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老友记第六季The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth Dad

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The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth’s Dad

[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica are there. Rachel is reading everyone’s horoscope.]

Rachel: Okay, Chandler!

Chandler: Okay.

Rachel: And your horoscope says, "On the fifth a special someone is going to give you a gift."

Chandler: (To Monica) Oh, well thank you in advance. (Kisses her.)

Rachel: Op, but the twelfth brings a lover’s spat.

Monica: (To Chandler) You are going to make a joke about my special present! Why would you do that?!

Rachel: Oh, wait and on the nineteenth a secret crush announces itself.

(Phoebe winks and licks her lips while eyeing Chandler.)

Joey: (entering) Hey guys!

Chandler: Hey!!

Rachel: (ecstatic) Oh my God! It’s Joey Tribbiani of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!!!!!!

(Everyone claps and cheers, Joey mimics looking about with a gun.)

Chandler: Oh that’s right. It’s your first day! So are you psyched to fight fake crime with your robot sidekick?

Joey: Am I psyched? The lead in my own TV series? I’ve dreamed about this for years! Why have I not been preparing?!

Phoebe: No! Joey, you’re going to be great!

Joey: But I got to act with a robot Pheebs, and-and I don’t know anything about technology! I can’t even use Chandler’s computer except to find porn! And-and that’s only ‘cause it’s right there when you turn it on!

Monica: I think our lover’s spat will start a little early this month.

Phoebe: (in a sexy voice to Chandler) I’ll be waiting.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse. Phoebe is now looking at the covers of two different books.]

Chandler: Are you judging them by their covers? Because you’re really not supposed to do that.

Phoebe: No, I’m just deciding which one to use—I’m gonna start writing another book!

Rachel: Be-because the last one was such a big seller?

Phoebe: Well, if you must know I have written 14 books. And as I am the only one who has read them, I can tell you that they all have been very well received.

Ross: (entering) Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Rachel: Hey!

Ross: What are you guys doing later?

Phoebe: Oh, Rachel and I have appointments to get our hair cut.

Rachel: (To Phoebe) We do?

Phoebe: I want to see what he wants first.

Rachel: Okay.

Ross: (continuing) I just found out that Elizabeth’s dad wants to meet me.

Chandler: Wait a minute, hold the phone! You’re not Elizabeth’s dad?!

Ross: Come on guys, I-I really want this guy to like me. It-it would really help me out if you guys were here to make me look good.

All: Of course we’ll help! Yeah! We’ll be here!

Ross: Thanks!

Monica: We know how tough those parent/teacher conferences can be.

[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, it’s the set of Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. The producer is showing Joey around the set.]

The Producer: (walking into Mac’s office) So uh, here’s your office set!

Joey: Wow! Huh? (Picks up the phone) Mac Macaveli, Private Investigator!

The Producer: (checking his watch) Let’s get you into wardrobe for a fitting.

Joey: Okay. Hey uh, when do I get to meet the robot?

The Producer: I’m sorry, why don’t we do that right now? He’s right here. (Points to a guy.)

Joey: Okay.

The Producer: Joey Tribbiani, this is…

Joey: Oh wow! He’s so lifelike! (Starts touching the guy’s cheeks) Unbelievable! (He starts tugging on the guy’s ears.

The Producer: This is Wayne, the man who created and operates C.H.E.E.S.E.

Joey: (slaps Wayne on his cheek) How do you do there, Wayne? (Backs away.)

The Producer: I’ll let you two guys get acquainted, huh? (Walks away.)

Joey: Okay. Sorry about that…(Mimics that cheek thing he just did.) Uh, so where’s C.H.E.E.S.E.?

Wayne: C.H.E.E.S.E. is right here. (He puts on his headset, picks up the controller, and wheels C.H.E.E.S.E. in. C.H.E.E.S.E. is just a plain old robot on tracks; he kinda looks like No. 5 in the movie Short Circuit.)

C.H.E.E.S.E.: (Wayne with a computerized voice) Nice to meet you Mac!

Joey: (laughs) This is like the temporary robot, right?

Wayne: No. Why?

Joey: Well, I-I just, I just it was going to be like a really cool robot, y’know? Like the terminator or uh, when I first saw you.

Wayne: I spent two years developing this machine, it’s absolutely state of the art.

Joey: I’m sorry, it just—I don’t know it doesn’t really look like it can do anything.

Wayne: It can do this. (He moves C.H.E.E.S.E.’s arm close to Joey’s special area and he jumps back.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is at the counter drinking coffee as Elizabeth enters with her dad, Paul. Elizabeth goes to kiss Ross, but he just kisses her on the forehead. By the way Paul is played by Bruce Willis. Yes, that Bruce Willis from Moonlighting, Die Hard, and Armageddon.]

