婚礼承包商给我寄了12道小菜的菜单我得减到六道食物? 给我瞧瞧! 莫妮卡跟你们提起过那只很棒的乐队吗？Swing Kings，我们打算请他们在婚礼上演奏?你几时开始喜欢摇摆舞音乐?哦 我一直喜欢! 我跑遍全市、听完所有的乐队!钱德我从Gap commercial那支广告开始喜欢。那你预订好了? 你打过电话了?我会的你想让我打电话?不, 我会打的, 你只要做好自己的事什么是你的事?别挡道不可能再减了 莫妮卡为什么你不十五样全选了?这里面只有十二样哦 没错 我加了三样花生奶油手指是什么?!哦 对ˇ哦，哈罗!她真可爱!我们是不是上去和她聊两句?当然!这就是订婚的一大好处和漂亮姑娘聊天不会感到紧张能帮把手吗?哦 是的! 我来帮你拿下来这个真的很重我明白嗨, 我叫, 我叫罗斯 这是我的朋友钱德我-我叫克里斯顿克里斯顿, 嗨 你刚搬来这区？如果你是刚搬来的话ˇ有时间的话我很乐意带你到处看看我ˇ我, 实际上我刚刚从四个街区以外搬来但是这个街区好像完全是另外一个世界实际上这里有一段非常有趣的历史 这条街是本市第一条有下水道系统的街道 在那之前污水和垃圾都顺着街道流淌有时候有没脚踝那么深!很迷人对不起?搬了这么久你一定饿了今天晚上我带你去吃饭，你觉得怎么样?哦 我很乐意太好了!我帮你把东西搬上去.你先走哦 不-不, 我在你后面哦 天呐!是我疯了还是真的很配我?!哦 天呐! 你看起来真漂亮!谢谢你 瑞秋 但是你看看莫妮卡!是它 没错 就是这件不敢相信我终于找到了!Wow 你看起来真漂亮!如果我认识你, 我会哭的我是莫妮卡盖勒, 像婴儿一样快乐梅根贝利你找到中意的婚纱了?哦 不 这些婚纱都很美，但是我买不起不, 我也买不起，我只是来看看想要款式我会去Kleinman’s买, 同样的东西在布鲁克林有打折 后天那里有个大甩卖哦, 谢谢你的提示是的! 你什么时候结婚?哦 我不是，我只是喜欢试穿跟我一样我开玩笑 我7月25号结婚我也是开玩笑我12月结婚你什么时候结婚?5月15日- 哦 很快!- 是的!摄影师是谁?詹弗瑞我们见过他他给你们看了他拍的裸体婚礼的照片吗?那个伟哥? 哇喔!我知道! 我差点取消婚礼哦, 你们请了哪支乐队?!哦, 我未婚夫想请Swing Kings哦, 你真幸运我未婚夫想请重金属乐队Carcass哦, 是拼做‘C’还是‘K’? 哦 我的天! 管他呢，他们都很棒!哦 你知道吗? 你知道吗?你知道吗？别在这买想买婚纱的话去Kleinman’s，那里打五折这间店太黑了我是这间店的老板这个款式进了其他颜色或者ˇ嗨! 你是搬进来还是搬出去?我搬进来哦 啊 我能帮你吗?哦 好的 但是你知道 要小心点刚才有个人要帮我，可他不得不离开，因为他伤到了背男朋友?不是我是乔伊克里斯顿哦 哇喔 多美的名字!再问一次，什么来着?克里斯顿- 知道知道! 所以ˇ所以, 你住这附近?是的! 是的! 就在那里下去一点嘿 听着 我给你点建议别在门廊上打盹要不然醒来的时候你会发现你的鞋不见了我会记住的Okay. . 听着 你 你今天晚上可不可以和我一起吃饭?哦 我, 我今天晚上有节目明天怎么样?听起来不错! 好吧, 这个放哪?你看起很壮, 为什么不我来拿这个，你去搬箱子呢？好吧, 我来搬这个这就是布鲁克林好吧, 听着， 通常这里一个款式只有一个尺码所以他们一打开门, 我们就散开现在, 这就是你要找的! 记住! 你们找到那件婚纱就吹这个 好吗? 三声短哨, 一听到就赶快跑过来- 他来了! 快点!- 哦 他们在推我!嘿! 别像个小孩子!