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老友记第四季The One With Joey New Girlfriend

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嗨! 这是什么? 哦这是个姑娘的电话号码 对,这是一个真正的辣妹刚刚给我的 这还不算什么,我的意思是这是她家里的电话,而且... 喔!喔!我差点弄丢了! 对,这是可爱的阿曼达给我的电话号码我刚刚把它弄掉了 谢谢你. - 瑞秋? - 啊? 你的生日是哪天? 5月5日,怎么了? 哦,我只是把大家的生日列个单子。 - 哦, 我的是12月... - 好, 随便你. 喔,她是个非常非常,啊,非常漂亮的姑娘,漂亮,她非常漂亮。 去约她出去呀 最坏又能怎么样? 我会死的. 对,单身生活很难过. 这就是为什么我为找到阿曼达高兴 罗斯,你们只出去过一次. 你们带各自的孩子去吃Chucky Cheese 而且你连吻都没吻过她。 我传别人的闲话,这会让他们喜欢我。 - 哦. - 嗨! 菲比!你病了,你不能表演了。你应该回家去躺着。 但是我失业了,音乐是我现在唯一拥有的。对,音乐。还有自己做鞋 漂亮吧? 好,我去!我去搞定她。有什么建议? 表现你的本色。不过...别太过份。 祝我好运 好运 心里念就行了! 嗨.嗨,我-我刚才坐那边,呃... 钱德,我叫钱德,我刚说过吗? 没,你没说过。嗨,我叫凯茜 呃,凯茜,K打头的还是C打头的? - K. - 喔-喔-嗨! 喔!你还真会打招呼啊. 嘿,拜托,给点面子,看我现在多尴尬。 不好意思,你是对的,我道歉不过我不得不告诉你我正在等约会的对象。 啊,而且现在他来了。 嗨! 嗨! 嗨, 嘿-嘿, 嘿. 嘿, 你们已经认识了, 嗯? 对-对,我刚才正在讲,呃,示范我怎么把我大得出奇的脚 正好放在我的嘴里 我早跟你说过吧?他总爱逞口舌之利 在我开始之前,我只想要说,嗯我感冒了,所以如果我唱到一半打喷嚏那个喷嚏并不是歌里原来有的 对了,不包括"胡椒人"的最后一小节 臭臭猫,臭臭猫。他们拿什么喂你 这小妞声音不错 臭臭猫,臭-- 嗨阿甘,给我来点威士忌 嗨! 嗨. 呀,凌晨两点半,我还不想和客队比赛 不好意思,这是Ernie Cofax的队服几分钟前我在看比赛。 天啊!这就是为什么我也起床! 你开玩笑?哦,我爱他。 嗨,听着,我为今天下午的事很抱歉,你知道,如果我知道你等的是... 我绝不会... 哦,行了! 那么,呃,乔伊对我说你们是在表演课上遇到的 对,他们让我们俩搭档,乔伊为我们选了三个场景,每个都需要我们投入很长时间去练习 这很好,实际上,因为,呃,他经常让我和他一起排练 喔-喔-喔-喔! - 开始了? - 不,但这个神奇扫帚真的很令人惊讶! 嗨! 哦天啊! 哦! 开始了! 开始了! 来,我的小伙计 那鸭子呢? - 鸭子自己会游泳. - 哦,对. My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! 多谢灯光,甜心 很不错,菲比 感冒让你的声音变的太棒了 很好笑,天啊,我真是爱死性感的我了 哦,凯茜,我们该走了,我们要去和老鼠在一起。 哦,太棒了,我爱这些小家伙。 不,不,和你想的不一样,我为医疗研究机构工作 - 那么, 祝你愉快! - 好. 好,我想真是太棒了,医疗组织终于打算帮助那些生病的老鼠了. 你知道么,我喜欢凯茜 哦对,我也是,她太酷太漂亮了。 对,她... 她聪明,风趣,你知道么?我们昨晚聊了整夜,她讲了一件特别好笑的事情...怎么了? 