Elizabeth: This is my father, Paul Stevens. Dad, this is Ross Geller.

Ross: It-it’s great to meet you Paul.

Paul: I usually prefer Elizabeth’s boyfriends to address me as Mr. Stevens.

Ross: Of course, of course, Mr. Stevens.

Paul: So Ross, what your problem?

Ross: Eh-wh—Excuse me?

Paul: Why can’t you get a girlfriend your own age?

Ross: That’s funny. Umm…. (Pause, then serious) It’s not funny.

Paul: I don’t like you going out with my daughter Ross.

Ross: Okay. I can, I can see that. Umm, but I think if you give me umm, one chance I can, I can change your mind.

Paul: Okay.

Ross: What?

Paul: Okay. I’ll give you one chance to change my mind. (Ross laughs in relief) You got one minute. (Ross suddenly gets worried.)

Elizabeth: Daddy!

Paul: Fine! Two minutes. Go.

Ross: This is—you—(Ross starts laughing.)

Paul: (laughs then checking his watch) 1 minute 50 seconds.

Ross: Okay, umm I want you to know that I have never done anything like this before. I mean, I mean I’ve been in um, relationships in general, uh but I have never done it with a student—I mean I not—not it! I mean, I mean I don’t—We haven’t done it. Uh, I mean, I mean, we’ve-we’ve-we’ve done stuff. (Paul is not amused.) Okay, okay, a joke, a joke—lighten the mood. Umm, two guys go into a bar. One of them is Irish.

Paul: I’m Irish.

Ross: And the Irish guy wins the joke!

(Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe enter.)

Monica: Ross!!

Chandler: Ross!

Monica: How crazy that we’d run into you!

Ross: Oh God, thank you! (Runs and gives all of them a group hug.) Umm, uh, Mr. Stevens I’d like you to meet my friends uh, this is Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler.

Phoebe: You’re Elizabeth’s father, huh? I can see now where she gets her rugged handsomeness.

Monica: (obviously attracted to him) Is-is-is there a-a Mrs. Stevens?

Chandler: There’s a Mr. Bing!

Paul: No, unfortunately Lizzie’s mom passed away shortly after she was born. I raised her by myself.

Phoebe and Monica: (sympathetic) Ohh!

Paul: I get that a lot.

Ross: Okay umm, why don’t we all take a seat, y’know? And uh, and I’ll get us all some uh some coffees—(He goes to pull out Elizabeth’s chair, but Paul steps in)—Yeah, why don’t you. (Paul pulls out her chair) Uh and you guys can talk about whatever, whatever you want. Y’know? Whatever pops into your head. (He turns his back to Paul and Elizabeth and points to himself for Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe. Then he goes to order the coffee.)

Monica: Y’know, it is so strange seeing Ross here this time of day, ‘cause usually he’s got the children’s hospital.

Phoebe: Yeah. Not looking for dates. (Monica turns in horror.)

Elizabeth: So uh, Monica is Ross’s sister.

Monica: And he’s a great brother!

Paul: I had a sister.

Monica: Ohh!

Paul: She passed away.

Monica and Phoebe: (sympathetic) Ohh!

Paul: Oh, you don’t have to do that every time.

Chandler: But uh Ross, Ross is a great guy! I was roommates with him in college. Uh, funny story… (He starts laughing then notices that Paul isn’t happy.) You’re roommate in college died didn’t he?

Paul: A part of him did yes.

Ross: (returning with the coffee) Okay here we are Paul, Elizabeth. (He sets down their cups.) So I hope you guys were finding something to talk about.

Chandler: Yes, we were just…

(Rachel runs in.)

Rachel: Hi, I’m sorry I’m late but I am ready, ready to talk you up! When does Liz’s father get here?

Paul: I’m already here.

Rachel: Oh! Ross is sooo great!

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is working on her book at the kitchen table, Monica is on the couch, and Chandler is entering from the bathroom carrying a package of toilet paper.]

Chandler: Hey honey, you got the kind with the little girl, you said we were gonna to get the kind with the baby.

Monica: No, you said the baby creeps you out.

Chandler: No, the little girl creeps me out.

Monica: You said the baby.

Chandler: Why would the baby creep me out?

Monica: Why would the little girl creep you out?

Phoebe: (writing frantically) You guys, I’m sorry, could you please talk a little slower?

Chandler: This is going in your book?

Phoebe: Yeah, it’s about relationships. Y’know? The traps, the pitfalls, what not to do, keep going. This stuff is great!

Monica: What?! Excuse me!

Phoebe: And how none of it matters when the people really love each other. (Chandler and Monica kiss.) And how people will believe anything you tell them as long as it’s a compliment.

