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老友记第四季The One With All The Haste

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(唱)早晨到了,阳光美,天空蓝,早晨到了,早晨到了 嗨,你非要这样做吗?今天是星期六 噢,别这样!早晨到了(唱)早晨到了,早晨到了,阳光美 我讨厌这套房子!我讨厌这墙上的颜色!我讨厌这个地方闻起来有种鸟的味道我讨厌那个唱歌的家伙 你在开玩笑吧?我喜欢那家伙。(唱)早晨到了,早晨到了- 闭嘴!我要杀了你。我讨厌我的房间这么小 嗨,象我这样,空间够用就好。 莫妮卡,你连床都没有,你睡在地板上的球里 你知道什么?我真厌烦你的抱怨。我一直在努力使我们住得更好。 对不起。对不起。好吧。 看,这房子多好啊。 闭嘴!这地方就是个洞。 哎呀, 我不敢相信你居然戴了耳环 我知道,我知道,我是谁?大卫.邦威? 他也戴耳环吗? 我不知道,管他呢 我觉得你戴耳环看起来象个危险人物 我知道。你要知道,我戴这个都是因为你 不确切。当我和你在一起时,我就象变成另一个人,我喜欢那个家伙。我是指,我更爱你,但那家伙,我爱那家伙 我爱你们两个是吗? 真希望我不用走就好了 那就别走。留下来。别那么快就回伦敦,再多呆一天 罗斯,求你了,再多留一天,真的 别那样。我也想再多留一分钟,但我搁下了很多工作没做,他们会解雇我的 那么,你就可以想待多久就待多久 要真是那样就好了 不,不要,不要收拾。不要 我不是现在走。我只是不想临走时再收拾。上次,我走的很匆忙,结果把我的短裤留在这了. 是,我知道。我,我试着穿了一下 你,不会吧? 不,不。我没有。我不想成为那家伙 嗨! 哈!哈!哈! 什么?你的裤子! 噢,是呀!你们喜欢吗?我只是,我去了二手商品市场,买了一大堆孕妇装。这些真的非-常-舒服 菲比,那是,那是圣诞裤 什么?圣诞裤,圣诞老人的裤子 不!这些是孕妇穿的。这里还有一张婴儿名单 看,这些是好名字,这些是坏名字。哦- 嗨! 嗨! 嗨,菲比。那,小顽皮怎么样了? 我不知道。那,那,那,你的衣服很可笑。 嗨,小子们。我应该穿什么去看尼克斯队的比赛? T恤说:“我不属于这里” 你有尼克斯队比赛的票? 是,我妈在和我爸离婚的时候拿了他这个赛季的票,然后就给我了 很显然,座位很好。 我的上帝!就在场地的右侧 你们想要吗? 想!我们想! 好吧,给你们。 太好了 把我们的房子还给我们 小子们,这事跟我无关 你是认真的? 我们知道这值多少? 你们觉得我们很傻吗? 不傻。你们比我们想像的要狡猾。 怎么说? 忘了它。我不会因为几张篮球票而放弃我的单身住处。 你这是单身住处? 有女孩住过这吗? 没有,但是,乔伊有过。我只是通常在早上和她们说话。 是,没错 来吧 巩特尔,请给我两杯契诺 点的不错。 赛季门票!赛季门票你知道那意味着什么? 别提它了。我不会放弃我的房间的。 你看,当我是个孩子的时候我爸爸公司每年只有销售冠军才能得到赛季门票。我爸爸从来没有得到过。当然他不在销售部门。但是我从来没有忘记过 兄弟们! 嗨! 我的上帝! 我们开你的玩笑还不够吗? 艾米丽赞成我这样 你不知道这要打了一个洞? 我喜欢,艾米丽喜欢那就值。你们怎么样? 不,不要试图觉得你耳朵上的东西很正常 艾米丽在哪? 她在和她的叔叔告别 小子,她不喜欢住这吗? 是!是! 放松点,老虎 我真的很讨厌这样!每次从机场接她,那感觉真好 但是这个时候我在想 “几天以后我又要回到这里,送她走” 那你打算怎么办呢? 不知道。也没办法。她住那,我住这,她最好能搬来,她应该搬来 什么?我应该能要求她和我住一起 你说真的吗? 为什么不?我说,为什么不? 因为你们只认识了六个星期我和我冰箱里的牛奶相处的时间也比你们长 听着,当我和她在一起的时候她发掘了我最好的一面我的意思是,我爱她 我爱牛奶!但我不会让某个英国女孩搬来和我住乔伊,现在你说 罗斯,他是对的。艾米丽很好。她很好。但是这样太快了,你只会吓着她 我不想那样 你不想搞砸了,不想太快 是的,我知道,你们是对的。我不这么做。好了,多谢你们 没关系。在你们跳戈戈舞之前,别忘了叫醒我们 那太难了。太难了 好了,得到门票的最后机会 否则我就给我的新男友Joshua. 不用了,谢谢 等等,等等,我们谈谈。时机正好,我刚刚把厕所给堵了 我和你一样想得到门票但是我们回来以后不能住在一套小公寓里你没有读过“阿尔杰农之花”吗? 是啊,你没有读过体育杂志吗?我是没有读过你那本书,但我们今晚能去看比赛 唯一可以考虑的是她们能否给出别的什么超过门票价值? 那是尼克斯队!管他什么尼克斯! 哇噢! 我不是这个意思。我只是想说我们的公寓价值远远超出门票 哼! 尼克斯决定一切。是,尼克斯决定一切。 怎么样?你们换吗? 