你爱她 不,我不爱 你爱,钱德爱上凯茜了 拜托,菲比别拿他开玩笑了 多谢,罗斯 对,他现在有一点敏感,因为他坠入爱河了 - 对. - 哦! - 没错. 哦, 嗯, 哦 凯茜! 凯茜, 我爱你! 哦! 我现在需要写一些压抑的歌,好适应我的新嗓子 但是我身边没发生什么悲伤的事情。 哦,你母亲去世的事呢 或者你14岁就要上街讨生活? 啊哈,哦,对,我可以写一首关于我头发"Woo-hoo"的歌。 嗨! - 嗨! - 嗨. 我今晚还要去阿曼达那里! 瑞秋不在 哦. 那么,她怎么样? 非常好,实际上,我想今夜可能就是..."那一夜" 对,我的意思是,孩子们会一起玩,睡得早 我想阿曼达和我会开瓶红酒,再搞些我们自己的"节目" 嗨 大家!这是乔斯。乔斯, 这些是我的朋友,那个是罗斯 - 嗨, 乔斯. - 嗨. 老兄. 那么,你曾经在大学踢足球? 哦,现在也是,明年我希望能进校队。 罗斯,你是否,呃,在高中踢过足球? 哦,不对,等等,是这样。你只是组织了一下他们的比赛时间表 那么,已经很晚了,我要去比赛了,我已经...热血沸腾了 好. 我会想你的. 哦! 喔, 帅哥! 非常帅! 我知道,他是不是很棒?我们的关系真是太好了,你知道, 他不会为什么事情烦恼,而且,呃,我打赌他永远都不会进博物馆 也许他不久就得去,比如学校组织春游什么的 你知道他其它更棒的地方么 哦,我怎么形容才好呢?一个成年人,他的卧室里竟然没有恐龙玩具! 喔! 那是什么? 莫妮卡知道. 这是罗斯发明的手语,他用来愚弄我们的父母。 这是比出中指又不被人察觉的手段 我记得你发明出来那晚我哭了。 因为我第一次意识到我比我哥哥强 好,我要去准备了 我今晚要约会,呃,我热血沸腾了 对,我也要走了,我一小时后有演出 嗨,你们得去听我唱, 喔,听我唱. 哦, My sticky shoes--呃!呃! 我的性感粘痰呢?! - 嗨! - 嗨! - 嗨 班! 喔! 你看上去太棒了! 多谢! 好! 嗨 汤米. 你今天晚上来我真是太高兴了 喔 不不不,那是我的荣幸 好,我的手机号码在桌子上,你要吃什么自己到冰箱里拿 什么? 实在是太感谢你了,有一个月了我已经不得不每次出去都得带着他 - 我-我-我... - 哦, 我不想直说, 但是,如果你等孩子们都睡了以后再喝你的红酒,我会非常感谢 哦,多谢你做这些事, 我希望什么时候我也能为你做这些 谁想要打长途电话? 凯茜! 凯茜! 嘿!! 凯茜! 凯茜! 凯茜! 拿开! 拿开它! 凯茜! 凯茜! 凯茜! 凯茜! 凯茜. 嘿,钱德!你在这干什么? 哦,我只是想过来说"嗨!" 嗨! 好. 哦拜托! 你有点言过其实了. 她的约会对象给了我10美元小费 菲比,你在干什么? 我还想要性感的声音,我试着让自己感冒 应该很容易,感冒很普通。 菲比,你会得肺炎的 好,你们是对的,我爱上了乔伊的女朋友. 什么?! 你当真? 这-这-这怎么可能?你才刚认识她! 我不知道。我不能-我只是, 我不能把她从我脑海中抹去。你知道? 我的意思是,我是个坏人我是个非常非常坏的人我是个彻底的坏蛋! 不! 你不坏,钱德!我们仍然爱你,钱德! 哦,糟了,菲比,我想我被你传染上感冒了 你是说你把它从我这儿偷走了! 你咳嗽的时候别捂着你的嘴! 嗨. 我们刚刚在说你的事. 真的?! 对对,我刚刚跟她说那次你喝醉了以后,把脑袋扎进马桶睡着了的事 就在那儿! 99...100! 好了没有,我来了! 好吧,我们重新再讲一遍规则 嗨! 嗨! 嗨,大家. 听着,今晚跟我和凯茜一起吃晚饭如何? 哦,不了,你知道么,我已经吃了 才4点半. 你知道,我星期一有顿大餐 这够我撑一星期的 好,我知道怎么回事了 你-你知道? 对!