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is there alone as Paul enters.]

Rachel: (seeing him) Oh hi!

Paul: Hi! Hi. (He’s looking around.) I think I left my keys here somewhere.

Rachel: Oh! Well let’s look for them. (Finds some under one of the couch cushions. It has a pink, fuzzy ball on the key chain.) Oh-oh-hey! Are these them?

Paul: No.

Rachel: All right! (Throws them back under the cushion.)

Paul: Oh, here they are right here. (Picks them up from underneath the corner of the couch.)

Rachel: Oh good.

Paul: Thanks for your help. (Starts to leave.)

Rachel: (chasing after him) Oh, wait! Sorry, Mr. Paul? Mr. Paul?

Paul: Just call me Paul.

Rachel: Paul. Umm, I just wanted you to know that Ross really is a great guy.

Paul: Well maybe you can date him then that would save me the trouble of killing him. (Rachel laughs then starts looking at him.) Are you okay?

Rachel: You just don’t look old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter.

Paul: Well, we were very young when we had her.

Rachel: Oh. We?

Paul: Well yeah, it usually, it takes two people to… (He taps his index fingers together.)

Rachel: Oh no! Yes! Of course, I know that! I just—I meant y’know are you still a ‘We’ or are you just ‘You?’

Paul: I’m just me, my wife died shortly after Lizzie was born.

Rachel: (sympathetic) Ohh. So you raised her all on your own?

Paul: Yes I did.

Rachel: Ohh. (She touches his arm for support and likes what she feels) Ooh!

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is still writing in her book, Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen as Joey enters.]

Joey: Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey!

Monica: How was your first day?

Joey: Pretty great! Except I did get a little attitude from the robot.

Chandler: Damn those robots, they’re supposed to be our faithful servants!

Joey: Anyway, it wasn’t the robot, it was the guy who controls him. Yeah, he doesn’t like me. He had C.H.E.E.S.E. knock over the sandwich right when I was reaching for one! Ohh!

Phoebe: Well, why don’t you just get him fired?

Joey: I may have to, I hate to do it, but I’m the star! Y’know? There’s a limit to how many sandwiches I can eat off the floor. (His cell phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers it, on phone) Joey Tribbiani.

Estelle: (on the other end) Joe! I’m glad I found ya, I got an audition for ya!

Joey: Wow!

Estelle: The thing is it’s kinda on the Q.T. The actor who has the part doesn’t know he might be fired. It’s the lead in a series, Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.

Joey: I’m the lead in Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.!!

Estelle: Uh-oh!

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is entering looking for Joey, but instead he finds Paul and Rachel making out on the couch.]

Ross: Joey?!

Paul: Hi Ross.

Rachel: I was just getting him to like you.

Commercial Break

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, scene is continued from earlier.]

Ross: Joey?! Joey!! (He runs into his bedroom.)

Rachel: Ross, Joey is not here.

Ross: Okay, I’ll just wait for him in here!

Rachel: Ross, it’s okay. You can come out.

Paul: Yeah Ross it’s okay, it’s me, Mr. Stevens.

Ross: (coming out of the bedroom) Oh! Oh my God! I didn’t even see you!

Paul: Sure you did! You came in, you got all awkward, and you ran into the bedroom. You were shouting, "Joey! Joey!" Bye Rach. (Kisses her.)

Rachel: Bye!

Paul: I’ll call you later. Bye Ross. (Leaves)

Ross: What-what-what the—how da-how did-what the-how did-what?!

Rachel: Well, y’know he lost his keys so he was looking for them…

Ross: (incredulous) In your mouth?!

Rachel: No! Downstairs! And we got to talking y’know, for like two hours, and I really liked him so I invited him up here for a cup of coffee.

Ross: You were at the coffeehouse!

Rachel: Ross, what’s the big deal? So I kissed the guy!

Ross: He is my girlfriend’s father, okay? It’s-it’s, it’s weird!

Rachel: Wh—You dated my sister!

Ross: That was different!

Rachel: What? Why?!

Ross: This is weird for me!

Rachel: Ross look, look this is good for you. Okay? Let’s face it, so far the guy’s not lovin’ ya! But I can turn that around! I got the inside track! We can all go out to dinner, y’know? And I can talk you up! Ross, the guy is a very, very successful lawyer!

Ross: How is that important?

Rachel: Oh it’s important!

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Joey is telling everyone about his impending termination at Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]

Joey: Apparently, there’s like a million guys out there that can play Mac, and there’s only this one robot and this one guy who controls it! I didn’t know he could get me fired! What am I going to do?

Monica: Well y’know Joey, you’re a pretty charming guy.

Joey: Thanks, but I kinda have a problem to deal with here.

