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老友记第三季The One Where Monica and Richard Are Friends

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麻烦六块钱六块?我才租了一个晚上是三块钱八点钟结算,现在八点两分了不知道为什么你的权力好像太大了你得帮帮我,我只有三块钱我可以帮忙我的天,理查德德?你的胡子刮掉了谢谢你气色很好是啊不,真的,你……什么?你的内裤黏在腿上了我刚才从烘干机里拿出衣服,这是静电也许老天爷知道我会碰到你觉得这是个机会见到你真高兴我也是看到那家伙没有?他现在看的是经典巨片不过等我们一走他就马上去逛色情片到时候他会租“大国民”“迷魂记”和“发条橘子”这样真好我好怀念这种时光我也是想一起吃个汉堡什么的吗?我不知道这样好不好只是朋友嘛我保证不会毛手毛脚我觉得太快了不会太快,我十一点吃的午餐好啊你在做什么?巧克力牛奶,想喝吗?不,谢了,我已经29岁了我的天,我得上班了你今晚几点下班?可能会很晚拜托,怎么又这样?我知道,对不起我们打个商量好吗?只要你在我回家以前睡着…我就用你以前很喜欢的方法让你起来如果你要加班我很愿意支持你看,你什么时候开始溜冰了?明天我在公园遇到一个帅哥他是慢跑、溜冰和游泳高手,我们说好了他要教我各种运动那你要如何回报他?我会让他达到目的很好早安有人昨晚很晚才回来哦这个嘛,我碰到理查德德了什么时候的事?大概八点两分我们聊了一会儿然后一起吃了个单纯的汉堡没有所谓“单纯的汉堡”你还会跟他见面吗?明天晚上摩妮卡,你这是在干什么?她花了六个月才忘记他…现在她庆祝的方式就是跟他约会这不是约会,好吗?我要教他做千层面他要在家里请客最好多做一点做爱之后会很饿我们不会上床一切如旧,他还是不要孩子我还是想要孩子所以我们只能当朋友赤裸裸的朋友你有冰吗?打开冷冻库看看如果没有,那大概就是用完了你刚下班吗?很晚了我知道,不过今天实在太棒了我和卡文克莱的销售代表开会我看中一款性感内衣我老板就订了一吨,你呢?我发现我可以光用舌头数完所有牙齿你把一本“鬼店”放在冷冻库干嘛?我昨晚越看越害怕,就…把书放进冷冻库你就安全了吗?至少安全一点我每次看书的时候…都先确定冷冻柜里有地方放…你常常看这本书吗?你从不把一本书一看再看吗? “小妇人”我看了好几次那是经典作品“鬼店”哪里好看?你应该问“鬼店”有哪里不好看答案是“没有”,知道吗?这是有史以来最恐怖的书一定比你的经典作品好看我们走着瞧,好吗?我看“鬼店”你看“小妇人”好,没问题瑞秋,这些小妇人到底有多小?会不会很恐怖?钱德、罗斯,这是劳勃你这里沾了唇膏没关系,那是我的唇膏我们刚才接吻了穿短裤有点冷吧?我是加州人对,有时候你们加州人会自燃我起来了…我起来了有人要什么吗?我要咖啡三杯吧罗斯,跟我来怎么了?怎么回事?劳勃快出来了什么意思?他是同性恋?他就快从短裤里掉出来了什么?这家伙暴露重要部位你确定?等一下对不起你们点的是咖啡和…咖啡,我们可以写下来不…不用了怎么样?我们该怎么办?我想只能尽量不要用正眼看就像日蚀一样如果今晚有人称赞我的手艺我该怎么说?你说“多谢夸奖”然后买礼物酬谢我来,我们把手放进这个钵里…然后开始把西红柿压碎感觉怪怪的你整天摸人家的眼球还说这感觉怪怪的?我当然会摸人家的眼球但我好不容易才不动手压碎那是我的手继续压西红柿吱吱响你的衬衫沾到了等一下马上放苏打水上去应该……就可以了怎么了?你裤子上也沾到了干脆丢掉算了这些小妇人你喜欢吗?喜欢,爱美刚烧了乔的稿子我看他永远不会原谅她乔是女的,是约瑟芬的简称但乔喜欢劳瑞你是说这是女同性恋? “鬼店”可没有这种东西不,其实劳瑞是男的难怪瑞秋要看这么多次篮球好玩吗?