你不喜欢凯茜. 你了解我. 对,自从我们约会以来,你一直躲着她 看,我曾经努力去喜欢珍妮丝 现在,我想你应该努力去喜欢凯茜,就从和我们一起吃晚饭开始,好么? 好,对. 好,而且,嘿!我请客 - 我说请客是因为你已经不打算吃任何东西了,对吧? - 好. 罗斯不在. 哦. 停下来! 那么咱们聚会上见?啤酒大王, 24, 7!! 对! 我真想和他结婚. 喔! 怎么了? 我想他从我这儿偷东西. 为什么? 因为他从我这儿偷东西! 嗨!是我,还有汤 嗨,我刚才看见乔斯了,他穿你的皮夹克很帅。 呜! 这个,我不吃鸡,所以这只是面汤 而且是没有肉的汤,实际上是...面条水 - 太谢谢你了,菲比. - 应该的. 你到底干了些什么?! 可是,我需要你的病菌,我要我的感冒回来,我想我性感的声音 对不起,菲比. 没关系,汤怎么样? 哦. 呕!! 天啊!! 哦,天啊,注意,你可以看见那个女孩的内衣 她棒么? 那么,你怎么看? 哦,她-她不是我喜欢的那一型 不是你那一型?!她艳光四射! 你知道我怎么看?她穿着网格长筒袜 你知道?当我看到女孩穿着网格长筒袜,我就想起我父亲穿网格长筒袜的样子 哦,我有点了解你为什么单身了 哦!你知道,我有个朋友你会喜欢,她很漂亮 到时候我们就可以四个人一起约会! 哦,我 不-不 谢了 好,那我还有些难看的朋友,而且她们也都有空 听着,我-我要去拿瓶啤酒 我一会回来 刚才怎么回事? 怎么了? 凯茜表现的多好,你却走开了,我想我们有协议 嗨,你到底想要我干什么? 我要你喜欢她! 如果这对你来说真的很难的话,至少假装喜欢她 我一直在装. 好,那么,干得好点! 好的,那么你看我过去跟她说我多么喜欢她如何? 不不,这样更好。我可以跟她说我是多么想念她 从我遇到她以后从未停止过想念她 我整天在空想,没完没了,想要扯开我的喉咙说我爱她 每天每小时每分钟都在想她,难以置信我怎么这么倒霉,你先遇上了她!! 嗯,这样很好。但是你的音调最好低一些 嗨!呃,阿曼达刚刚甩了我 对,至少我爱上她一点,她...呃,她起码够年龄开车了 那么,我猜你今晚没去看爸爸和妈妈了? 不,抱歉. 那么,阿曼达在哪? 嗨,瑞秋,你能给我点咳嗽药么? 我的意思你知道,我想,你可以带她和你的孩子到你的旧房间去,而且没有任何进展。 罗斯,请给我咳嗽药 至少我知道他不会跟我一起去看R级片 那你为什么不娶她? 哦不,等等,你不能。不好意思我忘了,她不是女同性恋。 - 你看,阿曼达和我有很特殊的... - 你有个屁! 你根本没跟她出去过,你是她的保姆,你做着个12岁女孩的工作 哦,太悲哀了 你美个什么?"我该死的男友从我这偷东西小姐"? 嘿,就算他从我这偷走几块钱!至少他还用这些钱买东西送我! 那个是我的!! 你们两个就不能表现得象个成年人? 现在,把咳嗽药给我! 好的. 对不起. 给你. 至少我还赚了10块钱 你知道... Platting goats are platting, Platting the streets, Platting goats are platting, leaving little treats. 没有了我性感的声音还好听么? 我喜欢. 阿甘,亲我 什么? 嘿! 现在,我们不是真的要睡了,你不介意吧? 我能在你沙发上睡么? And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. 谢谢大家. 瑞秋? 嗯. 我不知道听说那天我和菲比之间发生的事没有... 不! 是的, 我们接吻了. 不-不-不是我开始的但-但是我也没有结束它,我感到很内疚 好的. 那么,我们没问题了? 是的. 我知道你会理解的.