Monica: No sweetie, you’ve got to win over the guy that controls C.H.E.E.S.E.! You’ve got to kiss some serious robot ass!

Joey: That’s not a bad idea. Yeah. Okay, but if I got to turn on the charm tomorrow I’m not wasting anymore of it over here with you guys. (Starts to leave, but stops and turns to Phoebe.) Well, actually I got a little bit saved for you Pheebs. (Exits.)

Chandler: So do you think uh, Joey’s more charming than me?

Monica: Yeah! That’s why I’m sleeping with him on the side.

Chandler: Yeah, you wish. (Stops to think about it and gets depressed.)

Phoebe: (writing in her book) "You wish."

Monica: Phoebe, stop writing about us!

Phoebe: I’m not writing about you! I’m writing about other people.

Chandler: Who?

Phoebe: Marcia and Chester.

Monica: Okay fine! Fine! Then you know what, I’ll just write about Phyllis! Hmm!

Chandler: Hmm.

Monica: (writing on a piece of paper) Phyllis is sitting in a chair.

Chandler: Oh.

Phoebe: I see what you’re doing!

Monica: (still writing) Phyllis sees what I’m doing.

Chandler: Oh-oh.

Phoebe: Ooh, I have tasted my own medicine and it is bitter!

[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is walking up to C.H.E.E.S.E. and Wayne.]

Joey: Morning! Hey, how’s my favorite genius and my little robot buddy?! (Pats C.H.E.E.S.E. on the head.)

Wayne: Don’t touch him!

Joey: Okay! (He yanks his hand away.) All right. Umm, all right Wayne, level with me. Okay? I-I keep hearing all these rumors that I might get fired. Okay, they even have actors coming in to read for my part! Come on man, you-you got to give me a second chance! I mean, I love-I love this little guy! (He grabs C.H.E.E.S.E.’s arm and pulls it off at the elbow.) Ah-ah!! (Wayne is shocked.) Okay, that’s why you didn’t want me to touch him right? Here you go! Okay? (Hands Wayne the arm and he goes to fix it. Meanwhile Joey starts to berate himself.) Stupid! I can’t believe it! God! (A very beautiful woman walks by.) (To her) Hey, how you doin’? (He and her go over to talk and Wayne looks on with envy.)

[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross and Rachel are on their double date. Rachel is busy talking Ross up.]

Rachel: So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly, offered to take me.

Elizabeth: What a nice story!

Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom.

Rachel: Wow! I definitely did not see that one backfiring! I’m gonna go to the bathroom.

Ross: Yeah, take your time.

(Rachel heads for the bathroom.)

Ross: (to Paul) Just-just so you know I was a freshman and she was a senior. So it wasn’t as bad as-as…

Paul: Ross, look, I know I’ve been giving you a lot of jabs and it’s partly because I’m very protective of Lizzie, and partly because well, they just keep coming to me. But I have to admit that after all the wonderful things that Lizzie has told me and the many, many, (pause) many stories that Rachel has told me that, well (pause) you’re not (pause) all bad.

Ross: Not all bad.

Paul: And anyhow, I’m sorry I was so harsh before, but you have to understand that I (pause) still look at Lizzie like she’s a twelve-year-old girl.

Ross: Yeah. You know what? I know what you mean; I do that too.

Paul: I beg your pardon?

Ross: No! No! Not—I don’t mean I-I see her as a twelve-year-old girl! I mean I-I have a son, who’s umm six and I still think of him as a baby.

Paul: You have a son?

Ross: Yeah, well my-my ex-wife and I share custody of Ben and umm, uh, and just so you know, Carol and I are on excellent terms as I’m sure you are with your wife! (Realizes) Oh, I’m sorry! (To Elizabeth) It’s unbelievable!

Paul: Don’t worry about it, I just didn’t realize you were married. (Rachel returns and hears that.)

Rachel: Oh we were, but that was just a (pause as the audience reacts), I mean that was just a big drunken mistake.

Ross: You’re back.

Paul: You two were married?!

Rachel: Oh! Whoops! I’m sorry, you were talking about Emily!

(Ross slams his head down on the table.)

[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are entering and they’re arguing.]

Monica: Chandler, we said we would meet at the coffeehouse at six.

Chandler: We said seven!

Monica: We said six!

Chandler: The only way that I said six would be if the seven’s, let meet at seven, not at six.

Monica: Yeah and if I had seven, maybe I would’ve said something like this, "Wow! My boyfriend’s such a wise ass—seven!"

Phoebe: (Turning around in the chair) Hi!

Chandler: Oh my good God.

Monica: Ugh!

Phoebe: I know what time you said.

Chandler: What?!

Phoebe: Well actually, I know what time Chester and Marcia said.

