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老友记第三季The One With Phoebe Ex-Partner

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因为每次我看见你的脸就情不自禁地失态这女的很棒是啊,歌词押韵我以前倒没想过我喜欢她为什么?因为她会唱歌弹吉他,还可边弹边唱吗?这正是我对表演艺人的期待看,你忌妒得要命拜托,菲比你们俩的风格完全不同她比较…你知道而你比较…说你会留在我身边看到没?大家都很高兴她唱完了好,我接下来要唱的是…菲比,我该怎么说?我很怀念当初…我们一起唱歌的日子我不该那样离开你的就是那种别有深意的歌嘿,菲比嘿,莱丝莉你怎么知道我会在这里?我在卖大鱼的地方看到佛拉德她说你常在这里玩,所以…我要上洗手间如果你们又谈到“大鱼”我想知道是好几条大鱼还是一条大鱼而已菲比说你写广告歌我是说她抛弃我去写广告歌有没有我们听过的?家永远不远回家的感觉就是家星炖品但我已经不写了我有点厌倦了再说我也写不出好东西所以被炒鱿鱼了太可惜了你知道,我只是…我只是想或许…也许你愿意跟我再度合作不了,不过,谢谢你拜托,菲比你考虑一下好吗?不了,不过,谢谢你再见,菲比你好狠心你们都要记住一旦背叛我我就成了冷血的女人我是铁石心肠,绝不心软任何东西都无法穿透我这冰冷的外衣给我一张面纸好吗?里面有人吗?我是在玩比大胆的游戏叫做“等到最后一刻然后暴毙而死”老天,你跌倒…嗨你…是兴奋过度吗?女厕所有人,我等不及了不过我帮你把马桶盖掀起来了这样吧,甘瑟,你先我要跟这位…这时候你要报上你的名字金吉儿金吉儿我在跟甘瑟说话,所以…你不必上厕所吗?不,我只是…我宁可跟你聊天是的对,我再不上就不行了里面有人钱德在哪里?他不能去了他说他要回去上班…乔伊?乔伊崔此亚尼?我看得到你,好吗?你藏在外套后面差点就被逮到了嗨嗨,甜心哈罗嘿,罗斯我有坏消息什么坏消息我可以去吃饭但饭后要回来加班拜托,你已经连续加班两星期了这次又有什么事?是我不好,我今天辞职了但工作重要但可惜你要走了出了什么事出了什么事?精力耗尽了精力耗尽了是吗?他另有高就太好了,我想那就再见了再见好吧我们会想你的我也是星期六见没问题这是一种印度点心是莱丝莉呼叫我看我们能不能复合她已经打了二十次了祝你好运,莱丝莉她一定把你伤得很重是啊,我们是最好的朋友我们从小就是好朋友我们的母亲是游艇上的同事你们两个在游艇上跑来跑去一定很可爱游艇上不能跑来跑去钱德在吗?他在咖啡厅认识一个女的金吉儿什么的你确定不是金吉儿的谐音而已像金洁儿什么的?不,是金吉儿我之所以记得是因为他告诉我的时候,我说 “电影明星”老天我就是在躲这个女的要是知道他是我室友一定会把我抖出来你做了什么事?不,我不能…我不能跟你说我从没做过这么过份的事别告诉我们等钱德回家再说,那样更好玩大概是四年前金吉儿和我约了几次会有一个周末…我们到她爸爸的渡假木屋只有我们两个人和她讨厌的小狗椒椒那天晚上我做了一顿烛光晚餐…你给她下毒我才想呢晚饭后,我们两个和椒椒在炉火前面睡着了我在半夜醒来,看到火快熄了就拿起一条木柴丢进去至少我以为那是一条木柴我的天,你把椒椒丢进火里了我才想呢我应该告诉你们,金吉儿…她其实…装了义肢我的天你把她的腿丢进火里之后怎么办?我落跑了这是我这一生最美好的吻至少凌驾我在男厕所遇到的其它人我也是脚踩进水坑里了要命,我最讨厌这样你得把鞋子脱掉不用紧张不,真的,你会冻坏的我不会你不会,你有仿生电子脚?也许有一天会吧这本书很好笑吗?我只是在想我今天听到的一句很有意思的话马克说“星期六见”对,我们要去演讲我上星期就告诉你了你说你不介意我不是介意那场演讲拜托,你不是因为我要跟马克去吧?这个嘛我的天对不起不过你们已经不是同事了为什么还要混在一起因为他是我朋友但你真的需要别的“朋友”吗?如果我不跟乔伊和钱德玩可以跟马克玩吗?这好笑吗?我应该笑吗?我不知道,你觉得“星期六见”很好笑马克也是时装业的我喜欢有个朋友跟我分享你们这些男生不肯跟我去听演讲我很愿意跟你去真的?我有衣服还是我自己挑的告诉你,我可以当个时装…摊贩我很希望你陪我去怎么了?