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老友记第六季The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel

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嘿!嘿, 一切还顺利吗那离婚的事?哦, 是 , 没问题.一切都摆平了.罗斯, 太谢谢你了.嘿, 想要看电影吗?噢 好啊好,那, 我去拿一下外衣.好. 你, 你想听一些有趣的事吗?当然,无论何时都想.我没有去办离婚.什么?!我们还是夫妇!不要告诉瑞秋. 过会见.嘿, 有口香糖吗?哦? 有啊!等一等! 等一等!听着, 罗斯 可以跟你过一边聊聊吗?噢 但菲比,我们的电影快开场了.噢 有车了!出租车!!时间刚好, 很巧哦 呵?出发吧.是, 但我们只是要走着去电影院就在Angelica大街.噢, Angelica大街!!走! 快走!你没有去办离婚?!!我知道.罗斯?!我有打算去的!但当我到了律师办公室的时候我脑袋里就只能想到,"离婚三次. 离婚三次!"我不想我的墓碑上写着,“罗斯.盖勒, 离婚三次.”你不用担心这种事的!你的墓碑上可以这么说,“罗斯.盖勒,最擅长结婚!”我的就会写着“菲比.布菲,活埋在此.”我只知道我不能再有一个失败的婚姻!那? 你就要和一个不知内情的女孩子做夫妇?!?喔, 是女人! 对不起.好好,我还没有完全想清楚.先不要告诉瑞秋,好吗?瑞秋是我最亲密的朋友之一.虽然, 只有我一人知道这件事的来龙去脉让我觉得很过瘾. 好吧!好, 停下-停下!菲比?!嘿 瑞!刚才你干嘛啊?!对不起, 顺便.嘿, 电影好看吗?我还没去看!那就要快点去了!Angelica大街! 走啊! 走啊!不要!!我们同居后,我可以买一台弹珠机吗?当然! 以前乔伊不许你买吗?不是. 他玩到兴起的时候,动作就相当粗野了.嘿, 你想到如何跟他说你要搬出来的事了吗?没有, 我在努力尝试着我一说, "乔伊,我要ˇ" 便很紧张然后就说, "去厕所."他可能会以为我那里有问题了.你看,我知道必须要告诉瑞秋.但我们一定要克服这困难!下一次我们遇到他们就告诉他们吧. 好吗? 就这样决定.噢,这么快就开始了吗?你刚刚是在命令我吗?是啊.那好吧.嘿 莫尼卡!嗨!嘿 兄弟, 你舒服点没有?乔伊, 我们有些事要告诉你.哦,天啊! 你怀孕了!不是啊!不是吧?不是!乔伊, 是这样的,莫尼卡和我要一块住,就在这里.所以, 我要搬家了.喔! 那, 呃ˇ嘿! 我很替你们高兴!恭喜了!一会见.等等! 乔伊! 乔伊!你没事吧?!没事, 我要走啦!我找到一份演戏的工作啊.如果你相信的话.太差劲了!你看, 我-我只是搬到走道的另一边去嘛.而且我答应你, 如果我和莫尼卡分手的话,我会第一时间搬回你身边的!好! 你看看, 好吗?呃, 如果你真要和他一块住的话我有责任告诉你他的底细!他是个最差劲的室友呢!差劲透顶!他 , 忘记 呃ˇ 噢-噢他经常他经常 呃?噢, 我在说什么啊!他是最棒的室友!嘿 菲比!嘿!嘿, 你有见过瑞秋吗?没有, 有事吗?我有个让人兴奋的消息!你怀孕啦!没有!钱德和我要搬到一块住了!喔! 很好嘛! 哇!但如果你现在怀孕了,你会给孩子什么个名字?提示: 菲比.嘿! 嗨! 嘿!发生什么事了吗?是啊, 钱德和我要同居了.噢 天啊.噢, 我的小妹和我最好的朋友ˇ搞到一块去.噢, 很好啊. 很好啊.喂,我也很高兴啊.好啦, 过来!哇! 大日子呢?有人搬家,有人离婚了ˇ好了, 我要去找瑞秋了,但是你们见到她的话就给她一些坏消息吧.那么我的消息看起来就不会太坏了.唔, 告诉瑞秋一些坏消息吗ˇ瑞秋的坏消息,有什么坏消息呢?!拜托 你能, 你能把这事忘记了吗?好吗? 我的生活是一团糟!我应该潦倒地住到楼梯底下!罗斯, 不要把事情看得这么重!即使你离婚三次,你仍然能生活, 仍然能去约会ˇ不!没机会了!我会跌入单身一族的最底层的.在我下面就只剩下离婚四次的家伙,杀人犯, 还有-还有,地理学家.罗斯, 你这想法太可笑了!你可爱聪明又有情趣.