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老友记第五季The One With Joey Big Break

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怎么了?没什么,我的眼睛有点痒.唔,我的也是。哇!真的很红呢!你应该去看看我的眼科医生。Richard? 我不要去见你的前男友!Oh, Richard.我全听到了, Richard, Richard, Richard!我们在一起前我想我已经提及他两次了是的,Richard, Richard!他不是Richard! 好吗? 我新认识的而且他技术很好不过我不要去看什么眼科医生!哦 天啊,我记得啦!什么?无论什么东西接近她的甚至只是其他人的眼睛他就怕的要死,看!看!罗斯!别这样!好啦!好啦!我对眼睛的事是有点敏感我们别谈这个好吗?好的,好。嘿 瑞秋,记得那首歌,叫“我,自己,和-我(眼)”莫尼卡!不要!嘿,谁要去吃中饭?全算到我(眼)头上罗斯!停!不要!我多么喜欢《国王与我(眼)》啊?钱德!我也是!我也是!我也是!停下好吗!别这样!- 你没事吧?- 没事,我太兴奋了!好啦!我要走了。我要和Ben去公园。噢,代我吻他!- 没问题,再见!- 慢走!我真替你难过,碰到这种事我无法想象你怎么过的下去。我很讨厌他!哇 呃冷静点.我试着冷静,但那人(罗斯)太讨厌了!你为什么这么讨厌他啊?我不想提起他,OK?那实在ˇ你想被列入我的黑名单吗?那就继续说吧!顺便问问 有人见过我的名单吗?恩 没有,菲比。什么样子的?恩 是一张纸写着“罗斯”这样的。嘿.我刚和经理人Estelle打了电话你猜怎样?.我成了电影主角!!!!!你做主角?不会吧!关于什么的电影?!名字叫Shutter Speed, 很酷吧!我在地铁里认识了一个女孩且很快和她堕入爱河然后她消失了 但我找到她的住址。但当我到了那里,有个老太婆开门,我问“Betsy在吗?”她却说"Betsy死了已经十年了."噢喔!有点冷呢!而且更好的是,我们在拉斯维加斯取外景!- 你知道这意味着什么!- 我当然知道啦 伙计!长途车!我可以借一辆车!我只要在星期二前赶到那里!噢,等等我外婆死了.恩,我们也可以谈谈那个 菲比。不! 不,我意思是她的计程车!她应该不会用,你可以开着它去拉斯维加斯。好啊!谢谢你啊 菲比!哦-哦-哦,我的工作怎么办啊?喔,别去咯!对,没错,长途车啊宝贝!没问题吧?钱德!你不必得到我的许可。- 你可以去。- 谢谢.嘿 瑞秋,快点!和医生约定的时间要迟到了好的!我们走吧!噢!不!看我多笨!哦,这么乱!要先清理干净吧!我们要和医生再约时间了!不行,如果你以为这些东西会让我烦恼,你就错了。。好吧 我们去吧-小瞎妹-!钱德!!!!噢 嘿 乔伊!怎么了?我无法决定从哪条路去拉斯维加斯。嘿,你经常出游是吗?- 是的 我经常出去走走的.- Okay,那么-我应该走南边去还是北边去?喔,你走北边的话你可以看到在伊利诺斯州有个人会用蜜蜂堆成大胡子好啊!问题解决了!但在南边的路上有只鸡会跳舞。那 再看看地图吧.噢,我知道有个办法可以决定的!