我该穿什么衣服?这下我好紧张你知道,人家说“有人看的锅子不会叫”已经几个小时了…她还没打不是说我在乎,我不在乎你干脆打电话给她吧看你就知道你很想打你自以为很了解我你不想打吗?所以我是很了解你我就是这么说的怎么样?我办不到我办不到,她抛弃了我我完全相信她然后突然有一天 “好,再见,菲比”一去不回你知道最叫人难过的是什么吗?我们在一起表演的时候,是我…永生永世最快乐的时光了我最爱的鞋子,好好穿我每天非穿不可鞋底塌了,脚趾开口不在乎别人怎么说我双脚的知音穿着这双鞋我就是性感小辣妹不过有一天晚上天色灰暗我踩到黏黏的东西黏黏的鞋子,黏黏的鞋子永远让我破涕为笑黏黏的鞋子,黏黏的鞋子下次我要…躲开……泥巴堆我们开始看到许多层的谜织布料和颜色例如,一件谜织的海军蓝衬衫搭配一件…我很高兴我们来听演讲你好美我爱你臭臭猫,臭臭猫他们拿什么给你吃?臭臭猫,臭臭猫这不是你的错太棒了这首歌可以拿去卖非常适合用来…促销猫沙广告歌?有何不可?可以赚大钱如果我是为了赚钱早就是百万富翁了你得把广告歌这种事给忘了你说得对…对不起没关系我现在要唱一首非常哀伤的歌叫做“魔术箱搞混了”特大号的手镯,特大号的耳环一般来说,特大号的配件是今年的主流可以借我吗?我的牛奶坏了我不喜欢这样我以前很喜欢跟人家对分所以偷了人家的车来开你跟金吉儿的约会怎么样了?太棒了很棒,她她很棒,长得漂亮性情好,无可挑剔看样子她很…完整乔伊跟你说过那条腿的事了?吓死我了不应该这样才对,但这是真的我喜欢她,想跟她交往下去不过我忍不住… “你的腿呢?”我是全世界最渺小的人,是吧我是全世界最渺小的人早安其实他才是全世界最渺小的人听过火烧腿的事了吧她提过我知道机会渺茫,可是…她觉得这件事好笑吗?我是打了一下瞌睡打瞌睡?罗斯,你还打呼我爸爸的船撞上岩石的时候都没有这么大声拜托,45分钟那个人讲了45分钟的露背吊带裙好,那在冰冷的博物馆礼堂坐上四个小时…听皮兹坦教授说… “记得这东西是亿万年前死的吗?” “我们过去不知道它有这块小骨头”首先,那是皮坦教授其次,那块小骨头证明了…那只恐龙有翅膀,可是不会飞好,你知道我听到的是什么吗?一亿人跑去看一部以我的工作为主题的电影我不知道有多少人会去看部叫“侏罗纪公园”的电影那实在是…一群抓狂的疯子控制整个小岛如果我的工作这么愚蠢你干嘛坚持今天早上要陪我去这样我就不会跟马克去吗?我想跟你在一起我不知道,我最近觉得…你离我越来越远…你有了新工作,认识了新朋友你的人生多采多姿我知道这很愚蠢但我痛恨不能参与你的生活这并不愚蠢但也许你不参与也不要紧你懂我的意思吗?我是说…我不希望你参与我在这方面的生活这样就清楚一点了你看,这不表示我不爱你因为我是爱你的我非常爱你我独立自主、努力投人这很可怕,但我很过瘾因为这是属于我的但我是说,这样可以吧?当然你在想我的腿其实我已经忘了那是怎么回事?听我说,如果你介意也不要紧我只需要知道你介意到什么程度因为我不喜欢浪费时间我在浪费时间吗?不,我想没有这也没什么只要习惯就好了那是什么?那是我的“结结”结结是什么?就好像是第三个乳头你有三个乳头?有两个正常的…还有一个算不上是…什么?没什么,我…我想起来了,我该走了你要走?现在…?为什么?结结,不,没什么这样吧,再连络我还以为你不来了你到哪里去了过来……不要生气,好吗?不要让我生气,好吗?我把“臭臭猫”唱给旧广告公司听,他们爱死了我说过我不要你拿去卖你这个大肥猫还是做了我想五年前我恐怕会不计一切…只求能跟你一起表演但我自己还是可以唱如果我不能信任你,就拆伙吧我不想拆伙这样吧,你必须做个选择如果你觉得世界上最重要的…是抄袭我的歌那“臭臭猫”就送给你但我们以后再也不是搭档你决定怎么样?臭臭猫,臭臭猫猫沙箱有臭味?不要换你的猫换你的猫沙这不是你的错对不起,菲比你没事吧?我没事因为生命中会发生各种遭遇得到教训以后,希望可以成长要听新歌吗?太好了广告婊子又来搞我去死吧,广告婊子去死吧……我只写了这么多哈罗你到哪里去了?医院一切都顺利吧?只是动了结结切除术两个乳头,说做就做跟瑞秋在高中的时候一样什么?拜托,我是开玩笑的一听就知道是个笑话的确一听就是个笑话可是我没听出来,为什么?我才华的来源老天,我做了什么事?

