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老友记第七季701 The One With Monica’s Thunder

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嘿,发生什么事了?嘿!我在门上看见一张便条:“快点来莫尼卡家,带上香槟和糖果。”对,我要这个到底怎么了?莫尼卡和我订婚了!噢,天呀!恭喜!她在哪里?我订婚了!!!我订婚了!!!!!!!她已经在那喊了20分钟了。你来的时候怎么没听见?哦,我还以为是个小孩在喊:“我是同性恋!我是同性恋!”那个小孩搬走了。别,让她待久点,太温馨了!我就要结婚了!!!我要当新娘了!!!!我才不要闭嘴!!我就要结婚了!!!噢,好大声!你干嘛不过来说?嘿,老兄!我未婚夫会踹你的屁股!来呀!20号公寓!20号公寓!OK,你把她弄进来,你拴门,我得躲一躲!OK! 等等! 嘘~~OK, 嗯,我只想说,我爱你们!谢谢你们陪我,在我的特别之夜!我们的特别之夜.如果你们不和我、我们在一起,今晚就不会成为我、我们的特别之夜.该死!没关系,我也希望今晚是你的特别之夜致莫尼卡别,等等,别这么说!好吧,致莫尼卡!致莫尼卡!你们决定了婚礼的乐队没有?别忘了我是玩音乐的。菲比,宝贝,她几个小时前才订婚我想她没有时间去考虑这个说起来,你记得上次烧了我的公寓吗?好吧,你爱怎样就怎样你们说该去哪里?我们应该穿的漂漂亮亮的到Plaza酒吧去喝香槟!但我不能待太晚,明天一早还有一个面试我必须要给人好印象。要扮演一个19岁少年什么?你说"早起"的意思是1986年起床?你们不觉得我像19岁?噢,19岁!我们还以为你说90!好吧,大伙们,马上行动!嘿,剩下的糖果条在哪?宝贝,你吃光了!我最担心的事情发生了。你知道什么鞋配这只戒指最合适吗?钻石鞋!你还没换衣服?明白我的意思吗?当然,只是我们没时间了一个婚礼即将举行,你就是新娘。200人看着你一身的洁白礼服....来吧!镜子说你是最漂亮的老头吗?我想我还是能演19岁,你说呢?是的,但是Joey,你得穿的年轻点,我告诉你,只要你穿的对头,想年轻到什么岁数的都行真的?当然,我就是干时装的,时装讲的就是年轻(youth)时装讲的就是我?(他听成you)年轻!年轻!听见了吗,老公公!钱德!这种事很多男人都会碰到!你,你一定是太累了!喝了太多香槟。别担心!我不担心,我只是,神魂颠倒了。就像,生物学有趣的是,高中时我生物不及格今天生物报复我了!!你们听听这个,宾客来的时候我要弹这个“我第一次见到钱德,还以为他是同性恋。但现在我在为他的婚礼歌唱”菲比!如果你让我唱完,后面会说他一定不是同性恋!当然,你们这些小人没有这种问题。你们是木头做的!嘿!嘿!你看起来很漂亮!谢谢!还好吧?我不知道,只是有点……算了,一会儿就没事了别担心,你一定是太累了,喝了太多香槟每个人都会遇到这种事!嘿!好!哇哦!莫尼卡之夜快乐!谢谢!你也快乐!谢谢!嘿,你相信吗?他们真的要结婚了!当然了,我也结了好几次了……哦你还好吧?嗯,我在想,你觉得我们会有这么一天吗?你是说,我们?你和我?不不不,我们!你和某人,我和某人!还好,你吓了我一跳!吓得发抖吧?不,只是你和我曾经有过一场恶梦。哇~~当然也有美好的时刻。不,实际上,你知道,嗯……你当然能想出美好的时刻来当然,给我点时间!噢,我总算想到一件好事了!什么?你啊,一向对那件事都很行!嗯?我当然很行!嗯,嗯,没错,我喜欢你那双手我这双手?没错真的?嗯呵!干得好兄弟们!你知道吗?