我学会了篮板球、罚球和23分球你是说三分球吧?我姿势优美,可以多几分这里有没有电话可以查留言?在后面,你有铜板吗?我一向在袜子里放一个铜板你干嘛?回去那边坐哈罗我是乔伊,我们还没见过面很高兴认识你,劳勃怎么了?怎么了?你们怎么回事?你们不喜欢劳勃吗?你们笑什么?平静一点,用不着激动你们怎么回事嘛?对不起只不过你的劳勃的短裤蔽体的的部份…好像是少了一点什么意思?把饼干拿给我好吗?没问题他们喜不喜欢千层面?真的?很好现在你欠我三样礼物了我一直在想着你的事不,这种柏拉图恋情很不容易这是一个词我觉得这样比较好这样才是明智之举对,我肯定你真的肯定?我再回你电话我们可以当有性关系的朋友没错,这不代表什么就像打壁球一样我觉得聪明又健康不过基于好奇心你还有几个打壁球的伙伴?只有你爸爸一个虽然那是真的壁球我下星期二…要和我妹妹的邻居约会你希望我取消吗?不要如果你取消那就是为我取消的而我们只是朋友没错不要坐不要坐不过先送你一个礼物伸缩内裤?这个东西好得要命如果是我,我会天天穿谢谢,真的,你太体贴了我看我不能穿太紧了,我会觉得好像是给人家看的对不起没关系,我再想办法…大家好吗?很好 “鬼店”好不好看?丹尼刚走进217号房下面是最精彩的浴缸里的死女人…这样就不好看了我用密码说记得小孩在走廊看到那两个“空白”吗?对,那里很好看所有的“空白”都把“空白”弄成“空白”不,讲结局杰克差点用“空白”杀了他们不过到最后关头他们还是跑了你居然做这种事她居然识破你的密码好,劳瑞跟乔求婚,她拒绝了虽然她其实爱着他他后来娶了爱美我不是存心要讲的锅炉爆炸,烧毁旅馆那个爸爸也被烧死了贝丝死了贝丝死了?真的吗?如果继续看下去贝丝就会死?不,贝丝不会死,她不会死对不对,瑞秋?他问的是你是不是破坏了他喜欢的第一本不是由杰克尼克逊当主角的小说?不,她不会死那你干嘛这么说?因为我故意要伤害你在这里,我的钥匙掉了找到了对不起,对不起你一定不敢相信我今天有多惨我上了两个班我的义乳又被烤炉的火烧了你在笑什么?我在想可能会柳暗花明又一村我喜欢这种朋友关系劳勃马上就要来了你们哪个人跟他说好吗?拜托,马上说我一见他就想“那玩意儿是不是晃来晃去看着我”我们不能跟他说你不能跟素昧平生的人谈他的“那话儿”他说得对就算是赞美也不行可以去健身房了吗?有一面新的攀岩墙我们可以互相侦查我从这里就可以侦查你什么?听我说,劳勃我们不是要……对,我们要我觉得你这个人真的很棒老天,又来了为什么老是发生这种事?我什么东西让你不高兴?这是我的错吗?我不知道该怎么说老弟?这是阖家光临的地方把老鼠放回屋里去真的?这间公寓很普通啊一样有房间、墙壁和天花板我只是想看看你住的地方带我参观参观我的天这里是客厅真舒适这里是厨房真漂亮等一下我不能参观卧室吗?这是很普通的…卧室我们还在门的这一头我还没看到要命,下次吧今晚非常愉快她是谁?我跟你说过就是我妹妹介绍的人她打电话来改期到今天你喜欢她吗?我是以朋友的身份问的因为我不会不高兴你看起来很高兴好,你知道吗?我不高兴,我很不高兴我怎么高兴得起来?听到你跟她进来她还想参观你的卧室你知道吗?我们或许可以做朋友…但不跟其它人交往你是说“专属的”朋友?有何不可?我是说,这个星期美好极了这也没什么不好吧我们还可以一面做朋友一面住在一起或许有一天可以站在其它朋友面前发誓当一辈子的朋友我们又回到原点了亲爱的,我求之不得但一切都没有改变不是这样的你把胡子刮掉了好吧,有一件事改变了但我们生活目标仍不同我们都知道结局会怎样你知道吗?我得马上离开这个房间因为忘记你是我一生中最不容易的一件事我想我再也做不到了我知道我做不到再打最后一场壁球怎么样?小心玫瑰刺怎么了?贝丝病得很重很重乔在陪她但我想她也没办法你要把书放在冷冻柜里吗?

