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老友记第四季The One Where They’re Gonna PARTY

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- 好的! - 喂, 别偷看! 我们闭上眼睛了然后穿过大街,呣,很好 好, 可以睁开了! 你要让我们看什么?因为我们看到的只有这辆棒~~~极了的货车! 那是我们备办伙食用的 嘿,我想我见过那女孩 噢,我们不会让它一直那样的 什么? - 我们会用棍子面包代替那剑 - 噢! 噢!而且我们还不知道准备拿这个怎么办 噢,现在想起来了,我肯定见过她! 还记得我跟你说过的,那个在厨艺学校时甭管做什么都放芫荽叶的那人? 噢,当然,“芫荽叶Larry”! 我是《切尔西报道》为他选定的食评家 喔, Monica! 你可以影响好几十号人了!多棒的机会呀! 你同意了?那我们的包办伙食生意呢? 噢不要紧的,只是每周一晚,而且我还可以带你们大家去吃免费晚餐 - 啊!! - 噢,如果这样的话? Yay! - 我只是单脚跳一跳. - 噢. 嘿,伙计!嘿,Ross, 回答我:要去舞会吗? 我不知道,我也许能出去喝点啤酒, 但我打算看Discovery频道的”大黄蜂“节目 不-不,我想你没听清楚我说什么.要去"舞~~会~~"吗 啊!! Gandolf?! Gandolf要来吗 Kathy要陪她爸妈, 而我就没事可干了, 所以明天我们要跟Gandolf去舞会, 花花公子! 花花公子, 我们要去舞~~会~~! 喔, 好了。花花公子们注意! 他是谁? Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, 世上最有趣的家伙! 我得打电话,明天请假! 你请完我也请假! 这太cool了, 我们不再需要去其它什么舞会了 喔!!! 对了, 是不是你们在我们的货车后厢里抽烟??是不是呀.你们说没了他就不再找乐子了?你们可以跟我一起玩呀! 记不记得那次:我们去看脱衣舞,然后你付了50块因为我果然吃掉了那本书 Joey, 你会喜爱这个人的. Gandolf 就像是“舞会魔法师”! 你们为什么叫他"Gandolf"? Gandolf-魔法师. 喂! 你高中的时候难道没看过"指环王"? 没有, 在高中我倒是“嘿咻”来着. 喔,Joanna,能不能请教你一点事? 有一个将初级文员提升到助理采购人员的机会... 不错,但是好像对我来说是个退步... 事实上,我是说我挺合适的. 招聘委员会将整天都接见有意向的人员,而且... 噢,我希望我能说不,但是我不能一辈子把你留在我助理的位置上. Sophie你也不能去,但是原因就不是这个了 天!我真高兴你这么宽容大量!因为如果你稍有微辞的话,我就不会去报名了 - 真的么?那么... - 我非常高兴你同意了... 没什么问题了。 那好吧, 其实我也是招聘委员会的一员, 所以你去的时候至少可以看到张熟面孔 噢! 太好了! 你知道,我也是从初级文员干起的.噢,那时候我为了得到那份工作,不得不跟最丑的男人上床 真的?! 假~~嗯是真的.我是说---假的! 别担心,我可以肯定,以你的资历,肯定不用跟男人上床来得到这份工作 虽然我对此并不十分信服. - 哦,我,呣... - 开玩笑的! 天,我今天还真有点兴奋! 噢,哥们!我太激动了! 我都紧张得快吐了! 你能不能冷静点?他不过是个普通人而已. 你不明白的, Gandolf是不同于常人的. 你将无法知道下一步将发生什么,你开始只不过是跟他去喝两杯,但当你醒来时你却发现躺在加拿大Nova Scoti省的一条渔船上! - 真的?! - 噢,是的。那儿还真是个漂亮的地方。 嘿!我拿了护照、干净袜子还有蛇伤药! 这次不会跟上次一样,又到那去的! 好吧伙计们,过会见! - 喔-喔-喔! --喔-喔-喔-喔-喔! 我有一个试听课,但我迟点再找你们;你们中午会去哪? 大概不会是赤道附近吧? 好吧. Hello. 是Gandolf!!! 那么,你到了么? 噢,那么下次吧! 怎么了? - 他没法来了, 他被绊在芝加哥了 - 噢! 芝加哥可太~~~幸运了! 我还蠢得去换了这些tmd加拿大元!! 你的工作经历还不错,Green小姐.我认为您这里提到的文件归档系统非常棒。 谢谢. 文件归档系统? 噢! 就是你弄在文件夹上那些有色的标签? 那倒是的确给档案柜增色不少 哦,那些标签的作用不止于此 我注意到你被委托了不少重要的职责 哦是的,Joanna确实是对我有知遇之恩 哦.Rachel确实把每天早上给我送百吉饼这件事做得非常不错 更惊人的是,她每次给的数目竟然都刚好! 