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老友记第四季The One With The Ballroom Dancing

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嘿! 新钱包哦 对,也该换新的了。里面的安全套终于不再说“好凉快”了。 - 瑞秋! - 嗯? 你把吃剩的空盒子又放回冰箱! 对啊,因为垃圾袋满了。 你从来没有倒过垃圾吗? 呃, 我以为这是你的爱好。 左边第三个门。 知道了! 哦! 嗨, 崔戈先生。 嗨。 你在干什么? 哦。 哦! 对不起。 虽然不那么新鲜不过…… 不是说这个! 你堵住了我花半小时才弄通的垃圾道! 真对不起!我不是经常来这儿。 - 是啊, 你当然不常来! - 对。 因为你是个小公主! "爸爸, 给我买份pizza。 爸爸, 给我买个糖果厂。 - 爸爸, 让猫咪们为我唱生日歌……" - 我没有…… 我从没说过这样的话。 你以为你可以到这儿来 把东西搞得一团糟, 然后由穿工人装的大个子来清扫, 对吗? 为什么不改一改? 为他人想一想 哦, 我很抱歉! 老天! 干这么点活你也会哭! Whoa-whoa, 是崔戈弄哭你的? 是! 他的话相当刻薄而且并不都是真的。 我要下去给那家伙上一课。 乔伊, 别去。 我们最好忘掉这事。 你说的轻松, 我刚才几乎被杀掉。 好的, 上课的时间到了! 老天! 这是健身卡吗? 哦没错, 健身房会员。 我原打算每周去四次, 但我已经错过了1200次。 为什么不退出? 你以为我没试过吗? 你以为他们每月从我帐户上扣掉50块我很开心? 不, 他们让你到他们那里! 然后就运用所有的词语和表情来迷惑你。 然后他们带来玛利亚。 玛利亚是谁? 哦!玛利亚。 你没有能力拒绝她, 她就像是用合成弹力纤维包装的健身房的……礼品。 要我和你一道去帮你打气吗? 不! 那你有勇气单独面对她吗? 哦不, 你还是来吧。 崔比昂尼! 等一下, 我去拿皮揣子。 嘿! 你等一下伙计! 你把我朋友瑞秋弄哭了。 所以你得跟我上去向她道歉, 否则我就要去找房东了。 跟他说什么? 你难道不知道什么叫“不准让女孩哭泣”吗? 知道。 你也该知道什么叫1968年发布的的《租赁安定化条例》吧! 说实话我不~~~知道。 你朋友触犯了这个条例。 我一直没出声,不过现在我不用再做好人了。 我要去告诉房东,把莫妮卡的外婆的房子转租给她是不合法的。 你的朋友们要被赶出去了伙计。 你为什么不告诉我点我不知道的东西! 哦拜托, 我今天真不想去上班! 出什么事了? 我今天的第一个顾客是个帅得一塌糊涂的家伙, 一看到他我就想对他提供点我不能收费的服务。 那就免费提供。 哦不行, 那是被禁止的! 不行的, 跟客户鬼混会被波特太太开除。 而且这有违女按摩师的誓言。 你们要宣誓的吗? 不, 我自己的誓言。 不和顾客鬼混,时刻准备着。 对, 后一句是童子军说的, 但用在这里也很不错。 你为什么不把他转给别人? 不用, 我能处理。我是职业的。 哦菲比, 那是个新脚镯吗? Wow! 你还做了脚部美容。你的脚盛装打扮。 因为当他在按摩台上,那是你唯一能被他看见的部分! 你想用脚来勾引他! 我不明白你们在说什么。 那脚趾环你又怎么解释?! 因为今天是阿拉伯公主日! 行了吗?! 别烦我! 哦! 英雄! 事情怎样了? 哦, 我下去告诉他说谁也不能那样对我朋友, 他最好上来道歉。 待会儿见。 等等, 那他怎么说? 他说他不会来道歉因为你们住在这里是违法的, 所以相反他要把你们赶出去。待会儿见。 什么?! 