The One Where Monica and Richard Are Friends

[Scene: A Video Store, Monica is running in to return a video.]

Monica: (to clerk) Hi.

(The clerk enters the video into the computer.)

Clerk: Six dollars, please.

Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. It抯 three.

Clerk: Eight o抍lock is the cut-off and, (looks at his watch) aww, it抯 8:02.

Monica: Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, you抮e gonna have to help me out here, 慶ause I only have three.

Richard: (standing behind her, without his moustache) I can help with that.

Monica: Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!

Richard: Hi!

Monica: Wow! Your lip went bald. (Richard pays the clerk) Hey, thanks.

Richard: So, you look great.

Monica: Right.

Richard: No you do. You... just...

Monica: What?

Richard: You抳e got panties stuck to your leg.

Monica: (removes them) That抯 because I-I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer, and it抯 static cling. Or maybe it抯 just that God knew I抎 be running into you and saw an opportunity.

Richard: It抯 good to see you.

Monica: It抯 good to see you too.

(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monica抯 back, which he removes for her.)


OPENING CREDITS


[Scene: continued from earlier.]

Monica: You see that guy? He抯 in classics now, but y'know as soon as we leave he抯 going straight to the porn.

Richard: He抯 gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane, Vertigo, and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.

Monica: Yeah.

Richard: I missed this.

Monica: Me too.

Richard: So, you wanna get a hamburger or something?

Monica: Oh, um, I don抰 know if that抯 a good idea.

Richard: Oh. Look, just friends, I won抰 grope you. I promise.

Monica: No, I just I think that it抯 too soon.

Richard: No it抯 not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast. Chandler is holding a bottle of Hersey抯 Syrup.]

Chandler: Yeah, baby!

Ross: What are you doing?

Chandler: Making chocolate milk. Do you want some?

Ross: No thanks. I抦 29.

Rachel: (looking at her watch) Oh my God, I gotta go to work!

Ross: Oh sweetie, when do you think you抮e going to get off tonight?

Rachel: Oh I don抰 know honey. It抯 gonna be really late.

Ross: Oh come on, not again.

Rachel: I know. I抦 sorry. Look, I抣l make a deal with you all right? Okay?

Ross: Hmm.

Rachel: For every night that you抮e asleep before I get home from work...

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: I will wake you up in a way that抯 proved very popular in the past.

Ross: Now, if you need to stay late, I want to be supportive of that.

Rachel: Right.

Phoebe: (entering, holding a pair of Roller Blades) Hi.

All: Hey.

Joey: (to Phoebe) Look at you. Since when do you roller blade?

Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal that抯 he抯 going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.

Ross: And what are you going to do for him?

Phoebe: I抦 going to let him.

Ross: Okay.

Joey: Cool.

Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Morning.

All: Hey.

Rachel: Somebody got in late last night.

Monica: Yeah well, I ran into Richard.

(They all gasp)

Rachel: When did this happen?

Monica: Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we went out for an innocent burger.

Phoebe: Oh, there抯 no such thing as an innocent burger.

Ross: So, are you gonna see him again?

Monica: Tomorrow night.

Rachel: Monica, what are you doing?

Chandler: Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now she抯 celebrating that by going on a date with him.

Monica: It抯 not a date, okay. I抦 just gonna teach him how to make lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has.

Joey: Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know you抣l probably be hungry after the sex.

Monica: We抮e not gonna have sex! Okay, nothing抯 changed here. He still doesn抰 want children and I still do, so that抯 why we抮e just gonna be friends.

Ross: Naked friends.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]

Rachel: (entering) Hey.

Joey: Hey.

Rachel: Do you have any ice?

Joey: Check the freezer. If there抯 none in there, then we抮e probably out. Are you just getting in from work? It抯 late.

Rachel: Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the meeting with the reps from Calvin Klien. I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?

Joey: I discovered I抦 able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue.