我-我-我当然,我还有其它更多的职责 喔对了,还有咖啡!Rachel可以一次就把两样都拿来! 那很好. 现在这个工作的很大一部分,是建立同他人的关系,特别是同设计人员 是的,我意识到... Rachel她不会有任何问题的她唯一的问题是太热情了,如果你们知道我说的是哪方面的话 我喜欢与设计人员一起工作 和他们工作,和他们上床,有什么区别? 哦, Rachel? 嘿! 我的第一篇评论出炉了! 哦! 《切尔西报道》,我流浪的时候常拿它来盖在身上御寒. 我的评论在反面. 喔,好的! "我还会再去Allesandro餐厅么? 我不确定。但是如果我再去的话,我肯定会点两份肉,一份给我,一份给那个用枪指着我的头,逼我再到这个餐厅的人." 哇! 你可真是在控诉这家餐厅呀! 嘿,他们又不是付给我1元/百字来跟餐厅交朋友的. 喔,我得走了,我找到一个可以修咱们货车的人 - 要不要我跟你一块去? -不用,没事. 但我们真的不要张水床了么? 我们有决定要买水床么? 哦,是没有,算了. Bye! Bye! 这是谁? 这是Allesandro,就是那家Allesandro餐厅的老板. - 哦,天! - 我想跟你谈谈你的那篇评论. 哦天啊天啊!请打电话,勿访! 为什么?那样让你可以随时挂掉电话? 你瞧,我只是让你别放松要求,你走吧 给我一个机会吧... - 嘿,你要进去么,来吧 - 不! Phoebe! 嘿, Monica! 我要你收回你的评论!我们的菜不是无法下咽的泔水! 我根本没法吃! 而且我至少有5个朋友不会去吃那种东西,虽然他们中的一个连书都吃 那么,至少我们的服务不太差. 你们的服务员竟然用裤子拿面包! 那么这句,你说我们反对Discover Card,但我们并不是这样的! 那么,我收回这句. 但我坚持我的观点,我知道怎么做菜,但决不是你们那样. 你们的意式色拉尝起来就像是西红柿汁! 你们应该加些伏特加酒与芹菜末 嘿!我为那果汁骄傲,很美味. 哦天啊! 你拥有自己的意大利餐厅,但你竟然认为那样很美味?你从哪来的? 黎巴嫩. 把那些西红柿递给我, 我让你看看该是什么味道!来,把那些递给我. 这得花多少时间? 我还得去吼下一个评论家. 呣, Joanna? 我想跟你谈谈那个面试. 我想那个面试不错呀. 不,它很差! 那正是我想跟你说的. 现在,简单点说... 我要哭了,并不因为伤心和生气,只因为我要跟你继续下面的谈话 Rachel, 请不要这样. 这儿没其它人! Sophie, 进来! 你看! 现在你弄得Sophie不快了! 她没有让我不快了. 恭喜! 你总算有点作用了.出去! 你是要我辞职么? 什么?!你怎么会这么想? 那些你在面试时说的话。如果其中有任何一件你确是如此认为的话,那我都不是一个好助理. 你知道么? 我正在整理我的桌子, 而且今天之后我就不再在这里了! 现在,我想我没有必要继续赖在这里直到今天结束了。 等等-等等! 你可以把那些糟糕的小松饼放回抽屉 假如你要知道那真相, 我不想失去个好助理 什么? 这就是为什么我说你轻浮和酗酒... 我酗酒? 哦, 那我一定是在你离开后说的. 到底你说了什么? 你时不时的喜欢酗酒...然后狂欢 噢, 天!!我得离开这!! 你可太可怕! 不要-不要. 等等-等等!! 如果你真的在意这个职位的话.. 我不想失去你. 如果我给你创造这么个职位怎样? 我会让你在这部门里当个助理采购员 说更多的来听听. 给你升职,让你有自己独立的办公室! 从明天开始. - 我还要公费报销单. - 成交! - 还有助手. - Sophie,进来。 嘿! 你们在这干吗? 我以为你们和Gandel-worf去舞会了 拜托,是Gandolf, 他不来了. 你们在这里坐一整天了 不! 我结算了自己的支票簿. Yeah, 我-我给所有的足球桌里的小人都起了名字 难以相信他不来了! 那又怎样! 那我们也可以自己出去找乐子! 哦不, 有了Gandolf我们可以呆一整晚! 是的! 我们可以去约会,跟完全陌生的人, 然后跟他们待在外面不回来! 我们也可以呀! 还有别的事情. 我们都会做得更好! 瞧着吧,今晚以后Gandolf会希望跟我们一起去舞会的。兄弟们,走! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah!! - Yeah!! 我们也知道怎么找乐子!! Yeah! 好了么? 我们走! 也-也许我们也可以最后到一艘船上? 是呀!!! 好吧!! 嘿-嘿-嘿, 什么时候,什么时候咱们在船上? 记得那寒冷的早上, 你醒来发现那些“狗”在舔你的脸? 记得. Well, 那些是海豹,老兄. 嘿 Monica,问你个小问题!你看一个助理采购员身上的这套套装怎么样? Ok, Allesandro餐厅的老板来见我,我做了些色拉给他, 他就雇我当他的首席大厨了!! 