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老友记第五季The One With All the Kips

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莫妮?几点了?早上9点外面很黑你总是一觉睡到中午,小笨蛋9点钟就是这么黑!我去洗漱准备看日出我厌倦了这样偷偷摸摸!我也是。我们出去度周末怎样,没人骚扰我们整个周末都可以赤身裸体整个周末?暴露个够我就说去开会,你也用工作来搪塞对泽西州举办的烹饪盛会我向往已久好了,别忘了这是借口。走吧乔伊呢?周末我要去新泽西州参加烹调盛会怪哉! 钱德刚说他要到那开会有趣。怎么钱德不到其它州开会会议地点又不是我决定何况开会又不是戏言,是真有其事-瑞秋在吗?我得跟她谈谈-她出去买东西了-糟了!-此话怎讲?我约了爱米丽过来所以请你们通知瑞秋一声等等就是说,爱米丽来了,你就不再见瑞秋了?我只想专心恭候老婆大驾而不想大吃胃药!那你们再也不能共处一室?怎么可能?我不知道但我一定能想出对策这样肯定不行嗨,各位怎么了?我们要帮莫妮拍床垫我们要把床垫抬起来拍一拍比我的做法高明好,把我的也拍拍吧天啊我妈的信瑞秋你知道爱米丽要来了对吧对,我知道能听到吗?对,有人说”能听到吗?”嘿,乔伊的屁股你干什么?记得上次,他们大吵其架并且分手我们困在这里,整晚没有食物和补给当罗斯在婚礼上说漏嘴,我就知道悲剧又将重演了所以我做好了准备糖果条,纵横字谜Madlibs游戏! 我要!避孕套?谁知道我们会困多久说不定得在这里繁衍后代避孕套可以帮助繁衍后代?所以,结论就是,-上次我跟爱米丽谈到——-天啊! 我的狗死了-什么?-拉普,我家的狗!拉普才刚死?上面说,他被一辆雪糕车撞倒,然后被拖了19个街区!-天啊-亲爱的,我们听到你哭。别难过是拉普出事了知道你是哭拉普的死,精彩的还在后面做梦一样!我们溜出来啦!枕头上有巧克力!我喜欢!你该跟乔伊同住,到处都有巧克力我去去就来好耶!莫妮快来!警匪追车!我们要换房天啊! 杯子!有唇膏印子!他们连杯子都没换,其它用品更不会换了亲爱的我只希望这个周末完美无缺我们换房,好吗?要换就赶快。他们刚刚减速你知道我想跟你谈什么吗?我知道你晓得的,我一直想跟爱米丽重修旧好所以有件事我说了吧我允诺她——-什么?-你流鼻血天!在流血又来了我祖父去世时我流过鼻血抱歉哦很抱歉,刚才你跟我说什么来着抱歉。抱歉我不能再见你面了真扯,我也看不见你了你们会满意这间房的据说他只剩一半的油了一半?那还有得看!-我们要再换房!-什么?为什么?这是花园景观,我们付钱看海景的我们最后一间海景房已经被你换掉了抱歉。我能跟你谈谈吗?这些小丑想糊弄我们我才不会上当!我们又不是一对小孩知道了,哪间房都好只要挑一间,让我看——让我跟你共度美妙周末这间我喜欢没了!演完了!见鬼!只剩日常电视节目能把电视关掉吗?我们真的要这样浪费周末吗?抱歉,是我以换房为乐吗?别怪我!我该怪谁?怪客气的服务生把我们的行李换了十间房吗?怪那个只剩一半汽油还想从纽约逃到加拿大的蠢货如何?别说死人的坏话我们本要共度浪漫周末你怎么回事?我只想看点电视,有什么大不了别急,妈妈你说什么?我说”别急,莫妮”我一直想跟你谈谈这事,现在我必须说清楚好,什么事?你说过,我应该尽一切努力挽救婚姻对,我说过,满足爱米丽一切要求很好的建议。她的要求就是:要我不再见你好离谱! 怎么可能!