The One With Joey's New Girlfriend

[Scene: Central Perk, the gang's all there. Ross has a slip of paper that he throws on the ground tying to get Rachel's attention.]

Ross: (picking up the slip of paper) Hello! What's this? Oh right its that girl's phone number. (Rachel ignores him) Yeah-yeah, there it is, just a phone number a really hot girl gave me. (He holds it so that Rachel can see it, she continues to ignore him) It's no big deal, I mean it is her home phone number, but...(Rachel still ignores him) Whoa! (Throws it in her lap) Whoa-whoops, I almost lost this baby! Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number and I-I go and drop it. (He waves it in front of Rachel's face. Then suddenly Phoebe has to sneeze and Rachel quickly grabs the slip of paper and gives it to Phoebe for her to sneeze into.)

Phoebe: Thank you.

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Central Perk, the next morning. Chandler, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]

Gunther: Rachel?

Rachel: Yeah?

Gunther: When's your birthday?

Rachel: May fifth, why?

Gunther: Oh, I-I'm just making a list of people's birthdays.

Ross: Oh, mine's December...

Gunther: Yeah, whatever. (Walks away)

(Chandler is talking to Monica and notices a beautiful woman.)

Chandler: Ohh, she's pretty. Pretty ahh, pretty girl, the pretty--she's pretty.

Monica: Just go up to her and ask her out. (Chandler laughs) Oh, what's the worst thing that could happen?

Chandler: I could die.

Ross: Yeah, it's-it's tough being single. That's why I'm so glad I found Amanda.

Rachel: Ross, you guys went out once. You took your kids to Chucky Cheese, and you didn't even kiss her.

(Ross glares at Chandler.)

Chandler: I tell people secrets. It makes them like me.

Phoebe: (entering) Oh.

Chandler: Hey! (Phoebe sneezes)

Monica: Phoebe! You're sick, you shouldn't play. You should just go home, get in bed, and stay there.

Phoebe: (in a nasally voice, from her cold) But I'm unemployed, my music is all I really have now. Well music, and making my own shoes. (She puts her shoe on the table, and it's horribly decorated) Pretty, huh? (Sneezes)

Chandler: All right, I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna get shot down. Any advice?

Monica: Just be yourself. But, not too much.

Chandler: (gets up) (softly) Wish me luck.

Ross: (loudly) Good luck!

Chandler: Wish it! (To the woman, Kathy, he likes) Hi. Hi, I-I was just sitting over there, and uhh, Chandler. My name is Chandler. Did I say that?

Kathy: No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Kathy.

Chandler: Uh Kathy, with K or a C?

Kathy: With a K.

Chandler: Oh-oh-hey!

Kathy: Wow! You are really good at this.

Chandler: Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here.

Kathy: I'm sorry, you're right, I apologize, but I should tell you that I'm waiting for a date. (Joey enters) Oh, and there he is now.

Joey: Hey!

Chandler: Hey! Hey, hey-hey, hey. (Joey kisses Kathy.)

Joey: Hey, I see you guys already met, huh?

Chandler: Yes-yes, I was just trying to figure out a way to uh, demonstrate how I could get my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth.

Joey: Didn't I tell ya? Always showin' off.

Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that umm, I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of Pepper People. (Starts to sing) Smelly cat, smelly cat. What are they feeding you? (Stops singing) This chick sounds good. (Singing) Smelly cat, smelly--(stops singing) Hey Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is walking into the living room having just gotten up in the middle of the night.]