哦天!! 你没理睬我在回家路上练了好久的表演,但我还是为你高兴! 你能相信吗?我终于可以回我心爱的厨房了! - 噢,你等了好久了. - 不 嘿! -嘿, Pheebs, 问你个小问题. - 好. 你看一个Bloomingdale商场的助理采购员穿上这套套装怎么样? 我不知道, 这完全取决于颜色和...你升职了!! 是的!!! 你升职了?! 你怎么不告诉我? 噢, 那太好了! 我将决定我们商场卖什么, 我会拥有独立的办公室和一切 我将有墙了! Ok,今天是什么好日子? 我替咱们找到工作了! 婚礼招待会! 噢!呣, Phoebe, 我得跟你谈谈这个问题. 呣, 我想是时候我该从伙食包办行业退出来了 但我们刚刚才有了一份工作 我知道, 但是我们现在马上有了第二份,然后第三份...就像滚雪球一样,嗯你明白? 是的!你要说什么? 我得到了Allesandro餐厅的主厨工作. 什么? 没什么, 你知道为什么么?你可以自己干 拜托,你是厨师!没了你,我只有拿空盘子开车到人们的家里然后管人要钱?! 噢对. 但我会还你所有你投资的钱, 而且你还可以保留那货车 为什么? 我简直不能相信!我要离开这里. Phoebe, 等等! 我是助理采购员了!! 好吧, 我们来点咖啡, 补充点动力,然后扭头走人. - 好的. - Ok. - 那么, 我们玩的很开心,对不? - 是. 我们不需要那个什么“魔法师”.我们去了几个club, 和一些陌生人交谈,然后 呣,之后, 我们掉头去码头看船... 我有点精疲力竭. 事实上~我也是. 你们是说真的?! Yeah. 谢谢上帝!我也累坏了! 你们要咖啡吗? 是的, 但我不想太晚睡, 来一杯低咖吧. 对, 我也是. 事实上, 我能要些热柠檬水吗? 我在那里喊得伤了喉咙一定要那么大声吗? 我一个字也没听到你说什么,我耳鸣得厉害 我很高兴我还多带了双袜子,你知道么? 我把它们当手套使,在最后那地方我不想碰任何东西 我们太可悲了! 对, 我知道. 你们知道吗? 我们一点都不可悲, 我们只是不再是21岁了. 对呀? 我都29了,去他的!我想坐在舒服的椅子上,看看电视,然后到时间去睡觉! 是呀! 没错! 我只想在安静的地方歇歇,跟朋友谈心 对呀! 而且如果我回家了,就来首Kenny G的萨克思曲,然后洗个澡! 我们29岁了,我们也不是女人. 噢,你在这.我很高兴你愿意听我说完 好, 我在听. 我想了很久. 想了很多事情!而且我想出一番你能用上你货车的事业 Ok,呣~~你可以去送花. 什么?! 或者~~送面包. - 我 哇~~... - 要不-pizza?! Monica! 好吧, 我想出能在这个区做的很多生意,但我估计你不是很想作外卖之类的事. 当然不. Ok. 我猜你不想送外卖的话就更不会去拉货了 不想. 那么,我们还是做伙食包办吧. 真的么?! 你确定? 是的,我答应过你的,那会--那会挺有意思的 噢! 是会挺有意思的! 哦!是的! Ok,那我们来计划一下婚礼招待会的事. 喔! 你还真是替我想了好多用那货车的办法呀。 你知道么,我想你应该去当大厨. 真的?! 没错. 那是你真正想做的. 而且, 我不希望让你不快, 那样我也会不高兴的 所以我真的只不过是不想让自己不快罢了 谢谢你. 此外,组织新的一个队伍也许会挺有趣 哦,Lynch太太! 乔安娜回来了吗? 噢, 我的天! 你还不知道! 知道什么? 乔安娜,她-昨晚过世了 噢, 天! 怎么回事?! 她下班后出了车祸 噢, 天!我简直无法相信! 我也是! 噢,天!噢,天! 噢,天! 我还不知道你们原来如此亲密 对,很~~亲密! Lynch太太, 我知道对于我们大家来说现在都是悲伤的时候 但是Joanna有没有给你关于什么任命文件之类的东西,在...那件事发生前? 没有.没给过.想象一下, 假如她在路边能停留一会... 是呀, 只要慢几秒钟,她就可以再跟我们一起了 真的没有关于助理采购员的消息? 哦,真的没有。抱歉。 我要走了. 早! 噢,Sophie, 我想你还没听说Joanna出事... 我已经知道了! 我非常高兴能邀请到Monica到我们餐厅来工作. 虽然我非常遗憾解雇了原来的大厨Emillio, 就像失去了家庭的一成员. 当然, 对你们几个来说,确实就是失去“家庭”一员: Tony, Carlos, Marie, 请告诉你们的爸爸我有多想他. 我知道Monica对本餐厅有很多很好的建议, 当然,你们都看过那篇评论了 所以我就不再多说什么题外话了,我将给你们介绍新的主厨-Monica. 呣, 我只想说,少一点轻浮,多一点辛勤劳动,多一些密切合作,我们就可以把餐厅搞得更好... 你们不是要杀了我吧?