你打算怎么跟她解释天啊!你答应了。对吗?我知道这很糟但为了挽救婚姻,我不得不这么做我迫不得已,我不想再离婚了幸好,她来之前我们还能见面我真幸运!好消息!这是拉普死后最好的消息!你不知道这决定让我多痛苦真的?罗斯?我帮你止痛-你要干嘛?-我要冲出去!-这是你家这下你知道我多生气了?见鬼的巧克力!你回来了! 会开得如何?很糟。我一直跟——同事吵架搞什么飞机?周末很糟糕?那倒也不是,我看到名人等电梯你也回来了钱德,出来谈谈?你的烹饪大会怎样?很糟有些人不爱美食是不是那些食物好吃但让人呕吐且拉肚子?房钱多少?我付一半好,300元300元?想想看!每个房间25元!你们商量什么呢?钱德偷了我一张20元的这就对了!难怪我总是没有20元的,你却有很多!你们该看看她的表情我不想让瑞秋恨我我该怎么办-要听我的建议吗?-请说-不中听-说吧,没事你这次结婚太仓促-这算建议?-早说过不中听我去厕所先放弃你们中的任何一个?我可不干我也是也许我可以!你们听说我和罗斯的纠纷了今天我深受困扰,现在不想再提了,可以吗我不知道这算不算犯忌但罗斯就在那儿那不是罗斯虽然他很像罗斯罗斯在洗手间天啊! 终于开始了!我成了Kip你才不是Kip你晓得谁是Kip?管他是谁!你是瑞秋谁是Kip?我的旧室友,我们曾经玩得很好噢,是那条可怜虫呀你跟我说过他的事。他和莫妮约会过他们分手后无法共处一室,你们都保证会继续跟他做朋友结果呢?他被踢出局了!你不会出局!怎么不会?罗斯不会这么惨,他是你哥哥,你的大学室友迟早有一天,有人会离开这个团队我本以为离开的会是菲比宝贝,你住得远,又不是亲戚你不同类嘿,宾先生你住的那家宾馆来电说有人在你房间留下了睫毛夹对,那是我的是不是你带去的什么妞留下的你的说法似乎更合理我越来越不了解你了!我只问你一次不管你说什么,我都相信你你是不是参加了同性恋游行?抱歉那天我说话伤了你的心我们和好吧?-怎么个和好法?-我们要同进同出当最好的朋友好,拉乔伊也入伙菲比,我跟瑞秋单独谈谈好吗?当然再见,罗斯永别你还来干嘛,你犯规我跟莫妮谈过了做选择的人是我是我让一切面目全非所以让步的也应该是我其实没什么很多人都只在感恩节能见到姐妹在同学会才能见到大学室友在汉堡店广告上才能见到乔伊我这么说,好受点?不,不好我还是不能见你假如你是我,你会怎样做?首先,结婚宣誓时,我要说对名字没想到事情变成这样我知道很抱歉我也知道嘿,瑞秋抱歉打扰,但菲比说你要跟我谈谈旅行什么的我只是顺路过来没什么事那个周末很滥,对吧?是我们完了?你和我,总有分手的一天为什么周末我们吵架了钱德,别傻了如果一吵架就分手那你谈恋爱不会超过——我们没分手?你真可爱!只是吵架吵过就算了。并不可怕真的?太好了欢迎你加入成年人的恋爱关系我们是在恋爱?恐怕是的我听说你参加大会时见到名人?对,看到他等电梯我能用你的睫毛夹吗?我的丢了在浴室里我能跟你谈谈吗?没错!没错!你?还有你?你要保密,他们都不知道怎么发生的?什么时候?-在伦敦-伦敦!我们不声张,是不想把事情闹大但这是大事!我必须告诉谁不许求你,我们不想告诉大家你保证你不说出去好吧!难以置信!太棒了!是很棒!我才不要看!我们真笨知道他们在里面干嘛?他们想拉拢乔伊!在网球界最受欢迎的菲比叫投手菲比取胜后拍拍对手的菲比然后说”嗨,菲比!”很可爱,我们都爱听,但是不算不算什么?不算玩得好的Madlibs游戏-我玩够了-游戏结束等等,照规矩做不但有趣而且有意义我退出伙计们,规则是好东西规则使乐趣也有条有理