Chandler: (sees Kathy is up watching TV) Hi!

Kathy: Hi.

Chandler: Jeez, at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't expect to have to fight over the remote.

Kathy: I'm sorry, it's just this Ernie Cofax thing on in a few minutes I wanted to watch.

Chandler: Oh my God! That's why I got up too!

Kathy: You're kidding! Oh, I love him.

Chandler: Hey, listen, I'm sorry about this afternoon, y'know, if I would've known you guys were... I never would've...

Kathy: Oh please!

Chandler: So ah, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.

Kathy: Yeah, they teamed us up as partners. Joey picked three scenes for us to do; all of them had us making out.

Chandler: That's a good thing actually, because ah, he used to have me rehearse with him.

Kathy: (laughs) Oh-oh-oh-oh!

Chandler: Is it on?

Kathy: No, but this wonder broom is amazing!

Chandler: Hey! (Runs over and gets his wonder broom)

Kathy: Oh my God!

Chandler: Oh! It's on! It's on!

(Chandler jumps into the canoe and sits down. The chick starts chirping and Chandler reaches down to pick him up.)

Chandler: There we go little fella.

Kathy: (laughs) What about the duck?

Chandler: Well the duck can swim.

Kathy: Oh, jeez. (Hits him)

[Scene: Central Perk, the next night, Phoebe is finishing up her set.]

Phoebe: (singing, drunk) My sticky shoes, my sticky-sticky shoes, why do you stick on me, ba-a-by! Thanks for the lights honey.

All: Way to go, Phoebe!

Monica: That cold makes you sound so great.

Phoebe: It's fun, God I love how sexy I am. (Coughs really loudly.)

Joey: Oh, Kath, we should get going. We're going to by hamsters.

All: Ooh, that's great, I love those little guys.

Kathy: No, no, it's not like that. I, I work for a medical researcher.

Rachel: Well, have fun!

Kathy: Okay.

Phoebe: Well, I think it's great that the medical community is finally trying to help sick hamsters.

Monica: Y'know what, I like Kathy.

Chandler: Oh yeah, me too, she's so cool and pretty.

Rachel: Yeah, she's...

Chandler: She's smart and funny, y'know? We were up all last night talking, she said the funniest thing about--what?

Rachel: You love her.

Chandler: No, I don't.

Phoebe: Yes, you do. Chandler loves Kathy.

Ross: Come on, Pheebs lay off him.

Chandler: Thank you, Ross.

Ross: Yeah, he's a little sensitive right now, `cause he's so in love.

Chandler: All right.

All: Ohh!

Chandler: All right.

Monica: (turning around and doing that, "I'm making out with someone," thing with her hands) Ooh, umm, oh Kathy! Kathy, I love you! Oh! (She turns around and sees Gunther staring at her and stops suddenly.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are there.]

Phoebe: So, I need to write some depressing stuff to go along with my new floozy voice, but nothing that sad has ever really happened to me.

Monica: Oh umm, how about your mom dying, or having to live on the streets when you were 14?

Phoebe: Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, I could write about the time my hair did that "Woo-hoo" thing.

Ross: (entering) Hey!

Monica: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey.

Ross: (loudly) So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight!

Monica: Rachel's not here.

Ross: Oh.

Monica: How's it going with her?

Ross: Great, actually. I'm thinking tonight, maybe the night. Yeah, I mean ah, the kids are gonna play together and then when they're asleep, I'm thinking Amanda and I break open a bottle of wine, and do a little "playing" ourselves.

Rachel: (entering, with a guy) Hi guys! This is Josh. Josh, these are my friends, and that's Ross.

Monica: Hi, Josh.

Phoebe: Hi.

Josh: Dudes.

Monica: So, did you play in college? (She points to his NYU Soccer (football for the rest of the world) sweatshirt he's wearing.)

Josh: Oh, I still do. Next year, I hope to make varsity though.