Monica: What time?

Phoebe: Quite an interesting turn of events, suddenly it’s my book to the rescue, huh? (Reading her book) Ooh, very interesting. Yeah, well this certainly clears things up.

Chandler: (disgusted) What does it say?!

Phoebe: I will tell you as soon as you thank me for writing my book.

Chandler: Thank you for writing your book. Its-its uh, great book and you are the queen of everything.

Phoebe: Thanks! So are you.

Chandler: (To Monica) I told you I should not wear this color. (He’s wearing a reddish-orange sweater.)

Phoebe: (reading from her book) Mon… (Pause as she restarts) Marcia and Chester are planning on seeing a movie on Sunday night. Marcia thinks they’re supposed to meet at six, Chester thinks it’s at seven.

Chandler: So you knew we were gonna miss the movie!

Phoebe: That’s right.

Monica: Inside of telling us you decided to write in your stupid book!

Phoebe: (writing in her book) Marcia and Chester are mad at Phyllis.

[Scene: Joey’s Dressing Room, Joey and Chandler are there.]

Joey: I can’t believe I’m going to lose this job!

Chandler: Oh I’m so sorry man! Is there anything I can do?

Joey: Yeah! Help me get this mini-fridge past the security guard.

(There’s a knock on the door and Joey answers it to Wayne.)

Wayne: Hey Joey, I want to talk to you.

Joey: Yeah? Well, I don’t want to talk to you Wayne! I hate you! You ruined my life! Oh, Chandler, Wayne. Wayne, Chandler. (They shake hands.)

Chandler: Hi, how are ya?

Wayne: Joey, Joey, I-I-I’ll g-get you your job back if you help me out.

Joey: (incredulous) Why should I help you?!

Chandler: (whispering in Joey’s ear) The reason he just said.

Joey: (happily) What do you need?

Wayne: I-I-I saw you on stage talking to that beautiful woman, y’know Sarah?

Joey: Yeah?

Wayne: I wish I could talk to her.

Joey: What are you in love with her or something?

Wayne: Yeah. Her. All of them. Anyone.

Chandler: Yeah, I’ve been there my friend.

Wayne: Listen, I-I guarantee you keep your job if you can teach me how to talk to women like you do.

Joey: Oh wow Wayne, it’s not really something you can teach y’know? It’s pretty much something you’re born with if you—(Off Chandler’s look)—You-you can teach it! I’ll show you right how to do it.

[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel is still trying to talk up Ross, not to much success.]

Rachel: I mean if you think about it, I mean Ross did learn something from each marriage.

Paul: How to make the next one even shorter?

Rachel: Now wait a minute that’s not fair. He was married to me a hell of a lot longer than he was married to Emily, he just didn’t tell me. (Everyone looks at her, Ross not happily.) Maybe I have to pee again. (Gets up to try to use the bathroom.)

Paul: Well, this is fun. So Ross, did you kill any of these wives?

Ross: Y’know what? I-I-I… I-I have had enough of this! Y’know, I-I-I care a great deal about your daughter and I have treated her with nothing but respect! So if-if you’ve got a problem with me, frankly…

Paul: Are you yelling at me?!

Ross: God no!

Elizabeth: Y’know what daddy? If you don’t like Ross, that’s fine. It doesn’t matter to me, I’m gonna go out with him anyway.

Paul: Really?! (She nods in the affirmative.)

Ross: Well if it doesn’t matter to her, it doesn’t matter to me! (to Paul) Still not yelling!

Paul: Wow. What can I say? (Pause, pointing at Ross) This doesn’t make me like you any better!

Ross: That’s okay, I’m not so crazy about myself right now either.

Paul: Then we agree?

Ross: Uh yeah, I guess—Yeah! I guess so.

Paul: Neither of us like Ross!

Elizabeth: I like Ross.

Ross: Ohhh! Kids!

Rachel: (returning) Wait-wait-wait, I just thought of another story about how nice Ross is!

Ross: That’s okay Rach, we’re not liking Ross right now.

Rachel: Oh! I’ve got a lot of those too!

Ending Credits

[Scene: Mac’s Office, Mac is talking to C.H.E.E.S.E. about their case.]

Joey: Well, it turns out you were right C.H.E.E.S.E.

C.H.E.E.S.E.: The shipment never made it through Omaha?

Joey: You got it! And the rabbi’s beard, 100% horsehair. Nice catch C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Pauses as he waits for C.H.E.E.S.E.’s next line.) It’s your line C.H.E.E.S.E.! (Suddenly C.H.E.E.S.E. goes crazy and starts flinging it’s arms and advancing on Joey behind the desk.) Wayne! Wayne!!