这比那什么三次离婚要重要得多!哦 是吗? 那你有没有和离婚三次的人交往过?那是无法做对比的.会离婚三次的人大多都60岁了.罗斯, 就只有你自己介意这种事!这种尴尬事全在你头脑里!过来, 我来证明给你看! 过来吧.干嘛啊?!嗨! 嗨!听着, 我的朋友罗斯将要离婚三次了.那你还愿意和他约会吗?如果你愿意在这里等一下,我可以把罗斯叫来.嘿!噢, 我还以为你是瑞秋呢!那我有问题吗?我只想告诉她, 我一定要说出来.我已经告诉罗斯和菲比她是最后一个了!好了, 现在, 所有人都知道了!那正式地, 我们可以一块住了.无法回头了.你害怕吗?不会.哇 那是我最吓人的声音了!你实在是很勇敢.嘿!呃, 今天真糟糕!你看, 你以为你的工作表现很好.而你的老板却叫你“瑞靠”.告诉你, 我工作的头四年人人都叫我“沙-啦-啦”.是真的./我知道.而且那时在开员工会议所以没有人想去打断他.于是 人人都叫我“瑞靠”!放工的时候,邮件室的人们都叫我洛奇!没关系, 我-我还是觉得你又好人又漂亮ˇ什么?看你了.先坐下.好了, 听着, 钱德和我想要同居,就住在这里.噢 天啊!太好了!我很替你们高兴!真的吗?!很感谢你先告诉我一声!噢, 我们三个将要住到一块了!是啊是啊.钱德 你早上一定要等上好一阵来让我洗澡.因为你知道“瑞靠”是不能迟到的.瑞秋ˇ是啦, 他会的.噢! 太过瘾了!哦 天啊ˇ进去后还要锁上门ˇ我们会等你的ˇ当你知道来龙去脉,我也不是这么差的.第一次结婚, 老婆隐藏的性取向,不是我的错吧.第二次结婚, 在教堂里说错名字,我是有一点错.第三次结婚, 那个当你喝得大醉还画得满脸花花绿绿他们是不应该允许我们结婚的,内华达州的失误.好了,女士们你们怎么认为呢?谁有兴趣?谁想和他去约会啊?那些离婚的事没关系啊,我要和他约会.但, 他还没离婚就不行.好 你呢?你想和他约会吗?实际上, 我不再和任何人约会了.你看嘛, 和我约会过的男生全都对我很差,所以我不再ˇ随便你!你呢 Meg?那个嘛, 我也不是在意他离婚的事,但我是不会和他约会的.因为很明显他还深爱着那个叫瑞秋的女孩.什么?!她说, "很明显他还深爱着那个叫瑞秋的女孩."怎么可能!我是说, 是-是 瑞秋是我的好朋友我过去也真的很爱她.但现在, 她只是我的老婆而已!菲比, 你能帮我说明一下吗?我想你和她结婚的时候也还是喜欢她的.我们当时喝醉了!我不应该结婚的,像乔伊也经常喝醉啊!嘿! 你比 乔伊.崔比昂尼要糟多了!!对不起, 但你们想错了.我只是不想离婚 三次之多.是了, 他整天说着三次离婚的借口 他想继续这段婚姻因为他还爱她.我一定要说, "做的好!"太精辟了 Meg.好! 没关系! 没关系!如果你们真要这么想把三次离婚的事情忘了吧!我现在就去律师楼去搞离婚的事! 行了吧?!因为她对我一点意义都没有!一点 一点都没有!!好好 我现在肯定不会和你约会因为你看来有点可怕.我倒是有点被他吸引住了.好了, 我们什么时候才告诉瑞秋实情?很快!我真的说不出口.你看刚才乔伊多么伤心啊!我不能对她这样做的,她是我最好的朋友!乔伊也是我最好的朋友啊.我不是你最好的朋友吗?你刚也说ˇ当然你是我最好的朋友啦.但你能告诉瑞秋真相吗?好啦, 好啦, 至少让我准备一下.好.没错.嘿!嘿-嘿不是给你的! 你有伤心吗?现在就很伤心了!嘿 室友!好了, 再见!瑞秋, 有些.., 重要的事要告诉你.你怀孕了吗?!没有! 但,我要把这衣服丢掉了!我想之前有一点小误会.呃, 刚我说, 钱德和我要呃 住在一起,意思是两人住一起.噢 天啊! 噢,这很有趣.真是让人无法相信噢 不要这样, 不要!都是我的错,我没说清楚!真的很对不起.听好, 随便你什么时候搬都没问题?显然这事不很紧急的.好吧.好了.你要饼干吗?好啊 谢谢.又或者, 你需要面纸吗?莫尼卡, 你哪里买来的啊?!我自己做的!噢, 天啊, 太好吃了!天啊, 以后我回家看不到你.会让我很不习惯的.不再有乔伊和钱德.不再有J和C(名字缩写)."你想去乔伊和钱德那里?""不可能,已经不在了."你看,我只是搬到走道对面去,我们还是可以经常卯在一起啊.是,但已经不可能半夜里起床然后畅谈我们对未来的期望了.