你也很行!噢,我知道。嘿,你知道我们漏了一件事没干过吗?不,不是那个,我们从来没有“回魂夜”什么??回魂夜!就是两个人分手了,然后又在一起,只是一晚而已!一个晚上,只有性,没有任何条件?对对,我们从来没有过对OK, 我们有点疯了,我是说,这是会很美好,不过,我不觉得这是个好主意。真的,真的不觉得!Sup! Sup, 老兄!想要什么就拿,别伤害我!!你在玩PS机?我呸!PS是个屁!我&#^*&#怎么样?我像19岁吗?对,如果从1到10,10是最让人无话可说的打扮,你肯定是19怎么?到底几岁?你很年轻!你是一个大孩子行了吧?快去换衣服,所有人都在等你。我的内裤送给你好了。哇,谢谢!乔?什么?嗯,你有过很多性关系对吧?几时?今天?几次吧,不是很多。嗯,我问这个是因为,我有点,我不能……我是说我很想,但做不了……出现了,嗯,一个意外别担心老兄,常有的事你也碰到过?对!有那么一次。那你怎么办?我还是做了。菲比!快点!要走了!快!你怎么还没换衣服?不好意思,我刚刚为你的婚礼写了一首最棒的舞曲。听听看!不,菲比。如果你马上换衣服,我就让你在婚礼表演。真的吗??太棒了!!谢谢!可莫尼卡,要是你再碰我的吉他,我就砸你!好,快点换衣服!我去叫其他人,终于要开始庆祝我的……不好意思,我显然打开了过去之门OK, 莫尼卡,嗯,你刚才看到的我能问你们一个小问题吗?为什么是今晚?什么?我一生都在等待结婚,而且不像某些人,我只打算结一次!所以,也许这有点自私,但是我希望今晚只有一个主题!噢,宝贝,就只有这个主题……不,不是!不是!现在主题是你和罗斯破镜重圆!什么?!你抢了我的风头!没有!我们没有抢你的风头!因为我们根本没有复合!对啊,你知道吗?没人看见刚才的事!对!没错!我发誓我们只是接吻了。只是一个吻!你们俩接吻了??这表示什么?!!你们复合了??我能在你们婚礼演唱吗?风头被抢了!你干嘛菲比,没有的事!莫尼卡!我们不要小题大作!只是一次而已,没什么大不了的!我的天哪,我不能相信你们讨论这个!这是夫妻间的问题!知道了吗?钱德已经尽力了!!我不认为他们在说这个乔!!多美好的夜晚啊,钱德做不了,这两人又接吻了!什么?什么?!你们俩接吻了?天哪,这真是大事啊!不!不!不!没什么大不了的还有,你们小题大做,莫尼卡觉得我们抢了她的风头!我们并没有!原来我们还在讨论这个?嗯,没错,这个和钱德的问题莫尼卡莫尼卡莫尼卡莫尼卡,听着-听着,听着,我们不谈罗斯和瑞秋了,你会好过点吗?那最好了听你的。OK, 我看起来像19岁吗?对,像19岁真的?没错!确定?确定?确定的说,不!你只能是31岁!我才30!乔伊,你不是,你已经31了!该死!好,去酒吧!OK,我们可以带点迈泰(鸡尾酒)不过你最好别喝了!我现在又不想去了为什么?!莫尼卡,太荒谬了!不不,我不想再谈这个问题,我不想!特别是和你!该死!耶?OK, 我要在婚礼演奏这个好,我看他们不会让你表演的。他们会先告诉你你想听的话,“你像19岁”,然后改口,“你一点也不像”我想莫尼卡不会改变主意的她不会?她会吗?她会吗?你吃了我的糖果条!猜猜是谁?嘿!嘿,我嗅到了火药味你说莫尼卡那句,她不想再谈,特别是和我,是什么意思?我是说,为什么不是你和我?接吻的是我们两个人啊!还在想这个啊?严肃点,她到底是什么意思?特别是你!哦,谁在乎呢?我在乎!我也在乎!你知道吗?我要去和她谈谈!你让我换件衣服好吗?好的,当然。我打算让你看到我的裸体吗?不!我真不敢相信!她总是干这种事!莫尼卡,我知道你很沮丧,可别忘了。将会有一个婚礼,你要抛花球,然后会有一个蜜月,也许在巴黎!