The One With All the Kips

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]

Monica: (quietly) Hi!

Chandler: (quietly) Hi! (They both start kissing.)

(Joey enters and Chandler pushes her away.)

Joey: Monica? What time is it?

Chandler: Uhh, 9. (He pushes the clock into the sink.)

Joey: But it's dark out.

Monica: Well that's because you always sleep to noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like.

Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)

Monica: I'm really getting tired of sneaking around.

Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.

Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.

Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.

Monica: Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey!

Chandler: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. (He starts for his bedroom.)

Monica: Wait! What about Joey?

(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]

Monica: (entering from her room) Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend! I'm going to this culinary fair in New Jersey.

Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!

Monica: Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.

Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.

Ross: (entering) Hey.

Joey: Hey!

Monica: Hey.

Ross: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.

Monica: No, she's out shopping.

Ross: Damn!

Chandler: What's going on?

Ross: I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it.

Phoebe: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?

Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)

Monica: Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?

Ross: I have no idea. I mean… But-but I assure you I will figure it out.

(They all reflect briefly on what was said.)

Joey: Doesn’t seem like it's going to work, I mean…

Rachel: (entering) Hi, guys!

Joey: Hi!

Chandler: Uh, hey!

Rachel: What's going on?

Chandler: We're flipping Monica's mattress.

Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.

Phoebe: Yeah that's better than my way.

(They all agree and head to Monica's room.)

Rachel: Oh okay, hey guys, would you flip mine too?

Chandler: Aww, man! (They go into Monica's room.)

Rachel: (going through the mail) Oh look! A letter from my mom.

Ross: So, Rach, y'know-y'know how Emily's coming right?

Rachel: Oh yeah! I know.

[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler is trying to listen through the door.]

Phoebe: (To Chandler) Can you hear anything?

Chandler: Oh yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"

(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)

Monica: Hey, Joey's ass! What are you doing?

Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.

Monica: Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles…

Phoebe: Ooh, Madlibs, mine! (Grabs it.)

Chandler: Condoms?

Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.

Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

[Cut to the living room.]

Ross: Anyway it-it kinda-it all boils down to this, the last time I talked to Emily…

Rachel: (interrupting) Oh my God! My dog died!

Ross: What?!

Rachel: Oh my God, Le Poo, our dog!

Ross: Le Poo's still alive?!

Rachel: Oh God, it says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine-(turns over the note)-teen blocks. Oh. (They all come out from Monica's bedroom) Oh my God.

Monica: Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry.

Rachel: It's Le Poo.

Phoebe: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.

[Scene: Atlantic City, New Jersey, Chandler and Monica are about to start their weekend of sex, sex, nothing but sex.]

Chandler: (jumping on the bed) I can't believe it! We're here!

Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!

Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.

Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.

(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)

Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!

(Monica returns, carrying a glass.)

Monica: We're switching rooms.

Chandler: (looks at what she's holding and shies away) Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!

Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?

Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to tell Rachel about Emily's ultimatum again.]

Ross: Hey, so uh, y'know how there's something I wanted to talk to you about?

Rachel: Oh yeah! (Turns to face him.)

Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing… Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!

Rachel: What?

Ross: You're nose is bleeding!

Rachel: Oh God. (He hands her some tissues.) No! Oh not again! (Wiping her nose.) This-this happened when my grandfather died. It's ugh! Sorry. (She puts her head back.) Oh, okay, so I'm sorry, what-what were you-what did you want to tell me?

Ross: Umm… (Rachel blows her nose.)

Rachel: Sorry. Sorry.

Ross: Okay, I uh, I can't see you anymore.

Rachel: Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous! I can't see you either.

[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]

Hotel Clerk: I think you'll find this room more to your liking.

Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)

Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.

Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!

Monica: We're switching rooms again.

Chandler: What? Why?

Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.

Hotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.

Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?

Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: (turning to face her) Yeah.

Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!

Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.

[Time lapse, Monica and Chandler have changed rooms yet again.]

Monica: Okay, this one I like!

Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!

Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?

Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?

Monica: Hey, don't blame me for wigging tonight!

Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?

Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!

Chandler: Do not speak ill of the dead.

Monica: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?

Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.

Monica: What did you say?

Chandler: I said, "Geez, relax Monnnnn."

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]

Rachel: Hi!

Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.

Rachel: Okay, what's up?

Ross: Okay, y'know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?

Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.

Ross: And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants…

Rachel: Yeah?

Ross: …is for me not to see you anymore.

Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? (Pause) (Realizes) Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?

Ross: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.

Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!

Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.

Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.

Ross: What are you doing?

Rachel: Storming out!

Ross: Rachel, this is your apartment.

Rachel: Yeah, well that's how mad I am!!

Commercial Break

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is returning from his disastrous weekend. He throws his bag down and sits down on one of the leather chairs, but he sits on something and picks it up and throws it away.]

Chandler: Damn Rollos!

Joey: Hey, you're back!

Chandler: Hey.

Joey: How was your conference?

Chandler: It was terrible. I fought with (Pause) my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this? (Throws away another Rollo)

Joey: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?

Chandler: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.

Monica: (entering) Hi!

Joey: Hey, you're back too!

Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?

Joey: Hey, how was your chef thing?

Monica: Oh, it was awful. (To Chandler) I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.

Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.