我们没有做过这种事.嗨.嘿!我已经告诉瑞秋只有我们俩同住了.哦 是吗? 她有什么反应?很好. 没错.出奇的好.她没有哭. 也不愤怒或感伤.她没哭你感到不高兴?我觉得, 对这种事应该有点感觉的吧!同住六年是否还是不够长?!难-难道我和瑞秋还没有你们感情好?!难道我们过得不够愉快?!是否真的不值得为我流点泪?!!我们告诉乔伊时, 他哭得眼睛都要掉下来了!嘿!我没有哭得那么厉害!!没什么嘛! 这只是一个时代的终结!只是不再有阿J和小钱!!这个, 我想问一下, 谁会这样称呼我们?!你又结婚了.没错.这是你两年之内的第二次结婚了哦.是的,两年两次,一共三次.罗斯, 我办理离婚案23年了..从没有从单单一个委托人身上赚过这么多钱.不如你告诉我发生什么事了.基本上, 是瑞秋和我在维加斯喝醉了酒ˇ等一下, 这个瑞秋是不是你第二次结婚时在礼堂里说的那个啊?是-是-是!但是, 我对她没有感觉的.噢, 那会比较好一点.这都是醉酒误事 所以我要离婚.我明白了. 有考虑过接受辅导吗?我想今天只能办离婚而已.你要填写两张表格.简单事.还有我们要有证人证明你们没有感情了.没问题.还有 你和瑞秋要在法官面前作证.噢! 不叫上她就没办法吗?因为我已经告诉她 呃 我已经离婚了.的确如此啊.我告诉你 罗斯, 撇开瑞秋办离婚是没可能的.呃-哈, 那我叫一个很像瑞秋的人来又如何?我会考虑一下接受辅导的事.嘿!那个, 我想我们要开始区分一下彼此的东西了.好啊!你要知道 没办法能拖下去了.没办法拖延着你要搬走而我们不再同住的事实了.好啊.嘿 瑞秋, 你看这个?呵? 这个归谁?我不知道我应不应要了它 因为它对我们来说有太多的回忆了!这什么鬼东西啊?我不知道.嘿, 瑞秋, 你想要这大盘子吗?我想你收下这大盘子.喔! 莫, 谢谢! 我很喜欢这盘子!看到它要想起我哦!莫, 宝贝 你又不是快要死. 我只是搬出去住而已.你要知道我们还是可以经常见面啊.但当然, 这还是一个很大的改变.一个时代的终结, 你应该这样说!你没事吧? 你眼都不眨一下.我没事! 我只是, 我只是在想一个时代的终结是多么重要啊.噢, 没错.但我觉得, 六年不足以称为一个时代吧.时代的定义是一段明显很长时间.六年对我来说明显够长了, 只是 可能对你来说不够吧!你有什么问题啊?!是你有什么问题啊?!!你一点都不伤心吗?!我们不再一块住你一点都不伤心吗?!你就一点都不会惦记着我吗?!好吧, 好吧, 但你不要发怒.只-只是有点难以置信.有什么难以置信的?你想想,你们.你们这样做!我想说 你们打算在维加斯结婚然后又反悔!我想是因为我不相信你们真要一起住 所以才不太伤心.对不起.瑞秋.这是真的. 钱德真的要搬进来住.但 我不, 等等!先让我讲完 好吗?这些不是我们在维加斯一时冲动决定的.我们是认真的.事情真的要发生的.是这样的吗?真的?是啊, 亲爱的.你是说, 我们不能再一块住了?没错.什么? 噢 天啊!我会很惦挂你的!我也会惦着你的!我想说这是一个时代的终结啊!我知道!好了,再见了!噢 不要.怎样? 离婚的事搞定了吗?我不能.我就知道! 因为你还爱着瑞秋.不是这样的. 好吗?离婚手续很复杂所以ˇ对啊, 以为爱情所以变的复杂.我真的, 我真的不喜欢瑞秋.我现在就进去告诉她一切然后和她尽快离婚. 行了吗?我爱她的话 我怎么能这样做?我终于确认你爱她了.我对瑞秋没有感觉! 明白吗?!噢, 怎么了?!莫尼卡和瑞秋真的要一块住了.我真要搬出去,一切都完了.噢? 过来! 过来!没问题的. 一切都会解决的.谢谢你.我应该的.那么说,罗斯和瑞秋真的结婚了,莫尼卡和钱德又快要结婚了,我们是否也应该搞到一块呢?噢 我们会的, 但不是现在.真的?! 那, 什么时候?好吧 呃, 首先钱德和莫尼卡将要结婚然后 顺便成为暴发户.然后就玩完了.哇.我知道.然后, 我为了钱和钱德结婚然后你和瑞秋结婚还生了个可爱的孩子.正点!然后我们开始鬼混起来那时我们才结婚.我们会拥有钱德的钱和瑞秋的孩子.而且抚养权很容易就被我们搞到因为瑞秋嗜酒成性.噢-噢, 那罗斯又怎样呢?我本来不想说出来,但是,呃我和他发生争执然后我把他杀掉.