Rachel: Ross, didn't you ah, play soccer in High School? Oh no wait, that's right. You just organized their game schedules on your Commodore 64.

Josh: Well, it's getting late, I've got to get to the game, so I'm gonna... head.

Rachel: Okay. (He starts to leave, and Rachel grabs him and gives him a passionate kiss.) I'll miss you.

Josh: Dope! (exits)

Phoebe: Wow, cute one!

Monica: Very!

Rachel: I know, isn't he great? It's so nice to finally be in a fun relationship, y'know? There's nothing boring about him, and ah, I bet he's never set foot in a museum.

Ross: Well maybe he'll get to go soon, like on a class trip or something.

Rachel: Y'know what else is really great about him, oh, what is the word for the adult that doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?

Ross: Oh! (He bangs his fists together.)

Rachel: What was that?

Ross: Monica knows.

Monica: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up `cause he was trying to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger, without actually having to give it. I remember I cried the night you made it up, `cause it was the first time that I realized that I was actually cooler than my older brother.

Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready, (Gives Monica the fist thing.) for my date tonight, so ah, I'll just_ head.

Phoebe: Yeah, I should go to, `cause I'm playing in one hour. Hey, (clears her voice and in her normal voice) you guys should come hear me, ooh hear me. Ooh, (tries to sing) My sticky shoes--eww! Eww! I lost my sexy phlegm!

[Scene: Amanda's apartment, Ross is arriving with Ben.]

Amanda: (opening the door) Hi!

Ross: Hi!

Amanda: Hi Ben!

Ross: Wow! You-you look great!

Amanda: Thanks!

Ross: (she lets him in) Okay! (to her son) Hey Tommy.

Amanda: I am so glad that you could come over tonight.

Ross: Oh no-no-no, it's my pleasure.

Amanda: Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter, please help yourself to anything in the fridge.

Ross: What?

Amanda: I appreciate this soo much, I've been trying to go out with this guy for like a month.

Ross: I-I-I...

Amanda: (noticing the bottle of wine he has) Oh, I don't mean to be a square, but I'd really appreciate it if you wait and drink your wine after the kids are asleep? Oh uh, thanks for this, I hope I can do the same for you sometime. (She leaves)

Ross: Who wants to make some long distance calls?

[Scene: A street, Chandler is buying a newspaper and notices Kathy running by.]

Chandler: Kathy! Kathy! Hi!! Kathy! Kathy! (She doesn't hear him and keeps running, Chandler starts chasing her as the theme to The Mod Squad starts to play. First, a car almost hits him and then gets mustard splashed on him as he runs by a hot dog vendor.) Kathy! (He keeps running and gets tangled up in the leashes of five dogs, in desperation he throws his paper.) Fetch! Fetch it! (He frees himself and resumes the chase) Kathy! Kathy! Kathy! (He now trips and falls into a pile of garbage, he tries to get up and scream her name again but he has a piece of spinach in his mouth. He gets out of the garbage and starts crossing the street by running over the hoods of a couple of cabs.) Kathy! (He jumps in front of her and out of breath he says) Kathy.

Kathy: Hey, Chandler! What are you doing here?

Chandler: Oh, I just wanted to say, "Hey!"

Kathy: Hey!

Chandler: Okay. (He walks away disgusted with himself.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Monica about his new baby sitting job.]

Monica: Oh come on! You're making it sound worse than it actually was.

Ross: Her date tipped me ten dollars. (Monica laughs)

(Phoebe runs into the kitchen with wet hair, opens the window, and sticks her head outside.)

Ross: Pheebs, what are you doing?

Phoebe: Okay, I wanna be sexy again so I'm trying to catch a cold. It should be easy, supposedly they're pretty common.

Monica: Phoebe, you'll catch pneumonia.

Chandler: (entering) Okay. You were right. I'm in love with Joey's girlfriend.

Phoebe: What?!

Ross: Are you serious?

Phoebe: Well, how-how-how is that possible? You barely know her!

