- 准备好了吗?- 好了.- 嗨...- 这里是...- 瑞秋...- 和ˇ- 菲比的家...- 请...- 留下...- 留下...等一下, 我已经说了"留下."是啊, 但要说的你都说光了.我能说什么? 我只说"这里是," "和"噢，对不起, 我还有个"A."算了.菲比, 不要那么小气.要不, 我们交换说吧.不要, 我要说较好的部分.好吧好吧, 我们对调吧.- 嗨ˇ- 各位ˇ这里是ˇ- 瑞秋ˇ- 和ˇ- 菲比的家ˇ- 等等,你怎能这样做啊?怎么了?噢, 你真是不简单啊?菲比, 不如我们一会再搞这个吧?我想在天黑前去小跑一下.噢! 不如你和我一起去吧?!真的吗?是啊, 很好玩的.我们可以到公园里去.就当是我们同居的庆祝仪式吧.好啊, 我们跑步去吧!还有 那里还有英俊的男生呢.- 我们向他们冲过去吧!- 好吧!先等一下.嗨, 这里是菲比和瑞秋的家.请留下你的口信, 谢谢!等一等. 你刚刚把全部留言都说了!呵-呵 你终于明白竞争已经开始了瑞秋.格林.我刚刚读完一本好书.在2030年, 出现了拥有和人脑一样功能复杂的电脑.理论上你可以下载你的思想和记忆到那台电脑上.而且- 可以象机器一样永生不灭.我刚刚发现我可以睁着眼睛睡觉.- 嘿!- 嘿!甜心, 把那些箱子钉死在地板上真是不错哦!我没有把它们钉在地板上啊.噢, 原来你可以把它们搬开的啊!好啦, 但在我搬箱子的时候,罗斯会给你讲一个关于电脑的故事.嘿 各位! 呃, 我给你们介绍Janine.她是我的新房友!- 嗨.- 嗨!怎样, 她要和我一块住啊!真是幸会. Janine...?Lecroix. 全名Janine Lecroix我还不知道呢!哇,多么好的一个姓啊!那么, 你从那里来的?澳大利亚, 我才刚到几周.从澳大利亚来的? 这个我也不知道哦!- 那么, 你干什么工作的?- 我是个舞蹈员.你是个舞蹈员? 她-她是个舞蹈员!那个，我想我要回去整理一下行李.乔伊,她搬进来前你有问清楚她的底细吗?我当然有啊.呃-呵, 你问了些什么?"你什么时候能搬进来?"谢谢你把她带进我们的生活.难以置信噢, 你也喜欢她吗 钱德?嘿, 看看这些箱子!呃, 我等不及了我要马上找她约会!等一下...乔伊. 乔伊你不能和她约会.兔子不吃窝边草对啊, 对啊 你不能这样做.我是说,你和她约会,那-那-那我就不能约她了.好了, 你想想. 想一下你和Donna约会然后你又和她分手.想一下你们当时在超市里打闹多么可怕啊?噢 天啊, 没错.再想象一下你要住在超市里面.没问题啊!不是-不是噢, 噢, 没错! 我不要那样.我不能约会她!你还要注意自己的轻浮言行.因为你们住得那么近,很危险的.哇, 那很难啊.你知道在一个这么诱人的女生旁边我很难不去挑逗她啊.唔, 你一直在我身边但也没有挑逗我啊.你为这事不高兴吗，甜心?我要绑鞋带, 你先走, 我会跟上来的.好吧.来吧! 跑好一点！ 上吧!告诉你们, 当她跑步的时候.她就象是青蛙和The Six Million Dollar乐队的混合体.莫尼卡对那支乐队很迷恋哦.每晚睡前都要亲吻他的海报再睡.噢! 我以前也会这样呢!你有没有他的专辑,《做格林家的人不容易》啊?（揶揄瑞秋·格林）噢, 莫.....菲比跑得很怪异 呵?是啊, 是啊.还有啊, 我知道她很想继续跑步.我不知道应该怎样应对,你知道啦 我已和她一块住了.干脆你直接一点. 告诉她真相.你说的对, 你说的对.我应该告诉她真相的.- 嘿!- 嘿!菲比, 莫尼卡刚绊倒我,我想我不能再跑步了, 永远..!为什么? 你为什么要这样做啊?我也不知道.瑞秋 很抱歉我搞伤了你的脚.脚踝.我看到.好了，我正式入住了.谢谢你帮忙.乔?噢，我想乔伊他回家了.噢 你看，还有一个箱子要处理.吓死你!!噢我的天啊! 你几乎害我心脏病发.伙计，你知道吗,这很难憋住不笑的.嘿,嘿, 这里真的不错呢!是啊, 不差吧?莫尼卡今天下班很晚，我想要这里一尘不染.告诉你我要做什么, 我要做什么?我要到楼下去.我要给她买束花.现在没有人不想和我住了吧?我就不想! 因为,我要和澳洲来的超级辣妹一块住.坐怀不乱，你做得如何？你们俩关系还正常吧？