好了,我会问你一连串问题你要尽快回答我。好啊 !来,等等。好,现在你先放松。深呼吸。屏除杂念。- 你喜欢什么多点 花生还是蛋白?- 花生!- 你想要成为消防员还是游泳选手?- 游泳选手!你最想和谁一起睡?莫尼卡还是瑞秋?莫尼卡,噢ˇ呵,我一直以为是瑞秋呢。不要想!不要想!- 窄领带还是宽领带?- 宽领带!- 南路还是北路?- 北路!看!解决了吧!呵?哇!难以置信!蜜蜂胡子,我来啦!嘿!噢,又是这个家伙.- 嘿,怎样了?恩,没什么。你们晚上要和我一起去看电影吗?当然,你想看什么?不知道啊,恩ˇ噢,我知道该如何决定了。菲比,给他玩那个游戏!恩,不要,谢谢。她怎么啦?不知道,但嘿,我知道要怎么做.好了,我问你问题你要很快回答我,行吗?好。- 你喜欢什么类型的,动作还戏剧?- 动作.你愿意和莫尼卡还是瑞秋睡觉?小子,你有病啊.噢,很抱歉,我忘了你有恐瑞秋症了.哦,天啊!这是干吗用的啊?这是眼球切割机.- 好的,我要走了!- 我开玩笑的,玩笑!- 嗨 瑞秋,我是Miller医生.- 嘿!莫尼卡说你有点紧张,但不用担心,一切会没问题的。那,完成啦!- 快了,但 我们要先开始.- 好啦.- 这是青光眼测试.- 恩-哦.坐下吧.好.下巴放这里.现在会有点风吹到你的眼睛上。什么?!很轻的,来吧!- 来啦。- 好的.1ˇ2ˇ3!对不起,我这次不会动了,好吧.- 准备?- 呵呵.1ˇ2ˇ对不起.我知道啦,我会扶住她的头.- 没问题.- 好了.- 好了,好了- 1ˇ2!对不起啊.你知道吗?你很年轻,应该不会有青光眼的。太好了!!很高兴见到你先生噢,嘿,你干什么啊 ,你傻啦!好了,你左眼有点感染。滴这种眼药水,一天三次那你就会想没事一样了。是的,不, 我我不会放任何东西到眼睛里的。没关系,但,三个月以后我们又会在这里见到你- 好啊!- 到时候我会给你一只玻璃眼球.好啦! 给我那些鬼眼药水!Miller医生?P, E, C, F, D非常好,莫尼卡!- 你知道它们在哪啦.- 当然知道!你是没有的!你知道吗?我一定要说,那些眼药真的是奇迹。我的眼睛100%康复了。- 它们还在我大衣里.- 可恶!- 嘿!- 嘿! 你准备好出发了么?是的,听好。那里有多冷?这些毛衣背心够了吗?还是要多一件大衣?什么?我爱你.伙计,我希望罗斯也和我们一起去!我会有点惦记他的。非常感谢你!我刚刚才忘记了那个混蛋!嘿,我们住哪里呢?那电影会提供我们大酒店的套房吗?呃不,不会。因为这是独立制作的电影。我们没有太多的预算。我打算住在你的房间里。我知道了,但你一拿到你的第一期片酬你要马上转到一个大酒店去,行吗?我想,电影主角,他们肯定要给很多片酬给你吧!?噢,当然!每一块《Shutter Speed》赚到的钱都是我的。就算一毛钱都会掉进乔伊的口袋的。就是说在电影赚钱前,你都没有片酬?你没听过那个电影剧本吗?"她死了已经十年了."我会变成百万富翁的!- 嗨!- 嗨!- 我只是想对你们这些家伙说再见还看看你们是否能帮我下赌注,呵!?20块赌黑15(轮盘)- 帮你赌!- 好!- 好啦,再见!- 再见!- 再见了伙计!- 拜拜!- 我想要送车!- 没问题!谁想要在汽车前对我说再见??噢,如果你不介意我的眼睛我可以到车前和你道别的。