The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel

[Scene: Central Perk, it’s the same scene from the end of last week’s show. Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch as Ross enters.]

Ross: Hey!

Rachel: Hey, so did everything go okay with the annulment?

Ross: Oh, yeah, no problems. It’s all taken care of.

Rachel: Ross, thank you. Hey, do you guys wanna go see a movie?

Ross: Oh yeah, why not?

Rachel: Okay, umm, I’m gonna get my sweater. (Walks away.)

Ross: Okay. (Sits down next to Phoebe.) You uh, you wanna hear something weird?

Phoebe: Always.

Ross: I didn’t get the annulment.

Phoebe: What?!

Ross: We’re still married! Don’t tell Rachel. See you later. (He gets up leaving Phoebe in shock.)

[Cut to outside Central Perk.]

Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, do you have any gum?

Rachel: Oh? Yeah! Sure!

Phoebe: (running out) Wait! Wait! Hi! Listen, Ross can I just talk to you for just a second?

Rachel: Oh but Phoebe, we’re gonna be late for the movie.

(A cab pulls up.)

Phoebe: Oh, there’s a cab! Taxi!! (The cab stops and she opens the door.) Good timing, my God, huh? Here you go. (Pushes Rachel in and closes the door.)

Rachel: Yeah, we’re, we’re actually just gonna walk ‘cause it’s right up there at the Angelica.

Phoebe: Oh, the Angelica!! Go! Go! (She bangs on the cab’s roof and it pulls away.) (To Ross) You didn’t get the annulment?!!

Ross: I know.

Phoebe: Ross?!

Ross: Well, I tried! But when I got to my lawyer’s office all I could hear was, "Three divorces. Three divorces!" Look, I just don’t want my tombstone to read, Ross Gellar, Three Divorces.

Phoebe: Don’t be worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, Ross Geller, Good at Marriage! Y’know? Mine’s gonna say Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.

Ross: Look, all I know is I-I can’t have another failed marriage!

Phoebe: So okay what? You’re gonna be married to a girl who doesn’t even know about it?!—Op, woman! Sorry.

Ross: Well, okay so, I don’t have it all worked out quite yet. Just don’t say anything to Rachel, please?

Phoebe: Rachel is one of my closest friends. (Pause) Although, being the only one who knows anything about this does makes me feel special. Okay!

(Rachel’s cab backs up.)

Rachel: (to the driver) Okay, stop-stop! Phoebe?!

Phoebe: Hey Rach!

Rachel: What was that?!

Phoebe: Sorry, mix up. Hey, how was the movie?

Rachel: I haven’t seen it yet!

Phoebe: Well then you’d better hurry! The Angelica! Go! Go! (Bangs on the roof again and off they go.)

Rachel: Noooooooo!!

Opening Credits

{Transciber’s note: In case you’re wondering, and I know you are. Their names are all back to normal. Just in a slightly smaller font than usual to allow Courteney Cox Arquette to fit on one line and not be smaller than the rest of their names. Now, on with the show…}

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are cuddling on the couch.]