是的, 到目前为止还可以.但你知道吗?这很难的.我把风流性子收敛起来真憋得慌你好吗（泡妞用语）?噢 天啊不好意思, 因为这里空间很大.不-不-不, 那是, 你 呃, 提醒了我,我也要做一下伸展运动.为什么你不试一下-怎么啦?呃-呃 没有事.我-我不想你碰我 因为我工作完浑身是汗.我应该要去洗个澡.噢 天啊!噢, 不好意思我把东西都挂到里面了.因为那些皮带不能用干衣机甩干.嗨!噢 没错, 是我.我今早看到你穿上你的跑鞋鬼鬼祟祟的出去了.你讲谎话以便单独去跑步.不是啊, 菲比 不是啊, 我没有.你知道我..,实际上我是去试一下,看看是否能去跑步.原来我可以跑步了!拜托 瑞秋, 别当我是白痴.不是这样的, 等等 菲比.哇，真是近朱者赤,近墨者黑呢.那 莫-德...呃, 你 呃, 你在干什么?我看起来象在干什么? 我在搞清洁啊!你搬东西有没有得到莫尼卡的许可?许可? 不需要.我会把东西都放回原位嘛.精确放回原位?是的 我会“精确地”放回原位好了,首先,你这种态度是不要得的.她不会介意我有没有把东西放回那些愚蠢的地方.哇, 你还好吗, 你头一天认识莫尼卡吗?她会觉得我做得很好 然后,感激我做的一切.唔-你知道吗, 其实这样也不错啊.因为你要搬回去和乔伊住.那乔伊的新房友就可以过来跟我住了.我知道了, 我知道了, 你-你要吓我.钱德, 莫尼卡对这种事情很敏感的.相信我, 我和她同住了16年.她会发神经的.噢 天啊, 她可能会坐到你头上去.不会,难道她有毛病吗 ? 我会证明给你看的. 我现在打电话给她.打通了 呵.- 嗨!- 嘿 莫, 工作好吗?太糟了.如果我要把事情搞好的话,那就全要亲力亲为.其他人就只会搞破坏.我想今晚我要杀人了.- 噢 别这样, 别这样, 也不会这么差的.- 是更差.只有想到过会就可以见到你，让我稍感安慰.- 我看看能不能提早下班.- 不要! 不要-不要-不要-不要-不要.听你这样说他们应该很需要你才对.那好, 你和罗斯在一块吗?这里一切很好! 好了 拜拜 莫!她-她会杀了我的.是啊, 因为那电话没有挂好.而这个要放回去那里.我们应该从大的家具开始.这样事情会变得比较简单.呃,我们从沙发开始吧.我自己搞定.是吗, 看起来有点不对劲.你在说什么啊? 这沙发刚好压在地毯的边上.然后我可以走过来舒服的把我的脚放在...好吧, 我们可以 呃 把沙发移近一点.哇, 哇, 那沙发就不能刚好压这地毯的边线了.好吧 那这样, 我们把咖啡桌向沙发移一点.哇, 哇, 哇, 那咖啡桌就不在座位区的正中央了.是, 但这咖啡桌就不...（胡言乱语）...罗-斯!!!!看, 我能怎么办?我没有挑逗她但还是....她被我吸引 - 好象扑火的飞蛾一样!这里怎么搞的?!?!?莫尼卡会杀死你的!帮帮我吧.我要做点什么让这个女人讨厌我!等一等, 等一等.你们经常都让女人敬而远之啊.嘿, 我结过婚三次了不-不-不 我知道该怎么做了.你们开始能和一个女人很愉快的相处但没一会你就有办法把事情搞砸.秘诀是什么?听着, 我们没有讨女人的厌?你完全搞错了.噢 不, 我们的确那样 老兄.记得我们在大学时在春季舞会上你向那个你喜欢的女生走去然后不住的说爱尔兰的土豆短缺危机?没错, 那你又怎样?你, 你在学校也不是很受欢迎啊.他讲完话之后,就会说"ba dum bum chessh"是啊, 莫尼卡不喜欢这个,或许我不应该再这样做了.噢 你知道吗, 女生都不喜欢我说关于科学的东西.不只有女生会厌恶的.很好, 很好, 还有什么, 还有什么?呃, 她们不喜欢你纠正她们的话.还有她们不喜欢你解释笑话的好笑之处.她们不喜欢你经常问她们是否喜欢你.老弟, 能拥有莫尼卡我真是太幸运了.我将永远不能找到真爱了.嘿 菲比, 能和你聊聊吗?好啊好的, 呃, 我...菲比, 我只想说对不起. 好吗?我把事情搞的一塌糊涂我是不应该对你撒谎的.那, 你应该怎样做啊?我-我应该告诉你真相.呵-呵, 真相是...?那 我不愿意和你一块跑的原因是...因为 呃.. 你跑步的方式有点...所以呢?那很令人尴尬的啊.人们会以为我们是疯子的.- 为什么你那么介意呢?- 因为他们是人啊.