你弄到我们要被赶出去!! 我告诉过你不要去! 可是他把瑞秋弄哭了! 瑞秋整天都哭的了! 这不是真的吧! 乔伊, 现在你得去拍他的马屁。 而且要拍得不着痕迹! 好吧! 我试试看! 不过如果不成功, 你们可以和钱德还有我暂时一起住着。 快去!! 好, 好, 好。 我会先和他商量商量, 不过我想他可能会很酷。 Whoa-whoa-whoa, 嘿! 记着我们刚才说过的, 你要强硬一点。 好。 好! 再试一次, "嗨,你不想拥有平滑的小腹和结实的胸肌吗?" 不! 我要的是松弛的肚皮和下垂的胸部! 好! 很好! 我想要退出健身房。 你要退出? 我要退出健身房。 你知道吗,你将因此不能享受我们新推出的全套瑞典式温泉浴服务 我要退出健身房。 好吧, 戴夫在成员资格办公室办理退会。 对不起, 你是会员吗? 我? 不是。 对不起, 只有会员能进去。 我要退出健身房。 没事的老兄, 要强硬。 你参加过健身房吗? 没有! 也没这个打算, 你不用白费唇舌了。 好的, 没问题。 你能过来一下吗? 嗨, 我是玛利亚。 Wow, 你的脚真漂亮。 都是些旧玩意儿。 你能帮我按一按髋部吗? 痛了一整天了。 髋部? 你指的是毛巾盖着的这部分? 对。 哦, 当然, 没问题, 因为呃, 其实髋部的肌肉通常很——结实而且美观。 告诉我里克, 呃, 你怎么会弄伤这里的。 哦, 为了绿色和平组织16个钟头的静坐抗议。 哦。 哇! 你刚才咬了我? 没有! 有事吗? 拜托不要把莫妮卡和瑞秋赶出去, 不是她们的错, 错在我。 你是要我把你们赶出去? 哦你不能这么做, 那样小鸡小鸭该住哪儿? 你们养宠物! 不,不,不是的, 那些只是外号。 我是"小鸡", 钱德是"小鸭"。 哦, 我还以为你是“小鸭”。 求求你, 只要让她们留下来, 我帮你做什么都行。 真的? 什么都行? 是,是, 我保证。 倒真有点事你能帮忙。 什么事? 你能做我的舞伴吗? 这不是监狱里的黑话吧? 他的舞伴?! 对, 有个公寓主管的舞会, 主管(超级)舞会。 他想引起玛芝的注意, 就是他爱上的那个女主管。 为什么不找个女生来练习? 他太怕羞, 他认为以他现在的技术还不能和女生跳舞。 那倒没错, 他差点让我跳进那个垃圾道。 哦 你还没忘?! 又不是什么大事! 嗨。 嗨! 你退出了吗? 没有, 我几乎成功了, 可我不能让罗斯在那儿没伴儿啊! 你参加了健身房? 好笑吗, 笑什么? 哦, 我只是想象你筋疲力尽的模样还有…… 哦, 没什么了。 我们没救了。 在我们的余生中他们将每个月从我们的帐户里扣掉50块。 我们该怎么办? 你们可以真的去健身。 或者! 或者, 我们可以去银行销掉我们的帐户, 切断他们的来源。 你真是天才! 啊, 老兄, 那我们就不再是帐户的合伙人了! 又多了一条理由。 嗨。 嗨! 哦, 你们还记得我上次提到的那个帅哥顾客吗? 我咬了他。 哪里?! 屁股。 这不违背你的誓言吗?! 违背! 我知道! 我抱歉, 可是当我一摸他, 我就想把我旧的誓言扔到一边, 找一个新的, 下流的。 下次帮他按摩的时候,试着分散自己的注意力。 对啊! 对啊! 如果我在做让我很兴奋的事 而我又不想让自己太 兴奋, 我就想点其它的,像……三明治, 像……棒球, 像……钱德! 多谢你, 乔伊。 不不, 该我谢你。 我想尽快把事情办完。 好的,跟我的步子跳就行了。 喂喂, 不需要先做点准备工作吗? 比如, 喝个大醉? 来, 用你的手臂搂着我。 啊! 真对不起! 不要紧, 不过要是玛芝, 可能已经被摔成相片了。 啊, 算了! 我永远也跳不好, 我妈说的对, 我只是个有头,有手,有脚的大土豆。 