拜拜!喂,等等!这眼病很好啦!它已经治好了!嘿,菲比,你在看什么?菲比?菲比?菲-菲比!干吗啊!哦,对不起,刚才我没看见你.菲比,你,你是讨厌我还是怎样?如果是,告诉我我干过什么!如果你不知道,我想我帮不了你.但我不知道啊。.那,我帮不了你了。好,怎么都好,我-我非常非常抱歉,好吗?接受道歉。好了,那,那我们和好了吗?呃-呵。好了.那,那过会见,好吗?拜拜,大屁股.好啦!!菲比,现在就说!你能告诉我什么东西让你对我如此讨厌我不知道!我忘记了!那你记不起,那我们能忘记这事吗?噢,不,我很讨厌你。我很清楚知道的。但,我对那“大屁股”的事很抱歉.你其实有个很好看的小臀部。老兄,我很累了。你最好一会替我一下。我们已经开了一个半小时的车了,而你没有看着道路一次。不要担心,哇那里!- 我想我只需要午餐。- 对.你想吃吗?我请客!那不是罗斯的钱吗?是的,好啦。.罗斯请的客!- 你要到哪里吃?- 我不知道.噢,嘿,我知道该如何决定了!我要问你一连串的问题,你要很快的回答我,明白吗?那,屏弃杂念!屏弃!屏弃!好啦!- 你喜欢太干还是太湿?- 太干.- 你信有鬼吗?- 不!- 这个电影是我的一个好机会吗?- 不是!- 什么?!- 是.小子,你说“不是”啊我也说了, "是!"你不认为这是我的好机会吗?不!啊!!!我无法相信!看,乔伊.我只是不想你的期望太高。你在说什么啊?!我是电影的主角啊!他们甚至还没给你片酬啊!这听起来甚至不象是一部电影!你知道吗?我不需要这些!好吗?我不知道为什么你要打击我的机会.乔,我不觉得这是你的大机会啊.这就是你要踏上旅程的原因?让我觉得自己是个失败者? 如果是这样的话我要告诉你, 我-我-我宁可一个人上路.- 噢,你旅途上不需要我吗?- 不要你这样陪我!你不用这样也可以啊!好了!我不想你和我一路走!好啊!好!何不马上停车?我会马上下去的!好!出去!大桥上不准停车.- 出去!!- 好!!等等!这里没有人行道啊!好了,我会死在这里了.好的,你是因为我发胶的气味讨厌我吗?不是。还是因为我说你的笔迹象小孩子?那让我觉得很高兴。.噢,我知道了!呃,那是因为他整天纠正别人的语法?谁(第三人称)! 谁(第三人称)!其实有时侯是“谁”(第一人称)!是吗?有时候是ˇ喔,你有没有玩游戏时打败过他?他一输了就象个小孩一样。- 好,我是个小孩.- 呃! 不要!嘿!- 钱德!你怎么会在这里啊?- 嘿!乔伊把我从乔治.华盛顿桥上踢下来了!为什么?!不知道!他疯了吧!我们在玩一个游戏,你-你要很快的回答问题。那个游戏不能在我监管以外玩的.好,我不知道我有什么开罪他了?我只是说了,我不认为那是个好机会。那电影对他不会有什么意义。还有,那听起来不象一部电影。好啦,他应该把我踢下来的.袋子里的是什么?噢,我觉得你们也会怪责我。所以我在桥道上拣了点东西给你们做礼物谁要一只脚的泰迪熊?我!好了.不够近.好,那说明什么?救命啊!我要帮助!我做不到啊!好啦!好啦!我们再试试!- 坐下.- 好的.- 头后仰.- 是!好啦.- 现在,睁开眼.- 好了,已经张开了.我现在举起几根手指?四根.噢 天,我也在想着是四啊.- 真的?!- 是啊!是!好了,不如我们来一次练习吧?