但那些人你不认识而且以后也不会再见到他们的啊.是啊, 但. 众目睽睽是吗, 我倒不觉得尴尬哦.噢 我知道了,我知道为什么和我跑步会让你觉得尴尬了. 没错.你太保守了.我-我不保守!嘿-嘿-嘿-噢-噢!听好,我一点不保守.知道吗?没关系的 瑞秋. 我不是在说你什么.只是你就是那种人.你就是那种人 没错.我从小就这样跑了,因为那是我唯一能觉得好玩的东西.你没有试过跑得飞快 快得好象脚都要掉下来一样?就象冲着一个明星跑去那般.又或者象逃离魔鬼的身边一样?我指邻居家的狗.好了，这灯摆的地方对吗?管它的? 我没有女人缘.不-不-不-不-不-不-不-不!!! 你不能进来!罗-罗斯没有穿衣服.什么?!什么?!我总不能说我没穿衣服吧因为她可以看我裸体的.为什么一定要有人裸体啊?为什么罗斯要裸体啊?我-我要给钱德看点东西?要赤条条的吗?是-是啊 我呃,我有..一点男生的小问题.和钱德的问题一样吗?这样, 呃, 你过会再进来吧.我们会把一切弄好 一会就可以进来了.好吧, 听着, 钱德还有一点药在浴室的洗脸盆下.- 过会见!- 拜!谢天谢地老兄, 你有什么病啊?你看, 我们没有时间了 好吗? 我们要集中. 把一切还原到原位.照相册!照相册里有无数张这房间的照片.我们只要对照它们收拾不就行了吗.没错! 太好了!说真的, 你得什么病了?嘿 乔伊, 我给你买了些啤酒.呃, 你就不能说"给某人买?"可以.我想叫一个比萨饼, 你要吃吗?比萨, 呵, 你以为我以前没吃过吗...ba dum bum cheshhh.是不是有什么问题啊?好吧, 好吧, 我们就摊开来讲吧?你很辣.而我很可爱.明显的我们之间互有感觉但是, 我们是房友 这样走下去会酿成大祸的.- 乔伊...- 不, 不, 不, 我来告诉你.想象一下你要住在超市那你就会明白了.那 问题是, 我们该怎么做?哈, 我不觉得要做些什么哦.你是很可爱, 但我对你不感兴趣.不是! 我是说..你是个很好的男生 能做你的房客和朋友我很高兴, 只是.我对你没有那种感觉.噢! 我知道怎么回事了.因为我一直在躲着你. 对不对?相信我. 一旦我“来真的”你就会有不同的感觉了.我不觉得哦.哦, 但我觉得哦.你好吗（泡妞用语）?我很好什么?!?!什么什么?噢 天啊!- 嘿!- 嘿!噢亲爱的, 对不起, 你说得对, 这感觉真的很好!我就说. 不用理会别人的目光, 因为你一下子就跑过去了!跑过去!我觉得太不可思议了 菲比.我觉得很自在很过瘾.嘿! 小心有头马在这!对不起!我现在能进来吗?啊-呵怎么所有东西都不同啦?再见!没有啊, 我没有看到什么不同啊 只是你进来以后房间里蓬壁生辉你看, 那桌子歪了, 长椅变的怪怪的更不要说冰箱上的磁铁饰物了.好了, 不要...不要生气好吗?我搞定箱子以后想给你点惊喜嘛.所以, 我-我就清洁我们的公寓咯.我搬开一切以后忘记了它们原来的位置.对不起, 真是对不起, 对不起, 对不起.没关系的.钱德, 你是害怕我吗?你想我怕你吗?当然不是啦.我是说, 钱德 你做的一切, 实在-实在是太好了,我很感激你.我知道我追求一切都完美所以变有点怪异.但我不想这一切让你忧心.真的吗?当然啊!噢 你真是最好的. 给我过来.好, 等一下好吗? 首要的首要.罗斯光溜溜时坐过哪里?它说2030年, 会出现象人脑一样功能强大的电脑.所以理论上我们可以把我们的思想和记忆到电脑里面......还可以象机器一样永生!就是这样.Janine 你-你-你知道吗, 你知道我们在做什么吗?你和我, 我们很有缘分哦.是啊, 我要走了.Ba dum bumb cheshhh!
The One Where Phoebe Runs
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel’s new apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are making their answering machine message.]
Rachel: Wait, I-I just said "leave."