不,不,我们不换。你们知道为什么吗?因为那根本不是交易。 好吧。那你们保留公寓票也归你们,如何? 成交!让我说完 我说的是打赌,是赢家才行 我们一无所获 你们也可以满载而归 我喜欢你这么说 那好,怎么说? 不 噢,不行 我,我,我坚持 来吧,我来替你,因为你是我的好朋友 好吧,但你一年之内不能再利用这种关系了。我加入 好啊 真是让人兴奋啊!噢,天,你们赌什么? 好吧,我们让菲比决定因为她是唯一中立派,并且很漂亮 好吧,噢,噢,我有个游戏 好啊!好啊! 太好了! 什么游戏?什么游戏? 哦,这,没有名字好,就叫菲比球。不,它没有名字莫妮卡,你最喜欢树的什么? 绿色? 好,好,五分 好了,乔伊,同样问题。 它们很高? 三分。都是好答案,但是我们要的是‘枝繁叶茂’ 这根本不是游戏 什么?闭嘴。我们赢了 你想现在停止吗?那好,我们现在拿一副牌,大的赢,你们说呢? 好吧 哦,我有牌 哦,好 这,噢,不,这是骗人用的这里,对,好了 好,你们先选 四 是张小牌 菲比,你看,我不能看 你怎么会认为我能? 好吧,好吧,A 你们为什么也尖叫拥抱? 因为我们赢回了我们的公寓 什么,A是大牌!J,Q,K,A 不,A是小牌!A,2,3,4 我不知道。看这个,啊哈! 打住,我们重选,重选 好 来吧,公寓,来吧,公寓我知道,Q是大牌 不,不会比...成了,K 宝贝! 我们重来,重来 为什么我不知道 票!那是场边的位置,宝贝 好游戏,好游戏。她们为什么生气?她们拿回了公寓 不,她们没有 中文字幕版权归《六人行》网站和翻译者Jean所有 http://www.topcmm.com/friends 嗨! 我在你不在的时候收拾好了 我在枕头下面留了一些短裤 搬来和我一起住?什么? 不要害怕。我知道这听上去很疯狂人们会说这太快了但是想想,这样会多好 不,哦!我不知道离开伦敦,我的家人都在那 我知道 我的工作 那么,你在这也能找到工作我常听说那些外国人来美国得到了工作你也可以 是,但那,那是我的生活你去英国 不行,我想去,我真的想。但我的儿子在这里我不能离开他。你觉得没有其他办法了吗? 我不这么认为。我是说如果有个将来的结果比如结婚或别的什么,事情就会不一样了。 什么? 不,不,我不应该说结婚。别把我看成怪物我不是这个意思。我什么也没说,我收回。 不,不,我们为什么不呢? 什么? 结婚 你疯了 不,我没疯。这很完美。我的意思是这比你搬进来住更好因为我们俩可以永远在一起,我,我也正这么想 我们才认识了六个星期 我知道,那又怎么样?谁会说?我们不能结婚吗?你瞧,我和卡萝认识了四年才结婚最终我还是受到伤害,和一个怀孕的同性恋离婚 这,这使我们有意义我们的第一次约会就在佛蒙特州渡过了整个周末 昨天晚上,我穿了耳洞,是我!这感觉很对,不是吗? 我父母真的会疯了 这是不是意味着你同意了?你同意了? 是的 是的 是的,我们结婚?! 噢,我的上帝! 是的 我们要结婚了 到这来,到这来。噢呜!艾米丽,你愿意嫁给我吗? 我愿意! 哦,这有点小 该死!我原本想这会很浪漫 这的确是 那是我们曾有过最好的座位 是的。我们应该把这些T恤给那帮女孩吗?就算讲和 很好。再说它们也是免费的而且太小了 噢,上帝! 想喝啤酒吗?哇噢!!! 我知道了! 开门!开门!开门! 我们明天再说 到底怎么回事? 我们把我们的公寓拿回来了 这跟我没关系,我什么也没做 这是我的主意,但是我觉得并不怎么好 我们换回来,就现在! 不,我们不换。我们不走。 好吧,你们还可以再多待一会儿,因为你们都有工作你们一上班,我们就把它换回来。 没有什么能阻止我们,对不对,乔? 我不知道 什么? 我不想再搬了 我不管,这是我们的公寓她们偷了-你们偷了我们的公寓我们很公平的赢了那套公寓,两次! 我现在就要拿回来,我现在就要拿回来 好吧。我们猜到了你们可能会这样所以我们有一个事后补救。 不,不,不,没有补救。你们什么也补偿不了。 让我们住这套公寓,并且... 作为答谢,瑞秋和我接吻一分钟 简直太值了! 那一分钟太棒了! 晚安 晚安 男人就这么傻 是呀!你能相信我们这样就把公寓给拿回来了? 想想如果在上次赌牌后你们就这么做那根本就没有人会想搬家了。太可笑了! 那,那,那我们都假装什么都没发生 好吧 好了,围巾织完了。 来,来。 好! 嗨 嗨 怎么回事? 罗斯要告诉大家一件大事 啊,好吧。是,艾米丽和我,我们决定,结婚! 什么?噢,你也怀孕了? 没有 什么时候,你们怎么... 我们,我们就是决定,要这么做 我们知道这很匆忙,但是,觉得这么做是对的,所以... 我只是来告诉大家... 是,我,我听见了。这太棒了。我为你们感到高兴 这太好了 是啊,是啊 我真不敢相信你们要结婚了 是啊 莫妮卡和瑞秋好上了. (唱)早晨到了,阳光美,天空蓝,早晨到了,早晨到了 嗨,你回来了! 嗨,开始唱! 早餐要来了 深夜的黑暗消失了 明早再见 好啊!