嘿老兄, 你并不是什么土豆。 我肯定跳舞的时候是, 没用的, 玛芝永远不会找我跳舞。 别这么说, 崔戈, 你只要, 你只要多练练。 来, 我们再试一次。 来吧。 而且, 刚才很可能要怪我。 我是说,我不是个让人感觉很舒服的舞伴。 We-he!! - 嘿! - Yeah! 感觉如何? 还是像在“搞基”吗? Ah-ha-ha, 你们这次要多谢我。 那是什么? 什么? 你刚才跳了点舞步。 我没有。 你跳了! 像是单脚跳。 舞跳得很开心哦。 没有, 我没有! 况且那不是单脚跳,那是帕得玛利舞。 术语你都知道! 你真的很投入! 可能我有点喜欢跳舞了。其实我已经跳得相当不错。 哦,真棒!舞姿翩翩的小乔伊。 嘿嘿, 这可不是女孩子跳的那种舞。 它像一种体育运动, 很阳刚的! 好吧,来,让我见识一下很“阳刚”的运动。 我不会跳男步。 你好。 你们好。 我们想要销户。 销户? 出了什么问题吗? 没有。 我们只是想销户。 好吧, 销户是由兰伯特女士办理的。 请你过来这边好吗? 嗨, 我叫凯伦。 我要退出银行! 好吧, 棒球。里克是打棒球的。 哦,滑下去了一点儿, 要是他的短裤也滑下去一点儿…… 哦不, 不! 不行! 好吧, 三明治, 三明治。 装在盘子里的, 要是里克的短裤滑下去一点儿…… 不! 不! 好吧, 钱德! 钱德, 哦, 这个有效。 钱德的膝盖。 钱德的…… 脚脖子。 钱德脚脖子上的毛。 哦老天。 全部做完了。 wow! 真不敢相信, 只过了一个小时吗?! 是啊! 这里的一小时比较长。 什么? 哦, 好吧, 我迷上你了。 但因为你是顾客,我不能约你,尽管你让我有……这种感觉。 Wow! 我根本不知道! 不过, 我可以找别人帮我按摩 真的?! 对, 真的。 怎么了? 我突然间很不习惯我的暴露。 乖乖躺下吧。 西蒙先生已经等了……哦!我的天 为什么刚才没给我提供这个? 我肯定会多给些钱的。 菲比, 这里有规定, 这里不是那种地方。 我知道, 但不是像你想的那样, 因为里克是……我老公。 哦是吗? 那你最好先告诉他的另一个老婆, 因为她已经打了三次电话来问他在哪里 好的, 我会告诉她的。 你们最后没有脱离银行? 没有! 而且, 最后我们合开了一个支票帐户。 开那个干什么?! 用来付钱给健身房。 嗨。 嗨! 我今天过的真不错, 里克和我果然很合得来, 我们正想更进一步, 老板就走了进来,以为我是个妓女,开除了我。 什么?! 你被开除了?! 哦我的天! 真不敢相信, 我以前从没因为任何原因被开除过! 亲爱的…… 我只好漫无目的四处游荡, 问街上的人是否需要按摩。 然后警察也以为我是个妓女。 真是倒霉的一天, 妓女式的。 嗨小鸭,小鸡在吗? 在…… 兔宝宝。 这是最后一次练习,你准备好了吗? 好了, 不过我觉得我们不能做好那个旋转是因为我的屋子太小了。 那你想用我们的房子吗? 不, 我另有办法。 我们成功了!! 我知道, 我们成功了!! 难以置信, 对不对?! 我知道, 真不可思议! 我们完全固定住了, 动作太漂亮了。 谢谢你, 真的很感谢你,崔比昂尼, 哦老天, 时间到了, 我得赶着搭去舞会的公交车。 哦, 好吧, 祝你好运。 谢谢。 你还想再练练狐步舞吗?或者探戈? 啊, 谢谢,不过不必了。 我觉得我可以开始和女生跳了。 哦。 - 快去吧,崔戈。 - 好。 嗨, 要不要一道去? 玛芝有个女朋友。 真的? 真的, 你可以和她好好跳跳, 她个头和我差不多。 哦,不用了。 看来你有很丰富的工作经验。 上一份工作为什么没做下去呢? 他们以为我是个妓女。 好吧,如果有消息我们会通知你的。 太好了! 非常感谢。