Rachel: Hmm. (she opens the freezer) Umm, why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer?

Joey: Oh, I was reading it last night, and I got scared, so.

Rachel: But ah, you抮e safe from it if it抯 in the freezer?

Joey: Well, safer. Y'know, I mean I never start reading The Shining, without making sure we抳e got plenty of room in the freezer, y'know.

Rachel: How often do you read it?

Joey: Haven抰 you ever read the same book over and over again?

Rachel: Well, umm, I guess I read Little Women more than once. But I mean that抯 a classic, what抯 so great about The Shining?

Joey: The question should be Rach, what is not so great about The Shining. Okay? And the answer would be: nothing. All right? This is like the scariest book ever. I bet it抯 way better than that classic of yours.

Rachel: Okay. Ah, well we抣l just see about that, okay. I will read The Shining, (she tries to take the book away from him but he doesn抰 want to let it go) and you will read Little Women.

Joey: All right, you got it.

Rachel: All right.

Joey: Okay.

Rachel: Okay.

Joey: Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.

Rachel: Yeah.

Joey: How little are they? I mean, are they like scary little?

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date Robert.]

Phoebe: Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.

Chandler: Oh, hey.

Robert: Hi.

Ross: Hey.

Phoebe: (to Robert) You抳e have lipstick right here (points to her cheek). That抯 okay, it抯 mine, we just kissed.

Ross: Oh.

Chandler: (to Robert) So ah, isn抰 a bit cold out for shorts?

Robert: Well, I抦 from California.

Chandler: Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames.

(Robert leans back on the arm of the chair and allows Chandler to see up his shorts and sees 憀ittle Robert.? Chandler is horrified by this view.)

Chandler: (standing up) I抦 up! I抦 up, I抳e gotten up now! Anybody ah, want anything?

Phoebe: I抣l have coffee.

Robert: Yeah, me too.

Ross: Yeah, make that three.

Chandler: Okay Ross, why don抰 you come with me?

Ross: Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter with you? What抯 going on?

Chandler: Robert抯 coming out.

Ross: What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay?

Chandler: No. He.....he抯 coming out of his shorts.

Ross: What?!

Chandler: The man is showing brain.

Ross: Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch) I抦 sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a....

Robert: Coffee.

Ross: Okay.

Robert: We could write it down for you?

Ross: No, no, that won抰 be ah, that won抰 be necessary (leans down and looks up Robert抯 shorts, seeing Robert抯 package.)

Chandler: (to Ross) Wellll?

Ross: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Chandler: What do we do? What do we do?

Ross: Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it.

Chandler: Like an eclipse.

(Ross nods his head.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is teaching Richard how to make lasagne.]

Richard: So when people complement me on my cooking should I, what do I say?

Monica: You say 慣hank you very much,?and then you buy me something pretty. Come on, we抮e gonna put are hands in this bowl, and we抮e gonna start squishing the tomatoes.

(They both start squishing the tomatoes.)

Richard: Ew, this feels very weird.

Monica: You touch people抯 eyeballs every day and this feels weird.

Richard: Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish them. (Monica grabs his hand in the tomatoes.) That抯 my hand.

Monica: Oops.

Richard: Okay.

Monica: Gotta keep squishing.

Richard: Tomatoes are squishing.

Monica: Okay.

(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)

Richard: Op.

Monica: Oh, gosh, you got some on your shirt.

Richard: Yeah.

Monica: Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it (does so) and it should umm, be.....

(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)

Richard: What?

Monica: Umm, you抳e got some on your pants.

Richard: I抣l just throw them out.

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read Little Women, Ross is also there.]

Joey: These little women. Wow!

Chandler: Your liking it, huh?

Joey: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo抯 manuscript. I don抰 see how he could ever forgive her.

Ross: Umm, Jo抯 a girl, it抯 short for Josephine.

Joey: But Jo抯 got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean it抯 like a girl-girl thing? 慍ause that is the one thing missing from The Shining.

Chandler: No, actually Laurie抯 a boy.

Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.

(Enter Phoebe and Robert)

Phoebe: Hey!

Chandler: Hey.

Ross: Hey! How抎 the ah, basketball go?

Phoebe: Oh, okay, I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a twenty-three pointer.

Chandler: You mean a three pointer?