好吧 我ˇ我们上!!嘿! 瑞秋! 快!!!!不. 不. 不是. 不是. 不是.别挤我!就是这件! 就是这件! 哦 我的天呐, 太完美了!对不起, 这件已经有主了! 哇喔!- 梅根!- 莫妮卡!- 你也来了?!- 是啊!这是我的婚纱!不!没错! 你看见我穿过的!现在你会看见我买了什么?你这个疯子!要不是我，你连听都没听过这里!听着, 你不会想打架的也许会的! 我很喜欢打架! 来啦! 来啦! 好啦!嘿!我该上哪边?!! 你在干什么?你找到婚纱了? 你找到婚纱了?不!你得把我从这弄出去，菲比! 这些人看见打折简直不要命了!我-我们得去找莫妮卡不! 拉着我!!哦 天呐!! 借过! 借过!快! 快! 快!- 嘿ˇ- 马上!!!!!!!! 罗斯, 前几天的约会怎么样?你和她谈起那次冲洗厕所的奇妙之旅了?随便你说, 事实上她给我留言，说她希望再次约会实际上, 我现在就要去给她打电话我一定会告诉她，我的朋友钱德说ˇ 嘿 钱德!嘿!对不起昨天没来，但是我有个约会哦 乔伊, 那是凌晨一点，你没过来没关系!好吧,你知道我和那个刚搬来的辣妹在一起真的吗? 就在街对面?没错!什么时候碰见她的?两天前太棒了!你知道罗斯也碰见个美女!哦 是吗?嘿 嗨! 怎么样?哦 很好! 我们星期六一起出去但我刚发现她还和另外一个男人约会真的?!乔伊? 如果你是罗斯，你会怎么做?哦, 我想我的情况有点类似我是说, 我现在泡的这个妞也和其他的男人约会但是, 我不知道, 我才不担心好吧 你不会相信我, 我可不想成为那个撬你墙角的男人 我是说那个傻瓜输定了!这太好了!我希望我可以不用走, 相信我!但不幸的是我不得不走哦 啊, 顺便问一句, 你们约会的那个妞叫什么?克里斯顿朗- 再见!很明显，我们当中只能有一个和她继续约会很明显!那好, 怎么决定?好吧，现在我们客观地看待这件事我认应该我和她约会ˇ或者说, 或者说我是和她约会的人很有趣, 但你看 我约她ˇ是的，我喜欢这样说，只是表达方式不同ˇ好吧, 好吧 这得花点时间没错，我们应该叫点东西不 乔伊! 看，我们为什么，为什么不让她来决定呢? 好吗? 嘿-嘿, 我们分别和她再约会一次 然后我们就知道她喜欢谁多一点听起来很公平说不定我会带她到外面那间新开的法国餐厅ˇ哦 -等等! 听着 我们得订一个消费限额我可没钱带她到这种好方抱歉 这就是我约会的方式好吧, 我想我也有我的方式好吧，我们来决定消费的限额ˇ好 Uh,ˇ一片ˇˇ六美元?我想的是差不多100美元好吧 能借我94美元吗?我知道给我张纸巾健怡可乐喝光了哈罗?什么?! 你什么?! 嘿 你给我好好听着,小妞! 什-什么事?!是Megan那个丫头!她订了我们结婚那天Swing Kings乐队的演出还说除非我把她的婚纱还给她，否则就别想要回乐队这么说我们可以请Carcass乐队?我该怎么做! 那件婚纱就是我一直想要的! 我ˇ钱德想要那支乐队. 我该怎么做?得想个法子说服他怎么做?厕纸没了!嗨!- 嗨! 怎么样?你知道，我只是想过来，祝你好运哦 谢谢!是的. 你们约了几点?我们订了Grammercy Bistero八点的位子哇喔, 还有20分钟 你最好赶快去换衣服我已经换好了哦. 很好!对我来说 这是什么? 你抹了面霜?我用了油性护肤霜T-zone!好吧 花花公子!嘿 你, 你给克里斯顿送花了没错你花了一百美元这是限额，你死定了!实际上, 我送花是在那天之前所以理论上来讲我没有违反约定尽管这样，还是很感谢你过来看我哦-哦! 这样是吧?