The One With All The Haste

[Scene: Rachel’s bedroom; Rachel is awoken by a man singing in the next apartment.]

The Singing Man: (singing, duh) Morning’s here! Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning’s here! The morning’s here!

Rachel: HEY!! Do you have to do that? It’s Saturday!

The Singing Man: Oh come on! Morning’s here! (Starts singing) Morning’s here! The morning is here! Sunshine is here!

(Rachel slams shut her window and storms into the living room, where Joey and Monica are eating breakfast.)

Rachel: I hate this apartment! I hate the color of these walls! I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird! I hate that singing guy!

Joey: Are you kidding? I love that guy! (Starts singing) Morning’s here! Morning is here—

Rachel: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small.

Monica: Hey, I have all the space I need. Just do what I did.

Rachel: Monica, you don’t even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor!

Monica: Y’know what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live!

Rachel: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Monica: Okay.

Joey: See, this is a great apartment.

Monica: Shut up! This place is a hole!

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Ross’s bedroom; Ross and Emily are making out. Ross as a new feature.]

Emily: Oh, blimey, I still can’t believe you’ve got an earring!

(Yep, it’s a little gold loop.)

Ross: Huh? I know, I know. Who am I? David Bowe? (Shakes his head around, pretending like he’s jamming.)

Emily: He does that?!

Ross: Uh, I don’t know, whatever.

Emily: I think it makes you look really dangerous.

Ross: Oh, I know. Y’know what, I never would’ve gotten this if it weren’t for you. No really, when I’m with you I’m-I’m like this whole other guy, I love that guy! I mean, I love you too, a lot, but that guy! I-I love that guy!

Emily: I love both of you!