The One With Phoebe Ex-Partner

[Scene: Central Perk, the gang, except Rachel, is watching a new singer.]

Singer: (singing) ause every time I see your face, I can help but fall from grace. I know.....

Joey: Wow! This girl is good.

Phoebe: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that before.

Chandler: I like her.

Phoebe: (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time?

Chandler: Well, that抯 pretty much all I抦 looking for from these people.

Monica: (to Phoebe) Look at you. All jealous.

Ross: Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know, she抯 more..(shakes his shoulders, like he抯 dancing) y'know, and you抮e more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)

Singer: (singing) beside meeeee-eeee-ee. (everyone applauds her).

Phoebe: Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy she抯 done.

Singer: Okay, my next song抯 called: Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldn抰 Have Left You That Way.

(The gang all looks at Phoebe.)

Phoebe: Oh no, one of those 憀ook for the hidden meaning?songs.


OPENING CREDITS


[Scene: Central Perk, later.]

Singer: Hey Phoebe.

Phoebe: Hey Leslie, how抎 you know I抎 be here?

Leslie: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm....

Chandler: (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. I抎 like know whether that抯 several big fish or just one big fish.

Joey: (to Leslie) So ah, Phoebe tells us you write jingles.

Phoebe: Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.

Joey: (to Leslie) Ah, anything we might of heard of?

Leslie: Ah, yeah, umm. (singing) Home is never far away..

Monica, Ross, and Joey: (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.

Leslie: Yeah, but, I don抰 do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and then I couldn抰 come up with anything good, so they fired me.

Phoebe: Hmm, bummer.

Leslie: Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that umm, maybe you抎 want to get back together?

Phoebe: No. But thanks.

Leslie: Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it?

Phoebe: Okay. No. But thanks.

Leslie: Okay, ah, see ya Pheebs. (leaves)

Joey: (to Phoebe) Wow, that was kinda brutal.

Phoebe: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, y択now. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a tissue, please?

Monica: Yeah, sure.