巴黎?月光下,我们在#@$%街散步!继续说。然后我们在铺满玫瑰花瓣的床上做爱。不是因为很浪漫,而是因为我有能力!我爱你!你好,先生!(法语)好的,什么都别说了。你会把它吓跑的!这里是巴黎!谁知道我们在这里??你好菲比,什么事?好的,你们说让我在婚礼唱歌,我需要一点押金!什么?!只是一点押金免得你们反悔!菲比,我们不会为了婚礼给你押金!哦,我知道了。他们伤透了你的心,对吧?你知道吗?我的表演并不需要他们的许可!对,如果你想,你就可以在他们的婚礼唱歌。对!如果你想看上去像19岁,你就可以……在眼睛上做些手脚。什么?我的眼睛有什么毛病?它们出卖了你!里面有太多的智慧了!只要把茶包敷在上面15分钟这样就能去掉我眼里的智慧?也许只需要10分钟,对你来说。天哪,给她押金!把戒指也给她!我不在乎!是的。莫尼卡,你之前说的你不想和任何人说话,特别是我。这是什么意思?多好的一个道歉啊!你也接受了!OK,再见!不不,我是认真的,那句特别是我到底什么意思?好吧,我告诉你,你抢我的风头不只一次了!什么?!嘿,我有个想法。莫尼卡你在说什么?我美好的16岁,记得吗?你和我的表哥查理到三楼去了啊,三楼。舞会上的所有人都在谈论这个莫尼卡,你知道吗?我做这个的唯一原因是你的舞会实在太无聊了!!我们有表演嘉宾!!噢!!“当我结婚的时候,猜猜谁不准唱歌?一个叫盖勒,另一个叫宾!”莫尼卡,你美好的16岁是几百万年前的事了!对,不过历史重演了!莫尼卡我才不要抢你愚蠢的风头!算了吧!那你干嘛要和罗斯接吻??我也不懂。得了吧,过去了就不会再发生!我只是想只要有这么一个晚上就好了我发誓,我从来不想抢你的莫尼卡之夜!噢,所以你们才在那个没有任何人会去的秘密通道做这种事吗?嗯,瑞秋,我在想,我们今晚在一起实在不是个好主意。还是算了吧。真要面子啊老兄莫尼卡?为什么?为什么我非要抢你的风头?我不知道!也许你觉得怨恨。也许你觉得你会先结婚!也许你受不了以前那个胖妹妹比你先结婚!噢!你知道吗?这太不公平了!现在我想抢你的风头了!!来吧,罗斯,我们去做爱!我真不敢相信你们要在我的订婚夜做爱!对啊,本来某人应该这样!如果我们要做这……我们才不会做这个!只要让她觉得我们在做就行了!噢,我明白了,双赢!谁?莫尼卡,开门!罗斯!先停停!等一下嘛!哇噢~耶,你喜欢这样吗宝贝?有何贵干?我只是想说,我希望你们今晚做爱,而且复合!但我要警告你,你订婚的那天晚上我会宣布我怀孕了!那怎么可能??好吧莫尼卡,你想知道我今晚为什么要和罗斯在一起吗?我知道!不你不知道!好吧!为什么?因为,因为我很伤心!什么意思?听着,我衷心为你们感到高兴,但是你们的结婚让我想起了自己没有这样的机会!甚至挨边也没有!我不知道,也许这样会让我好过点。我知道这很傻,但是罗斯结婚的时候你不也因为沮丧而和钱德睡觉了吗?我不在乎,她和我睡觉了。无论如何,宝贝,我对毁掉了你的夜晚感到抱歉!我对差点让你和罗斯睡觉了感到抱歉!好吧,我要走了。祝贺你老兄。谢谢。还有,瑞秋。什么?我还能说什么呢?你错过了机会。从现在开始,能享受这些坏小子的人只有我自己了。“我们以为菲比会离开,但她没有。没错,我整晚呆在这里,钱德永远得不到……“嘿,这里有一美元,当作押金。请在我们的婚礼演唱!噢,谢谢!好的。现在谁会在婚礼表演?谁会在婚礼唱歌?噢,噢……算了,我明天再砸他。
701 The One With Monica’s Thunder
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey, what’s going on?
