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老友记第三季The One Where Chandler Can Remember Which Sister

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好,随便选一张好,记住给大家看好了吗?好,还给我红心5这真是太神奇了乔伊,你怎么变出来的?天机不可泄漏天花板上有人叫门了我们楼上的芳邻吵得要命他把地毯拆掉现在简直是鸡犬声相闻干脆请他“轻声漫步”好了我试过五次了但那家伙魅力无穷我上去大呼小叫最后还跟他赔不是太荒谬了我上去叫他小声点好,请便祝你好运好……如果你们想知道我是怎么变的我就告诉你们你把牌还给我的时候趁你们不注意…我很快看一眼肉眼是看不到的我刚才办到了又来一次来,我放慢动作让你们看,好了没?我懂了谢谢谁有一条六尺长的绳子末端打了活结的?亲爱的,怎么了?我刚才看到珍妮丝了她在洛克斐勒中心和她丈夫溜冰,看起来好幸福我简直不忍心拿那个小孩的椒盐卷饼打他们我记得我跟凯萨琳分手后第一次跟她见面的情形她跟她朋友唐娜走在一块儿说笑老天,我难过死了但你那天下午和她们两个上床了对不起,我就是…不计一切地要讲那件事钱德,明天要开派对你就会高兴一点了我不会有事的你们不必为我开派对是乔伊的生日派对如果有人应该开派对那就非乔伊莫属我真不敢相信她还在楼上他把关键句完全念砸了你知道,应该是…咖啡好了没有,亲爱的?马上来,卡普兰先生我不应该喝咖啡,老是放屁我知道你一定在想“这么聪明的女孩,有志在服装界大展鸿图怎么在这里泡咖啡?被你猜中了别以为我没注意到你的潜力我有一份和时装很有关系的工作要交给你太棒了过来,甜心太感谢了我要马上把这些衣架分开不客气老天,我痛恨我的工作恨死了…我知道,亲爱的,我很遗憾我想辞职但我又觉得应该挺下去然后我又想…为什么要做这种有损尊严的工作?难道只因为这份工作和我的兴趣有一点点关系吗?老天,我不知道,瑞秋点菜吧,杨朵汤,詹姆斯豆随便你点什么都行好了,对不起,我不是…我不介意吃苦但搀扶得了关节炎的女裁缝上厕所我要怎样才能够…学会什么叫时装?嗨你觉得我的苦难很有趣吗?对不起,我只是…这不好笑,这就是我的工作相信我,我是过来人我以前是在人体模特儿公司给模特儿的头分类的我要继续跟我朋友聊天你可以继续享用你的汉堡还有一件事我在布鲁明戴尔百货公司上班如果你有兴趣我有个可能的工作机会想吃我的腌黄瓜吗?大家好嘿,甘瑟你要跟楼上吵闹的邻居约会?他很迷人他太迷人了但如果你们交往我就更难讨厌他了你只得尽力而为乔伊?酒果冻哪里去了?不知道,钱德应该要端出去…钱德哈罗看来你心情好多了把舌头伸出来把衣服脱下来我的天你吃了多少?这是纯伏特加做的对,果冻有妈妈的味道我今天碰上了最不可思议的事我在摩妮卡的餐厅吃午饭有个家伙跟我说话他是布鲁明戴尔的采购助理…他们的部门要找人我就把我的电话给了他他这个周末要打电话给我帮我安排面试那家伙没有任何理由地帮你?你根本不认识他?对,他叫“马克”什么的看来马克什么的不怀好意什么?