[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]

Gunther: (to Chandler) Someone in there?

Chandler: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called 憌ait until the last moment before I burst and die.?br>
(The door opens.)

Chandler: Jeez, man did you fall..(sees it抯 a beautiful woman coming out of the men抯 room) Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?

Woman: Someone was in the lady's room, I couldn抰 wait. I left the lid up for ya though.

(Gunther walks up)

Chandler: (to Gunther) Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, I抦-I抦 talking to ah, (tries to get her to say her name). (to her) This is the part where you say your name.

Woman: Ginger.

Chandler: Ginger. I抦 talking to Ginger, so....

Ginger: Don抰 you have to use the bathroom?

Chandler: Nope, nope, I抎 just ah, I抎 rather talk to you. (pause) Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)

Gunther: Someone in here.

[Scene: Central Perk, the gang抯 putting their coats on to leave.]

Phoebe: Where抯 Chandler?

Joey: Ah, he can抰 make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh! (hides behind the coat rack.)

Ginger: Joey? Joey Tribbiani?

(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that he抯 still behind it, and she can抰 see him.)

Ginger: Joey I can see you okay? You抮e hiding behind the coats.

(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica who looks away and leave.)

Joey: Phew, close one.

[Scene: Rachel抯 office, Mark is packing his stuff into a box.]

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Hi, sweetie!

Ross: Hello.

Mark: Hi, Ross.

Ross: Yeah, huh.

Rachel: I抳e got some bad news.

Ross: What?

Rachel: I can get a quick bite to eat, but then I have to come back up here.

Ross: Come on sweetie! You抳e had to work late every night for the past two weeks, what is it this time?

Mark: Actually, it抯 kinda my fault. I-I quit today.

Ross: (to Rachel) But work comes first! (to Mark) Oh hey, but that抯 sad about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?

Rachel: Nooo, he抯 leaving for a better job.

Ross: Oh well that抯 great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then. Huh? (picks a pad up off Rachel抯 desk and tosses it into his box) Good bye.

Mark: Okay, then.

Ross: Okay.

Rachel: Well we抮e gonna miss you around here.

Mark: Yeah, me too.

(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesn抰 let go, so she can only put one arm around him.)

Mark: So, see ya on Saturday.

Rachel: Yeah, you bet.

(Ross is shocked, but Rachel drags him out of the office.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are playing with a Ouija board, Phoebe抯 beeper goes off and Monica screams.]

Phoebe: Oh. (takes her beeper puts in a pot, covers it, and puts the pot in the oven)

Monica: Y'know those are a delicacy in India.

Phoebe: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. That抯 the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!

Monica: Wow, she must have hurt you pretty bad, huh?

Phoebe: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together.

Monica: Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge.

Phoebe: You never run on a barge!

Joey: (entering) Hey.

Phoebe and Monica: Hey.

Joey: Is ah, is Chandler around?

Monica: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.

Joey: Oooh.

Monica: Yeah, Ginger something.

Joey: Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasn抰 something that sounded like Ginger, like ah, Gingeer?

Monica: No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said, (singing) 憈he movie star.?br>
Joey: Aww, man. That抯 the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out he抯 my roommate, she抯 gonna tell him what I did.

Monica: Well, what did you do?

Joey: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I can抰, I can抰 tell you that, it抯 like the most awful, horrible thing I抳e ever done my whole life.

Monica: Y'know what, don抰 tell us. We抣l just wait until Chandler gets home, (to Phoebe) because it抣l be more fun that way.

Joey: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dad抯 cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner....

Monica: You gave her food poisoning!?

Joey: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.

Phoebe: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!

Joey: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should抳e told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.

(Phoebe and Monica both stand up and gasp.)

Monica: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?

Joey: I ran!!

[Scene: A street, Chandler is kissing Ginger.]

Chandler: Well, that抯 the best kiss I抳e had with anyone I抳e ever met in a men抯 room.

Ginger: Actually, me too.

Chandler: (sees her foot is in a slush puddle) Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle.