你知道我也可以违反规定!哦 是吗? 你打算怎么做?我不知道我一点都不吃惊你知道吗，罗斯? 我不会就这么算了!我想你没有太多选择好吧，走着瞧!再-见!是的 再-见!嘿! 只是轻轻抹两下?是. 是. 就这和这乔伊又在楼梯吃肉酱!没错, 摇摆舞太过时了菲比, 他在里面才拉得出来你们在谈什么?我们刚才谈到Swing Kings我们正在讨论他们是不是最好的选择是的, 我参加过一个婚礼，他们在上面演奏摇摆舞音乐 两个星期以后，那对夫妇离婚了我不是说这有什么必然联系，但是，你知道他们告诉我这就是他们离婚的原因但是我喜欢摇摆舞!但是，Swing Kings?你知道他们太烂了，事实上参加他们演奏会的人都死了他们就那么死了我只知道我和莫妮卡看他们表演的时候, 我们很开心! 还有一个原因好吧, 另外一个原因是什么?我不想说好吧你得说出来因为也许很愚蠢因为当我和莫妮卡在他们的伴奏下跳舞的时候，那是我ˇ第一次知道ˇ你就是那个我想和她跳完所有曲子的女人哦 废话!他们说我们的桌子很快就准备好哦 太好了!你的背好些了吗?哦，是的，好多了我想肌肉越多，就越容易扭伤克里斯顿?乔伊!嗨! 你在这做什么?哦 我喜欢这个地方而且理论上, 理论上我没有违反约定 所以我ˇ好吧, 罗斯? 这是乔伊 乔伊? 这是罗斯嗨!嗨很高兴见到你我以前有个朋友也叫乔伊现在不是了我们的桌子马上就好- 好的.那ˇ- 当然! 我很高兴和你们一起等! 谢谢!乔伊, 你看起来很面熟你是演电视剧或什么的吗?好吧，乔伊不想多说，但是 但是他是光辉岁月的主角对了! 没错, 你演的是一个女人?一个在男人身体里面的女人好多了你知道吗 罗斯 真有趣 我也觉得你很面熟你结过婚吗?是的 没错 我结过婚 事实上 umm, 前几天克里斯顿和我刚谈起过我是怎么结婚并有一个儿子的- 是的, 小埃里克- 没错!不，等等, 是本你就结过一次婚?哦 ummˇ你结过两次婚?是的 那次之后还有一次哦 我饿了!嘿 乔伊, 你这么饿过吗？在约会的时候趁那个女孩去洗手间的时候把她的东西吃了?你说是那个侍应生吃了我的蟹饼好吧 罗斯 你第一次为什么离婚?因为那个女人是异性恋还是因为她是个女同性恋？你们两个是不是认识?不.不.不. 只是罗斯看起来像是那种会娶有同性恋倾向的女人然后让她不得不成为同性恋的男人等等! 你做过淋病广告?你和猴子一块睡?!嘿，别把马修扯进来!好吧! 你是不是穿过自己的皮裤脱不下来?!嘿-嘿 你是不是把自己锁在电视机柜子里，性病男孩?!猴子的情人!你说她什么时候走的?大概是在说淋病的时候嗨, 亲爱的! 我回来了!别进来!为什么? 你在房里藏了另外一个男朋友?不! 我们只在他那鬼混!你知道这很有趣，是我先开始的, 但是现在我被吓着了你能出来吗?不, 我在穿婚纱哦，你买了婚纱了? 太好了!是的，但是我不想要它是吗？为什么不让我看看?哦. 我想你可以看但是 我要退回去，所以你不会喜欢的好吧 我保证会讨厌它的哇喔! 你-你看起来真丑真的吗?没错, 大概是我见过的最丑的婚纱为什么要退回去?哦 因为它不是ˇ很合身哦 顺便说一声, 我订了Swing Kings.哦 太好了! 很好! 谢谢!但是这婚纱，我是说很讨厌! 太烂了! 我想把它从你身上撕下来!好吧! 但是你不能撕它, 也许一点点好!嘿 各位! 想看看婚礼曲单吗?各位?我以为你会去一整天好吧，怎么回事?对不起. 对不起. 也许我该让你们几个女孩子待在一块好吧, 随便你怎么说但是十分钟以后，我们就会拥有更年轻的皮肤!她也可以来一点ˇ哦，好球!!!