不然他干嘛莫名其妙地冒出来?日行一善啊嘿,乔伊,男人会不会莫名其妙地对陌生女子好不会,男人只想上床而已谢谢你有没有跟马克什么的提起我?我用不着提,我穿着… “我爱罗斯”的广告牌而且一直摇着铃乔伊,生日快乐你跟多少个女孩交往?你头壳坏去了吗?她们是乔伊的姊妹嗨,乔伊的姊妹你喝的是什么?我喝的是伏特加和小红莓汁真的?我干掉我丈夫之后就是调这种酒来喝好,我不知道该怎么跟你说话你在干嘛?把我前任女友的快速拨号删除不,这是好事我们要快速拨号干嘛?干嘛赶来赶去的?我们为什么不能珍惜美好时光?你胸部好大嗨嗨我听说了瑞秋今天遇到的那个叫马克的家伙很棒,不是吗?对,是很棒看样子他是个好人对,他简直太完美了他走的时候,我是这么说的…哈米娜,太好了这么说他只是个大好人罢了你真的认为这个叫马克的是不求回报地帮你?我想我得跟他洗鸳鸯浴不过哪份工作不是这样你感觉怎么样?我的公寓已经不存在了因为全被我喝掉了你去哪里了?你拆了礼物之后我们就找不到你了我后来跑到贮藏室而且不只我一个人不要再叫了…怎么了?出了什么事?我跟乔伊的姊妹瞎搞这还不是最糟糕的那最糟糕的是什么?我不记得是哪个姊妹你看到没有?别说男人有好人这就是男人你疯了不成?乔伊会杀了你他真的会把你杀得死死的你以为我没想到吗?你怎么会不知道是哪一个?简直无法置信是吉娜吗?哪个是吉娜?黑皮肤、蓬蓬头戴着飞机耳环那是迪娜,不是吉娜看到没?你们也分不清谁是谁我们可没有跟哪个胡搅一定是薇若妮卡那个穿红裙子的女孩我确实把我的舌头伸到她的喉咙里那个是我我喝了酒以后有时候会变得太热情对不起没关系不要紧我可以跟你私下谈谈吗?嘿,乔伊过来我们为什么不在这里谈?这里有人作证我刚跟我妹妹通完电话哪一个?玛丽 安杰拉这又是哪一个了?问钱德,他跟人家胡搅她告诉我,你对她说你为她大为倾倒这是实话?还是你泡我妹妹只是为了忘记珍妮丝?一定是第一个原因真的?那太好了你跟我妹妹坐在树上对,我在树上他来电话没有?马克来电话没有?我很遗憾不过周末还没结束我的天,那是菲比吗?看来他们约完会了音乐真甜蜜我的天你好吗?我很好,我的书完稿了这本书讲什么?我不记得了,你想散步吗?想亲爱的玛丽安杰拉嗨,你好吗?这是我所写过最难以启齿的一封信你是怎么搞的?你写信甩掉他妹妹乔伊会对你怎么样?这时候你就告诉他我搬到法国去了事实上,我人会在古巴听我说你得亲自去做这件事至少你知道她叫什么名字你只要到他家去找玛丽安杰拉不管她是哪一个她到门口来的时候…请她去散个步,给她留点面子万一是她来开门而我又开口找她呢?你要去古巴的哪里?你在这里干嘛?等我祖母帮我洗衣服你呢?我来见玛丽安杰拉你真是男子汉,来听我说别乱讲话因为祖母不知道你们的事最好不要惹她生气她是第六个在墨索里尼的尸体上吐痰的人玛丽安杰拉在哪里?她就在那里嘿,钱德我不敢相信马克没有打电话来现在是星期天晚上他居然还没打电话来真叫人失望对,看看你,你实在太可笑了我真的很遗憾马克没有帮到你听我说,瑞秋我也是一心为你好等一下,为什么你不打电话给马克?谁规定你得在这里痴痴地等?你得主动出击对,但也不能太过分不会的他把家里电话给了她什么?他把家里电话给你打电话到他家吗?