(The camera cuts to Wayne who’s busy making out with Sarah and rubbing C.H.E.E.S.E.’s controller on her back causing C.H.E.E.S.E. to go crazy. Joey starts throwing books at C.H.E.E.S.E. to get him to stop.)

End


- 好,到钱德了!- 好的.
你的星座运程显示,
"五号,会有特别的人送你特别的礼物。"
哇,提前谢谢你
啊,但12号,恋人会发生口角。
一定是你拿我送的礼物开玩笑!
你为什么要这样?!
等等,19号,一段暗恋自动曝光。
大家好!
天啊!乔伊的新戏《麦克与奇思》!!!!!!!
没错,今天才开拍。
你准备好同你的机器人伙伴一起铲除邪恶势力了吗?
还用问吗?
在连续剧里担当主角? 这是我毕生的梦想!
怎么可能没有准备好?!
乔伊,你这次一定技惊四座!
不过,菲比,这次我要和机器人合作,
而我对科技一无所知!
除了看色情网站,
我甚至不会用钱德的电脑!
连色情网站也不是我去找到的,
而是一开机就在那里了!
恋人的口角, 这个月恐怕要提前爆发啦
我等着
你是否根据封面在进行取舍?
这个习惯可不大好.
不,我只是不知道用哪本才好.
我又要写新书了!
是因为上一本很畅销?
如果你好奇, 告诉你吧,我都写了14本书了.
我是唯一的读者.所以我可以负责的说
每本书口碑都很好
- 嘿!- 嘿!- 嘿!
你们呆会做什么?
瑞秋和我约好去理发.
是吗?
- 先听听他想干嘛- 好.
伊丽莎白的爸爸想见我
等一下,电话别挂!
你不就是伊丽莎白的爸爸吗?!
得了,我只是向让她爸爸喜欢我
如果你们留在这里帮我说好话,
将会帮我大忙
- 义不容辞! - 好,我们留在这里!
多谢!
我们都清楚家长会不好对付
这里,是你的办公室布景!
哇?
麦克 麦卡利, 私人调查员!
- 试穿一下演出服吧- 好.
我什么时候同机器人见个面呢 ?
抱歉我给忘了,现在见见吧,他就在此地