Monica: Chandler! (Motions for him to come outside.)

Chandler: Monica. (Follows her out.)

[In the hall.]

Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.

Chandler: Okay, fine, $300.

Monica: 300 dollars?!

Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!

Monica: Urghh!!

Joey: (sticking his head out the door) What are you guys woofing about?

Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!

Joey: Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots!

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is drinking some Alka-Seltzer. The rest of the gang, minus Rachel is there as well.]

Ross: You should've seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do.

Joey: You want my advice?

Ross: Yes! Please!

Joey: You're not gonna like it.

Ross: That's okay.

Joey: You got married to fast.

Ross: That's not advice!

Joey: I told ya.

Ross: I'm going to the bathroom. (Gets up and exits.)

Joey: Man, if anyone asked me to give up any of you, I couldn't do it.

Chandler and Phoebe: Yeah, me either.

Monica: Maybe I could do it.

Rachel: (entering) Hi!

Joey: Hi, Rach.

Chandler: Hi!

Phoebe: Hey.

Monica: Hey.

Rachel: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right?

Joey: I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there. (Points over his shoulder.)

Rachel: That's not Ross!

Phoebe: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.

Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.

Rachel: Oh my God, its happening. It's already started. I'm Kip.

Joey: Hey, you're not Kip!

Rachel: (To Joey) Do you even know who Kip is?

Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! (To Chandler) Who's Kip?

Chandler: Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together.

Joey: Oh, that poor bastard.

Rachel: See? Yeah, you told me the story. He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised that you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out!

Monica: You're not gonna be phased out!

Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.

Phoebe: Ehh!!

Rachel: Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]

Chandler: (entering) Hey!

Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.

Chandler: Yes that was mine.

Joey: 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there.

Chandler: Yes that would have made more sense.

Joey: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. (Pause.) Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on couch and Rachel is getting some coffee. Phoebe keeps turning her head from to keep from looking at Rachel.]

Rachel: Phoebe? (She turns her head further away.) I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. (Moves over next to her.) You gotta come with me!

Phoebe: Come where?

Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.

Phoebe: Okay, but try and get Joey too.

Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?

Phoebe: Oh, sure! (She gets up to leave.) Bye Ross! (Whispering behind his back.) Forever.

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?

Ross: I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back.

Rachel: Oh, Ross…

Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?

Rachel: No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you.

Ross: Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do?

Rachel: Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!

Ross: I can't believe this is happening.

Rachel: I know.

Ross: I am so sorry.

Rachel: I know that too.

Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing a crossword puzzle.]

Chandler: (entering) Hey!

Monica: Hi.

Chandler: I just came over to drop off…nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?

Monica: Yeah, it did.

Chandler: So, I guess this is over.

Monica: What?

Chandler: Well, y'know, you and me, it had to end sometime.

Monica: Why, exactly?

Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.

Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer than—Ohhh! (They both realize something there.)

Chandler: So, this isn't over?

Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.

Chandler: Really? Okay. Great!

Monica: Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship! (She goes to kiss him.)

Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?

Monica: I'm afraid so.

Chandler: Okay.

(They kiss.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]

Phoebe: Hey!

Monica: Hey!

Phoebe: Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.

Monica: Yeah, I saw him waiting for an elevator.

(Joey thinks that sounds familiar, but dismisses the thought.)

Monica: Hey, Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler, I think I lost mine.

Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)

(Joey puts two and two together.)

Joey: (shocked) Oh! Ohh! Oh!!

Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)

Joey: Oohh!! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh!!

(Chandler pushes him through the door and Monica closes it behind them.)

[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]

Joey: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Chandler: Yes. Yes. (Lets him up.)

Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!

Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!

Joey: How?! When?!

Chandler: It happened in London.

Joey: IN LONDON!!!

Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!

(They both grab him and stop him.)

Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!

Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.

(Joey thinks it over.)

Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but…

Monica: I know, it's great!

(She goes over and kisses Chandler.)

Joey: Aww, I don't want to see that!

[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.]

Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!

Ending Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]

Phoebe: The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe. And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, "Hi, Phoebe!"

Monica: Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But y'know, it doesn't count.

Phoebe: Count for what?

Monica: Count in our heads as-as good Madlibs.

(They putting their notepads down and get up to leave.)

Joey: I guess I'm done.

Chandler: Fun's over!

Monica: Wait-wait, guys! If-if we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something!

Rachel: Uh-huh!

Joey: I think I'm gonna take-off.

Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! (They all leave and close the door on Monica.) Ohhh! (Throws her notepad down in disgust.)

End

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