Phoebe: Oh, I get more because I抦 dainty.

Robert: So um, is there a phone here, I can check my messages?

Phoebe: Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?

Robert: Oh, no thanks. I always carry one in my sock.

(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)

Joey: (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory) Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, I抦 Joey, we haven抰 met.

Robert: Ah, good to meet you. Robert.

(Robert walks away and the guys all start laughing in front of Phoebe.)

Phoebe: What? (the guys keep laughing.) What? You guys, what is going on? You not like Robert? (the guys keep laughing.) Why are you laughing?!

Ross: Calm down. There抯 no reason to get testy.

(The guys start laughing harder.)

Phoebe: You guys!! Come on!

Chandler: I抦 sorry, I抦 sorry, it just seems that Robert isn抰 as concealed in the shorts area, as ah, one may have hoped.

Phoebe: What do you mean?

Robert: Hey. (sits down)

Phoebe: Hey.

Joey: Hey Robert, could you ah, ha, pass me those cookies?

Robert: Sure.

(He puts his leg up on the table to pass Joey the cookies, and Phoebe sees what the guys are laughing at, and gasps.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to Richard on the phone.]

Monica: So, how抎 the lasagne go over? (listens) Really?! Good. So you owe me three pretty things. (listens) Yeah, I抳e been thinking a lot about you too. (listens) I know. It抯 hard this whole platonic thing. (listens) It抯 a word!

(There抯 a knock on the door.)

Monica: Yeah, I do think it抯 better this way. (listens) Yeah, we抮e being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, I抦 sure.(she opens the door and it抯 Richard)

Richard: You really sure?

Monica: I抣l call you back. (starts kissing him)


COMMERCIAL BREAK


[Scene: Monica抯 bedroom, she抯 in bed with Richard.]

Monica: So we can be friends who sleep together.

Richard: Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.

Monica: Sounds smart and healthy to me. So um, just out of curiosity, um, do you currently have any other racquetball buddies?

Richard: Just your dad. (pause) Although that抯 actually racquetball. You know I-I do have a blind date with my sister抯 neighbour next Tuesday.

Monica: Oh.

Richard: You want me to cancel it?

Monica: No! (pushes him) No!

Richard: Okay.

Monica: 慍ause if you do that means you抎 be cancelling it for me, and we抮e just friends.

Richard: Exactly. (pushes her back)

[Scene: Central Perk, Robert is picking up Phoebe for a date.]

Robert: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey. Ooh! Don抰 sit down!

Robert: You ready to go to the batting cage?

Phoebe: Yeah. And, first here抯 a gift.

Robert: Oh! Wow! Hey!

Chandler: Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I were you I would wear them every day, every day!

Robert: Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I don抰 think I can wear these, they抮e so tight, I feel like I抦 on display. I抦 sorry.

Phoebe: That抯 all right, that抯 well, I figured.... (they start to leave as Joey enters.)

Robert: (to Joey) Hey!

Joey: Hey! (starts to laugh.) How抯 it going?

Ross: Good.

Joey: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining?

Rachel: Oh, Danny just went into room 217.

Joey: Oooh, the next part抯 the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...

Rachel: Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, come on you抮e gonna ruin it!

Joey: All right I抣l talk in code. (to Ross and Chandler) Remember when the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?

Chandler: Hmmm, that抯 very cool.

Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, make抯 blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no, no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they get away. Aww!

Rachel: Joey! I can抰 believe you just did that!

Chandler: I can抰 believe she cracked your code!

Rachel: All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though she抯 still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy.

Joey: Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the hotel, and kills the dad.

Rachel: Eh. Beth dies.

(Joey recoils and gasps in horror.)

Joey: Beth, Beth dies?

Rachel: Um-hmm.

Joey: Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?

Chandler: No, Beth doesn抰 die, she doesn抰 die. Does she Rachel?

Rachel: What?!

Ross: Joey抯 asking if you抳e just ruined the first book he抯 ever loved that didn抰 star Jack Nicholson?

Rachel: No. She doesn抰 die.

Joey: Then why would you say that?!

Rachel: Because, I wanted to hurt you.

Robert: (running in) Oh, there they are! I-I dropped my keys.

(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep show.)

Rachel: (gasps) Oh my....

Robert: Got 慹m.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading The Shining, as Monica enters.]