Ginger: Oh damn, I hate that.

Chandler: Yeah, we抮e gonna have to get you out of those shoes.

Ginger: Oh, don抰 worry about it.

Chandler: No, really you抮e gonna freeze.

Ginger: No, I抦 not.

Chandler: You抮e not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?

Ginger: Some day, maybe.

[Scene: Ross抯 bedroom, Rachel getting into bed while Ross is reading and laughs.]

Rachel: Funny book?

Ross: Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today. Umm, Mark, Mark saying 慖抣l see you Saturday.?br>
Rachel: Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you didn抰 mind.

Ross: Oh, no, no, no, it抯-it抯 not the lecture ah, I mind, umm....

Rachel: Oh, please tell me it抯 not because I抦 going with Mark.

Ross: Oh, well...

Rachel: Oh my God!!! Ross!!

Ross: Well, I抦 sorry, but ah, look if you抮e not working with him anymore, why do you have to still do stuff with him?

Rachel: Because, he抯 my friend.

Ross: Okay, but do you really need another friend? I mean...

Rachel: Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with Mark?

Ross: Is that funny? Am I supposed to be laughing?

Rachel: I don抰 know, you thought 慡ee you Saturday?was funny. Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.

Ross: Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.

Rachel: Really!?

Ross: Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you know I could be a fashion..... monger.

Rachel: Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried look on his face) What?

Ross: What should I wear, now I抦 all nervous.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]

Monica: Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps.

Phoebe: It抯 just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasn抰 called. Not that I even care, y'know.

Monica: Phoebe why don抰 you just call her? You obviously want to.

Phoebe: You think you know me so well.

Monica: Well, don抰 慶ha wanna?

Phoebe: Yeah.

Monica: Okay, well I do know you.

Phoebe: That抯 what I said.

Monica: Well so?

Phoebe: I can抰. I can抰. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was 慜kay, bye Pheebs?gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun I抳e ever had in like all my lives.

[Scene: Central Perk, Leslie is singing.]

Leslie: (singing) My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heel, holes in the toes. Don抰 care what people say. My feet抯 best friends, pals to the end. With them I抦 one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light, I....

(Phoebe runs in and joins her.)

Phoebe: (singing) I stepped in something icky.

Phoebe and Leslie: (singing) Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, always make me smile. Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, next time I抣l.... avoid the..... pillleeeee.


COMMERCIAL BREAK


[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]

Lecturer: We抮e beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and colours. For instance a sheer navy blouse over a pink....

Ross: (to Rachel) I抦 really glad we came. (Rachel smiles and rubs his arm) You抮e so pretty. I love you.

Rachel: Oh. (puts her hand over his mouth)

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]

Phoebe: (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it抯 not your fault.

Leslie: Wow, that抯 great.

Phoebe: Oh, yeah!

Leslie: Y'know you could totally sell this. It抎 be perfect for like umm, a kitty litter campaign.

Phoebe: I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.

Leslie: What? Why not? You could make a ton of money.

Phoebe: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, I抎 be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.

Leslie: Aw, you抮e right, you抮e right. I抦 sorry.

Phoebe: That抯 okay. All right, I抦 gonna play song that抯 really, really sad. It抯 called Magician Box Mix Up. (she turns her guitar upside down to play it.)

[Scene: The lecture, Ross is passed out against Rachel抯 shoulder.]

Lecturer: ....oversized bracelets, oversized earrings, oversizing of accessories in general are very popular now.

(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing, which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]

Monica: (entering) Hi!

Chandler: Hey.

Monica: Oh, can I borrow this? (points to his milk) My milk抯 gone bad.

Chandler: Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.

Monica: So umm, how was your date with Ginger?

Chandler: Great. It was great. She抯 ah, she抯 great, great looking, great personality, she抯 greatness.

Monica: Sounds like she抯 got the ah, whole package.

Chandler: Joey told you about the leg, huh?

Monica: Uh-huh.

Chandler: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldn抰 have, but it did. I mean I like her, I don抰 want to stop seeing her, but every so often it抯 like 慔ey, y'know what, where抯 your leg?? I mean I抦 the smallest person in the world aren抰 I? I抦 the smallest person in the world.