Phoebe: Yeah, I know because you have all the good words. What do I get? I get "it’s," "and" oh I'm sorry, I have "A." Forget it.
Rachel: Phoebe, come on that's silly.
Phoebe: All right, so let's switch.
Rachel: No, I have all of the good words. OK, fine, fine, we can switch.
Phoebe: Please...wait, how did you do that?
Phoebe: Oh, you're no ordinary roommate are you?
Rachel: Phoebe, come on can we finish this later? Cause I wanna go running before it gets dark. Oh! Why don't you come with me?!
Rachel: Yeah, it'll be fun. We'll run in the park. It'll be like our first y’know roommate bonding thing.
Phoebe: Okay, let's go running!
Rachel: Yeah and there's really cute guys there.
Phoebe: Let's run towards them!
Phoebe: All right, wait just one more second. Hi, it's Phoebe and Rachel's. Please leave a message, thanks!
Rachel: Now wait a minute. You just took all the words!
Phoebe: Uh-huh. You've met your match Rachel Green.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s new apartment, Ross and Chandler are there.]
Ross: So, I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and-and-and live forever as a machine.
Chandler: (not amused) And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.
Ross and Chandler: Hey!
Monica: (jumps over a box) Honey, that's a great idea nailing the boxes to the floor!
Chandler: I didn't nail the boxes to the floor.
Monica: Oh, So you can move them!
Chandler: Yes, and while I'm doing that, Ross has a great computer story for you.
[Joey enters with his new roommate who is played by none other than Elle MacPherson.]
Joey: Hey everybody! Uh, I'd like you to meet Janine. She's-she's gonna be my new roommate!
Ross: Hi! (Rushes over to shake her hand instantly.)