Monica: Hi.

Rachel: (screams and grabs a potato masher to defend herself) Sorry. I抦 sorry.

Monica: You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, (opens her coat revealing a large burn mark over her left breast.) in a grill fire.

(Rachel starts laughing.)

Monica: What are you smiling at?

Rachel: I抦 sorry, I was just thinking you抮e day could still pick up.

Monica: Yeah, right.

(She goes into her bedroom, and sees Richard who has covered the room in roses and has two glasses of wine and a rose between his lips.)

Richard: Hello.

Monica: I love this friend thing!

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there.]

Phoebe: Listen, Robert抯 gonna be here any second so, will one of you just tell him?

Ross: Oh.

Phoebe: Please, right now, no, every time I see him it抯 like 慖s it on the lose?? 慖s it watching me??br>
Chandler: We can抰 tell him, you can抰 go up to a guy you barely know and talk about his.... stuff.

Ross: He抯 right, even if it抯 to say something complementary. (He stops and thinks about what he just said.)

Robert: (entering) Hey!

Phoebe: Hey.

Robert: (to Phoebe) So are ready for the gym? They抳e got this new rock climbing wall, we can spot each other.

Phoebe: No, I can spot you from here.

Robert: What?

Phoebe: Okay, listen Robert...

Ross: (to Chandler) Hey, don抰 we have to...

Chandler: Yeah, we got, um-hmm.

Phoebe: Umm, I think you抮e really, really great...

Robert: Oh God! Here we go again. Why does this keep happening to me? (spreads his legs) Is it something I抦 putting out there? Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?

Phoebe: I-I-I-I-I don抰 know, I don抰 know what to say.

Gunther: (cleaning up the table) (to Robert) Hey buddy, this is a family place, put the mouse back in the house.

(Robert looks down and realises the problem.)

[Scene: Richard抯 bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a thorn.]

Monica: Ow!

Richard: (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, it抯 just like everyone else抯 apartment. It抯 got rooms, walls, and ceilings.

Richard抯 Date: Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me the tour.

Monica: Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as Richard starts the tour.)

Richard: Ah well, this is the living room.

Richard抯 Date: Impressive.

Richard: All right. This is the kitchen.

Richard抯 Date: Oh, that抯 real pretty. Wait a minute, don抰 I get to see the bedroom?

Richard: The bedroom. Well it抯 pretty much your typical... (opens the door as Monica hides under the covers, and quickly closes the door before his date can see the room.) bedroom.

Richard抯 Date: We抮e still on this side of the door.

Richard: Um-hmm.

Richard抯 Date: Yeah, but I didn抰 get to see it.

Richard: Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows her out)

[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and sits down next to her.]

Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) So um, who was she?

Richard: Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called and switched it to today.

Monica: (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And I抦 just asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.

Richard: Well, you seem fine.

Monica: (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I抦 not fine, I抦 not. I mean how can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause) Y'know what, what if we抮e friends who don抰 see other people?

Richard: You mean like exclusive friends?

Monica: Why not?! I mean this has been the most amazing week. Would it be so terrible? Even if we were friends who lived together. Or, maybe someday friends who stood up in front of their other friends, and vowed to be friends forever.

Richard: Wow. Y'know we抮e back where we were. Honey, I would love to do all that, but nothing抯 changed.

Monica: That抯 not true, you don抰 have a moustache.

Richard: Okay, okay, one thing抯 changed. But we still want different things and we know how this is gonna end.

Monica: Y'know what, I抳e got to walk out of here right now, 慶ause getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I don抰 think I could do it again.

Richard: I know I couldn抰. So....

(Monica kisses him.)

Monica: How 慴out one last game of racquetball?

(They both kiss, and Richard picks her up and goes over to the bed and starts to lie down.)

Monica: Watch the thorns!

Richard: (lying down) Ow!!


CLOSING CREDITS


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, and he抯 very dejected.]

Rachel: What?

Joey: Beth is really, really sick.

Rachel: Awwww.

Joey: Jo抯 there, but I don抰 think there抯 anything she could do.

(Rachel hugs him)

Rachel: Joey?

Joey: Yeah.

Rachel: Do you want to put the book in the freezer?

Joey: (nodding his head) Okay.

Rachel: Okay.

(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)


END

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