717 The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a piece of paper.]
Monica: So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have to narrow it down to six.
Joey: Food? Uh-huh gimme! (She hands him the paper.)
Chandler: So did Monica tell you about this great band called the Swing Kings that we’re trying to get to play at the wedding?
Phoebe: Since when are you into swing music?
Chandler: Oh since forever! I used to go all over town listening to bands!
Chandler: Gap commercial. (To Monica) So did you book them? Did you call?
Monica: I will.
Chandler: Do you want me to call?
Monica: No, I’ll do it. You just stick to your job.
Phoebe: What is your job?
Chandler: Staying out of the way.
Joey: This is impossible Monica, why don’t you just pick all 15? (Hands back the paper.)
Monica: There were only twelve.
Joey: Oh yeah, I added three.
Monica: What are peanut butter fingers?!
Joey: Oh yeah… (He mimes sticking his fingers into a jar of peanut butter, scooping some out, and eating it off his fingers.)
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]
Ross: (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello! She’s cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?
Chandler: Sure! That’s one of the great things about being engaged. I’m not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
The Woman: Could you guys help me? (Chandler shyly exhales and looks away.)
Ross: Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you.
The Woman: It-it’s really heavy.
Ross: (exhales) I got it. (He lifts the box and grunts under the strain.) (Calmly) So hi, I’m uh, I’m Ross and this is my friend Chandler. (He shyly waves.)
The Woman: I-I am Kristen.
Ross: Kristen, hi. Are you uh, new to the area, ‘cause if you are…I’d love to show you around sometime.
Kristen: I…I uh, actually just moved from four blocks over.
Kristen: But-but this block is like a whole other world.
Ross: Y’know actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what he’s talking about.)
Chandler: (To Ross) Smooth.
Kristen: (To Chandler) Excuse me? (Chandler does the shy thing again.)
Ross: Umm, say you’re gonna be starving after all this moving. What do you say I take you to dinner tonight?
Kristen: Oh I’d like that.
Ross: Great! Uh, let me take this up for you. (The box he’s holding.)
Kristen: After you.
Ross: Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When she’s gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler can’t pick it up.)
[Scene: A Bridal Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for Monica who is trying on her wedding dress.]
Phoebe: (wearing a veil) Am I crazy or does this totally go?!
(Monica enters from the dressing room wearing her gown.)
Rachel: Oh my God! You look so beautiful!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Thank you Rachel but, look at Monica!
Monica: This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I can’t believe I found it!
(Another woman walks up.)
The Woman: Wow you look so beautiful! If I knew you, I’d cry.
Monica: Well I’m Monica Geller, ball like a baby.
The Woman: I’m Megan Bailey.
Monica: Have you found your dress yet?
Megan: Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could afford one.
Monica: No, I can’t afford this either. No. I-I-I’m, I’m just to figure out which one I want then I’m gonna get it at Kleinman’s, this discount place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.
Megan: Oh, thanks for the tip.
Monica: Yeah! So-so when are you getting married?
Megan: Oh I’m not, I just like to try these on.
Rachel: I do the same thing.
Megan: I’m just kidding. I’m getting married July 25th.
Rachel: I’m just kidding too. (Laughs) I’m getting married in December. (Turns away not happy with herself.)
Megan: (To Monica) So when are you getting married?
Monica: Oh May 15th.
Megan: Oooh it’s getting close!
Megan: So uh, who’s your photographer?
Megan: We met with him. Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did?
Monica: The best man? Wow!
Megan: I know! I almost called off my wedding. Oh, who’s your band?!
Monica: Oh, my fiancee wants the Swing Kings.
Megan: Oh, you’re so lucky. My fiancee wants the heavy metal band Carcass.
Phoebe: Ooh, is that spelled with a ‘C’ or a ‘K’? Oh my God! It doesn’t matter; they’re both great!
(Another woman walks past Rachel carrying a wedding dress.)
Rachel: Oh y’know what? Y’know what? Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinman’s and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.
The Woman: I own this store.
Rachel: So, does this (The dress) come in another color or… (The store owner walks away.)
[Scene: A Street, Joey is walking by Kristen who is still moving in.]