The One Where They’re Gonna PARTY!

[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe are showing everyone the van they bought for the catering business. It’s an old Dodge van, that has a cartoon woman riding on a dragon painted on the side of it.]

Phoebe: Okay!

Monica: Come on, no peeking! (They are leading the gang out with there hands over their eyes.)

Chandler: Our eyes are closed and we’re about to cross the street. Very good.

Phoebe: Okayyyyy, open up!

(They open their eyes and are stunned at the van.)

Ross: What did you want to show us? Because all I can see is this bitchin' van!

Phoebe: Yeah, it’s for our catering business!

Joey: I think I know that girl.

Monica: All right, umm, we’re not gonna really keep it this way though.

Rachel: No?

Phoebe: No, we’re gonna paint over the sword, and replace it with a baguette.

Rachel: Oh!

Phoebe: And also, we don’t know what to do with this. (She turns on a switch and the girl’s nipples light up.)

Joey: Oh yeah, I definitely know her.

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all there.]

Monica: (to Phoebe) Remember that guy from cooking school I told you about that put cilantro with everything?

Phoebe: Oh sure, Cilantro Larry.

Monica: Well, I’m gonna fill in for him as food critic for the Chelsea Reporter.

Monica: Wow, Monica! What an amazing opportunity to influence… dozens of people.

Phoebe: How could you say yes, what about our catering business?

Monica: Oh no-no-no, it’s only one night a week, and plus I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.

All: Yay!!

Phoebe: Oh, in that case—(hops up and down in joy)—Yay! (Monica looks confused) That was me hopping on board.

Monica: Oh.

Chandler: (entering) Hey, you guys! Hey, Ross, quick question for ya. Are you ready to party?

Ross: I don’t know, I could maybe go out for a couple of beers, but there’s this thing about bumblebees on The Discovery Channel that I was planning to watch.

Chandler: No-no, I don’t think you heard me. Are you ready to party?!

Ross: Nooo!! Gandolf?! Gandolf is coming to town?

Chandler: Kathy’s with her parents, I have nothing to do, so tomorrow we are partying with Gandolf dude!

Ross: Dude, we are sooo gonna party!