The One With The Ballroom Dancing

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is there eating breakfast. Chandler is cleaning out his wallet.]

Phoebe: Hey! New wallet, huh?

Chandler: Yeah, it was time. The old condom ring in the leather just doesn’t say ‘cool’ anymore.

Monica: Rachel!

Rachel: What?

Monica: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!

Rachel: Oh yeah, I know, but the garbage was full.

Monica: Have you ever taken out the trash? (Hands her the garbage.)

Rachel: Well, I thought you liked doing it. (Rachel starts out the door and stops.)

Monica: Third door on the left.

Rachel: Right!

[Scene: Garbage room: Mr. Treeger is unclogging the trash chute as Rachel enters.]

Rachel: Oh! Hey, Mr. Treeger.

Mr. Treeger:: Hey.

(Rachel opens the trash chute, winces at the smell, and throws the garbage bag in. She then tries to throw the pizza box in, but since it’s so big she jams it into the opening and it prevents the door from closing. She then turns around too see Mr. Treeger watching her.)

Mr. Treeger:: What are you doing?

Rachel: Ummm. Oh! I’m sorry. (She grabs the box and offers him a piece.) It’s a little old but…

Mr. Treeger:: No! You’re clogging up the chute that I spent a half-hour unclogging!

Rachel: I’m sorry. I didn’t—I don’t come in here a lot.

Mr. Treeger:: Oh yeah, of course you don’t!

Rachel: No.

Mr. Treeger:: ‘Cause you’re a little princess! "Daddy, buy me a pizza. Daddy, buy me a candy factory. Daddy, make the cast of Cats sing Happy Birthday to me…"

Rachel: I didn’t… I never said that.

Mr. Treeger:: You think you could make a mess and the big man in coveralls will come in here and clean it up, huh? Well, why don’t think of someone else for a change?

Rachel: (starting to cry) Okay, I’m sorry. (Runs out still carrying the pizza box.)

[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s apartment as Rachel returns in tears.]

Monica: God! If you’re gonna cry about it! (She grabs the box and goes to through it out.]

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Continued from earlier, Rachel is now telling everyone of her experience in the garbage room.]

Joey: Whoa-whoa, Treeger made you cry?

Rachel: Yes! And he said really mean things that were only partly true.

Joey: I’m gonna go down there and teach that guy a lesson.

Monica: Joey, please don’t do that. I think it’s best that we just forget about it.

Rachel: That’s easy for you to say, you weren’t almost just killed.

Joey: All right that’s it, school is in session! (Exits and slams the door.)

Monica: (Picking up a card from Chandler’s wallet.) My God! Is this a gym card?

Chandler: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last 1200 times.

Ross: So why don’t you quit?

Chandler: You don’t think I’ve tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.

Ross: Who is Maria?

Chandler: Oh Maria. You can’t say no to her, she’s like this lycra spandex covered gym…treat.

Ross: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?

Chandler: No!

Ross: So you’re strong enough to face her on your own?

Chandler: Oh no, you’ll have to come.

[Scene: Treeger’s apartment, Joey knocks on the door and Treeger opens it.]

Mr. Treeger:: Tribbiani! Hold on, I’ll get the plunger.

Joey: Hey! You hold on pal! Now you made my friend, Rachel, cry. So now, you’re gonna go up there and apologize to her, unless you want me to call the landlord.

Mr. Treeger:: And tell him what?

Joey: Have you heard about a little something called, Not Making Girls Cry.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah. Well maybe you have heard about the Rent Stabilization Act of 1968!

Joey: I have actually not heard of that.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, well your friends are in violation of it. I’ve been a nice guy up until now, but uh, I don’t need this grief. I’m gonna call the landlord and tell him that Monica is illegally subletting here grandmother’s apartment. Your friends are outta here pal.

Joey: Why don’t you tell me something I don’t know! (He storms out, and once Treeger closes the door behind him, Joey makes an ‘Oops!’ have.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, everyone is still eating breakfast.]

Phoebe: Oh please, somebody tell me I don’t have to go to work today!

Monica: What’s the matter?

Phoebe: Oh, my first massage today is this incredibly gorgeous guy, and every time I see him I just want to do things to him that I’m not allowed to charge for.

Monica: So do them for free.

Phoebe: Oh no, it is forbidden! No-no, Mrs. Potter fires people for fooling around with clients. And it’s against my oath as a masseuse.

Ross: They make you take an oath?

Phoebe: No, I made myself take an oath. Yeah, no fooling around with clients and umm, always be prepared. Yeah, that one’s actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.

Chandler: Why don’t you just give him to somebody else?

Phoebe: No, I can handle it. No, I’m a professional. (She starts to leave)

Rachel: Oh Pheebs, is that a new ankle bracelet?