你不介意我打电话吧既然你是一心为我好我是这么说的马克?嗨,我是瑞秋格林不,你千万别道歉好,我等他把电话留在办公室他本来要去拿不过他得帮他侄女做研究拓荒者的报告听就知道是编的我的天!明天吗?这…不,这太好了老天,太感谢你了太好了,再见我可以去面试了你看吧他还要跟我吃午饭,帮我准备太了不起了如果我了解马克我想是的…他应该就是这种人我得想想明天要穿什么才好高领衫加蓬蓬裤才是专业人士的穿著是啊好,回头见没问题我对你做了什么?我伤害过你吗?什么?你为什么不打电话给他?真是太谢谢你了现在他要帮她准备面试这就是开除男朋友的前兆你疯了不成?有吗?我疯了吗?我失去理智了吗?那个大好人要跟我女朋友吃饭罗斯,你根本不是重点重点是瑞秋可以有好的前途就算你说得对他对她不怀好意这表示他就能得逞吗?不会,可是…你不信任她吗?不要自哀自怜了别像个小孩子你才别像个小孩子这提拉米苏真好吃是你做的吗,玛丽安杰拉?不,是我做的真好吃那……玛丽安杰拉,你喜欢吗?当然,这是她最爱吃的那……玛丽安杰拉你还喜欢什么?吃更多奶奶做的提拉米苏拜托你…把食谱给我,因为太好吃了是第一流的食谱要跟着我进棺材我也会到洗手间去我只是斜视没什么特别意思照做就是了失陪一下,我得…终于!我还以为我们没机会独处了听我说句话好吗?派对结束之后我满脑子都在想着你听我说我可能操之过急了我刚结束一段感情我还没办法…给任何人承诺那又怎样?我也一样老天,玛丽安杰拉说得对你的嘴唇柔软极了你不是玛丽安杰拉?不,我是玛丽泰瑞丝这真是太糟糕了如果你不是玛丽安杰拉那谁是?我是老天,这真是太糟糕了不,不要叫乔伊…怎么回事?就是你了,快去藏起来吧没什么大不了的钱德刚才在亲我因为他以为我是玛丽安杰拉什么?你怎么会把她当成玛丽安杰拉?我不肯定哪一个是玛丽安杰拉听我说,对不起我喝得醉醺醺你们的样子都差不多我说揍他,乔伊对,揍他我们大家应该冷静下来因为你们的兄弟不会揍我的是吧?我通常会这么做但我万万没想到有一天会揍你你怎么能做这种事?如果你想揍我就动手吧我罪有应得但我要你知道我在清醒时绝不会做伤害你和你家人的事你是我最好的朋友我再也不会做这种事了那又怎么样?我说揍他对,揍他不,我不会揍钱德不,你不会的他知道他做了一件错事我相信他是真心道歉了但你还要再跟一个人道歉你得跟玛丽安杰拉道歉当然,没问题甜心,现在你可以揍他了什么?你怎么来了?我顺路到这里来…面试怎么样?跟我面试的女人很难对付但幸好有马克指点我我一谈起秋季新装她就满意得不得了我真为你骄傲听我说,我…对不起,我这么神经又嫉妒…这是因为我很喜欢你所以…我知道嗨嗨,马克我刚跟乔安娜谈过她很喜欢你,你被录取了真的?我的天恭喜……菲比你的约会怎么样?你知道……对,我的确清楚你偷听我们约会偷听?菲比天花板的瓷砖都快掉下来了对不起但我真的是很喜欢他我想他也很喜欢我也许他只是…跳弹簧床跳得很爽也许弹簧床也被跳得很爽好吧,到此为止他不能这样对菲比我要狠狠揍这家伙一顿但他个子很高大吗?我们一起去,来谢谢你们,谢谢别担心老天,希望他们痛扁他一顿亲爱的,我很遗憾如果这可以给你一点安慰…听起来他跟你在一起比较开心