Ross: Yeah?

(They kiss.)

Emily: I wish I didn’t have to go.

Ross: Then don’t. Stay here. Just don’t go so soon to London, just one more day.

Emily: Ohh, Ross, please!

Ross: One more day, seriously/

Emily: Don’t do this to me, again. You’d know I’d stay here in a minute, but I’d really miss so much work, they’ll fire me.

Ross: So, then you can stay as long as you want.

Emily: I wish I could.

Ross: Oh no. Don’t, don’t, don’t start packing. Come on! (She puts some clothes into her bag, and Ross throws them out.)

Emily: I don’t think you understand packing. Look, I just don’t want to leave it to the last minute. Last time I left in such a rush, I left my knickers here.

Ross: Yeah, I know, I uh, I tried them on.

Emily: You didn’t!

Ross: No. No, I didn’t. I didn’t want to be that guy.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are watching one of those Kung Fu movies and imitating the moves.]

Phoebe: (entering, wearing Santa pants) Hello!

Chandler: Ho! Ho! Ho!

Phoebe: Excuse me.

Chandler: Your pants!

Phoebe: Oh, yeah! You like ‘em? I just, I went to a used clothes store and got a bunch of maternity stuff. These are sooo comfortable!

Joey: Uhh, Pheebs, those are uh, those are Santa pants.

Phoebe: What?

Chandler: Santa pants. (Phoebe still doesn’t get it.) Santa Claus’s pants.

Phoebe: Nuh-uh! They’re maternity pants. They even came with a list of baby names. (Pulls out a sheet of paper which lists who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.) See, these names are good, and these names are bad. (Finally, she figures it out.) Ohh.

Rachel: (entering) Hey!

Monica: (entering) Hey!

Rachel: So—Hey, Pheebs! So, how are the elves?

Phoebe: I don’t know! How are the-the-the-the, y’know—You’re clothes aren’t funny.

Monica: Hey, guys, what-what should I wear to a Knicks game?

Chandler: Uhh, a T-shirt that says, "I don’t belong here."

Joey: You have Knicks tickets?

Rachel: Yeah, my mom got my dad’s season tickets in the divorce, so she just gave them to me.

Monica: Yeah, apparently, they’re pretty good seats.

Rachel: Yeah.

Joey: (examining the tickets) Oh my God! Those are almost right on the floor!

Rachel: Do you guys want these?

Joey: Yeah!

Chandler: Yeah we do!

Rachel: Ohh, well you got ‘em.

Both: All right!

Rachel: Just give us our apartment back!

Phoebe: Boy! I didn’t see that coming!

Chandler: Are you serious?

Rachel: Oh, come on! We know what these are worth.

Monica: Yeah, what, do you think we’re stupid?

Joey: You’re not stupid. You’re meaner than I thought.

Monica: What do you say?

Chandler: Forget it! Okay, I’m not giving up my bachelor pad for some basketball seats!

Rachel: You’re bachelor pad?!

Monica: Have you even had a girl up here?

Chandler: No. But uh, Joey has, and I usually talk to them in the morning time.

Joey: Yeah, you do!

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is whining to Chandler about the tickets.]

Joey: Come on!

Chandler: (ignoring him) Yes, Gunther, can I get two cups of chino, please?

Gunther: Good one.

Joey: Come on, season tickets! Season tickets, do you know what that means?

Chandler: Forget it! Okay, I’m not giving up the apartment.

Joey: Oh come—look, when I was a kid my dad’s company gave season tickets to the number one salesman every year, all right? My dad never won! Of course, he wasn’t in the sales division, but still, I never ever, ever forgot that!

Ross: (entering) Hey, guys! (They both notice his new little friend)

Joey: Hey!

Chandler: Oh my God!

Joey: We don’t make enough fun of you already?

Ross: Oh yeah, Emily convinced me to do it.

Chandler: You do know that Wham broke up?

Ross: I like it, and Emily likes it, and that’s what counts. So uh, how are you guys doing?

Joey: Oh-no, don’t try and talk all normal with that thing in your ear.

Chandler: Where is Emily?

Ross: Ugh, she’s saying good-bye to her uncle.

Chandler: Man, didn’t she like just get here?

Ross: Yeah!! Yeah!

Chandler: Easy tiger.