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: I found a note on my door, "Come to Monica’s quick, bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar."
Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah I’ll take that.
Ross: What’s up?
Chandler: Monica and I are engaged.
Ross: Oh my God. (Hugs Chandler.) Congratulations.
Chandler: Thanks.
Ross: Where is she?
[Cut to Monica out on the balcony.]
Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) I’m engaged!!!!!! I’m engaged!!!!
[Cut back inside.]
Joey: Yeah, she’s been out there for twenty minutes, I’m surprised you didn’t hear her on the way over.
Ross: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "I’m gay! I’m gay!" Can I bring her in?
Phoebe: Oh no, let her stay out there. It’s sweet.
[Cut to Monica.]
Monica: I’m getting married!!!! I’m gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because I’m engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why don’t you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!
[Cut back inside.]
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. I’ll be in the closet.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from earlier, everyone is now in the living room drinking champagne.]
Monica: Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! (Bangs on her class with a spoon to make a toast.) Okay, umm, I just wanna say that…I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. (Chandler clears his throat.) Our special night. I mean it just wouldn’t be my—our-our night, if you all weren’t here to celebrate with me—us—Damnit!
Chandler: It’s okay, I want this to be your night too. (Raises his class.) To Monica.
Monica: Awww, come on—wait—stop it. Okay, to Monica.
Chandler: To Monica!
(They all say to Monica, clink their glasses, and drink.)
Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, y’know, I’m kinda musical.
Rachel: Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt she’s even had time to…
Phoebe: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?
Rachel: (To Monica) Yeah, you’re on your own.
Monica: Y’know what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.
(They all agree and start to go and get ready.)
Joey: But I-I-I can’t stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I’m supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
Chandler: So when you said, "Get up early," did you mean 1986?
Joey: You guys don’t think I look 19?
(A brief silence ensues.)
Phoebe: Oh, 19! We thought you said 90!
(They all politely laugh and stop just as quickly.)
Monica: Okay everybody, let’s go! Let’s go!
Rachel: Okay.
Chandler: Okay.
(They all leave and Joey comes back in quickly.)
Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?
Phoebe: Oh honey no, you ate it all.
Joey: I was afraid of that.
(Walks out and after he closes the door Phoebe turns around and takes a bite out of what is left of his candy bar.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bedroom, they’re getting ready.]
Monica: (looking at her hand) Y’know what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) You’re not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.)
Chandler: Know what I mean?
Monica: Yeah, but I don’t think we have time.
Chandler: There’s gonna be a wedding. You’re gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
Monica: (lustily) Let’s do it! (She kisses him and they fall back onto the bed.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don’t worry about it!
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) I’m not worried, I’m uh, I’m fascinated. Y’know it’s like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
Phoebe: Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. (Singing)
"First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay.
But here I am singing on his wedding day!"
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: If you would’ve let me finish, it goes on to say that he’s probably not gay.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is looking at the foosball table.]
Chandler: Sure, you guys don’t have this problem, you’re made of wood. (Rachel comes out of the bathroom) Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Chandler: You look great!
Rachel: (quietly) Oh, thanks.
Chandler: You okay over there?
Rachel: I don’t know, y’know? I feel a little umm… No, y’know what? Nevermind, I’m gonna be fine.
Chandler: Oh, don’t worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
[Rachel exits into the hallway just as Ross is coming up the stairs.]
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Wow! Happy Monica’s night!
Rachel: Well thank you, you too.
Ross: Thanks.
Rachel: Hey, do you believe this? Do you believe they are actually getting married?
Ross: Well sure. But I get married all the time so…
Rachel: Ohh…
Ross: You okay?
Rachel: Yeah, I guess. I-I… I mean, do-do you think we’re ever gonna have that?
Ross: You mean, we—you and me?