The One Where Chandler Can Remember Which Sister

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]

Joey: Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize it. Show to everybody. Got it?

Monica: Um-mm.

Joey: All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a little while) 5 of hearts.

(Monica is sarcastically amazed.)

Ross: Real magic does exist.

Rachel: Wow.

Monica: Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?

Joey: I can抰 tell you that, no.

(We hear some knocking coming from the ceiling.)

Ross: Ah, somebody抯 at the door on the ceiling.

Rachel: Noo, that抯 our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.

Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.

Phoebe: Why don抰 you go up there and ask him to 憇tep lightly, please??br>
Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.

Phoebe: Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) I抣l go up there, I抣l tell him to keep it down.

Monica: All right, be my guest.

Rachel: Good luck.

(Phoebe exits)

Joey: All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna know how I did it, I抣l show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you didn抰 see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again. Here, I抣l slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow motion)

All: Oh, I got it.

(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)

Phoebe: (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the rest is unintelligible).

Guy: (muffled) Whoa, you are very beautiful.

Phoebe: (muffled) Oh, thank you.


OPENING CREDITS


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]

Chandler: (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with a little nouse at the end?

Monica: Honey, what抯 the matter?

Chandler: I just saw Janice.

All: Oh.

Chandler: Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid抯 pretzel at them.

Joey: Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed me.

Chandler: Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.

Joey: Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....

Ross: Hey Chandler, there抯 a party tomorrow, you抣l feel better then.

Chandler: Oh, y'know what, I抦 gonna be okay, you don抰 have to throw a party for me.

Monica: It抯 Joey抯 birthday.

Chandler: Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.

(We hear Phoebe抯 muffled voice through the ceiling.)

Monica: Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.

(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)

Chandler: Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it抯 supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.

[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachel抯 new job.]

Mr. Kaplan: (entering) How抯 that coffee comin,?dear?

Rachel: (jumping up from reading her magazine) Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.

Mr. Kaplan: I抦 not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.

Rachel: I know!

Mr. Kaplan: I抣l bet your thinking, 慦hat抯 an intelligent girl who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee?? Eh?

Rachel: Op.

Mr. Kaplan: Eh.

Rachel: Oh, you got me.

Mr. Kaplan: Well, don抰 think I haven抰 noticed your potential. Well, I抳e got a project for you that抯 a lot more related to fashion. How does that sound?

Rachel: Oh, that sounds great.

Mr. Kaplan: Come on over here, sweetheart. (they walk over to a storage closet)

Rachel: Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.

Mr. Kaplan: (opening the closet door revealing that it抯 full of tangled up hangers.) I need these hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) You抮e welcome.

[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Rachel is talking to Monica about her job.]

Rachel: Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.

Monica: I know honey, I抦 sorry.

Rachel: Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because it抯 remotely related to the field they抮e interested in.

Monica: (gives her a look) Gee, I don抰 know Rach. Order up!! I got a Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!

Rachel: Oh honey, come on, I抦 sorry, I didn抰.... I don抰 mind paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira, the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.

(A guy at the end of the table starts laughing.)

Rachel: (to him) Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?

Guy: I抦 sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah.... (starts to laugh again)

Rachel: It抯 not funny, this is actually my job.

Guy: Oh believe me, I-I-I抳e been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at that Mannequins Plus.

Rachel: Oh well then, so I抦 just going to go back to talking to my friend here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.

Guy: Ah, just one other thing.

Rachel: Yes?!

Guy: I ah, I work at Bloomingdale抯 and I might know of a job possibility if your, if your interested?

Rachel: (looks at Monica) (to him) Do you want my pickle?

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it抯 Joey抯 party.]

Gunther: (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.

Monica: Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean you抮e going out on a date with the noisy guy upstairs?

Phoebe: Well, he抯 very charming.

Monica: I know, he抯 too charming, but if you two start going out, then it抯 just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.

Phoebe: Well, you抮e just gonna have to try.

Monica: Joey, where are the Jello shots?

Joey: I don抰 know, Chandler is supposed to be passin?慹m around...

(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an empty tray of Jello shots.)

Joey: Chandler!

Chandler: Hello-dillillio!!

Ross: Oh, somebody抯 feeling better.

Monica: (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.

Chandler: (to Monica) Take off your shirt!

(Chandler sticks out is tongue and it抯 a horrible shade of green.)

Monica: Oh my!!

Joey: Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.

Chandler: Yeah, Jello just like Mom used to make.