Joey: (checking her out) Hi! You uh, movin’ in or movin’ out?
Kristen: I’m moving in.
Joey: Oh uh, can I give you a hand?
Kristen: Oh okay. But y’know what? Be careful. Because a guy was helping me before had to leave because he hurt his back.
Joey: I’m Joey. (They shake hands.)
Joey: Oh wow, what a beautiful name! (Pause) What is it again?
Joey: Got it! (He picks up a lamp.) So…
Kristen: So uh, do you live around here?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your shoes gone.
Kristen: I’ll remember that.
Joey: Okay. Yeah. Listen would you uh, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
Kristen: Oh I, I have plans tonight.
Kristen: But how about tomorrow?
Joey: Sounds great! Okay all right, well where does this go? (The lamp he’s holding.)
Kristen: You look strong, why don’t I take that and you grab one of the boxes.
Joey: Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, I’ll grab this one. (He follows her upstairs.)
[Scene: Kleinman’s, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are waiting for the store to open.]
A Woman: What is taking so long?! I mean whatever!
Rachel: (To Phoebe) So this is Brooklyn.
Monica: All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what you’re looking for! (Holds up a picture of it.) Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? (She passes out whistles to them.) Three short blasts, when you hear it. Come running.
Phoebe: Got it.
Monica: All right.
(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)
A Woman: Here he comes! Hurry!
Rachel: Oh they’re pushing! They’re pushing!!
Monica: (To Rachel) Hey! Don’t be a baby!
Rachel: Well I…
(The door opens allowing the horde to charge in, knocking Rachel out of the way and to the ground.)
A Woman: Let’s go!!
Phoebe: (coming back out) Hey! Rachel! Come on!!!!
[Time lapse, inside the store, Monica is frantically looking for her dress.]
Monica: No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Don’t crowd me! (Finds it) This is it! This is the dress! Oh my God, it’s perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) I’m sorry, this one’s taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!
Monica: You came?!
Monica: This is my dress!
Monica: Yes it is! You saw me wearing it!
Megan: And now you’ll see me buying it.
Monica: What? You freak! You wouldn’t even have known about this place if it wasn’t for me!
Megan: Look, you don’t want to fight me.
Monica: Maybe I do! I’m pretty feisty! (She blows the signal.)
[Cut to Phoebe in another part of the store.]
Phoebe: (hearing the signal) I’m coming! I’m coming! (She takes off towards the signal and almost knocks another woman over.)
(She hears another signal in another direction.)
Phoebe: Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What are you doing? (Rachel doesn’t stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel won’t stop so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)
Phoebe: Did you find the dress?
Rachel: No! You gotta get me out of here Phoebe! These bargain shoppers are crazy!
Phoebe: I—We gotta get Monica. (She starts to leave.)
Rachel: No! You gotta hold my hand!!
Phoebe: Oh my God!! (She grabs Rachel’s hand and drags her towards Monica.) Excuse me! Excuse me! (She’s knocking women and veils out of the way as she moves.)
(She gets to Monica who has the dress balled up in one hand and is sitting on Megan who is sprawled out on the floor.)
Monica: (handing Phoebe the dress) Go! Go! Go!
Rachel: (seeing who’s trapped) Hey…
Monica: NOW!!!!!!!! (Rachel runs off and Monica gets up to follow her.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there.]
Chandler: So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?
Ross: Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying she’d like to go out again.
Ross: Yeah in fact, I’m gonna go call her right now. And I’ll make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says… (He mimics the shy reaction Chandler did.)
Joey: (entering) Hey Chandler!
Joey: Listen, sorry I didn’t stop by last night but I had a date.
Chandler: Uh Joe, when it’s one o’clock in the morning and you don’t come by? That’s okay!
Joey: Well check it out, I was with this really hot girl who just moved in right across the street!
Chandler: Really? Right across the street?
Chandler: When’d you meet her?
Joey: Two days ago.
Chandler: Excellent! Y’know Ross met somebody too!
Joey: Oh yeah?
Ross: (returning) Hey.
Chandler: Hi! How’d it go?
Ross: Oh great! We’re going out again Saturday. But I just found she’s also seeing some other guy.
Chandler: (sarcastically shocked) Really?! Joe? What would you do if you were in Ross’s situation?