Ross: I just, I hate this so much! I mean, every time I go pick her up at the airport, it’s-it’s so great. But at the same time I’m thinking, "Well, I’m gonna be right back there in a couple of days, dropping her off."

Chandler: So what are you going to do?

Ross: Nothing! There’s nothing to do! I mean, she lives there, I live here. I mean, she-she’d have to uh, move here. She should move here!

Joey: What?

Ross: I could ask her to live with me!

Chandler: Are you serious?

Ross: I mean, why not! I mean, I mean why not?!

Chandler: Because you’ve only known her for six weeks! Okay, I’ve got a carton of milk in my fridge I’ve had a longer relationship with!

Ross: Look guys, when I’m with her it’s-it’s-it’s like she brings this-this-this great side out of me. I mean I-I-I love her, y’know?

Chandler: And I love the milk! But, I’m not gonna some British girl to move in with me! (Realizes that made no sense.) Joey, you say things now.

Joey: All right look, Ross, he’s right. Emily’s great, she’s great! But this way too soon, you’re only gonna scare her!

Ross: I don’t want to do that.

Joey: No! You don’t want to wreck it, you don’t want to go to fast!

Ross: Yeah, no, you’re right, I know, you’re right, I’m not, I’m not gonna do it. All right, thanks guys. (Gets up to leave.)

Chandler: Okay, no problem, just remember to wake us up before you go-go.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, later that same day. Joey and Chandler are eating pizza, and Phoebe is trying to knit something.]

Phoebe: That’s too hard. Too hard!

Monica: (entering with Rachel) All right boys, last chance for the tickets!

Rachel: Or I’ll give them to my new boyfriend, Joshua.

Chandler: No thank you.

Joey: Wait-wait-wait-wait! (To Chandler) Come on! Come on, let’s trade! The timing’s perfect, I just clogged the toilet!

Chandler: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we can’t leave in the small apartment after we’ve lived here! Didn’t you ever read Flowers for Algernon?

Joey: Yes! Didn’t you ever read Sports Illustrated?! No! I didn’t read yours! But come on, we can go to the game tonight!

Chandler: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.

Joey: It’s the Knicks!

Chandler: Screw the Knicks!

Joey: Whoa!

Chandler: I didn’t mean that. I just meant that the apartment is worth so much more.

Joey: Huh.

Chandler: And the Knicks rule all.

Joey: Yeah, the Knicks rule all!

Phoebe: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it?

Chandler: No. No. We’re not gonna do that, y’know why? Because its not an even trade.

Rachel: All right, okay, look, what if you could keep the apartment and get the tickets?

Joey: Done!

Rachel: Let me finish.

Joey: Oh.

Rachel: I’m talking about a bet, winner takes all.

Joey: Ooh, we could end up with nothing.

Phoebe: Or you could end up with everything.

Joey: Ooh, I like that.

Monica: All right, so what do you say?

Chandler: No!

Monica: Oh, just do it!!

Chandler: Op, op, I’m convinced!

Joey: Come on man, you know I’d do it for you! Because, you’re my best friend.

Chandler: All right, but you can’t use that again for a whole year. I’m in.

Joey: All right!

Phoebe: Ooh, this is so exciting! Ooh, God, what are you going to bet?

Rachel: Oh, okay, well, I think we should let Phoebe decide, because she’s the only who’s impartial, and she’s so pretty.

Phoebe: Okay. Umm, ooh, ooh—oh, I have a game!

Joey: Okay!

Chandler: Okay!

Phoebe: This is great!

Joey: What’s the game?! What’s the game?!

Phoebe: Oh, well, it doesn’t have a name—oh, okay, Phoebeball! No, it doesn’t have a name. Umm, okay, Monica, what is your favourite thing about trees?

Monica: They’re green?

Phoebe: Good! Good! Five points!

(They both rejoice; Chandler is totally confused.)

Phoebe: All right, Joey, same question.

(He looks to Chandler, who doesn’t have a clue.)

Joey: Uhh, they’re tall.

Phoebe: Ooh, three points. Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy, leafy.

(Joey turns and is angry that Chandler didn’t come up with the answer.)

Monica: That’s not even a game!

Rachel: What? Shut up! We’re winning!

Monica: You wanna finish this right now? All right, we get a deck of cards, high card wins. What do you say?

Chandler: Fine, let’s do it.

Phoebe: Oh, I have cards!