好吗?- 好吗?- 好!- 没有眼药的!- 好!- 好啦.- 好了.倒数三下,1ˇ2ˇ3!我的枕头湿了!好啊,好啊,你还说是练习!- 那你还动?!- 因为我知道你在说谎!- 好了,过来!- 你干...?莫尼卡!!住手!! 哦,天啊! 住手!我要ˇ 我要--转过来!我ˇ 我要滴这些药水到你眼里.哦,天! 你疯起来还挺有劲啊!莫尼卡! 住手!该死! 空了!哇,如果现在乔伊和钱德进来的话,我们可就糗大了!噢 那绝对是钱德,乔伊,或罗斯。或-或者瑞秋!喂?是乔伊。.很高兴你打来! 钱德已经告诉我发生什么事了.你知道,他为此很沮丧啊.他发现我怎样对付他的毛衣背心的时候会更沮丧!你对他的毛衣干了什么?可以说俄亥俄州的狗穿的很好看.嘿,莫尼卡,菲比在吗? 我要问她一下车子的事。.她在,等等.- 嘿,小子!- 嘿 菲比!听好,有个木盒在座位下整天滑出来。到底是什么来的?噢,那是我的外婆.还要谢谢你,乔伊.她玩的很高兴。是乔伊吗? 是乔伊吗? 让我说! 我想跟他说说!乔伊?钱德在,他想和你ˇ没关系,我想他的零钱用光了.你看,他连话都不跟我说了.他不跟我说话我怎么能跟他道歉呢?看来你得邮寄点东西给他.那他到了拉斯维加斯就收到你的道歉啦.是个好主意啊.我想知道哪里可以买到一大篮A片ˇ不,不要用A片来讲对不起!是吗?你知道你应该给他什么?一大包的香烟.那他就可以用它来换取保护.不。 那是监狱.好了 菲比,我知道我们怎能找出原因了.好, 屏除杂念,快速回答我问你的问题.- 行吗?- 呃-呵.你喜欢flora还是fauna多点?Fauna.- 你想要成为Simon还是Garfunkle?- Garfunkle.- 为什么你讨厌我?- 你说我无聊--噢!我为什么说你无聊啊?!哦天啊,我现在想起啦! 我们在下棋!菲比!我和你没有下过棋啊!不会吧! 是,想想在冰湖的时候?我们正在下棋啊,你说我无聊,然后你脱下面具,变成Cameron Diaz(变相怪杰)!好了, 有个可能.这是个梦。嘿-嘿! Stanley! 嘿-嘿!主角来了! 我们开工吧.呃,计划有一点变动.我们已经停工了.什-什么?! 为什么啊?!钱问题, 我们一点钱都没有.你在开玩笑吗?- 不.- 什么?!可能只是暂时性的.我们也希望搞到多点钱啊, 所以,现在就先,暂停.暂停?! 多久?不知道. 一周? 可能两周?钱会来的! 人们都很喜欢投资到电影上!- 嘿,你不会很有钱吧?- 不是!呃,只是问一下.乔伊, 保持联系, 知道吗?嘿 老友, 你是乔伊.崔比昂尼吗?是啊.这个是给你的.谢谢.恭喜你有个大机会.喂?嘿 莫尼卡, 我是乔伊!嘿乔伊!啊,成了大明星还记得我们啊!啊 别这样! 怎么可能忘掉你!乔伊, 电影怎样了, 呵?你有自己的化装间吗? 你有那种写着你的名字的专坐吗?哦,当然,我一切顺利.是了,听好。我要你告诉钱德他犯了不可饶恕的错误!呃-哦! 我要走啦 莫尼卡, 我 呃我的寿司到了!不好意思,谢谢你们等我.笑!好了,谢谢! 祝你们在恺撒宫玩得愉快杀了我. 马上杀了我吧.嘿瑞秋, 能把导视递给我?好!上!!什么?!!住手! 住手! 哦,天啊!好了! 好了! 好了!3到4小时以后我们再回来看你.

