: Monica, number one, I don抰 think Ben understands the concept of bribery, and number two, I... (Joey starts laughing in the background) (to Joey) What?!

Joey: You said number two.

Rachel: I also said number one.

Joey: I know. (giggles harder)

Ross: (entering) Hey! Everyone.

Rachel: Hi!

Ross: How抯 my little boy?

Rachel: He抯 perfect, he抯 never been better.

Ross: (noticing the outfit he is wearing) What抎 you do, take him whaling?

Ben: Monica.

Ross: Oh my God, he just said your name, that抯 great! Good job Ben.

Ben: Monica bang!

Monica: Oh that抯 right, that抯 what I抎 sound like if I exploded.

Phoebe: Woo-Hoo! The curse is broken! I called everybody I know, and everyone is alive.

Joey: Uh.

Phoebe: What?

Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still. (Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.)

[Cut to later, all except Chandler are staring out the window at Ugly Naked Guy.]

Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger too, to bring down something that big.

Rachel: Well maybe he抯 just taking a nap.

Joey: I抦 tellin?ya, he hasn抰 moved since this morning.

Monica: All right, we should call somebody.

Ross: And tell them what? The naked guy we stare at all the time isn抰 moving.

Rachel: Well, we have gotta find out if he抯 alive.

Monica: How are we gonna do that? There抯 no way.

Joey: Well, there is one way. His window抯 open, I say, we poke him.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is throwing darts, as Joey enters.]

Joey: Hey! Y'know how we ah, save all those chopsticks for no reason we get when we get Chinese food?

Chandler: Yeah.

Joey: Well, now we got a reason.

Chandler: What?

Joey: Well, we抮e fashioning a very long poking device.

Chandler: All right.

Joey: Hey uh, what抯 a matter?

Chandler: I talked to Janice.

Joey: Oh my God, is she going back to him?

Chandler: She doesn抰 know. Says she loves us both. Y'know I woke up this morning and I was in love, well I was happy. Y'know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms. And now I can抰 even return them, because she choked on the reciept!

Joey: What are you ah, what are you gonna do?

Chandler: I don抰 know, y'know. What, what, would you do?

Joey: Well, it doesn抰 matter what I would do.

Chandler: Come on, tell me.

Joey: All right, you抮e probably not gonna want to hear this but ah, if it was me, and this is just me, (Chandler gets ready to throw another dart) I would ah, I would bow out.

Chandler: What? (turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Joey quickly ducks and hides behind the chair) What are you, what are you talking about?

Joey: They have a kid together, y'know. They抮e like, they抮e like a family, and if, I don抰 know, there抯 chance they could make that work, I know I wouldn抰 want to be the guy who stood in the way of that. Are you okay? Do you wanna ah, come poke a nude guy?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross has just finished putting Ben to sleep, and is entering from Rachel抯 room.]

Ross: Well, he抯 finally alseep. About that ah, bump on his head?

Rachel: Are you, are you, are you sure it抯 ah, a new bump? I mean, no offense, I抳e always thought of Ben as a fairly bumpy headed child.

Ross: It抯 okay if he bumps his head, kids bump their heads all the time, y'know, it was your first time babysitting, I figured you did the best you could.

Rachel: (confidently) I did!

Ross: I know! I抦 saying you have to watch them all the time.

Rachel: I did!! I watched! I watched! I watched Monica bang his head against that thing!

Ross: Monica did it?

(Monica runs into the kitchen from the terrace.)

Ross: Monica?

Monica: Yeah.

Ross: Umm, did you notice anything wierd about Ben today?

Monica: No. Why?

Ross: Well, I was just playing with him, and y'know we were doing the alphabet song, which he used to be really good at, but suddenly he抯 leaving out 慹?and 慺.? It抯 like they just ah, I don抰 know, fell out of his head.

Monica: Really?!