Chandler: Y’know when we move in together, can I get a gumball machine?

Monica: Of course! Joey wouldn’t let you have one?

Chandler: No. When it comes to sweets, he’s surprisingly strict.

Monica: Hey, have you figured out a way to tell him you’re moving out?

Chandler: No, no, I keep trying, y’know? I can get out, "Joey, I have too…" but then I lose my nerve and I always finish with, "…go to the bathroom." He may think I’m sick.

Monica: Y’know, I really have to tell Rachel, but I… We just have to get it over with! Y’know, the next time we see them we’re just gonna tell them. Okay? That’s it.

Chandler: Oh, so that’s this is gonna work now? You’re just gonna order me around all the time?

Monica: Pretty much.

Chandler: All right.

Joey: (entering) Hey Monica!

Monica: Hi!

Joey: (To Chandler) Hey man, you feeling any better? (Chandler answers him with some guttural sounds that only he can make and that no human can transcribe.)

Monica: Joey, we have something to tell you.

Joey: Oh my God! You’re pregnant!

Chandler: No-o-o! (To Monica) No? (She nods no.) No-o-o! Look Joey, here’s the thing, Monica and I have decided to live together, here. So, I’m gonna be moving out man.

Joey: Wow! (Tearing up) Well, uh… Hey! I’m really happy for you guys! Congratulations! (Kisses Monica on the cheek) See you later. (Starts for the door on the verge of tears as Monica stops him.)

Monica: Wait! Joey! Joey! Are you okay?!

Joey: Yeah, I gotta go! I got an acting job. (Turns towards the door, pauses, and turns back.) Like you’d believe that. This sucks!

Chandler: Look, I-I’m just gonna be right across the hall and I promise you, the minute Monica and I break up I’m moving right back in with you!

Joey: (To Monica) Okay! Look-look-look, uh, if you’re gonna be moving in with him I feel it’s my responsibility to tell you the truth about him! Okay? He’s a terrible roommate! Terrible! He uh, forgets to umm… Oh-oh he always, he always umm—Oh, who am I kidding! He’s the best roommate ever! (Hugs Chandler.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch as Monica enters.]

Monica: Hey Pheebs!

Phoebe: Hey!

Monica: Hey, have you seen Rachel?

Phoebe: No, why?

Monica: I have some pretty exciting news!

Phoebe: (gasps) You’re pregnant!

Monica: No! Chandler and I are moving in together!

Phoebe: Ooh! That’s good! Wow! But now if you were pregnant, what would you name it? Hint: Phoebe.

(Ross returns from getting some coffee.)

Ross: Hey! Hi!

Monica: Hey!

Ross: What’s up?

Monica: Well umm, Chandler and I are moving in together.

Ross: Oh my God. Ohh, my little sister and my best friend…shaking up. Oh, that’s great. That’s great. (Kisses and hugs her.)

Phoebe: Guys, I’m happy too.

Monica: Okay, come here! (Phoebe joins them in the hug.)

Phoebe: Wow! Big day huh? People moving in, people getting annulled… (Winks at Ross.)

Monica: Okay, I gotta go find Rachel but umm, if you guys see her could you please try to give her some really bad news so that mine doesn’t seem so bad? (Exits.)

Ross: Bye.

Phoebe: Hmm, something bad to tell Rachel… Bad news for Rachel, what could that be?!

Ross: Could ya just, could ya just lay off, please? All right? My life is an embarrassment! I should go live under somebody’s stairs!

Phoebe: Ross, it’s not that big a deal! So you’ll been divorced three times, you’ll still have a life, you’ll go on dates…

Ross: (interrupting) No! No, I won’t! I’ll be at the bottom of the dating barrel now. The only guys below me will be Four Divorce Guy uh, Murderer Guy, and-and, Geologists.

Phoebe: Ross, you’re being ridiculous! Okay? You are cute and smart and sweet and that is much more important than three stupid divorces!

Ross: Oh yeah? Have you ever dated anyone who has been divorced three times?

Phoebe: Y’know that’s really fair. Y’know? Most guys who have been divorced three times are like 60. Ross, nobody cares about this except you! This-this embarrassment thing is all in your head! Here, I’ll show you! Come here.

Ross: What?! Why?

(She grabs his arm and drags him over to a table where three beautiful women are sitting. Now, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that their names are Stephanie, Karin, and Meg. Okay, so I looked at the credits. Of course, only Meg is named later on, so I’ll have to guess who is Stephanie and who is Karin. But, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.)