The One With Joey's Big Break

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make of it.]

Ross: What's going on?

Rachel: Well, my eye is a little itchy.

(Ross turns to look at Joey.)

Joey: Uhhh, mine too! Yeah.

Monica: (To Rachel) Wow! It's really red! You should go see my eye doctor.

Rachel: Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend!

Chandler: Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!

Monica: Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice!

Chandler: Okay, so Richard, Richard!

Monica: It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good.

Rachel: Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to an eye doctor!

Ross: Oh God, here we go!

Chandler: What?

Ross: Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.)

Rachel: (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?

All: All right, fine.

Monica: Hey Rach, remember that great song, Me, Myself, and I? (And on the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)

Rachel: (flinches again) Monica! Come on!

Ross: Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes his eye)

Rachel: (freaks) Ross! Stop it! Come on!

Chandler: How much did I love The King and I? (Oh, you get the point by now.)

Rachel: Chandler!

Joey: Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.)

Rachel: Just stop it! Come on!

(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)

Chandler: You okay there man?

Joey: Yeah, I got too excited!

Opening Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]

Ross: All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.

Phoebe: Ohh, give him a kiss for me!

Ross: All right, bye!

Monica: Bye!

Phoebe: Bye!

Ross: Later! (Exits.)

Phoebe: (after he's gone) I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!

Chandler: Wow umm, calm down.

Phoebe: I'm trying, but man that guy can push my buttons!

Monica: Why are so mad at him?

Phoebe: Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay?

Monica: Well, it just seems that…

Phoebe: You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by the way?

Chandler: Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?

Phoebe: Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.

Joey: (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!

Chandler: You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!

Joey: It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And then, she disappears… But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's been dead for 10 years."

Phoebe: Ohh-oh, chilling!

Joey: And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!

Chandler: Yeah, I know that means buddy!

Joey: Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!

Phoebe: Oh wait, my grandmother's dead.

Chandler: Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs.

Phoebe: No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las Vegas.

Joey: All right! Thanks Pheebs!

Chandler: Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job?

Joey: Oh umm, not go.

Chandler: All right, great, road trip baby! (To Monica) This okay with you?

Monica: Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. (Quietly) You can go.

Chandler: Thank you.

Monica: Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!

Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh! (She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to reschedule!

Monica: No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]

Phoebe: Oh hey Joey! What's up?

Joey: I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot right?

Phoebe: Yeah, I've been around.

Joey: Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern route?

Phoebe: Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}

Joey: Great! Problem solved!

Phoebe: But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.

Joey: Well, back to square one.

Phoebe: Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.

Joey: (quickly) Yes!

Phoebe: Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. (Quickly) Which do you like better peanut butter or egg whites?

Joey: Peanut butter!

Phoebe: Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer?

Joey: A swimmer!

Phoebe: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?

Joey: Monica. Oh… huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.

Phoebe: No thinking! No thinking! Tie or ascot?

Joey: Ascot!

Phoebe: North route or south route?

Joey: North route!

Phoebe: Bamn! There you go! Huh?

Joey: Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!

Ross: (entering) Hey!

Phoebe: Oh, this guy again. (She ignores him.)

Joey: Hey man, what's up?

Ross: Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?

Joey: Sure, what do you want to see?

Ross: I don't know, umm…

Joey: Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!

Phoebe: Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a table previously.)

Ross: What's with her?

Joey: I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you questions and you answer real quick. Okay?

Ross: Okay.

Joey: What do you like better action or comedy?

Ross: Action.

Joey: Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?

(Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.)

Ross: Dude, you are sick.

Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.

[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]

Rachel: Oh my God! What does that thing do?

Monica: (looks at it more closely) Oh that's an eye removal machine.

Rachel: All right, I'm outta here!

Monica: I'm kidding! I'm kidding!

(Rachel heads for the door but is intercepted by the doctor.)

The Doctor: Hi Rachel!

Rachel: Hey!

The Doctor: I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't worry everything's gonna be just fine.

Rachel: So were done then!

Dr. Miller: Almost! But first, we gotta start.

Rachel: Okay.

Dr. Miller: This is a glaucoma test.

Rachel: Uh-huh.

Dr. Miller: Sit down.

Rachel: Okay.

Dr. Miller: But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of air in each eye.

Rachel: (jerks back from the tester) What?!

Monica: A small puff of air, now come on!

Dr. Miller: Here we go.

Rachel: All right.

Dr. Miller: 1…2…3! (Rachel jerks back on 3.)

Rachel: I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. (Puts her head back.) Okay.

Dr. Miller: Ready?

Rachel: Uh-huh.

Dr. Miller: 1…2… (She flinches on 2 this time.)

Monica: Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head.

Rachel: Okay.

Dr. Miller: That's okay.

Monica: Okay. (Monica backs off.)

Rachel: Okay. Okay!

Dr. Miller: 1…2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're young; you probably don't have glaucoma.

Rachel: (really excited) Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow! Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! (He took out that thing they use to look at people's retinas and looked at Rachel's when she was shaking his hand causing her to flinch and scream at him.)

Dr. Miller: Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.

Rachel: Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye.

Dr. Miller: Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.

Rachel: Great!

Dr. Miller: And I'll fit you for a glass eye.

Rachel: Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.)

Monica: Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F D.

Dr. Miller: Very good Monica! You know where they are.

Monica: I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.) (To Rachel) And you don't get one!

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.]