Joey: Oh.

Monica: Oh, good.

Phoebe: Yeah! Here! (She grabs a deck out of her purse) Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay.

Chandler: Okay, you guys uh, you guys pick first

Rachel: Okay.

Monica: Okay. (She picks a card.) Four.

Chandler: That’s a low one!

Joey: Yeah! Okay. (Joey picks a card.) Phoebe, you look, I can’t.

Phoebe: What make you think I can?! (Shields her eyes from it.)

Joey: Okay. Okay. (He looks at the card.) Ace!

(Both Joey and Chandler and Monica and Rachel jump up and down for joy.)

Chandler: Why are you screaming and hugging?

Monica: Because we won our apartment back!

Joey: What? Ace is high! Jack, queen, king, ace!

Monica: No! Ace is low! Ace, two, three, four!

(They all look to Phoebe to settle this.)

Phoebe: I don’t know. Ooh! Ooh! Look it! (She fans out the trick deck.) Ah-ha!

Rachel: All right, cut, let’s pick again, pick again.

Joey: Okay.

Rachel: Come on apartment! Come on apartment! (Picks a card.) Oh! I know queen is high!

Joey: Uh-huh, not as high as…(picks a card) It worked! King!

Chandler: Yeah baby!

Monica: But, we pick again! We pick again!

Joey: Why?!

Monica: I don’t know!

Chandler: Tickets please! (Rachel hands over the tickets) That’s courtside baby!

Joey: Seriously, good game though. Good game. (He tries to congratulate them, but they pull away.) (To Chandler) What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!

Chandler: No they didn’t!

[Scene: Ross’s apartment, Emily has packed as Ross returns.]

Ross: Hey!

Emily: I packed while you were gone. I left some knickers under your pillow.

Ross: (laughs) Move in with me.

Emily: What?!

Ross: Don’t be scared, I-I know it sounds crazy and-and people will say it’s too soon, but just-just think, think how great it will be.

Emily: Ohh, no. Ugh. Oh, leaving London, my whole family lives there.

Ross: I know.

Emily: My job!

Ross: Well, so, you-you’ll get a job here! I mean, I’m always hearing about uh, them foreigners coming in here and stealing American jobs; that could be you!

Emily: Yeah, but it-it-it’s my whole life—you come to England.

Ross: No, I can’t. I would, I really would, but my son is here; I can’t leave him. Isn’t—you don’t think there’s any way?

Emily: Ohh, I don’t think so. I mean it would be different if it was way into the future –and-and-and we were getting married or something.

Ross: What?

Emily: Oh no, no, right I shouldn’t have said married. Uh, please don’t go freaky on me. I didn’t mean it. Well, I didn’t say it; I take it back!

Ross: No, no, don’t. Why don’t we?

Emily: Why don’t we what?

Ross: Get married.

Emily: You are mad!

Ross: No! No! I’m not! It’s-it’s-it’s perfect! I mean it’s better than you just-just moving here, ‘cause it’s us together forever, and that’s-that’s what I want.

Emily: We’ve only known each other for six weeks!

Ross: Yeah, I know, so what? I mean, who’s-who’s to say? Does that me we-we can’t do it? Look, huh, I was with Carol for four years before we got married and I wound up divorced from a pregnant lesbian. I mean, this, this makes sense for us. Come on! I mean, on our first date we ended up spending the whole weekend in Vermont! I mean, last night I got my ear pierced! Me! This feels right. Doesn’t it?

Emily: My parents are going to be really mad.

Ross: Is that—are you saying yes? Is that yes?

Emily: Yes.

(They kiss and hug.)

Emily: Yes!

Ross: Yes! We’re getting married?!

Emily: Oh my God!

Ross: Yes!

Emily: We’re getting married!

Ross: Come here, come here. Uh, (He takes the earring out.) ow! Emily, will you marry me?

Emily: Yes.

(He tries to put it on her finger.)

Emily: Ohh, it’s a bit small.

Ross: Damn! I thought that was going to be romantic as hell!

Emily: It was.

(They kiss.)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: The hallway, Joey and Chandler are coming back from the game.]

Chandler: Those were like the best seats ever.

Joey: Oh yeah. Hey! Should we give these shirts to the girls? Y’know, kinda like a peace offering.

Chandler: Oh yeah, that’s very nice. Plus, y’know they were free and they’re too small.