Joey: Yeah, she's gonna live with me!
Monica: It's nice to meet you. Janine...?
Janine: Lecroix. Janine Lecroix
Joey: I didn't know that! Well, what a pretty last name!
Chandler: So, uh, wh-where ya from?
Janine: Australia, I just moved here a couple of weeks ago.
Joey: (shocked) From the land down under? I didn't know that either!
Ross: So uh, wha-uh, what do you do?
Janine: I'm a dancer.
Joey: You're a dancer? She-she's a dancer!
Janine: Well, I think I'll go and unpack.
Joey: Oh, hey let me. (Opens the door for Janine and after he closes the door behind her gasps ecstatically.)
Monica: Joey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in?
Joey: Of course I did.
Monica: Uh-huh, what exactly did you ask her?
Joey: "When can you move in?"
Ross: Thank you for bringing her into our lives.
Monica: Oh, so you like her too Chandler?
Chandler: Hey, look at all the boxes!
Joey: Ugh, I cannot wait to ask her out!
Monica: Wait a minute...Joey. Joey you can't ask her out, she's your roommate. It-it'll be way too complicated.
Ross: Yeah, yeah man don't do it. I mean if you date her, then-then-then I can't date her.
Chandler: All right, think about it. Now remember when you were going out with that girl Donna and you guys broke up. Remember how horrible it was when you guys bumped into each other at the supermarket?
Joey: Oh God, yeah.
Chandler: Now imagine you live at the supermarket.
Joey: (happily) Okay!
Joey: Oh, Oh, you're right! I don't want that. I can't date her!
Monica: Yeah and you better watch the flirting too, cause you know, in such close quarters, it could be trouble.
Joey: Well, that's gonna be tough Mon. I mean it's hard for me to be around an attractive woman and not flirt.
Monica: (chuckles) Hmm, well you're around me all the time and you don't flirt.
Joey: You a little sad about that sweetheart?
[Scene, The Park: Phoebe and Rachel are getting ready to go running]
Phoebe: I have to tie my shoe, so you go ahead, I'll catch up.
Rachel: Okay. (Runs off.)
Phoebe: Okay. (Starts running crazily with her arms flapping and her legs far apart) Come on! That's not running! Let's go! (Rachel pauses, then follows, embarrassed.)
[Scene, Central Perk: Rachel, Ross and Monica are there]
Rachel: You guys, I'm telling you, when she runs, she looks like a cross between Kermit The Frog and The Six Million Dollar Man.
Ross: Monica had such a crush on him. Yeah, she used to kiss his poster every night before she went to bed.
Rachel: Oh! I used to do that too!
Monica: Did you also have his album, It's Not Easy Being Green?
Rachel: Aw, Mon...(Kisses her on the cheek)
Monica: So, Phoebe runs weird huh?
Rachel: Yeah, yeah and you know what, I know she's gonna wanna run again, I just don't know how to get out of it, I mean, I live with her.
Monica: Why don't you just be straight with her? Tell her the truth.
Rachel: You're right, you're right. I should just tell her the truth.
Rachel: Pheebs, Monica tripped me, I don't think I can ever run again, ever!
Phoebe: Why? Why would you do that?
Monica: I don't know. Rachel I'm-I'm sorry that I hurt your ankles.
Monica: We'll see.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s new apartment, Chandler is putting something away under the sink.]
Chandler: OK, I'm officially unpacked. Thanks for helping me man. (Turns around and sees that Joey isn't there.) Joe? (Hears giggling coming from a box) Well, I guess Joey went home. Oh and look, there's still one box that I have to unpack. (Hears the giggling again)
Joey: (jumps out of the box) I Gotcha!!
Chandler: (pretending) Oh my God! You-almost-gave-me-a-heart-attack.
Joey: Boy, it was so hard not to laugh, I tell ya. Hey, hey, the place looks great!
Chandler: Yeah, not bad right? You know what, Monica’s gonna be working late, so I'm gonna make this place spotless. You know what else I'm gonna do, know what else I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go downstairs, I'm gonna get her some flowers. Now who wouldn't wanna live with me?