Phoebe: (to the girls) Hi! Hi! Listen, my friend Ross is about to be divorced for the third time, but wouldn’t you date him?

Ross: And if you wait right here, I’ll go get Ross. (Phoebe grabs his arm and prevents him from escaping.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is pacing anxiously waiting for Rachel.]

Chandler: (entering) Hey!

Monica: Ugh, I thought you were Rachel!

Chandler: (looking down) What gave me away?

Monica: I just tell her, I have to get it over with. I told Ross and Phoebe and she’s the only one left!

Chandler: Okay, so that’s it, everybody knows! It’s official, we’re moving in together. No turning back. Are ya scared? Are ya?

Monica: No.

Chandler: Wow that was my scariest voice! You’re very brave.

(They hug as Rachel enters.)

Rachel: Hey!

Chandler: Hey.

Rachel: Ugh, the worse day! Y’know, you think you’re making progress at work and then your boss calls you Raquel.

Chandler: Hey listen, for the first four years of my work everybody called me Sha-la-lap. (Awkward silence ensues.) Seriously.

Rachel: I believe you. So, it was right in the middle of a staff meeting so of course no one else wants to correct her so everyone else is calling me Raquel! By the end of the day, the mailroom guys were calling me Rocky!

Chandler: Well, I-I still think you’re very-very nice and very pretty…

Rachel: What?

Chandler: (To Monica) All yours babe. (Walks away.)

Monica: Have a seat. (They sit at the table.) Okay, listen umm, Chandler and I are going to live together, here.

Rachel: Oh my God! That’s so great! I’m so happy for you guys!

Monica: Really?!

Rachel: And that was so sweet of you to ask! Oh my God, the three of us are gonna have such a good time living together!

Monica: Yes, we are. (Chandler is frantically trying to get Monica to correct her.)

Rachel: And Chandler, you’re gonna have to watch those long showers you take in the morning because you know Raquel can’t be late.

Chandler: Rach…

Monica: Yeah, he’s gonna work on that.

Rachel: Ohh! This is so exciting! Oh God… (Gasps and starts to sing) Come and knock on my door…

Monica: (singing) We’ll be waiting for you…

{Transciber’s note: I’ll finish that one for those of you who don’t know what they’re talking about. Where the towels are Hers and Hers and His, Three’s Company too! Yeah, that’s the theme song for Three’s Company.}

Commercial Break

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is hosting an impromptu roundtable discussion with Stephanie, Karin, and Meg about Ross’s three divorces.]

Ross: …once you know the stories, it’s not that bad. First marriage, wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the altar, a little my fault. Third marriage, well they really shouldn’t allow you to get married when you’re that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada’s fault.

Phoebe: Okay, so what do you think ladies? Who wouldn’t be interested? Who wouldn’t want to date him?

Stephanie: Well the divorces don’t bother me, I’d date him. But, not while he’s still married.

Phoebe: Okay, what about you? (Points to Karin) Wouldn’t you want a date?

Karin: Actually, I’m dating at all anymore. See, I figured out that I was only dating guys that were like y’know bad for me, so until I work that out…

Phoebe: (interrupting) Whatever! What about you Meg?

Meg: Well, I don’t care about the divorces either, but I wouldn’t date him. It’s just that he’s obviously still in love with this Rachel girl.

Ross: What?!

Phoebe: (leaning to him) She said, "He’s obviously still in love with this Rachel girl." (He glares at her.)

Ross: This is crazy! I mean, yes-yes Rachel is my good friend and I-I have loved her in the past, but now, she is just my wife! Phoebe, will you-will you help me out here?

Phoebe: Well, I thought you loved her when you-when you married her.

Ross: We were drunk! I would’ve married uh, Joey with that amount of alcohol!

Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!!

Ross: (to the panel) Look, I’m sorry, but you guys are wrong. I just don’t want to be divorced three times.

Phoebe: Yes, and now he’s using this three divorces reason because he wants to stay married to her because he loves her. I must say, "Well done!" Bravo Meg.

Ross: (getting up) Okay! Fine! Fine! If-if this is what you think, forget about the whole three divorce thing! Okay, I-I’ll go to my lawyer’s office right now and get this marriage annulled! Okay?! Because she means nothing to me! Noth—(leans down to Meg’s ear)—Nothing!!

Meg: Okay now I wouldn’t date you because you seem a little creepy.