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, no, no! We, you with someone and me with someone.
Ross: Oh good, you scared me for a minute.
Rachel: Shake it off.
Ross: I mean—no, it’s just ‘cause, it’s just ’cause you and I were like a nightmare. (Screams.) No, but there was some good times.
Rachel: No, absolutely. Y’know like it was umm…
Ross: Surely you can think of something good.
Rachel: Yeah, just give me a minute! (Thinking) Oh well, yes, I can think of one good thing.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff.
Ross: Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh?
Rachel: Uh-hmm, uh-hmm, yeah, yeah, I really liked your hands.
Ross: My hands?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Ross: (to his hands) Way to go guys. Y’know, you-you were really good at the stuff too.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, y’know what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had bonus night!
Ross: A what?
Rachel: Y’know, bonus night. Y’know, when two people break up but they get back together for just one night.
Ross: One night, just-just sex. No strings attached?
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, we never had that,
Ross: No.
[Silence.]
Ross: Okay, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, I’m-I’m sure it would be amazing but I…gotta say I really-really don’t think it would be a good idea. Y’know? I really, really…don’t.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (he’s in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. He’s got the wool cap, he’s got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and he’s got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like they’re from the inner-city.]
Joey: ‘Sup? ‘Sup dude?
Chandler: (putting his hands up) Take whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me.
Joey: So you’re playing a little Playstation, huh? That’s whack! Playstation is whack! ‘Sup with the whack Playstation, ‘sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?!
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.
Joey: Come on man, really how old?!
Chandler: Young! You’re a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybody’s ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Joey: Wow thanks! (He goes into his bedroom and closes the door.)
Chandler: Joe?
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: Uhh, you’ve had a lot of sex right?
Joey: When? Today? Some, not a lot.
Chandler: Well, it’s just the reason that I’m asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable to—I mean I really wanted too, but I couldn’t…. There huh—hmm, there-there was an incident.
Joey: Don’t worry about that man, that happens.
Chandler: It’s happened to you?
Joey: Yeah! Once.
Chandler: Well, what’d you do?
Joey: I did it anyway.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the living room and Phoebe is in her room.]
Monica: Phoebe! Come on! Let’s go! (Knocks on her door.) Come on! (Phoebe enters with guitar and not ready to go.) Why aren’t you dressed yet?!
Phoebe: I’m sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.)
Monica: (grabs the guitar away from her) No, Phoebe, I’ll tell you what, if you get ready now I’ll let you play it at the wedding.
Phoebe: Really?! Oh that’s so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again I’ll have to pound on you for a little bit.
Monica: Fair enough, now go get ready!
Phoebe: Okay. (She goes to get ready.)
Monica: I’ll get everybody else (Does so), finally we can start celebrating my—(She gasps and is stopped by the sight of Ross and Rachel making out in the hall.) I’m sorry, uh apparently I’ve opened the door to the past.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from before the commercial break. Monica is walking into the apartment followed by Ross and Rachel.]
Ross: Okay, Monica. Mon, uh what-what you just saw…
Monica: (interrupting) Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight?
Rachel: What?
Monica: See, I’ve been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people I’m only planning on doing this once. So, uh y’know, maybe this is selfish and I’m sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that.
Rachel: Oh honey, but it is just about…
Ross: It is! It is!
Monica: No it’s not! No! No! Now it’s about you and Ross getting back together!
Rachel: What?!
Monica: See yeah umm, you kinda stole my thunder!
Ross: Okay! Ho-ho! We did not steal your thunder because we are not getting back together!
Rachel: Yeah. No. And you know what? Nobody even saw!
Ross: Yeah!
Monica: That’s true.
Rachel: Honey I swear it we just kissed.
Ross: It was just a kiss. (Phoebe enters and overhears this.)
Phoebe: You guys kissed!!!!! What does this mean?!! Are you, are you getting back together?! Can I sing at your wedding?
Monica: Thunder being stolen!!
Rachel: Okay come on Phoebe, it’s nothing! Monica, come on!
Ross: Look let’s not make a big deal out of this! It was a one time thing. It doesn’t even matter!