Phoebe: Wow! Okay, dude alert! And who is this guy?

Ross: Mike "Gandolf" Ganderson, only like the funest guy in the world.

Chandler: I’m gonna call and get off work tomorrow!

Ross: I’m gonna call after you!

Chandler: This is gonna be soo cool, dude, we never party anymore!

Chandler and Ross: Woooo!!!

Monica: All right, were you guys smoking something in the back of our van?

Joey: Really. And what do you mean you never have fun anymore? You have fun with me, remember that time we saw those strippers and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?

Ross: Joey, you are gonna love this guy. Gandolf is like the party wizard!

Joey: Well, why do you call him Gandolf?

Ross: Gandolf the wizard. (Joey is still confused) Hello! Didn’t you read Lord of the Rings in high school?

Joey: No, I had sex in high school.

[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel and Sophie are sitting at their desks working as Joanna walks in.]

Rachel: Oh, uh, Joanna I was wondering if I could ask you something. There’s an opening for an assistant buyer in Junior Miss…

Joanna: (interrupting) Okay, but that would actually be a big step down for me.

Rachel: Well, actually, I meant for me. The hiring committee is meeting people all day and…

Joanna: Oh. Well, I wish I could say no, but you can’t stay my assistant forever. Neither can you Sophie, but for different reasons.

Rachel: God, I am so glad you don’t have a problem with this, because if you did, I wouldn’t even consider applying.

Joanna: Really? Well, in that case…

Rachel: (interrupting) And that’s I’m so glad… there’s no problem.

Joanna: That’s fine, actually I’m on the hiring committee, so there’ll be at least one friendly face.

Rachel: Ohh! That’s great!

Joanna: You know, Junior Miss is where I started. Oh, I had to sleep with the ugliest guy to get that job.

Rachel: Really?!

Joanna: No-ho-ho! (pause) Yeah. (pause) I mean, no-no-no-no-no, don’t you worry, I’m sure with your qualifications you won’t need to sleep with some guy to get that job. Although, I might need some convincing.

Rachel: Well, I, umm…

Joanna: Kidding! God, I feel wild today!

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is getting ready to party.]

Chandler: Oh man! I am so excited—I may vomit!

Joey: Will you calm down, he’s just a human guy.

Chandler: Look you don’t understand, Gandolf is amazing. Y’know you’re never know what’s gonna end up happening, you go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat to Nova Scotia!

Joey: Really?!

Chandler: Oh yeah, it’s beautiful country up there.

Ross: (entering) Hey! Okay! I got my passport, fresh socks, and a snake bite kit!

Chandler: It’s not gonna be exactly like last time.

Joey: All right, I’ll see you guys.

Chandler and Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa!

Chandler: Whoa-wh-wh-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa!

Joey: I have an audition, but I’ll definitely hook up with you later. Where are you gonna be around noon?

Ross: Somewhere maybe along the equator?

Joey: Okay. (leaves as the phone rings)

Chandler: (answering it) Hello. (listens) (to Ross) It’s Gandolf!!! (on phone) So, are you in town? (listens) (disappointed) Oh, well, well maybe next time then. (Hangs up)

Ross: What happened?

Chandler: He’s not gonna make it, he’s stuck in Chicago.

Ross: Ohh, man! Chicago, is sooo lucky!

Chandler: Stupid, useless Canadian money!

[Scene: Bloomingdale’s, Rachel is meeting with Mr. Posner, Mrs. Lynch, and Joanna the hiring committee.]

Mr. Posner: You have a very impressive resume, Ms. Green. I especially like what I see here about implementing a new filing system.

Rachel: Thank you.

Joanna: Filing system? Oh-oh! You mean those-those little colored labels you put on all the folders? (to the committee) It certainly did brighten up the inside of the filing cabinets.

Rachel: Well, they uh, they-they do more than that.

Mrs. Lynch: I notice that you’ve been trusted with a lot of rather important responsibilities.

Rachel: Yes, Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.

Joanna: Oh. And Rachel has been really incredible in getting my morning bagel for me. It’s amazing how she gets it right almost every time!

Rachel: I-I-I of course, I have more responsibilities than that.

Joanna: Oh yes, well there’s the coffee too. (to the committee) Rachel can carry two things at once!

Mr. Posner: Yes, that’s very good. Now a uh, big part of this job is cultivating personal relationships, especially with designers.