Rachel: Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a 100% better.

Monica: They're still in my coat.

Rachel: Damn!

Chandler: (entering) Hey!

Joey: Hey! You ready to go?

Chandler: Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)

(Monica stares at him.)

Chandler: What?

Monica: I love you.

{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time on this!}

Joey: Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!

Phoebe: Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!

Chandler: Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big hotel suite?

Joey: Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.

Chandler: I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?

Joey: Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right in Joey's pocket.

Chandler: So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?

Joey: Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!

Ross: (entering) Hey!

Joey: Hey!

Ross: I just wanna say good-bye to you guys and to see if you guys will place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.

Joey: You got it!

Ross: All right!

(Joey nods to Chandler, no way!)

Chandler: All right, bye-bye now!

Phoebe: Bye!

Rachel: Bye you guys!

Joey: Bye-bye!

Monica: I wanna say good-bye at the car!

Chandler: Okay!

Joey: Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?

Rachel: Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the puss.

(Pause.)

Joey: See ya! (Walks out.)

Rachel: Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs after him.)

Ross: Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away) Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He grabs the magazine away from her.)

Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.

Ross: Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please, tell me what it is I did!

Phoebe: Well, if you don't know I can't help you.

Ross: Well, I don't know.

Phoebe: Well, I can't help you.

Ross: Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?

Phoebe: Apology accepted.

Ross: Okay. So we're, we're good?

Phoebe: Uh-huh.

Ross: All right. (Gets up.) I'll uh, I'll see you later, okay?

Phoebe: (quietly) Bye, fat ass.

Ross: ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did that mad you so mad at me!

Phoebe: I don't know! I don't remember!

Ross: Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?

Phoebe: Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney.

(Ross isn't sure what to do with that comment.)

[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]

Joey: Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon.

Chandler: We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road once.

Joey: Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.

Chandler: Yeah.

Joey: You wanna eat? (Pulls out the twenty) My treat!

Chandler: Isn't that Ross's money?

Joey: Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat?

Chandler: I don't know.

Joey: Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!

Chandler: Okay!

Joey: Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?

Chandler: Too dry.

Joey: Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?

Chandler: No!

Joey: Is this movie gonna be my big break?

Chandler: No!

Joey: (shocked) What?!

Chandler: Yes.

Joey: Dude you said, "No!"

Chandler: I also said, "Yes!"

Joey: You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?

Chandler: No! (Realizes) Ahhh!!!

Joey: I don't believe this!

Chandler: Look Joe, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high.

Joey: What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!

Chandler: They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!

Joey: Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all over my big break.

Chandler: Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.

Joey: Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.

Chandler: Oh, you don't want me on the trip?

Joey: Not if you're gonna be like this!

Chandler: All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like that I'll lie.

Joey: Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!

Chandler: All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right now!

Joey: Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound of numerous car horns.) Get out!

Chandler: You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.

Joey: Get out!!

Chandler: All right!! (Gets out and Joey speeds away.) Wait! Wait, there's no sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there. Ross is trying to figure out why Phoebe's mad at him.]

Ross: Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?

Phoebe: No.

Ross: Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?

Phoebe: No that made me feel precious.

Monica: Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar? Whom! Whom! Sometimes it's who!

Ross: Yeah? Sometimes it's… (Does the fist thing.)

Rachel: Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he starts to lose.

Ross: Okay, I'm the baby. (Points at his eye.)

Rachel: Eh! Stop it!

Chandler: (entering) Hey!

Monica: Chandler! What are you doing here?

Ross: Hey!

Chandler: Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!

All: Why?!

Chandler: I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.

Phoebe: That game should not be played without my supervision.

Chandler: Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he should've pushed me off of the bridge.

Phoebe: What's in the bag?

Chandler: Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with one leg?

Phoebe: I do!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to apply her eye drops while Monica looks on.]

Rachel: Okay. (She tilts her head back and squeezes the eyedropper. The only problem is, it's not over her eye.)

Monica: Not even close.

Rachel: Okay, then y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this!

Monica: Okay! All right! Let's do it!

Rachel: All right!

Monica: Sit down. (They sit down on the couch.)

Rachel: All right.

Monica: Put your head back.

Rachel: Yes!

Monica: All right.