(Chandler and Joey enter and overhear that.)
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Chandler: (angrily) I don’t think that’s what they were talking about Joe!!
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler can’t do it, these guys kissed… (Points to Ross and Rachel.)
Joey: What?
Chandler: What?!
Joey: You guys kissed! Oh my—this is huge!
Rachel: No!
Ross: Oh no!
Rachel: No-no, it’s really not huge.
Ross: And; people thinking it’s huge has led Monica to believe that we are stealing her thunder. (To Monica) Which we are not!
Monica: Well, we’re still talking about it, aren’t we?
Phoebe: Well yeah, that and Chandler’s problem.
Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.
Monica: Yes that would be lovely.
Joey: You got it. Okay. Now, I can pass for 19 right?!
Chandler: Yes, you can pass for 19.
Joey: Really?
Chandler: Yes!
Joey: Seriously?
Chandler: Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31!
Joey: (gasps) I’m 30!
Rachel: Joey, you are not! You’re 31.
Joey: (realizes) Aww crap!
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, we’ll get us some Mai Thai’s, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Monica: Y’know what? I-I think that umm, I don’t feel like going to The Plaza.
Phoebe: Why?!
Rachel: Honey, Monica, this is ridiculous! Look…
Monica: No-no, I-I really don’t want to talk about it! I don’t! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.)
Joey: Psss, that is whack!
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
Phoebe: (she’s strumming something) Yeah? (Joey nods yes.) Okay, I think I’ll play it at the wedding.
Joey: Yeah! Well, I think we’ll see if they actually let you play. Huh? I mean they tell you anything you want to hear like-like, "You look 19," and then they just take it away like-like, "No you don’t."
Phoebe: Well, I don’t think Monica is gonna take this away.
Joey: Wouldn’t she?
Phoebe: Would she?
Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar!
[Scene: Rachel’s bedroom, she’s pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: Guess who? (Enters fully.)
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: Hey, I just realized we kinda let some stuff up in the air…
Rachel: What do you think Monica mean when she said she didn’t want to talk, especially with me? I mean, why not especially you and me? We were both out there kissing.
Ross: Still thinking about it huh?
Rachel: Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? (Mimicking Monica.) Especially you!
Ross: (loosening his tie) Oh, who cares?
Rachel: I care!
Ross: (tightening his tie) And so do I.
Rachel: Y’know what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed?
Ross: Okay. Sure. (Sits down on her bed.)
Rachel: Am I going to let you watch me undress?
Ross: (sitting up) No! (Exits.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bedroom, they are both getting undressed.]
Monica: I can’t believe her, y’know it’s just—it’s so typical.
Chandler: Now Monica, I know you’re upset, but don’t forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then there’s going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.
Monica: Paris?
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Monica: Keep talking.
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because it’s romantic, but because I can!
Monica: I love you!
(They start making out and both start to feel something growing below the belt line.)
Monica: (in a French accent) Bonjour, monsieur.
Chandler: Okay, don’t say anything, you might scare it away.
(There is a knock on the door.)
Chandler: It’s Paris, who knows we’re here!
Monica: (opening the door) Hi Pheebs, what’s up? (She enters.)
Phoebe: Okay, you said I could sing at your wedding so, I’m just gonna need a small deposit.
Monica: What?!
Phoebe: Y’know, just some good faith money to hold the date.
Chandler: Pheebs, we’re not giving you a deposit for our wedding!
Phoebe: Oh, I see. (Exits angrily.)
[Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.)
Joey: They break your heart, don’t they?
Phoebe: Y’know, I don’t really their permission.
Joey: Yeah! If you wanna sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding!
Phoebe: Yeah! And if you wanna look 19, then you… You gotta do something about your eyes.
Joey: What?! What’s wrong with my eyes.
Phoebe: They give you away! There’s just-there’s just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
Joey: And that’ll get rid of my wisdom?
Phoebe: Maybe just 10 minutes for you.
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler’s room, they are making out again as there’s another knock on the door.]
Chandler: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I don’t care!
(Monica opens the door to Ross and Rachel.)
Monica: Yes.