Joey: (raises his hand) I don't! No, I wanna live with the super-hot Australian dancer.
Chandler: Yeah, now how's that going though? Are you okay with the not-flirting thing?
Joey: Yeah. Well, so far yeah. But it's tough you know? I got all this built up flirting energy and I don't know how to get rid of it. (Gives Chandler the "Joey-love," look.) How you doin?
[Scene Joey and Janine’s new apartment, Janine is there. Joey walks in to see Janine bent over, stretching.]
Joey: (voice cracking) Ohhhh man
Janine: Sorry, there's just more room out here.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no, it's-it's uh, you just uh, uh reminded me that uh, I need to do my stretches too. (Starts to stretch, groans painfully)
Janine: (touches his waist) Why don't you try to do-
Joey: (jumps up and yells)
Janine: What's wrong?
Joey: Uh-uh nothing. I-I-I-I didn't want you to touch me cause I'm -I'm all sweaty from the workout. I better hit the shower. (Goes into the bathroom and comes back out quickly) Oh my God!
Janine: Oh, sorry about that stuff hanging in there. It's just my thongs are too delicate for the dryer.
(Joey laughs nervously and goes to his bedroom.)
[Scene, The Park, Rachel is running and Phoebe is hiding behind a tree.]
Phoebe: (jumps in front of Rachel) Hi! Oh yeah, uh-huh, it's me. I saw you grab your running shoes this morning and sneak out. You lied so you could run by yourself.
Rachel: No, no Phoebe no, I was...no. You know what, I was, I was actually just checking to, see, if I could run. And I can!
Phoebe: Please Rachel, I am not an idiot. (Runs off)
Rachel: No, wait Phoebe.
[Scene, Monica and Chandler’s, Chandler is there. Everything is out of its place and Chandler's cleaning.]
Ross: (enters) Wow, couples who live together do start to look alike. So, Mondler...uh, what uh, what ‘cha doin?
Chandler: What does it look like I'm doing? I am cleaning!
Ross: Did you get Monica's authorization to move all of her stuff?
Chandler: Authorization? I don't need that. I'm gonna put everything back.
Ross: Put it back exactly where you found it?
Chandler: Yes I'm gonna put it back (Mocking Ross) exactly where I found it.
Ross: ‘Kay, first of all, this attitude is not helping.
Chandler: She's not gonna care if I put her stuff back in the same stupid place.
Ross: Whoa, hello, did you just meet Monica?
Chandler: She is gonna recognize that I did a nice thing and-and, appreciate it.
Ross: Hmm -you know, actually this'll work out well. Cause when you have to move back in with Joey, Joey's hot new roommate can come and live with me.
Chandler: I see, I see, y-y-you're trying to freak me out.
Ross: Look Chandler, Monica is really weird about this kind stuff all right. Believe me, I lived with her for 16 years. She is going to freak…out. Oh my God, she's going to sit on you.
Chandler: No, she's not okay? And I'll prove it to you. I'm gonna call her right now. (Picks up the phone and wipes it off) Phone's done ehh.
Monica: (on phone) Hi!
Chandler: Hey Mon, how's it going?
Monica: Terrible. If-if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Other people just wreck stuff. I really think I might kill someone tonight.
Chandler: Oh come on, come on, it can't be that bad.
Monica: It's worse. The only thing that's getting me through is knowing that I'm gonna be seeing you soon. I think I may even try to get out of here early.
Chandler: No! No-no-no-no-no-no. It sounds like they really need you down there.
Monica: Well, are you just hanging out with Ross?
Chandler: It's, all good! Okay bye-bye Mon! (To Ross) She's-she's gonna kill me.
Ross: Yeah, the phone was facing the other way. (Chandler fixes it and a picture frame off the table.) And that goes back up there.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, continued from earlier.]
Chandler: We should start with the big stuff. Y’know? That'll be the easiest. Uh, let's start with the couch. (He picks up one end and Ross doesn't help) I got it. (He moves it back to where he thinks it goes.)