Joey: (entering from his bedroom) Morning.

Chandler: (to Monica) Actually he抯 the smallest person in the world.

Joey: (to Chandler) Heard about the leg burnin?huh?

Chandler: It came up.

Joey: Listen, I ah, I know it抯 a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny?

(Both Chandler and Monica walk away in disgust.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are getting back from the lecture.]

Ross: (entering) So I nodded off a little.

Rachel: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My father抯 boat didn抰 make that much noise when it hit rocks!

Ross: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses.

Rachel: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and he抯 慔ey everybody! Remember that thing that抯 been dead for a gazillion years. Well there抯 this little bone we didn抰 know it had!?br>
Ross: First of all it抯 Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn抰 fly.

Rachel: Okay, see now, what I just heard: blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.

Ross: Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.

Rachel: Oh, that is so...

Ross: No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake it off, thinking it抯 alive and attacking him.)

Rachel: Y'know if what I do is so lame, then why did you insist on coming with me this morning? Huh? Was it so I just wouldn抰 go with Mark?

Ross: No. I... I wanted to be with you. I don抰 know, I feel like lately, I feel like you抮e slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new people, and you抳e got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know it抯 dumb, but I hate that I抦 not a part of it.

Rachel: It抯 not dumb. But, maybe it抯 okay that you抮e not a part of it. Y'know what I mean? (Ross looks confused) I mean it抯 like, I-I-I like that you抮e not involved in that part of my life.

Ross: That抯 a little clearer.

Rachel: Honey see, it doesn抰 mean that I don抰 love you. Because I do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work it抯-it抯 for me y'know, I抦 out there, on my own, and I抦 doing it and it抯 scary but I love it, because it抯 mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?

Ross: Sure, I-I-I... (hugs her and mouths No!!)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Ginger are eating dinner.]

Ginger: Your thinking about my leg aren抰 you?

Chandler: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?

Ginger: It抯 okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is: 慔ow much it bothers you??because I don抰 like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time?

Chandler: No. No. I don抰 think so.

Ginger: Okay. It抯 just like anything else, you just have to get used to it.

(They start making out. She opens his shirt and feels inside and stops.)

Ginger: What抯 that?

Chandler: That抯-that抯 my nubbin.

Ginger: What抯 a nubbin?

Chandler: It抯 kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.

Ginger: You have three nipples?

Chandler: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... (starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?

Ginger: Nothing. I, I just remembered I have to leave.

Chandler: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?

Ginger: Ah well, it抯 nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, I抣l see you later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]

Phoebe: (to Leslie) Oh, I thought you weren抰 coming. What? Where were you?

Leslie: Come here, come here. (they go to the side of the stage) Okay, don抰 get mad, okay.

Phoebe: Okay, don抰 give me a reason to get mad, okay

Leslie: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.

Phoebe: No, look, I told you that I didn抰 want you to try and sell it, and you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably would抳e done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I can抰 trust you then just forget it.

Leslie: No, no, I don抰 want to forget it.

Phoebe: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we won抰 be partners. So what抯 it gonna be?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are watching TV.]

Commercial: (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the litter box? Don抰 change your kitty, change your kitty litter.

(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)

Monica: Sorry, Pheebs.

Joey: Yeah. You okay?

Phoebe: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-life抯 gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song?

Joey: Yeah.

Monica: We抎 love too.

Phoebe: Okay. (singing) 慗ingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.? That抯 all I have so far.


CLOSING CREDITS


[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang except Chandler is there.]

Chandler: (entering, happily) Well hello!

Joey: Where have you been?

Chandler: The doctor.

Ross: Is everything okay?

Chandler: Oh yes! Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep! Two nipples, no waiting.

Monica: Wow! It抯 like Rachel in High School.

Rachel: What?!!

Monica: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!

Chandler: That was an obvious joke, and I didn抰 think of it. Why didn抰 I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!

END

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