Rachel: Monica, what did you mean before when you said you didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially me?
Chandler: What a great apology! (To Monica) And you accept! Okay, bye-bye!
Rachel: No-no, seriously-seriously, what was the especially me part about?
Monica: Well, let’s just say it’s not the first time you’ve stolen my thunder.
Rachel: What?!
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, here’s a thought.
(Rachel ignores him and follows Monica into the kitchen.)
Rachel: Monica, what are you talking about?
Monica: My Sweet Sixteen! Remember, you went to third base with my cousin Charlie.
Chandler: (entering) Ahh, third base.
Monica: It’s all everybody at the party could talk about!
Rachel: Monica, y’know what? The only reason I did that was because your party was so boring!
Monica: (gasps) We had a characturist!
Rachel: Oh!!
Phoebe: (singing, angrily)
"Whenever I get married, guess who won’t get to sing?
Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!"
(Exits.)
Rachel: Monica, your Sweet Sixteen was like a million years ago.
Monica: And yet, here we are doing it again.
Rachel: Ugh, Monica I don’t want to steal your stupid thunder!
Monica: Oh please! Why else would you have made out with Ross?!
Ross: Got me. (He shows of his hands.)
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it ain’t gonna happen!
Monica: I just thought it would be nice if I could have just this one night!
Rachel: I swear, I never wanted any part of your night!
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
Ross: Uh, Rachel, I’ve been thinking. I don’t think us getting together tonight is such a good idea. I’m calling it off.
Chandler: (To Ross) Why to save your dignity my man.
Rachel: (ignoring them) Monica, why? Why would I ever want to take away from your night?
Monica: I don’t know! I don’t—maybe you’re feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought you’d get married first! Maybe you can’t stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you!
Rachel: Oh wow. That—y’know what? That is so unfair. Y’know what? Now I want to steal your thunder! Come on Ross, let’s go have sex!
(Ross tries to dismiss it by making that sound, but decides to go for it and follows Rachel.)
Monica: (yelling after them) I can’t believe you’re gonna have sex on my engagement night!!
Chandler: Well, somebody should. (Monica glares at him.)
[Cut to Rachel’s bedroom.]
Ross: Look uh, if we’re gonna do this…
Rachel: We’re not gonna do this, all right? She’s just gonna think that we’re doin’ it.
Ross: Oh, I see, so everybody wins.
(There’s a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Who is it?
Monica: (outside the door) It’s Monica, open up!
Rachel: Okay well Ross! Stop it please! Wait a minute! (Motions for him to follow her lead, but he angrily shakes his head no. So she pokes him.)
Ross: Oww!
Rachel: Yeah, you like that baby? (Monica bursts in followed by Chandler.) May we help you?
Monica: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement I’m going to announce that I’m pregnant!
Chandler: How is that ever going to happen?!
Rachel: All right Monica, do you want to know why I was with Ross tonight?!
Monica: I know why!
Rachel: No you don’t know why!
Monica: Okay! Why?!
Rachel: Because! Because I was sad.
Monica: What do you mean?
Rachel: Look, I am so…so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that I’m not. I’m not even close. And I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that that’s dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
(Ross looks at Chandler.)
Chandler: (To Ross) I don’t care, she slept with me.
Rachel: Anyway sweetie, I am, I’m so sorry I ruined your night.
Monica: (starting to cry) I’m sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross. (They hug.)
Ross: (deadpan) Well, I’m going to take off. (To Chandler) Congratulations man.
Chandler: Thanks.
Ross: (at the door) And uh, Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person who’s going to enjoy these bad boys (holds up his hands) is me. (Quickly realizes what he said and exits disgustedly.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is singing outside Monica and Chandler’s door.]
Phoebe: (singing)
"We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed.
That’s right, I’m here all night, and Chandler will never get l…"
Chandler: (interrupting her just in time) Hey! Here’s a dollar, consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding.
Phoebe: Oh thank you.
Chandler: Okay. (Goes back to bed.)
Phoebe: Now… (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer—(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)—Oh—oh! All right, I’ll pound on him in the morning.

End
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