Karin: I am so attracted to him right now.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are still debating about how to tell Rachel that Chandler’s moving in and she’s moving out.]

Chandler: Okay, when are we gonna tell Rachel what is actually gonna happen?

Monica: Soon! I-I just couldn’t before. You saw how upset Joey got! I couldn’t do that to her, she’s my best friend!

Chandler: Well, Joey’s my best friend.

Monica: I’m not your best friend?

Chandler: You just said… Of course you’re my best friend. Would you please tell Rachel though?

Monica: All right, all right, at least I’m prepared.

Chandler: Okay. (She grabs a tin of freshly baked cookies) Oh yes. (He reaches for one.)

Monica: (slapping his hand) Hey!

Chandler: Hey-hey!

Monica: These aren’t for you! Are you upset?

Chandler: I am now!

Rachel: (entering) Hey roomie!

Chandler: Okay, bye! (Exits.)

Monica: Rach, there’s something uh, important I have to tell you.

Rachel: (gasps) Are you pregnant?!

Monica: No! But, I’m throwing this shirt away! I think there was a little misunderstanding before.

Rachel: Um-hmm.

Monica: Umm, when I said that uh, that Chandler and I wanted to umm, live together we meant alone together.

Rachel: (laughs) Oh my God! Oh, that’s funny, I can’t believe I did that.

Monica: Oh no sweetie, no! This is my fault, I wasn’t clear! I’m really sorry. And listen, you take as much time as you need to move out okay? There’s absolutely no rush.

Rachel: Okay. (Sits back and resumes her reading.)

Monica: Okay. Don’t you want a cookie?

Rachel: Sure? (Monica hands her one.) Thanks.

Monica: Maybe, do you need a tissue?

(Rachel mumbles uh-huh and spits the half-eaten cookie out onto the tissue.)

Rachel: Monica, where did you get these?!

Monica: I made them!

Rachel: Ooh, good God, they’re so yummy! (She re-ingests the previously expelled cookie matter from the tissue.)

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is packing some books and Joey is watching him.]

Joey: God, it’s gonna so weird like when I come home and you’re not here. Y’know? No more Joey and Chan’s. No more J and C’s. "You wanna go over to Joey and Chandler’s?" "Can’t, its not there."

Chandler: Look, I’m just gonna be across the hall, we can still do all the same stuff.

Joey: Yeah but we won’t be able to like get up in the middle of the night and have those long talks about our feelings and the future.

Chandler: Not once did we do that.

Monica: (entering) Hi.

Chandler: Hey!

Joey: Hi.

Monica: So I, I told Rachel it was just gonna be the two of us.

Chandler: Oh yeah? Well, how’d she take it?

Monica: Really well. Yeah. Surprisingly well. Yeah, she didn’t cry. She wasn’t angry or sad. (Sits down, slightly disgusted.)

Chandler: And you’re upset because you didn’t make your best friend cry?

Monica: I mean, all I’m asking for is just a little emotion! Is that too much to ask after six years?! I mean what? Are-are-are Rachel and I not as close as you guys?! I mean do we not have as much fun?! Don’t I deserve a few tears?!! I mean we-we told Joey, he cried his eyes out!

Joey: Hey! I did not cry my eyes out!! Come on! It’s like the end of an era! No more J-man and Channie’s!!

Chandler: Okay, I gotta ask, who calls us that?!

[Scene: Ross’s lawyer’s office, his name is Russell and has just been told by Ross about his current situation.]

Russell: You got married again.

Ross: Yes.

Russell: So that’s your second marriage in two years.

Ross: Yes, second in two years. Third overall.

Russell: Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never had I so much business from one client. Why don’t you tell me what happened.

Ross: Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk…

Russell: (interrupting) I’m sorry, is this the same Rachel who’s name you said at the altar in the second marriage?

Ross: Yes-yes-yes! But, I-I do not love her.

Russell: Oh, that’s better then.

Ross: This was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.

Russell: I see. Have you considered therapy?

Ross: I think just the annulment for today.

Russell: There are a couple of forms to fill out.

Ross: Easy.

Russell: And we’ll need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of uh, sound mind.

Ross: No problem.

Russell: And we’ll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.

Ross: Ooh! There’s no way to do this without her? ‘Cause I kinda all ready told her uh, it was, it was already taken care of.

Russell: Of course you did. Look Ross, you can’t get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.

Ross: Uh-ha, what about someone who looks like Rachel? (Russell glares at him.) I will think about the therapy.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is painting her toe nails as Monica enters.]