Rachel: Yes, I realize that…

Joanna: (interrupting) And Rachel shouldn’t have any problem with that. The only problem might be getting a little too friendly, if you know what I mean.

Rachel: I love working with designers!

Joanna: With them, under them, what’s the difference? Eh, Rach?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is there as Monica enters carrying a huge stack of newspapers.]

Monica: Hey! My first review is out!

Phoebe: Ohh! Oh, the Chelsea Reporter, ohh, this used to keep me so warm.

Monica: All right, look at my on the back page.

Phoebe: Oh, okay! (reading) "Would I go back to Allesandro’s? Sure, but I’d have to order two meals, one for me and one for the guy pointing the gun to my head." (to Monica) Wow! You really laid into this place.

Monica: Hey, they don’t pay me a penny a word to make friends.

Phoebe: Ooh, I gotta go. I found a guy that who could fix up the van for catering.

Monica: Oh! Do you need me to go with you?

Phoebe: No-no, it’s okay. But are we sure we don’t want the waterbed?

Monica: Haven’t we made this decision?

Phoebe: Yeah, all right. (starts to leave)

Monica: Bye!

Phoebe: Bye!

(The intercom buzzes.)

Monica: (answering it) Who is it?

Allesandro: It’s Allesandro, from Allesandro’s.

Monica: Oh my God.

Allesandro: I want to talk to you about your review.

Monica: Oh my God, oh my God. (on intercom) Call me on the phone!

Allesandro: Why? So you could hang up on me?

Monica: Look, I-I’m never gonna let you up so you may as well just go away.

Allesandro: Just give me a chance too…

Phoebe: (on intercom) Hey, do you need to get in? Here you go.

Monica: No! Phoebe!

Phoebe: Hey, Monica!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]

Allesandro: (entering) I want a retraction! Our food is not inedible swill!

Monica: I couldn’t eat it! I had five friends who couldn’t eat it, and one of them eats books.

Allesandro: Well our service is not grossly incompetent.

Monica: The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants!

Allesandro: Well, you said that we except the Discover Card, which we do not!

Monica: All right, that I’ll retract. But I stand by my review, I know food and that wasn’t it. You’re marinara sauce tasted like tomato juice! You should serve it with vodka and a piece of celery.

Allesandro: Hey! I’m proud of that sauce, it’s delicious.

Monica: Oh my God! You own an Italian restaurant and you think that tastes good?! Where are you even from?

Allesandro: (shyly) Lebanon.

Monica: Hand me those tomatoes, I’m gonna show you what it should taste like! Come on, hand me them.

Allesandro: How long is this gonna take? ‘Cause I got another critic to go yell at.

[Scene: Rachel’s office, Rachel is confronting Joanna about her interview.]

Rachel: (entering Joanna’s office) Umm, Joanna? I wanna talk about that interview.

Joanna: I thought it went very well.

Rachel: No! It didn’t! That’s what I want to talk to you about. (starts to break up) Now, just to brief you… (starts to cry) I may cry, but they are not tears of sadness or of anger, but just of me having this discussion with you.

Joanna: Rachel, please, don’t make a scene.

Rachel: There’s nobody here!

Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie enters) You see! Now you’re making Sophie uncomfortable!

Sophie: She’s not making me uncomfortable.

Joanna: Congratulations! You now just crossed the line into completely useless. Get out. (Sophie starts to cry and leaves)

Rachel: Do you want me to quit?

Joanna: What?! What would make you think that?

Rachel: Well of those things that you said in the interview, I mean if you believe any of them, I must not be a very good assistant. Y’know what? I am just gonna pack up my desk, (She goes over to get all of her belongings from the desk, which amount to a muffin and a pen) and I will be gone by the end of the day! (Realizes she has nothing.) Well, I guess there’s no use to me sticking around ‘til the end of the day! (Starts to leave.)

Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait! You can put your sad little muffin back in it’s drawer. If you must know the truth, I didn’t want to lose a perfectly good assistant.

Rachel: What?

Joanna: That’s why I said all those things about your flirting and your drinking…

Rachel: My drinking?

Joanna: Oh, I must’ve said that after you left.

Rachel: Said what? Exactly.

Joanna: That you enjoyed the occasional drink…ing binge.

Rachel: Oh my God!! Ohh, that is it! I’m leaving! You are just a horrible person!

Joanna: Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!! If you’re gonna get all sensitive about it! I don’t want to lose you. What if I, create a position for you? I’ll make you an assistant buyer in this department.