Ross: Oh, and also, he抯, he抯 walkin?kind of funny, his left leg is moving a lot faster than his right leg, and he抯 in there just sort of y'know... (walks around in a circle)

Monica: Oh my God, I wrecked your baby!! (runs into the bedroom)

Rachel: I hope it抯 still funny when you抮e in hell.

Monica: (coming out of the bedroom) You jerk! You know how much I love that kid! (starts to chase Ross around the living room)

Ross: Monica bang! Monica bang! (runs into one of the posts) Ow!

Rachel: I抣l get the hat.

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Janice are there.]

Chandler: Janice, I have something I need to tell you, and I want you to let me get through it, because it抯, it抯, it抯 not gonna be easy.

Janice: Okay.

Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I don抰 wanna be the guy that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know 慪ou抮e the reason, you are the reason why their not together.?and I hated that guy. And it didn抰 matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.

Janice: Wow!

Chandler: Yeah, well. It抯 the right thing to do.

Janice: Oh! You抮e right. Oh God. But, before I can say 慻ood-bye? there抯 something I really need you to know, Chandler. The way I feel about you, it抯 like, I finally understand what Lionel Richie抯 been singing about. Y'know, I mean what we have, it抯 like movie love, you抮e my soulmate, and I can抰 believe we抮e not going to be spending the rest of our lives together.

Chandler: Then don抰 leave me!

Janice: What?

Chandler: Forget what I said, I was babbling! Pick me!

Janice: No, you were right, you were right. I mean, I-I-I抳e got to give my marriage another chance.

Chandler: No you don抰! No, no, no, I say you have to give your divorce another chance.

Janice: (standing up) I抦 sorry. (hugs him)

Chandler: Ohhh. Don抰 go.

Janice: No, I-I-I gotta go. (she starts to walk away, but Chandler doesn抰 let her go.)

Chandler: No. No! No! No!

Janice: Honey, honey, people are looking.

Chandler: I don抰 care! (turns around and to the people watching them) I don抰 care!!

Janice: Yeah, um, I抦, I抦 leaving now. (tries to get her leg out of Chandler抯 grasp, she finally does, but Chandler takes off her shoe.)

Chandler: You can抰 leave! I have your shoe!

Janice: Good-bye Chandler Bing. (walks out with one shoe)

Gunther: Rachel has those in burgendy.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, and Ross are holding the giant poking device.]

Joey: All right now remember, something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver, fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.

Ross: Can we please focus here, a naked man抯 life hangs in the balance!

Phoebe: I抦 telling you he抯 dead. What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.

Joey: All right, ladies and gentlemen, let抯 poke. (they start to advance the giant poking device) Steady. Steady. Okay, a little higher. Careful of the angle. Okay, okay, we抮e approaching the window (as he says this the camera cuts to their view of Ugly Naked Guy, so that we actually see him!) Thread the needle. Thread the needle.

(They thread the needle and start poking him, he then stirs.)

Phoebe: He抯 alive! He抯 a-live!!!

Monica: And yet, we抮e still poking him.

Joey: Okay, retract the device, retract the device.

Ross: He does not look happy.

Rachel: Hey-hey, now he抯 showing us his poking device.

Joey: Hey, that抯 never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy!


CLOSING CREDITS


[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is listening to a Lionel Richie album]

Chandler: (singing) 慖抣l hold you close in my arms. (Phoebe enters) I can抰 resist your charms. And love....?br>
Phoebe: (joining him) 慙ove....?br>
Chandler and Phoebe: 慖抣l be a fool for you. I抦 sure, you know I don抰 mind.?br>
Chandler: (high pitched) 慛o you know I don抰 mind.?br>
Chandler and Phoebe: 慪es! You mean the world the world to me. Oh..?br>
Chandler: 慖 know.?br>
Phoebe: 慖 know.?br>
Chandler: 慖抳e found.?br>
Phoebe: 慖抳e found....?br>
Chandler and Phoebe: ?..in you, my endless (Phoebe goes high pitched, Chandler goes low pitched) love.? (they both look at each other.) 慚y endless love.? (once again they don抰 match tones, and they just look at each other)

END

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