Rachel: (entering, to Ross) The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.

Ross: Hi!

Rachel: Hi! So I抦 out having lunch at Monica抯 and this guy starts talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at Bloomingdale抯 and there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and he抯 gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!

Ross: Wow!

Rachel: I know!

Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?

Rachel: Uh-huh!

Ross: And he抯, he抯 a total stranger?

Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.

Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.

Rachel: What!?

Ross: Well, I抦 just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop in out of nowhere for no reason.

Rachel: To be nice.

Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?

Joey: No, only for sex.

Ross: Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about me?

Rachel: I didn抰 have to, because I was wearing my 慖 heart Ross?sandwich board and ringing my bell.

Ross: Uh-huh.

Joey抯 Sisters: (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look almost identical)

Joey: Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!

Chandler: (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?

Monica: How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joey抯 sisters.

Chandler: Hi Joey抯 sisters!

Phoebe: (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!

Cookie: Hey. What are we drinkin?over here.

Phoebe: Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.

Cookie: No kiddin,?that抯 the exact same drink I made myself right after I shot my husband.

Phoebe: Wow. Okay, I don抰 know how to talk to you.

(cut to Chandler)

Sister 1: (to Chandler) What 慶ha doing?

Chandler: Oh, I抦 taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.

Joey抯 Sisters: Oh!!

Chandler: No-no-no-no, no, it抯 a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why can抰 we savor the precious moments? (to one of Joey抯 sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.

(Cut to Ross and Monica)

Ross: Hi.

Monica: Hi.

Ross: Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that ah, Rachel met today.

Monica: Isn抰 that great?

Ross: Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good guy.

Monica: Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I actually used the phrase, 慔ummina-hummina-hummina.?(walks away)

Ross: That抯 excellent.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]

Ross: (to Rachel) So, he抯 just a nice guy. You really think this Mark doesn抰 want anything in exchange for helping him?

Rachel: Well, I assume I抣l have to take showers with him, but y'know, that抯 true of any job.

(Chandler enters hungover and groaning)

Monica: How ya feelin?

Chandler: Well, my apartment isn抰 there anymore, because I drank it.

Phoebe: Where抎 you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the presents.

Ross: Yeah.

Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.

All: Woooo hoooo!!!

Chandler: Ow, no 憌oo-hooing,?no 憌oo-hooing.?

Phoebe: Why, what happened?

Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joey抯 sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well, that抯 not the worst part.

Monica: What is the worse part?

Chandler: I can抰 remember which sister.

Ross: (to Rachel) You see what men do! Don抰 tell me men are not nice! (points to Chandler) This is men!!


COMMERCIAL BREAK


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]

Monica: Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, he抯 actually going to kill you dead.

Chandler: Okay! You don抰 think I thought of that?

Phoebe: How can you not know which one?

Rachel: I mean that抯 unbelievable.

Monica: I mean, was it Gina?

Ross: Which one is Gina?

Rachel: Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.

Monica: No, no, no, that抯 Dina.

Chandler: (to Monica) You see you can抰 tell which one is which either, dwha!!

Phoebe: We didn抰 fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!

Chandler: Veronica. Look, it抯 got to be Veronica, the girl in the red skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.

Monica: That was me.

Chandler: Look, when I抳e been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly friendly, and I抦 sorry.

Monica: That抯 okay.

Rachel: That抯 all right.

Ross: That抯 okay.

Joey: (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!

Ross: Hey, Joey.

Rachel: Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)

Joey: Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)

Chandler: Why can抰 we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.

Joey: I just got off the phone with my sister.

Ross: Ah, which, which one?

Joey: Mary-Angela.

Ross: Mary-Angela.

Joey: Yeah.

Monica: Y'know which one was she again?

Joey: Why don抰 you ask Chandler, 慶ause he抯 the one that fooled around with her. She told me you said you could really fall for her. Now is that true? Or are you just gettin?over Janice by groping my sister.

Chandler: It抯 gotta be the first one.

Joey: Really? That抯 great! You and my sister, sittin?in a tree.