乔伊崔比昂尼,这位是……
哇!太逼真啦!
难以置信!
这是韦恩,机器人“奇思”的发明者和操作者.
你好,韦恩
- 两位好好谈谈? - 好.
抱歉刚才搞错了ˇ
奇思 在哪儿?
就在这儿
很高兴见到你,麦克!
这是临时的机器人对吧?
不对,为什么这么说?
还会改造得更酷对吗?
就象"终结者",,或者我对你的第一印象
我花了两年时间研发这个机器人,
绝对一流.
对不起,它其貌不扬,
我看不出它的功能有多强.
它能揍你
家父,保罗 史蒂文斯
爸爸,这位就是罗斯 盖勒
久仰,保罗
伊丽莎白的男友通常称呼我史蒂文斯先生.
好,好,史蒂文斯先生
罗斯,
你有什么毛病?
什么?
你为什么不能找个同龄的女友?
很有趣
这不好笑
罗斯,我不喜欢你同我女儿来往
好的 ,嗯…
可以理解,但若你给我机会,我可以
令你改变看法
行.
什么?
我就给你一个机会,改变我的看法
给你一分钟.
爸!
好吧!
- 两分钟. 计时开始- 这么点时间?
- 还剩1分50秒。- 好,嗯
这事没有先例,当然我
谈过恋爱,
但从未和学生有过纠葛,
当然我们并没有越雷池
是会有一些亲热的举动啦
好了,我讲个笑话,调节一下气氛。嗯,
两个男人走进一间酒吧。
其中一个是爱尔兰人
我就是爱尔兰人.
爱尔兰人讲的笑话赢了
- 罗斯!!- 罗斯!
竟然遇到你,太好了!
谢天谢地!
史蒂文斯先生,这几位是我的
好友:菲比,莫妮卡和钱德
您就是伊丽莎白的父亲吗?
难怪她
棱角分明
尊夫人可健在?
你老公还没死呢!
不幸得很,她妈妈生下她不久就去世了
我独自将她抚养成人
哦!
我们父女相依为命.
大家都坐
我去为大家叫咖啡,请诸位
畅所欲言
想到什么说什么
这个时候见到罗斯可有点反常,
通常他都在儿童医院
对.
通常都没有约会
莫妮卡是罗斯的妹妹
他是个了不起的大哥!
-我也有个妹妹- 哦 !
不过去世了 .
哦!
你们不用每次都表示同情
但罗斯的确很棒!
我同他是大学室友
有趣的是ˇ
您的大学室友一定过世了对吗?
从某种意义上说是
保罗,伊丽莎白,
和我的朋友们交谈愉快吗?
很愉快ˇ
对不起我来晚了,不过
我准备好帮你美言几句
她家老爹几时到?
我已经到了
哦! 罗斯很棒!
宝贝,你买了小姑娘这种,
不是说好买婴儿那种吗?
你说婴儿让你害怕
不,这小姑娘才叫我害怕
你说婴儿来着
婴儿怎么会叫我害怕?
那小姑娘有什么好怕的?
两位,抱歉,能说慢点吗?
你要写到书里?
对,我在写两性关系。
圈套和隐患,两性禁忌之类
接着说,内容精彩嘛!
什么?!再说一遍!
还有就是,真爱无敌
以及,千穿万穿,马屁不穿
嗨!
- 嗨! - 嗨.
我的钥匙丢在这里什么地方了
咱们找找看
嘿,是这串吗?
- 不是.- 好的!
是这串
是的.
多谢帮忙
等一下,保罗先生?
- 叫我保罗可以了- 保罗.
我只想告诉你罗斯真的不错
那你可以约会他,省得我干掉他
你没事吧?
你看来绝不像有个二十岁的女儿
我们很年轻就生女儿了
"我们"?
- 当然,生孩子通常得两个人出力ˇ - 我不是说那个!
当然是两个人才能生孩子,我知道!
我是问, 现在还是两个人吗?或者单身?
我单身
我老婆生下伊丽莎白不久就过世了
哦,你独立抚养她成人?
没错
哦 !
- 嘿!- 嘿!
头一天表现如何?
好极了! 只是机器人有点闹别扭
该死的机器人,本来他们该是人类忠实的仆人!
也不是机器人的问题啦,是
操纵他的家伙。他不喜欢我
我去拿三明治,他却操纵奇思
夺走了三明治!哦!
你为啥不解雇他?
大约应该解雇他
可恶啊,我是个明星
每餐能吃的三明治数量有限,
抱歉
乔伊崔比昂尼
乔伊! 总算找到你了,
我帮你联系了一个试镜!
哇!
这件事还没公开
那个男演员还不知道他将被解雇
是一个连续剧里的男主角
《麦克和奇思》
我就是《麦克和奇思》的男主角!
哦 !
乔伊?!
嗨,罗斯
我只想让他更喜欢你
乔伊?! 乔伊!!
嘿,罗斯
罗斯,乔伊不在这儿
好,那我在这儿等等他
罗斯,没事,你出来吧
罗斯,没事
是我,史蒂文斯先生啊
哦,天啊,我没看到您!
你肯定看见了!
你进来以后表情古怪,跑进了卧房。
接着就一直喊,“乔伊,乔伊!”
- 再见瑞秋. - 拜拜!
- 我会打电话给你. - 好,再见
再见罗斯.
怎么——回——事?
他丢了钥匙,到处找
在你嘴里找?!
不,在楼下找!
我们交谈了大约两个
小时,我相当喜欢他
所以我请他上楼喝杯咖啡
你们本来就在咖啡厅!
罗斯,这有什么大不了?
无非是我亲他了!
他是我女友的父亲!知道吗?
这太怪了!
怪? 你还和我妹妹约会呢!
这不一样!
什么? 有什么不一样?
我觉得怪!
罗斯,听着,我可以帮你忙
面对现实吧
保罗不喜欢你
但我可以改变他的看法
我深入敌后来帮你
我们一起出去吃饭,我替你美言!
罗斯,保罗是相当相当成功的律师!
那很重要吗?
绝对重要!
很明显,能扮演麦克的人多如牛毛