Monica: Wow! And you got a petticure. Your feet are all dressed up.

Chandler: Because that’s the only part of you he can see when he’s on the table!

Monica: You’re gonna do some feet flirtin’!

Phoebe: I don’t what your talking about. (Laughs nervously and continues to leaqve)

Ross: Then how do you explain the toe ring?!

Phoebe: Because it’s Arabian princess day at work! Okay?! Leave me alone!

[Cut to later, Joey is returning from talking to Mr. Treeger.]

Rachel: Oh! My hero! What happened?

Joey: Well uh, I went down there and told him that no one treats my friends like that and that he’d better come up here and apologize. I’ll see you later. (Starts to leave)

Monica: What a minute, what did he say?

Joey: He said that he wasn’t gonna apologize because you guys are living here illegally, so instead what he’s gonna do is have you evicted—I’ll see you later.

Rachel: What?! You got us evicted!!

Monica: I told you not to go down there!

Joey: Well he made Rachel cry!

Monica: Rachel always cries!

Rachel: That’s not true! (Starts to cry.)

Monica: Now Joey, you go down there and you suck up to him. I mean you suck like you’ve never sucked before!

Joey: All right! I’ll try! But if I can’t, you can stay with Chandler and I until you get settled.

Rachel: Go!!

Joey: All right, all right, all right. (Starts to leave, stops, and turns around) I mean I’ll have to check with him first, but I’ll think he’ll be cool with it. (Monica shoos him out.)

[Scene: Chandler’s gym, He and Ross are there to cancel his membership.]

Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey! Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.

Chandler: Yes. (In a stronger voice) Yes!

Ross: One more time, "Hey, don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"

Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!

Ross: Good! That’s good!

Chandler: Okay. (They go inside) (To the guy at the desk) I wanna quit the gym.

Gym Employee: You wanna quit?

Chandler: I wanna quit the gym.

Gym Employee: You do realize that you won’t have access to our new full service Swedish spa.

Chandler: (He turns to Ross and Ross makes a ‘Be strong’ sound.) I wanna quit the gym.

Gym Employee: Okay, Dave in the membership office, handles quitters. (Both Chandler and Ross start to make their way to the membership office.) Uh, excuse me, (to Ross) are you a member?

Ross: Me? No.

Gym Employee: Sorry, members only.

Chandler: (horrified at the prospect of trying to quit alone and unsure about himself) I wanna quit the gym.

Ross: It’s okay man, be strong. (Chandler goes into the office.)

Gym Employee: (to Ross) So, are you a member of any gym.

Ross: No! And I’m not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.

Gym Employee: Okay, no problem. (To someone out of the picture) Could you come here for a second?

(This gorgeous woman in spandex walks up)

Woman: Hi, I’m Maria.

(Ross is at a loss for words.)

[Scene: Heeling Hands Inc., Phoebe’s work, she is giving a massage to the guy, Rick, she likes.]

Rick: (looking at her feet) Wow, you have really pretty feet.

Phoebe: These old things.

Rick: Would you mind spending some time on my siadic area, it’s been killing me today.

Phoebe: You mean the—Okay by siadic, you mean the towel covered portion.

Rick: Yeah.

Phoebe: Sure, yeah, no I can do that, yeah, because umm, y'know, the muscles in the siadic area can get y’know, real (lifts up the towel) nice and tight. So umm, tell me Rick, how umm, how did you injure the area.

Rick: Oh, a 16-hour sit-in for Greenpeace.

Phoebe: Oh. (She goes to work, and her head slowly drops out of view.)

Rick: Ow! Did you just bite me?

Phoebe: No!

[Scene: Mr. Treeger’s apartment, Joey is there to suck up.]

Mr. Treeger:: What?

Joey: Please don’t kick Monica and Rachel out, this wasn’t there fault, it was mine.

Mr. Treeger:: You want me to kick you guys out instead?

Joey: No you can’t do that, where would the chick and the duck live?

Mr. Treeger:: You have pets!

Joey: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. I’m the chick and Chandler is the duck.

Mr. Treeger:: Huh, I would’ve thought it was the other way around.

Joey: Come on man, just-just let the girls stay, I’ll do whatever you want.

Mr. Treeger:: Really? You’ll do anything?

Joey: Yeah-yeah, absolutely.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, I’ve got something you can do.

Joey: What, what is it?