Chandler: Yep, I抦 in a tree.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]

Rachel: Did he call? Did Mark call?

Monica: No honey, I抦 sorry, but the weekend抯 not over yet.

Rachel: Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that Phoebe?

Monica: I guess they抮e back from their date.

(He starts to play music.)

Rachel: Music. Very nice.

(We hear them start making out upstairs.)

Monica: Oh my God!

Rachel: So, how are you?

Monica: I am good. I finished my book.

(Things start to get really hot upstairs.)

Rachel: Oh yeah, what抯 it about?

Monica: I don抰 remember. Do you wanna take a walk?

Rachel: Yeah, I do. (they both run out)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]

Ross: Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How抯 it going. This is the hardest letter I抳e ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hell抯 a matter with you? How do you think Joey抯 going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a letter?

Chandler: Well, that抯 the part where you tell him that I moved to France. When actually I抣l be in Cuba.

Ross: All right, look, look, you抳e got to do this yourself, okay in person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela, okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her down easy.

Chandler: What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?

Ross: Where in Cuba?

[Scene: Joey抯 sister抯 house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]

Chandler: (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing here?

Joey: Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?

Chandler: I抦 here to see Mary-Angela.

Joey: You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look, listen, listen, you got to be cool, 慶ause my Grandma doesn抰 know about you two yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.

Chandler: Where抯 Mary-Angela?

Joey: She抯 right in there. (motions to the living room)

(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joey抯 sisters, all wearing red.)

Joey抯 Sisters: Hey, Chandler!

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]

Rachel: I can抰 believe Mark didn抰 call. It抯 Sunday night, and he didn抰 call.

Ross: Bummer.

Rachel: (to Ross) Yeah, right. Look at you, you抮e practically giddy.

Ross: No, I抦 genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn抰 work out. Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.

Monica: Wait a minute, why don抰 you just call Mark. (they both look up in shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, you抳e got to make stuff happen.

Ross: But, you, you don抰 want to seem too pushy.

Monica: (to Ross) Honey, it抯 not pushy, he gave her his home number.

Ross: (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As in like, to, to his home?

Rachel: Yeah, and you don抰 mind if I call, because you only want good things for me.

Ross: That抯 right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at Monica)

Rachel: (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, it抯 Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no, don抰 you apologize. (listens) Yeah, I抣l hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.

Ross: That is so made up!

Rachel: (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, it抯 perfect. Oh God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!

Monica: Yay!

Ross: There you go.

Rachel: He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.

Monica: Oh, that is amazing!

Ross: Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I抎 expect nothing less.

Rachel: I got to figure out what I抦 going to wear.

Ross: High collar and baggy pants say I抦 a pro.

Rachel: Yeah! Right! Okay, I抣l see you guys later. (starts to leave) Woo hoo!

Ross: You go get 慹m. (to Monica) What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some way?

Monica: What?

Ross: 慦hy don抰 you call him?!? Well, thank you very much! Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically remove the boyfriend!

Monica: Are you crazy?!

Ross: Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.

Monica: What?! Ross y'know this isn抰 even about you! I mean this is about Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if you抮e right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?

Ross: No.

Monica: I mean don抰 you trust her?

Ross: Well, yeah!

Monica: Then get over yourself! Grow up!

Ross: (shyly) You grow up.

[Scene: Joey抯 sister抯 house, they抮e finishing up dinner.]

Chandler: This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?

Joey抯 Grandmother: No! I did!

Chandler: Well, it抯, it抯 yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?

Joey抯 Grandmother: Of course! It抯 her favorite.

Chandler: So um, Mary-Angela, what抯 your second favorite?

Joey抯 Grandmother: More of Grandma抯 teramisu.

Chandler: Would you just please....give me the receipt 慶ause this is great. It抯 top notch.

Joey抯 Grandmother: That dies with me.

Chandler: So will I.

Joey抯 Sister: Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.

Chandler: Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesn抰 mean anything.

Joey抯 Sister: (whispering in his ear) Just do it.