Chandler: I don't know. I can't--I just, I can't get her out of my head. Y'know? I mean, I'm a very bad person. I'm a very, very bad person. I'm a horrible person. (he waits for a reaction, when he doesn't get one) No you're not Chandler! We still love you Chandler!

Monica: (sneezes) Oh gosh, Phoebe, I think I caught your cold.

Phoebe: You mean you stole it! (Monica sneezes again) Don't cover your mouth when you do that!

(Joey and Kathy enter, laughing)

Joey: Hey.

Kathy: (to Chandler) We were just talking about you.

Chandler: Really?!

Joey: Yeah-yeah, I told her about the time you got drunk and fell asleep with your head in the toilet.

Chandler: (laughs) Right in there!

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with the chick and the duck.]

Chandler: 99...100! Ready or not, here I come! (He opens his eyes and sees that the chick and the duck are still sitting in front of him) All right, let's go over the concept one more time.

Joey: (entering) Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Joey: Hey guys. (to Chandler) Listen uh, you wanna get some dinner with me and Kathy tonight?

Chandler: Ohh, umm, y'know what, I already ate.

Joey: It's 4:30.

Chandler: Y'know I had a big meal on Monday, y'know. So that's just gonna get me straight through the week.

Joey: Okay, I see what's going on here.

Chandler: You-you do?

Joey: Yeah! You don't like Kathy.

Chandler: You got me.

Joey: Yeah, you've been avoiding her ever since we started going out. Look, I made an effort to like Janice, now I think it's your turn to make an effort to like Kathy by going out to dinner with us. Right?

Chandler: Yeah. Right.

Joey: Good, and hey! My treat. (He turns to go into his bedroom then stops.) But that's only because you're not eating anything, right?

Chandler: Okay.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is returning from a date with Josh, and when they get the door open, Rachel turns and passionately kisses Josh.]

Monica: (lying on the couch suffering from her cold) Ross isn't here.

Rachel: Oh. (She tries to walk away from Josh, by he keeps holding her) Stop it!

Josh: So I'll see you at the party? Beer's beer man, 24, 7!!

Rachel: Yeah! (Monica gives a sarcastic thumbs up) (Josh leaves) I am soo gonna marry that guy. (looking in her wallet) Ohhh!

Monica: What?

Rachel: I think he's stealing from me.

Monica: Why?

Rachel: Because he's stealing from me!

Phoebe: (entering) Hi! It's me. And soup. (to Rachel) Hey, I just saw Josh, he looks so yummy in your leather jacket.

Rachel: Ughh! (Storms out after him)

Phoebe: (to Monica) Here, now I don't eat chicken, so it's just noodle soup. And there's no chicken in the broth either, so it's really just... noodle water.

Monica: Thank you so much Phoebe.

Phoebe: (picking up Monica's used Kleenex and putting some in her pocket.) Sure.

Monica: What are you doing with those?!

Phoebe: But, I need your germs! I want my cold back! I miss my sexy voice.

Monica: Sorry, Phoebe.

Phoebe: It's okay. How's the soup?

Monica: Umm. (nodding her head, "Good.")

(Monica sets the soup down and Phoebe picks it up and licks the rim.)

Monica: Ohhhh!! Gross!!

[Scene: A nightclub, Chandler is having dinner with Kathy and Joey.]

Kathy: Ohh, God, guys, check it out, you can see that girl's underwear!

Joey: Is she great or what?

Kathy: (to Chandler) So? Huh? What do you think?

Chandler: Ohh, she's-she's not really my type.

Kathy: Not your type?! She's gorgeous!

Chandler: Y'know what I think it is? It's the fishnet stockings. Y'know? Whenever I see a girl in fishnet stockings it reminds me of my father in fishnet stockings.

Kathy: Okay. Understanding a little more why you're single. Ohh! Y'know, I have a friend you would like, she's really pretty. And then we could double date!

Chandler: Uhh, no-no thanks.

Kathy: Okay, I've got some ugly friends, and they're all available too.