Mr. Treeger:: Can you be my dancing partner?

Joey: That’s not, prison lingo, is it?

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is telling Monica and Rachel what he has to do.]

Monica: His dancing partner?!

Joey: Yeah, there’s this superintendent’s dance, the Super Ball. I don’t know, and he wants to impress Marge, this lady super that he’s a crush on.

Rachel: Well, why doesn’t he practice with a girl?

Joey: Well, he’s too shy, he doesn’t thing he’s good enough to dance with girls yet.

Rachel: Yeah, right, he almost danced me right down that…garbage chute. (Starts to cry)

Monica: Oh, would you let it go already?! You’re fine!

(Chandler and Ross enter)

Chandler: Hey.

Rachel: Hey! So, did you quit?

Chandler: No, I almost did, couldn’t leave Ross there without a spotter!

Monica: Wait, now so you joined the gym?

(Rachel starts to laugh.)

Ross: And that’s funny, why?

Rachel: Oh, umm, I was just y’know working out and umm… Oh, that’s it.

Chandler: We’re doomed. Okay, they’re gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?

Monica: Well, you could actually go to the gym.

(Chandler and Ross both laugh)

Ross: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.

Chandler: You’re a genius!

Joey: Aww, man, now we won’t be bank buddies!

Chandler: Now, there’s two reasons.

Phoebe: (entering) Hey.

All: Hey!

Phoebe: Ohh, you guys, remember that cute client I told you about? I bit him.

Rachel: Where?!

Phoebe: On the touchy.

Ross: And that’s not against your oath?!

Phoebe: No, I know! I-I’m sorry, but the moment I touch him, I just wanna throw out my old oath and take a new, dirty one.

Monica: Well, next time your massaging him, you should try and distract yourself.

Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when I’m doing something exciting and I don’t wanna get too excited, I just ahh, y’know try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!

Chandler: Thank you, Joey.

Joey: No-no, thank you.

[Scene: Treeger’s apartment, Joey knocks and Mr. Treeger opens the door.]

Joey: All right, I’m here, let’s ahh, get this over with.

Mr. Treeger:: Okay ahh, well, just ahh, follow my lead. (Turns on some music)

Joey: Whoa-whoa, don’t we need to do some kinda preparation first? Like ahh, get really drunk?

Mr. Treeger:: Look come on, eh, just ah, just ah, put your arms around me, eh.

(Joey does so, and they both start dancing. Treeger tries to spin Joey, but ends up throwing him into the door.)

Mr. Treeger:: Ahhhh! I’m sorry!

Joey: No, it’s okay, but if I’m Marge, my breasts are coming out my back.

Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, forget it! I’ll never be any good at this, my mom was right, I’m just a big potato with arms, and legs, and a head.

Joey: Come on man, you’re not a potato.

Mr. Treeger:: I’m sure as hell a dancer, it’s no use Marge will never go for me.

Joey: Come on Treeger, don’t say that. You just ahh, you just need more practice. Here, come on, let’s ahh, let’s try it again. Come on. (they start dancing again) Plus, it was, it was probably mostly my fault, anyway. I mean, y’know, I’m not really that comfortable dancing with a—(Treeger throws him) We-he!! Hey!

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are sitting at the table as Joey enters.]

Monica: Hey-hey, how goes the dancing? Gay yet?

Joey: Ah-ha-ha, you guys owe me big time. (He walks into the kitchen and does a little dance step on the way.)

Rachel: (laughing) What was that?

Joey: What?

Rachel: You just did a little dancy thing.

Joey: No I didn’t.

Monica: Yes you did! You did like a little hop.

Rachel: You are soo enjoying this.

Joey: No, I’m not! And it wasn’t a hop it was a pademarie.

Monica: (laughing harder) You know the words! You are so into this!

Joey: All right, well maybe I’m enjoying it a little bit. I mean I’m getting pretty good at it.

Rachel: Ooh, this is soo sweet, Joey our little twinkle-toes.

Joey: Hey-hey, hold on, this isn’t some kind of like girly dance. All right, it’s like a sport, it’s manly!

Monica: All right, then show me some manly moves.

Joey: All right.

(They both get up and Monica expects Joey to take the lead, but he doesn’t, and they fumble around for a little bit.)

Joey: I don’t know how to lead.

[Scene: Ross and Chandler’s bank, they are there to close their accounts.]

Ross: Hello.