Ross: Yeah that-that, doesn't look right.
Chandler: What are you talking about? The couch is perfectly in line with the carpet. And then I can just walk over here and casually just put my feet right up on the...(Tries to rest his feet on the coffee table but they won't reach) OK, OK, here's what we do, we just uh, move the couch closer to the coffee table.
Ross: Whoa, whoa, but then the back of the couch won't line up with he back of the carpet.
Chandler: OK well here, we'll just move the coffee table closer to the couch.
Ross: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, but then the coffee table won't be centered in the seating area.
Chandler: Yes, but the coffee table doesn't match the...blahebdmsdlkhdyslkd;btyds...Rooosss!!!!
Joey: (entering) Look, what am I gonna do? I'm not flirting but still, I'm drawing her to me like - like a moth to a flame! (Tries to put his feet on the coffee table...they won't reach and looks around.) What the hell's going on over here?!?!? (Points to Chandler) Monica's gonna kill you! Look I need your help, I have to do something to-to repel this woman! Wait a minute, wait a minute, you guys repel women all the time.
Ross: Hey, I've been married 3 times
(Chandler gives him a round of mock applause.)
Joey: No-no-no I've seen it happen, you-you get a rapport going with a woman but somehow you manage to kill it. What's your secret?
Ross: Look, we do not repel women OK? That is completely untrue.
Chandler: Oh no, yes we do my man. Remember when we were back in college and we went to that spring dance and you walked right up to that girl you liked and you could not stop talking about the Irish potato famine?
Ross: Yeah, well what about you? You weren't you know, so hot in college either. After everything he said, he'd go "ba dum bum chessh"
Chandler: Yeah, Monica doesn't like that either, Maybe I should stop doing that.
Ross: Oh y'know what, girls don't like it when I start talking about science.
Chandler: That's not specific to girls.
Joey: This is great, this is great, what else, what else?
Ross: Uh, they don't like it when you correct their grammar.
Chandler: And they don't like it when you explain why your jokes are funny.
Ross: They don't like it when you keep asking them if they like you.
Chandler: Man, I'm so lucky I have Monica.
Ross: (nonchalantly) I'm never gonna find love again.
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel’s, Rachel is there as Phoebe enters.]
Rachel: Hey Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Rachel: Okay, um, I...(Phoebe walks into her room.) All right Phoebe look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. OK? I handled the situation horribly and I should not have lied to you.
Phoebe: So, what should you have done?
Rachel: Well, I-I should've told you the truth.
Phoebe: Uh-Huh, Which is...?
Rachel: Well, y'know, the reason I didn't wanna go running with you is because um, well y'know the way that you run is a little...(Starts flapping her arms)
Rachel: Well, it's embarrassing. People were looking at us like we were crazy.
Phoebe: Why do you care?
Rachel: Because they're people.
Phoebe: But people that you don't know and will never see again.
Rachel: Yes, but still. They're people…with eyes.
Phoebe: Well, I didn't get embarrassed running next to Miss (panting). But no, okay. No, no, I can see why running with me would be embarrassing to you. Yeah, okay. You're uptight.
Rachel: I-I am not uptight—Hey-hey-hey-oh-oh! Listen, I am not uptight, man.
Phoebe: That's okay Rachel. I'm not judging you; that's just who you are. Me. I'm more free y'know? I run like I did when I was a kid, cause that's the only way it's fun. Y'know, I mean didn’t you ever run so fast you thought your legs were gonna fall off? Y'know, like when you were like running towards the swings or running away from Satan? (Rachel looks confused) The neighbor's dog.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Chandler has the tape measure out and is busy lining up the lamp on the kitchen counter, Ross is supervising the whole operation.]
Chandler: Okay, is this lamp in the same place?
Ross: Who cares? I repel women.
[Monica tries to come in]
Chandler: (blocks the door) No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!! You can't come in here! R-r-r-r-Ross is naked.
Ross: (whispers) What?!
Chandler: (to Ross) I couldn't say that I was naked because she's allowed too see me naked.
Ross: Why does anyone have to be naked?