(He knocks on the girls’ door and walks in. Surprise! The girls, obviously using Star Trek technology, have completely moved everything in both apartments back to their original positions, all in the time it took for the guys to go to a basketball game. Wow! Anyhoo, Chandler is stunned, and Joey doesn’t even realise it.)

Chandler: Oh. Oh, God! (He starts running around like a chicken with his head cut off.)

Joey: Hey, want a beer? (Hands him a beer and sits down in one of the chairs.) (Jumping up.) WHOA!!!!

Chandler: I KNOW!!!

(They both sprint to what used to be their apartment.)

Chandler: Open up! Open up! Open up!

(A very angry Monica opens the door with the security chain still on.)

Monica: We’ll discuss it, in the morning! (Slams the door shut.)

Chandler: What the hell is going on?!

(It’s Rachel’s turn to open the door.)

Rachel: We took our apartment back!! (Slams the door shut.)

Phoebe: (opening the door) I had nothing to do with it. (Closes the door.) (Opens the door.) Okay, it was my idea, but I don’t feel good about it.

(She goes to close the door, but Chandler puts his foot it in.)

Chandler: We are switching back, right now!

Monica: No, we’re not! We’re not leaving!

Chandler: Well, you’re gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, we’re switching it back! There’s nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?

Joey: I don’t know.

Chandler: What?

Joey: I don’t want to move again!

Chandler: I don’t care, this is our apartment! And they stole—you stole it—our apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. I’m getting back right now!

(They open the door.)

Rachel: All right. We figured you might respond this way, so we have a backup offer.

Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You can’t offer anything to us!

Rachel: Let us keep the apartment and…

Monica: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.

[Time lapse. The guys are entering their apartment.]

Chandler: Totally worth it!

Joey: That was one good minute!

Chandler: Good night.

Joey: Good night.

(They both go back into their old rooms and shut the doors. Of course, Chandler has to close both sections of his door.)

[Cut to the girls apartment.]

Monica: Men are such idiots.

Rachel: Yeah! Can you believe that something that stupid actually got us our apartment back?

Phoebe: That’s so funny to think if you’d just done that right after the last contest, no one would have had to move at all.

Monica: Yeah, let-let-let’s pretend that’s not true.

Rachel: Yeah.

Phoebe: Okay, scarf’s done. (It’s not really a scarf, it’s just a bunch of yarn that Phoebe has tied together. Just then, Ross and Emily enter dragging with them Joey and Chandler.)

Ross: Come on! Come on. Come on.

Chandler: Okay!

Phoebe: Hey!

Ross: Hey!

Monica: What-what’s going on?

Joey: Ross has some big thing to tell everyone.

Ross: Uhh, okay, it’s uh, Emily and I, we decided to uh, to get married.

(The gang is stunned.)

Phoebe: What? Oh, are you pregnant too?!

Emily: Umm, no.

Monica: When, when did—how, how did you…

Ross: We, we just decided to uh, to go for it.

Emily: I mean, we know it’s a bit hasty but, uh, it just feels so right, so…

(Rachel slowly walks in from her bedroom. She is stunned speechless.)

Ross: (turning around.) Umm, uh, I was just telling the guys…

Rachel: Yeah, I-I heard. (Pause, everyone looks at each other, waiting for Rachel’s reaction.) I think it’s great! (Hugs Ross.) Ohh, I’m so happy for you!

(Seeing Rachel’s apparently okay with this, the rest of the gang jumps up to congratulate Ross and Emily on their pending nuptials.)

Chandler: Oh, well, that’s great!

Joey: Yeah! Yeah!

Monica: (to Ross) I can’t believe you’re getting married!

Ross: Yeah. (They hug again.)

Joey: Monica and Rachel made out. (Giggles like a schoolboy and Monica glares at him.)

CLOSING CREDITS

[Scene: Joey’s bedroom, he is awoken by the singing guy.]

The Singing Man: (singing) Morning’s here! The morning’s here!

(Joey joins him.)

Both: Sunshine is here! The sky is clear, the morning’s here!

The Singing Man: Hey! You’re back!

Joey: Hey! (Singing) Get into gear!

The Singing Man: (singing) Breakfast is near!

Both: The dark of night has disappeared!!

The Singing Man: I’ll see you tomorrow morning!

Joey: (happily) Okay!

END

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