Joey: Well, I sorta am. I mean yeah, I’m dating this girl who’s also seeing another guy. But, I don’t know, I’m not to worried about it.
Ross: Well you shouldn’t be. Believe me I wouldn’t want to be the guy who’s up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!
Chandler: So this is nice! I wish I didn’t have to go, believe me! But unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way, what’s the name the girl you’re dating?
Joey and Ross: Kristen Lang.
Chandler: Bye! (Exits.)
[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse from the earlier scene.]
Ross: Well obviously only one of us can keep dating her.
Joey: Obviously! So, how do we decide?
Ross: Well now let’s-let’s look at this objectively, I think I should date her…
Joey: (not buying it) Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Or, or I’m the one who dates her.
Ross: That’s interesting, but check this out. I date her…
Joey: Yeah-yeah I like that but just to go in another direction…
Ross: Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.
Joey: Yeah well we should order some food then.
Ross: No Joey! Look why don’t, why don’t we just let her decide? Okay? Hey-hey, we’ll each go out with her one more time. And-and we’ll see who she likes best.
Joey: (smiling) That sounds fair.
Ross: Maybe I’ll take her to that new French restaurant down the street…
Joey: Ah yeah—wait a second now! Look we’re gonna have to set a spending limit on the date. I don’t have the money to take her to a fancy place like that.
Ross: Well sorry, that’s what I do on dates.
Joey: All right, well I guess I’ll just have to do what I do on dates.
Ross: So let’s decide on the spending limit…
Joey: Yeah. Uh, (thinks)…a slice…(Thinks)…six dollars?
Ross: I was thinking more like a hundred.
Joey: Okay. Can I borrow 94 dollars?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are admiring Monica’s wedding dress.]
Phoebe: I know. Hand me a tissue. (Monica hands her one.)
(Rachel goes to the fridge, opens it, and blows on the whistle Monica gave her at the store, which causes Phoebe and Monica to turn around and look at her.)
Rachel: You’re out of Diet Coke.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it as Rachel goes into the bathroom.)
Monica: Hello? (Listens) What?! (Listens) You what?! (Listens) Hey you listen here missy! (Listens) Wh—(She is hung up on.)
Monica: That was that girl Megan! She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our wedding and said that I couldn’t have them back unless I gave her the dress!
Phoebe: (gasps) Does that mean Carcass is available?
Monica: What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is the dress! Wh…Chandler wants the band. What do I do?
Phoebe: Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.
(There are three short whistle blasts from the bathroom.)
Rachel: You’re out of toilet paper!
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is getting ready for his date with Kristen.]
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Ross: Hey! What’s up?
Joey: I just wanted to come by and y’know, wish you good luck on your date.
Ross: Oh thanks!
Joey: Yeah. What time are you meeting her?
Ross: We have 8:00 reservations at Grammercy Bistero.
Joey: Wow, that’s in like 20 minutes. You’d better get dressed.
Ross: I am dressed.
Joey: Oh. Well good! (To himself) For me. (He picks up a jar of lotion.) What is this? Did you give yourself a facial?
Ross: I have an oily T-zone!
Joey: Okay dude! (Finds a receit.) Hey you uh, you sent Kristen flowers.
Ross: That’s right.
Joey: You spent a hundred dollars. That’s the limit. You’re screwed!
Ross: Uh actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date. So techincally, technically I didn’t break any rules. Thanks for stopping by though.
Joey: Oh-oh! So that’s the way it’s gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the rules too y’know!
Ross: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?
Joey: I don’t know.
Ross: Why am I not surprised?
Joey: Y’know what Ross? I’m not gonna let you get away with this!
Ross: I don’t think you have much choice.
Joey: Well we’ll see!
Joey: Yeah bye-bye! (Exits and comes back in still holding the lotion.) Hey! So just a light layer?
Ross: Yes. Yes. Just here (Runs his fingers down the bridge of his nose) and there (Runs his fingers across his forehead).
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering without touching anything with his hands. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Chandler: Joey got meat sauce on the banister again! (He goes into the bathroom to wash his hands.)
Phoebe: Yeah, swing music is so out.
Monica: Phoebe, he’s gotta be in the room for that to work.
Chandler: (returning) What are you guys talking about?
Monica: Well umm, we were just talking about the y’know, the Swing Kings and just wondering whether y’know, they were the right way to go.