Rachel: Say more things like that.

Joanna: You can have your own office, and a raise! Effective tomorrow.

Rachel: I’d need an expense account.

Joanna: Done!

Rachel: And an assistant.

Joanna: Sophie, get in here! (Sophie peeks in around the corner)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are watching TV as Joey enters.]

Joey: Hey! What are you guys doing here? I thought you’d be out partying with Gandel-worf.

Ross: It’s Gandolf, and he’s not coming.

Joey: So you’ve been sittin’ around here all mornin’?

Ross: No! I balanced my checkbook.

Chandler: Yeah, and I-I gave first names to all of the foosball players.

Ross: I can’t believe he didn’t come!

Joey: So what if he didn’t come! We can still go out and party ourselves!

Chandler: Oh-no, y’know with Gandolf we’d be out all night!

Ross: Yeah! We’d meet, we’d meet total strangers, and hang out with them!

Joey: Well, we could do that!

Ross: There’s other stuff too.

Joey: We’ll do it all, and better! Look, after tonight, Gandolf will want to party with us, dude! Come on!

Ross: Yeah!

Joey: Yeah!

Ross: Yeah!!

Joey: Yeah!!

Ross: It’s not like we don’t know how to party!!

Joey: Yeah! All right? Let’s go!

Chandler: And may-maybe we could end up on a boat again?

Joey and Ross: Yeah!!!

Chandler: All right!!

Ross: (to Chandler) Hey-hey-hey, when uh, when were we on a boat?

Chandler: Remember that really cold morning, you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?

Ross: Yeah.

Chandler: Well, those were seals, man.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is entering, excited.]

Rachel: Hey Mon, little question for ya! How do you think this suit will look on an assistant buyer?

Monica: Okay, the owner of Allesandro’s came over to yell at me, but instead I made him some sauce, and he offered me the job as head chef!!

Rachel: Oh my God!! You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home, but I’m soo happy!

Monica: Can you believe it? I finally get to run my own kitchen!

Rachel: Ohh, you’ve waited soo long.

Phoebe: (entering) Hey!

Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, quick question for ya.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Rachel: How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdale’s?

Phoebe: I don’t know, it would totally depend on her coloring and… (realizes) You got the job!!

Rachel: Yes!!!

Monica: You got the job?! Why didn’t you tell me?

Rachel: Ohh, it’s gonna be so great! I’m gonna get to help decide what we sell, I’m gonna have an office with walls and everything. (turns to Monica) I’m gonna have walls!

Phoebe: Okay, is this the day of good news or what? I got us a job! The wedding reception.

Monica: Ohh! Umm, Phoebe, I kinda need to talk to you about that. (Rachel excuses herself) Umm, well I-I-I think it might be time for me to take a step back from catering.

Phoebe: But we’ve only had one job.

Monica: I know, but now we have this second one and it just, it feels like it’s snowballing, y’know?

Phoebe: Yeah! What are you saying?

Monica: I got offered the head chef job at Allesandro’s.

Phoebe: What?

Monica: It’s okay, ‘cause y'know what? You don’t really need me for the business.

Phoebe: You’re the cook! With out you it’s just me driving up to people’s houses with empty trays and asking for money!

Monica: All right. But umm, I-I-I’ll pay you back all the money you invested, and you can keep the van.

Phoebe: For what? I can’t believe this! I gotta get out of here. (leaves)

Monica: Phoebe, wait a minute! (runs after her, leaving Rachel alone)

Rachel: I’m an assistant buyer!!

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Ross, and Chandler are making a pit stop on their party tour.]

Joey: All right, so we’ll get a little coffee, and get energized, and we’ll head back out.

Chandler: Yeah, all right.

Ross: Okay.

Joey: So, we’re having fun, right?

Chandler and Ross: Yeah.

Joey: We don’t need that wizard guy. We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers, and uh, after this, we’ll head down to the docks and see about that boat thing.

Ross: I’m kinda beat.

Chandler: Actually, me too.

Joey: Are you serious?!

Chandler and Ross: Yeah.

Joey: Thank God! I’m exhausted!

Gunther: So you guys want coffees?

Joey: Yeah, but uh, I don’t want to be up too late, so uh, I’ll have a decaf.

Ross: Yeah, me too.

Chandler: Actually, can I get some hot water with a little lemon? I think I strained my voice screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?