Chandler: Hi.

Ross: We’d like to close our accounts.

Bank Officer: Close your accounts? Is there some kind of problem?

Ross: No-no.

Chandler: No, we’d just like to close them.

Bank Officer: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. (to a beautiful woman) Would you come over here please?

Ms. Lambert: Hi, I’m Karen.

Chandler: I wanna quit the bank!

[Scene: Healing Hands, Inc., Phoebe is giving Rick a massage.]

Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little… Oh no—wait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Rick’s pants come down a little. No! No! Okay, Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, that’s working.

(The camera zooms in on the clock on the wall and it reads a quarter after one. Time lapse. The clock now reads 3:30, and Phoebe is still giving Rick his massage.)

Phoebe: (thinking to herself) Chandler’s knees. Chandler’s… ankles. Chandler’s ankle hair. (notices the clock) Oh no. (to Rick) Okay, you’re all set.

Rick: Oh wow! That was amazing, was that really just an hour?!

Phoebe: Yeah! In… really long hour world.

Rick: What?

Phoebe: Ugh, okay, I have an enormous crush on you. But because you’re a client, I can’t ask you out, even though you give me y’know, the feeling.

Rick: Wow! I had no idea! But you know, I could always find another masseuse.

Phoebe: Really?!

Rick: Yeah, really.

(They start to kiss, then Rick stops suddenly.)

Phoebe: What?

Rick: Suddenly, I very aware that I’m naked.

Phoebe: (laughs) Okay, quit down. (they start to kiss again)

(Suddenly, Phoebe’s boss, Mrs. Potter, and a client, Mr. Simon, enters.)

Mrs. Potter: Mr. Simon’s been waiting for—(sees Phoebe and Rick) Oh my God!

Mr. Simon: Why wasn’t I offered that? I’d definitely pay more for that.

Mrs. Potter: Phoebe, we have rules here, this isn’t that kind of place.

Phoebe: Oh yeah, oh and I know, but this isn’t what it looks like, ‘cause Rick is my ahh, husband.

Mrs. Potter: Oh really? Well, then you’d better tell his other wife, ‘cause she called three times asking where he is.

Phoebe: Yes, I will tell her.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are telling Joey, Rachel, and Monica of their bank woes.]

Monica: So you didn’t leave the bank?

Ross: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.

Rachel: What are you ever gonna use that for?!

Chandler: To pay for the gym.

(Phoebe enters)

Chandler: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.

Joey: What?!

Rachel: You got fired?!

Monica: Oh my Gosh!

Phoebe: It’s so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!

Rachel: Sweety...

Phoebe: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, y’know? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. It’s been a really bad day, whore wise.

(There’s a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.)

Mr. Treeger:: Hey Duck, is Chick here?

Chandler: Yeah… Bunny-rabbit.

Joey: (To Mr. Treeger) So you ah, ready for our last practice?

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, but y’know, I think the reason we’re not getting that spin right is because my apartment’s too small.

Joey: Look, you wanna use our place?

Mr. Treeger:: No, I ahh, had another idea.

[Cut to the roof, where Joey and Mr. Treeger are dancing happily to ^Night and Day^.]

Joey: We did it!!

Mr. Treeger:: I know, we did it!! Hey, that was incredible, huh?!

Joey: I know, it was amazing! I mean, we totally nailed it, it was beautiful.

Mr. Treeger:: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani, (checks watch). Oh my God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.

Joey: Oh well, okay, good luck.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah.

Joey: Unless you wanna practice the Foxtrot again? Or-or the Tango?

Mr. Treeger:: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think I’m ready to dance with girls.

Joey: Okay.

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah.

Joey: Go get ‘em Treeger.

Mr. Treeger:: Right. (Starts to leave) Hey, ahh, you wanna come? Marge has a girlfriend.

Joey: (intrigued) Really?

Mr. Treeger:: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, she’s the same size as me.

Joey: No, I’m good.

(Treeger leaves, and Joey’s dances off.)

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Lara and Jeni’s Massage, Phoebe is interviewing for a job.]

Interviewer: So it looks like you’ve got some great experience here. Let’s see ahh, reason for leaving last job?

Phoebe: Yeah, they thought I was a whore.

Interviewer: Okay, we’ll give a call if anything comes up.

Phoebe: Great! Thank you very much.

(The interviewer watches her leave with an ‘Oh my goodness’ face.)

END

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