Rachel: Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two months later the couple got divorced. And now I’m not saying that there’s any connection here y’know, but they did tell me that’s why they got divorced.
Chandler: But I love swing music!
Phoebe: Yeah but the Swing Kings? Y’know they suck so much that people actually die at their concerts—They just stop living.
Chandler: Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And there’s another reason too.
Rachel: Well, what is the other reason?
Chandler: I don’t want to say.
Rachel: Well you have to because maybe it’s stupid.
Chandler: Well it’s just while Monica and I were dancing to them it was…the first time I knew that…you were the woman I wanted to dance all my dances with.
Monica: Oh crap!
[Scene: Grammercy Bistero, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready. Ross is returning from talking to the matire’d.]
Ross: So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes.
Kristen: Oh great!
Kristen: Is your back feeling better?
Ross: Oh yeah it’s fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they can spasim out of control.
Joey: (entering) Kristen?
Kristen: Hi! What are you doing here?
Joey: Oh I like this place. And technically, technically I’m not breaking any rules so I…
Kristen: Well uh, Ross? This is Joey. Joey? Ross.
Ross: Hi. (They shake hands.) It’s nice to meet you. I used to have a friend named Joey. I don’t anymore.
Kristen: Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.
Ross: Yeah. So…
Joey: Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks! (Sits down.)
Ross: So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?
Kristen: Well Joey doesn’t like to talk about it but, he’s one of the stars of Days Of Our Lives.
Ross: That’s right! That’s right, don’t you play a woman?
Joey: A woman in a man’s body.
Ross: Much better.
Joey: So y’know Ross it’s funny ‘cause, you look familiar to me too. Have you ever been married?
Ross: Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were talking about how I’ve been married and how I have a son.
Kristen: Yeah, little Eric.
Ross: That’s right! Wait no, Ben.
Joey: So you’ve just married the one time then?
Ross: Well umm…
Kristen: You’ve been married twice?
Ross: Yes. And another time after that. Boy I’m getting hungry! Hey Joey, have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you eat some of her food?
Kristen: You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
Joey: (laughs that one off) Yeah. So uh Ross, well now—why did that first marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?
Kristen: Do you two know each other?
Joey and Ross: No. No.
Joey: No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
(Kristen is not enjoying this.)
Ross: Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?
Joey: Have you ever slept in the same bed as a m?!
Ross: Hey you leave Marcel out of this!
Joey: Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?!
Ross: Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!
Joey: M lover!
(They both notice that Kristen has left.)
Joey: When do you think we lost her?
Ross: Probably around gonorrhea.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Hi, honey! I’m home!
Monica: (from the bedroom) Don’t come in here!
Chandler: Why? Do you another boyfriend in there or something?
Monica: No! We only mess around at his place!
Chandler: Y’know it’s funny I started it but, now it’s scary me. So could you come out here please?
Monica: No, I’m wearing a wedding dress.
Chandler: Oh you got a wedding dress? That’s great!
Monica: Yeah but I’m not keeping it.
Chandler: Well then why can’t I see it?
Monica: Oh. I guess you can. Okay but; I-I have to return it, so you can’t like it.
Chandler: Okay I promise. I’ll-I’ll hate it. (She enters.) Wow! You-you look…hideous.
Chandler: Yeah, that’s like the most ugliest dress I’ve ever seen. Wh-why do you to return it?
Monica: Oh because it doesn’t…really fit. Oh by the way, I-I booked the Swing Kings.
Chandler: Oh that’s great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean it’s like yuck! It’s terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!
Monica: Okay! But you can’t rip it. Well, maybe a little.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game on the couch.]
Monica: (entering) Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding? (They ignore her.) Guys?
Chandler: (without turning around) I thought you were gonna be gone all day.
Monica: All right? What’s going on?
(They all slowly turn around to reveal that they are giving themselves a facial.)
Monica: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I-I should probably leave you girls alone. (She heads for the bedroom.)
Ross: Yeah, laugh all you want but in ten minutes we’re gonna have younger looking skin!
Joey: Yeah! (Monica goes in the bedroom.) Y’know, she could use a little…(Whistles that she needs to do what they’re doing.) (Something happens on the game.) Oh nice shot!!! (They all cheer.)