Monica: Why is Ross naked?
Ross: I-I had to show Chandler something?
Ross: Yeah-yeah I uh, I have a uh, a guy problem.
Monica: Is it the same thing that Chandler had?
Chandler: Look, uh, just come later, we'll get everything squared away and you can come back later.
Monica: Okay, listen, there's still some of Chandler's medicine under the sink in the bathroom. Bye!
Chandler: Bye! Thank God
Ross: Dude, what'd you have?
Chandler: Look, we have no time okay? We must focus. We gotta get everything back into its original place.
Ross: (realizes something) The photo album! There were millions of pictures of the apartment in the photo album. We just go through it and match everything to the pictures.
Chandler: That's perfect! That's brilliant! (Starts going through the photo album)
Ross: So really, what'd ya have?
[Scene: Joey and Janine's, Janine's there. Joey enters]
Janine: Hey Joey, I got some beer for you.
Joey: Uh, don't you mean "for whom?"
Janine: Sure, listen I was gonna order some pizza, you wanna share one?
Joey: Pizza, heh, its not like I never had that before...ba dum bum cheshhh.
Janine: Is there something wrong?
Joey: All right, All right, let's just get this out in the open okay? You're hot. I'm lovable. Clearly there's a vibe going on between us. But, we're roommates and it's a huge mistake for us to continue down this road.
Joey: No, no, no, I'm telling ya. Imagine yourself living in a supermarket and you will understand okay? So the question is, what do we do?
Janine: Well, I don't think there is anything to do. I mean I think you're really sweet, but I'm just not interested in you like that.
Janine: No! I mean you're a really nice guy and I'm happy to be your roommate and your friend, I'm just y'know, I just don't feel that way about you.
Joey: Oh! I see what happened. It's because I was trying to repel you. Right? Believe me, you'd feel a lot different if I turned it on.
Janine: I don't think so.
Joey: Oh, I do. (Gives her the Joey-love look.) How you doin?
Janine: I'm OK
Joey: Oh dear God!
[Scene: The park, Rachel's running by herself and panting. After a little while she decides to run like Phoebe.]
Rachel: (Runs into Phoebe.) Hey!
Rachel: Oh honey, I'm so sorry, you were right, this feels great!
Phoebe: See? And you don't care if people are staring, it's just for a second cause then you're gone!
Rachel: Gone! I mean its amazing Pheebs. I feel so free and so graceful. (Turns and bumps into a mounted policeman and falls) Hey! Look out for the horse! Sorry! (Runs off.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Chandler and Ross are there. Monica enters]
Monica: Is it okay for me to come in now?
Monica: Why is everything different?
Ross: Bye! (Runs out)
Chandler: No, I don't see anything different other than the fact that the room got so much brighter when you came into it. (Forced laughter)
Monica: Well, the end table is wrong, The couch looks bizarre and don't even get me started on the refrigerator magnets.
Chandler: Okay look, don't...don't be mad okay? But after I unpacked the boxes I wanted to do something nice for you, so, I-I-I cleaned the apartment. So I moved everything around and then I forgot where it, where it went back and I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Monica: It's okay. Chandler, are you afraid of me or something?
Chandler: Do you want me to be afraid of you?
Monica: Of course not. I mean gosh, Chandler what you did, it's, it's a wonderful thing and I really appreciate it. I know I have this weird thing where I want everything to be in the perfect place, but I'd never expect you to worry about that.
Monica: Of course!
Chandler: Oh well you're the best. You come here to me.
Monica: All right, hold on okay? First thing's first. (Gets her cleaning gloves on) Okay, now did Ross sit anywhere while he was naked?
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Janine and Chandler are there]
Ross: So it said that by the year 2030, there'll be computers that can carry out the same number of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically we could download our thoughts and our memories into this computer...
Janine: ...and live forever as a machine!
Ross: That's so Janine, you-you-you know what, do you know we're doing right now? You and I, we're interfacing.
Janine: Yeah, I gotta go.
Chandler: Ba dum bumb cheshhh!