Chandler: Will you excuse me I have to um..... (walks to the hall)

[cut to the hall, Joey抯 sister runs up and grabs Chandler抯 butt.]

Chandler: (startled) Hey!

Joey抯 Sister: Finally, I thought we抎 never be alone. Can I just tell you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)

Chandler: Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and I抦 not really in a, in a commitment kind of place.

Joey抯 Sister: So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the softest lips.

Chandler: Ahhhh, you抮e not Mary-Angela.

Joey抯 Sister: No, I抦 Mary-Theresa.

Chandler: This is so bad. If-if you抮e not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?

Mary-Angela: (standing behind Chandler) I am!

Chandler: Oh, this is soo bad. (doesn抰 see Mary-Angela)

Mary-Angela: Joey!!!

Chandler: No Joey! No Joey! Don抰 Joey! Joey!

Joey: What抯 goin?on?

Chandler: (pats him on the shoulder) You抮e it! Now run and hide!

Mary-Theresa: It抯 no big deal. Chandler was just kissin?me because he thought I was Mary-Angela.

Joey: What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?

Chandler: I wasn抰 sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joey抯 sisters gasp) Look, I抦 sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really similar.

Joey抯 Sister: I say, punch him Joey.

All: Yeah! Punch him!!

Chandler: Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brother抯 not going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?

Joey: Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought you抎 be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!

Chandler: Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, you抮e my best friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.

Cookie: So what. I say, punch him.

All: Yeah! Punch him! Punch him!

Joey: No! No! No! No, I抦 not going to punch Chandler.

Cookie: I抣l do it.

Joey: No you won抰. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe him, he抯 sorry. But, (to Chandler) you抳e got one more apology to make, all right, you抳e got to apologize to Mary-Angela.

Chandler: Okay, absolutely!

Joey: All right.

Chandler: You抳e got it. (he starts to look at his sister抯, but he still doesn抰 know which one is Mary-Angela.)

Joey: Cookie, now you can punch him!

Chandler: What?! (Cookie punches him)

[Scene: A lobby, Ross is waiting for Rachel, after her interview.]

Rachel: (getting of the elevator and noticing Ross) Hey!

Ross: Hi!

Rachel: What are you doing here?

Ross: Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)

Rachel: Oh.

Ross: Hi. (kisses her)

Rachel: Hi.

Ross: How抎 did it go?

Rachel: Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy and wouldn抰 shut up.

Ross: I抦 so proud of you.

Rachel: Me too!

Ross: Listen, I抦 ah, I抦 sorry I抳e been so crazy and jealous and, it抯 just that I like you a lot, so...

Rachel: I know.

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: Yeah.

Mark: Rachel?

Rachel: Yeah. (turns around) Hi Mark!

Mark: Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the job.

Rachel: Oh, I did!

Mark: Yes.

Rachel: (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)

Ross: Congradu!! (sees her hug Mark) -lations-lations.


CLOSING CREDITS


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The entire gang is there.]

Monica: So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?

Phoebe: Oh well y'know. (laughs)

Monica: Yeah, I do know.

Phoebe: Ick, you were eavesdropping.

Rachel: Eavesdropping. Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.

Phoebe: Oh, I抦 sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really happens to like me.

(We hear the sound of a bed creaking through the ceiling, and him moaning.)

Ross: Maybe he抯 just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?

(We hear a women start moaning.)

Ross: Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?

Joey: All right, that抯 it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel) But, is he a big guy?

Ross: Ah, we抣l all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)

Phoebe: Thanks you guys! Thank you.

Chandler: Don抰 worry.

Phoebe: God, I hope they kick his ass!

Rachel: Honey, I抦 sorry.

Monica: Y'know if it抯 any consolation, he really did sound like he was having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)

(We the guys knock on the door upstairs, and the guy answering it.)

Guy: (muffled) May I help you?

(We hear the guys start to attack him, but the guy manages to calm them down and gets them to agree to what he did. Monica throws up her hands in disgust.)


END

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