Chandler: Listen, I-I'm gonna grab a beer. (Leaves)

Joey: (to Kathy) I'll be right back. (to Chandler) What was that?

Chandler: What?

Joey: Kathy was being really nice and you just walked away. I thought we had a deal.

Chandler: Hey, look, what do you want from me?

Joey: I want you to like her! But if that's too damned difficult for you, then the least you can do is pretend.

Chandler: I am pretending.

Joey: Well then, do it better!

Chandler: Okay, what do you saw I go over there and say how much I like her? (Joey gives him a thumbs up) No-no it'll be good, I can tell her much I've been thinking about her. That I haven't stopped thinking about her since the moment I met her. That I'm so fantastically, over-the-top, wanna-slit-my-own-throat in love with her, that for every minute of every hour of every day I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!!

Joey: Well, that's pretty good. But you might wanna tone it down a little.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are there.]

Ross: (entering) Hey! So, uhh, Amanda just-just dropped me off. Yeah, that's one of the things I love about her, she's...uh, she's old enough to drive. (to Monica) So uhh, I guess you're not going to mom and dad's tonight?

Monica: No, sorry.

Rachel: Well where's Amanda?

Monica: Hey Rach, could you get me some cough drops?

Rachel: I mean y'know, I'm thinking. You could bring her, and you guys could go up to your old room, and not make out.

Monica: Ross, cough drops, please?

Ross: At least I know she's not going out with me to get into R rated movies.

Rachel: Why don't you just marry her? Oh no, wait a minute you can't, I'm sorry I forgot, she's not a lesbian.

Ross: You see Amanda and I have a very special...

Monica: (interrupting) You have nothing! You're not even going out! You're her baby sitter! You have a 12-year-old girl's job!

Rachel: (laughing) Ohh, that is soo sad.

Monica: And what are you laughing at, Miss `My-keg-sucking-boyfriend-is-stealing-from-me!'

(Ross starts laughing)

Rachel: Hey, so he stole a couple bucks from me! At least he bought me something with it! (Shows her, her ring)

Monica: That's mine!! Now, would you both please start acting like adults? And get me my cough drops!

Ross: Fine.

Rachel: Sorry.

Ross: Here. (Hands her, her cough drops) (to Rachel) At least I made ten bucks in my relationship.

Rachel: Y'know...

(She does Ross's little gesture. In response Ross puts his hands behind his neck with his arms sticking straight out and starts flapping them together.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is there with her guitar.]

Phoebe: (singing) Platting goats are platting. Platting down the street. Platting goats are platting, leaving little treats. (to Gunther) Does it even work without my sexy voice?

Gunther: I like it. (sneezes)

Phoebe: Gunther, kiss me.

Gunther: What?

(Phoebe grabs Gunther and kisses him. He then falls to the couch in shock.)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching TV as Joey and Kathy are laughing in Joey's bedroom. They get to be pretty loud so Chandler turns the TV way up.]

Joey: (opening the door wearing nothing but a sock, and holding a dart board over the `Little General.') Hey! (Chandler turns down the TV) Now, we're not actually gonna be sleeping in her, but do you mind?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, with a blanket draped over her shoulders, opens the door to a similarly clad Chandler.]

Chandler: Can I sleep on your couch?

(Monica nods `Yes.' And they both walk to the couch looking all depressed.)

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing, with everyone else present.]

Phoebe: (singing) And I'm still waiting for my paper mache man. Thank you my babies.

(applause)

Gunther: Rachel?

Rachel: Yeah.

Gunther: I don't know if you heard about what happened between me and Phoebe the other day_

Rachel: No!

Gunther: Well, we kissed. I-I-I didn't initiate the kiss, but-but I also didn't stop it, and I've been feeling guilty.

Rachel: (confused) Okay.

Gunther: So umm, are we cool?

Rachel: (really confused) Okay.

Gunther: I knew you'd understand.

(Gunther walks away, leaving Rachel with a `What just happened?' look on her face.)

END

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