Rachel: Okay.

Monica: Now, open your eyes.

Rachel: Okay, they are. (No they're not.)

Monica: How many fingers am I holding up? (She's not holding any up.)

Rachel: (thinks) Four.

Monica: Oh my God, I was thinking four.

Rachel: Really?!

Monica: Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run? Okay?

Rachel: Okay!

Monica: No drops!

Rachel: Great!

Monica: Okay.

Rachel: Okay.

Monica: On three, 1…2…3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the eyedropper.)

Rachel: Well, well, you said it was practice!

Monica: Then why did you move?!

Rachel: Because I knew you were lying!

Monica: All right, come here! (She gets up and drags Rachel off of the couch by her legs.)

Rachel: (as she's being dragged) What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God! Stop it! (Monica drags her totally onto the floor and on her back.)

Monica: I am going… I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm… I am going to get these drops in your eyes. (She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.)

Rachel: Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong!

(Monica starts biting on the eyedropper, spraying the fluid all over. But Rachel keeps turning her head back and forth and Monica keeps missing.)

Rachel: Monica! Stop it!

Monica: (spitting out the eyedropper) Damn! It's empty!

Rachel: Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqué pose, at least for primetime TV.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse, Phoebe and Monica are playing cards as the phone rings.]

Phoebe: Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!

Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened. Y'know he's really upset about it.

Joey: (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds out what I did with his sweater vests!

Monica: What did you do to his sweater vests?

Joey: Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.

Monica: Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)

Phoebe: Hey, dude!

Joey: Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat. What-what is it?

Phoebe: Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)

Chandler: (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him! I wanna talk to him!

Phoebe: Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering… (We hear the dial tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.

Chandler: Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him if he won't even talk to me?

Monica: Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las Vegas he'll know that you're sorry.

Chandler: That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of porn…

Phoebe: No, don't-don't say I'm sorry with porn!

Chandler: Really?

Phoebe: Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.

Ross: (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay, clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?

Phoebe: Uh-hmm.

Ross: What do you like better flora or fauna?

Phoebe: Fauna.

Ross: Who would you rather be Simon or Garfunkle?

Phoebe: Garfunkle.

Ross: Why are you mad at me?

Phoebe: You said I was boring--Ohh!

Ross: When did I say you were boring?!

Phoebe: Oh my God, I remember now! We were playing chess!

Ross: Phoebe! You and I have never played chess!

Phoebe: Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a chance this may have been a dream.

[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, Name. Y'know, (singing) I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La…la…la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la. You get the idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of fast food containers out of the foot well.]

Joey: Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work.

Stanley: Umm, slight change of plans. We've shut down.

Joey: Wh-what?! Why?!

Stanley: It's a money thing, we don't have any.

Joey: (laughs) You're kidding right?

Stanley: No.

Joey: What?!

Stanley: It-it's probably just temporary. We're hoping to get some more money soon, so if could just uh, hang out.

Joey: Uh, hang out?! How long?

Stanley: I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?

Joey: No!

Stanley: Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)

(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)

The Grip: Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani?

Joey: Yeah.

The Grip: These got left for ya. (He hands him a bunch of helium balloons.)

Joey: Thanks. (The grip walks away.) (Reading the card.) Congratulations on your big break.

(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. La-la-la. See, I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la, la, la…)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone is ringing.]

Monica: (answering it) Hello?

Joey: (on phone from Vegas) Hey Monica, it's Joey!

Monica: Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!

Joey: Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!

Monica: Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room? Do you have a chair with your name on it?

Joey: Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here!

[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job at Caesar's Palace.]

Joey: (to the family) Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'.

The Husband: Okay!

Joey: Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your stay at Caesar's! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me now.

Ending Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The gang is surrounding Rachel at key positions.]

Ross: Hey Rach, can you pass me the TV Guide?

Rachel: Yep!

(As she moves to get it, Monica yells…)

Monica: Go!!

(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer the torture--I mean medicine.)

Rachel: What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God!

Monica: Okay! Okay! Okay! (She succeeds in getting the eye drops in and everyone climbs off of Rachel.) We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.

Rachel: Oh! (She's trying to recover while still on the floor.)

End

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