机器人却只有一个,能控制他
的人更是独一无二!
没想到他竟有生杀大权!我怎么办?
乔伊,你是个很有魅力的男人
谢谢,但我现在面临困难
宝贝,你得征服这个能操纵奇思的人
你得拍机器人的马屁!
好主意
如果明天我得去放电,今天就不跟
你们这伙人浪费我的电力了。
其实我打算留点给你,菲比
你认为乔伊比我帅吗?
当然!
不然我怎么会也同他睡觉
你想得美.
"你想得美."
菲比,别再那我们做文章啦!
我没写你们!我写别人呢
写谁?
马妮卡和钱斯德。
好吧!写吧!
我也要写菲丽丝的故事!哼!
嗯.
- 菲丽丝坐在椅子上。- 哦.
菲丽丝看见我的动作
- 哦 .- 菲丽丝看见我的动作
哦,我尝到自己亲手种下的苦果。苦!
早上好!
我最崇拜的天才!我的机器人排档!
- 不许碰它!- 好。嗯,
好吧,韦恩,跟我说老实话,
有谣言说他们要解雇我。
已经开始找人排练我的台词了!
兄弟,再给我一次机会吧!
我爱这个小东西!啊!
难怪你从不准我碰他!听你的,好吧?
真笨!不敢相信我又失败了!
嘿,你好吗?
我的高中毕业舞会舞伴似乎放我
鸽子,罗斯义不容辞的站了出来。
故事很动听!
大学生罗斯,想占一个高中女生的便宜。
哇!
我倒从没从这个角度想过这事!
我去一下洗手间
尽管去,别太早会来
我读大一,她高中毕业。
倒也不是差很多
罗斯,听着
我知道我对你不够友好
因为我爱女心切,而且,
我情不自禁
但我得承认,利莎对我讲了
很多你的好话,
瑞秋也对你评价甚高,
所以
你也不是那么坏
压根就不坏
总之我很抱歉以前对你太苛刻,
你得体谅我,我还
当利莎是个12岁的小姑娘呢
我明白你意思, 我有同感.
你说什么 ?
不! 我不是说我也当她是12岁的小姑娘!
我是说,我有个六岁大的儿子,
我还当他是个婴儿.
你有个儿子?
我前妻和我共有班的监护权
卡萝和我早已达成共识,
就像您和尊夫人一样!
抱歉!
难以置信!
没关系, 我只是没意识到你结过婚.
我们是结过一次,但那
只是酒后胡闹罢了.
你回来啦
你们俩接过婚?!
哦 ! 不好意思, 原来你在说爱米丽那次!
钱德,我们不是约好六点在咖啡馆碰头吗
- 约的是七点!- 约的六点!
如果我提过六点, 那我一定是说,
"我们七点见! 记住不是六点!"
要是听见你说七点,我肯定会这么说
"哇!我的男友是个大笨蛋! 七点!"
- 嘿!- 天啊
我知道你们讲好的时间
什么?!
实际上,我知道钱斯德和
马妮卡约好的时间.
几点?
风水轮流转,现在要靠
我的书来救火了对吧?
妙不可言
这下可以真相大白了
记录里怎么写的?!
你先感谢我写这本书,我就告诉你
谢谢你写书
这是最伟大的一本书,
而你,是万物之女王
谢谢! 你也是
早告诉过你我不适合穿这颜色!
莫ˇ 马妮卡和钱斯德
周末夜计划去看电影
马妮卡以为约在六点,
钱斯德则以为是七点
你早知道我们会错过!
没错.
你不警告我们,
却写进你的蠢书里!
马妮卡和钱斯德生菲丽丝的气.
没想到我竟会失去这份工作!
真是遗憾! 我能帮你什么吗?
能! 帮我把这台迷你雪柜运过保安
嘿乔伊,我想和你谈谈
是吗? 可我不想跟你谈,韦恩!
我恨你! 你毁了我的人生!
- 哦,钱德,韦恩; 韦恩,钱德.- 你好
乔伊, 如果你帮我,我就帮你赢回角色
我为什么要帮你?!
他已经说过原因了
你想要什么?
我看见你和一个美女搭讪
你认得萨拉?
我也想和她搭讪
你喜欢她还是怎么的?
是,喜欢她.
所有的美女, 任何一个
我能了解
如果你教我怎样同女人交谈,
我就能保住你的饭碗.
哇,韦恩
这怎么教法? 这只是
与生俱来的本领罢了
你也可以教人! 我这就告诉你怎么做
我是说,罗斯的确从每次婚姻都受益匪浅
学习如何让接下来的婚姻更短命?
等等 ,这样说不公平
他和我结婚的时间可比跟爱米丽的婚姻可短得多
他只是没告诉过我
看样子我还得上趟洗手间
这很有趣
罗斯,
你有没有铩妻的经验?
我受够了!
我深爱你的女儿, 我一直尊重她!
如果你不喜欢我, 老实说
你在朝我吼叫吗?!
天啊, 我没有!
爸爸, 你知道吗?
如果你不喜欢罗斯, 那也没关系
我不介意
我还是要同他交往
真的?!
既然她不介意, 我也不介意!
我没有吼叫!
哇 . 我无言以对
我对你仍然没什么好感
这没什么, 我对自己也不是很满意
那我们达成共识?
对, 大概是这样
我们都不大喜欢罗斯!
- 我喜欢罗斯- 哦 !
你还小!
等等 , 我想起来一件事
可以证明罗斯有多好
省点力气吧瑞秋,
我们现在都同意不喜欢罗斯了
哦!
那我倒知道很多故事可以支持这个观点
结果你是对的, 奇思
这批货从来就没有运出过奥马哈
没错!
法师的胡须
100% 是马鬃
答得好, 奇思!
该你讲台词了!奇思!
韦恩! 韦恩!!

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