Joey: I can’t hear a word you’re saying, my ears are ringing so bad.

Ross: I’m just glad I brought that extra pair of socks, y’know? I used them as mittens, I didn’t want to touch a thing in that last place.

(pause)

Ross: How sad are we?

Joey: Yeah, I know.

Chandler: Y’know what? We’re not sad, we’re not sad, we’re just not 21 anymore. Y’know? I’m 29 years old, damnit! And I want to sit in a comfortable chair, and watch television and go to bed at a reasonable hour!

Joey and Ross: Yeah!

Joey: Yeah! And I like to hang out in a quiet place where I can talk to my friends.

Chandler and Ross: Yeah!

Ross: And so what if I like to go home, throw on some Kenny G, and take a bath!

Joey: We’re 29, we’re not women.

[Scene: Central Perk, the next day, Phoebe is there.]

Monica: (entering) Ohh, here you are. Y’know, I’m-I’m glad you decided to hear me out.

Phoebe: Okay, I’m hearing.

Monica: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. A lot! And umm, well, I came up with a whole bunch of businesses you can do with your van. Okay umm, you could be flower delivery person.

Phoebe: What?!

Monica: Or! A bakery delivery person.

Phoebe: I wa-I wa-I wa…

Monica: Pizza?!

Phoebe: Monica!

Monica: All right, I’ve got a whole bunch of uh-uh, stuff in this area, but umm, I’m getting the feeling that you don’t want to deliver.

Phoebe: No.

Monica: Okay. I’m guessing that if you don’t want to deliver, you probably don’t want to pick stuff up either.

Phoebe: No.

Monica: Y’know what, let’s do the catering business.

Phoebe: Really?! Are you sure?

Monica: Yeah, y'know I-I made a commitment to you. Y’know what, it’d be, it’d be fun.

Phoebe: Oh! It will be fun! Ohh! Yay! Oh! Okay, ooh, let’s plan the wedding reception. (She grabs the notebook which Monica used for her ideas and starts flipping page after page after page after page after page to find a blank one.) Wow! You really wanted me to do something with this van. (pause) Y’know what, I want you to take the chef job.

Monica: Really?!

Phoebe: Yeah. That’s what you really want. Yeah, I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy, that would just make me unhappy, and I really don’t want to be the reason I’m unhappy.

Monica: Thank you.

Phoebe: Besides, it might be kinda fun to form the new A-Team.

[Scene: Rachel’s office, she is coming in for the day carrying a picture for her new office. Mrs. Lynch is coming out of Joanna’s office, carrying a box.]

Rachel: Oh, hi Mrs. Lynch! Is Joanna in already?

Mrs. Lynch: Oh my goodness! You haven’t heard!

Rachel: Heard what?

Mrs. Lynch: Joanna passed away last night.

Rachel: Oh my God! How?!

Mrs. Lynch: Well, she was leaving work and she was hit by a cab.

Rachel: Oh my God! Oh, I cannot believe it!

Mrs. Lynch: I know!

Rachel: Oh, God. Oh, God. (gets worried) Oh God.

Mrs. Lynch: I didn’t realize that she was so close.

Rachel: Yes, so close. Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional and difficult time, for all of us. But by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way before… it happened.

Mrs. Lynch: No. Nothing. Imagine, if she had just stepped off that curb a few seconds later.

Rachel: Yes-yes, just a few seconds and she’d still be with us—nothing about an assistant buyer?

Mrs. Lynch: (starting to cry) No, I’m sorry. I have to go. (She leaves as Sophie arrives.)

Sophie: (happily) Good morning!

Rachel: Oh, Sophie, I guess you didn’t hear about Joanna…

Sophie: I sure did! (smiles)

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica’s new kitchen, Allesandro is introducing her to her new employees.]

Allesandro: I’m so excited about having Monica come on board with us. Although I do feel bad about having fired chef Emillio, it’s like losing a member of the family. Of course, that literally is the case for several of you. Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father how much we’re gonna miss him. Now, I know that Monica has a lot of great ideas for this place, well, you all read the review. So without much further ado, I present to you our new head chef.

Monica: Umm, I just wanna say, uh (reads from a 3 X 5 card) that with a pinch of exictement, a dash of hard work, a dollup of cooperation, we can have the recipe... (Looks up and sees eveyone glaring at her) Are you gonna kill me?

END

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