Rachel: Hey!

Monica: Hey. So um, I was thinking that maybe we should start dividing up our stuff.

Rachel: Okay!

Monica: Y’know, no point in dragging it out. Dragging out the long process of you moving out and us not living together anymore.

Rachel: Okay.

Monica: Hey Rach, what about this? (She holds up a chrome 5-point star.) Huh? Who-who gets this? See, I don’t know if I want it because it might be y’know, too many memories!

Rachel: (grabbing the star) What the hell is that?

Monica: I don’t know. (Picks up a big plate from the coffee table.) Hey, Rachel, you want the big plate? I want you to have the big plate.

Rachel: Wow! Mon, thanks! I love this plate!

Monica: Something to remember me by!

Rachel: Mon, honey you’re not dying. I’m just moving out. Y’know, I mean we’re gonna see each other all the time.

Monica: But still, it’s a big change. The end of an era, you might say!

Rachel: Are you okay? You’re not blinking.

Monica: I’m fine! I just, I’m thinking how much it’s an end of era.

Rachel: Oh, all right. But y’know I gotta say, I don’t, I don’t think six years counts as an era.

Monica: An era is defined as a significant period of time. Now, it was significant to me, maybe it wasn’t significant to you!

Rachel: What is the matter with you?!

Monica: What is the matter with you?!! Why aren’t you more upset?! Aren’t you gonna be sad that we’re not gonna be living together anymore?! I mean aren’t you gonna miss me at all?!

Rachel: All right, fine, but don’t get mad at me. It’s-it’s just a little hard to believe.

Monica: What’s hard to believe?

Rachel: Well y’know, it’s you guys. You-you do this kind of stuff! Y’know? I mean, you-you were gonna get married in Vegas and then you backed out! I guess I’m not upset because I don’t see you guys going through with it. I’m sorry.

Monica: Rachel, it’s going to happen. Chandler is gonna move in here.

Rachel: But I…

Monica: No-no, wait! Just let me finish, okay? This isn’t something that we just, we just impulsively decided in-in Vegas, this is something we both really want. And it is going to happen.

Rachel: It is? Really?

Monica: Yeah, sweetie.

Rachel: (starting to lose her composure) I mean we’re not, we’re not gonna live together anymore?

Monica: No.

Rachel: What? Oh my God! I’m gonna miss you so much! (Starts to cry.)

Monica: I’m gonna miss you! (They hug.)

Rachel: I mean it’s the end of an era!

Monica: I know!

[Scene: The hallway, Ross is coming up the stairs as Phoebe leaves Joey and Chandler’s.]

Phoebe: (to Joey and Chandler) Okay, bye!

Ross: Oh no.

Phoebe: So? Did you get the annulment?

Ross: I couldn’t.

Phoebe: I knew it! Because you love Rachel.

Ross: It’s not that. Okay? Annulments are more complicated than I…

Phoebe: Yeah, complicated ‘cause of the love.

Ross: I… I do, I do not love Rachel. I’m gonna tell her right now about the whole thing so we can get this marriage annulled as fast as possible. Okay? Would I do that if I loved her?

Phoebe: I’ve never been more convinced of your love for her.

Ross: I do not have feelings for Rachel! Okay?! (He goes into her apartment.)

[Cut to Monica and Rachel’s as Ross walks through the door. Rachel is holding the chrome star and crying.]

Ross: Ohh, what’s wrong?!

Rachel: Monica and Chandler are really moving in here and I have to move out and everything is changing.

Ross: Oh my—Come here! Come here! (He hugs her.) It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.

Rachel: Thank you.

Ross: Of course.

(Ross suddenly realizes something.)

Ending Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Phoebe are talking.]

Joey: So, Ross and Rachel got married, Monica and Chandler almost got married, do you think you and I should hook up?

Phoebe: Oh we do, but not just yet.

Joey: Really?! Well, when?

Phoebe: Okay umm, well, first Chandler and Monica will get married and be filthy rich by the way. Yeah. But it won’t work out.

Joey: Wow.

Phoebe: I know. Then, I’m gonna marry Chandler for the money and you’ll marry Rachel and have the beautiful kids.

Joey: Great!

Phoebe: But then we ditch those two and that’s when we get married. We’ll have Chandler’s money and Rachel’s kids and getting custody will be easy because of Rachel’s drinking problem.

Joey: Oh-oh, what about Ross?

Phoebe: I don’t want to go into the whole thing, but umm, we have words and I kill him.

End

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