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老友记第七季721 The One With The Vows

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你有没有意识到4个礼拜之后,我们就结婚了?四个礼拜呀,宝贝.四个礼拜!你有没有意识到你的嗓门越来越大?还有好多事情要做!你的誓言写好了吗?我想我可以买."Pat,我想买一份誓言. "你知道我对这种事没有幽默感.-好吧,你写好了吗?-没有,不过我知道我该写什么.你有没有碰巧知道我该写什么?你现在就做吧.没什么难的.只要把你的心里话说出来.瞧她的劲头.她肯定爱我更胜于我爱她!我是怎么啦?哦哦,不要开始这么想." Monica,没有什么话--"没有什么话!没有比这难的!你以前曾做过.你的誓言说了什么?对Carol我承诺对她至死不渝.她没有做这样的承诺.我真可怜. Monica知道她的.你们该看看她在那里写呀写呀写呀!发生什么紧急事了?你们必须帮我写誓言.到现在我只有这些画.我喜欢你这穿婚纱的画.-谢谢.-除了你的胸部看起来有点小.那是我的眼睛!-这才是我的胸部.-哦,不错.为什么不从简单点的开始?" Monica,我一遇到你就爱上了你. "我做不到.各位,这位是Chandler.你好,我是Ross的妹妹.好呀.好吧,好吧.也许你可以这样开始:" Chandler,当我们还只是朋友的时候...我心里就想进一步发展. "好吧, 假设发生了原子弹毁灭地球事件,我是地球上最后一个男人.你会和我出去吗?我们允许在誓言上撒谎吗?那就不说感受,说一些......他教过你, 或者--你教过他的事.谁都知道敏感区有1,2,3......4,5,6,还有7个.有7个?-那个也是?-恐怕是非常重要的.我把它看倒了.要知道,有时候那里很管用.好的,我们从1号位置开始......2号, 1-2-3号......3号, 再来个5号......4号, 3号再到2号......2号, 4,5,6号.4,5,6号, 4号, 2号......2号, 4号到7号位置......5号到7号, 6号到7号......7号, 7号......7号,7号,7号,......7号!要不就比如:" Monica,当我回首过去一起的时光.... "-然后?-我写不完全部的话呀.你想象你们过去一起的日子.哦,瞧双胞胎!真不公平! 我还一个没有,他们怎么能有两个?-你会有一个孩子的.-是吗,什么时候?当我们40岁了,如果我们都没结婚...-我们就一起有个孩子如何?-为什么我要到那个时候才结婚?我只是假设.那好,假设一下,为什么我要到那个时候才结婚?不是的,不是的.是什么问题?我不适合结婚吗?怎么啦?老天,我的降落伞只是个背包!我今天就要结婚啦!你认为他知道我在这里吗?干得不错哈.等等,等等,等等.瞧, Monica---没有用的.-这样就有用了.你真是太棒了! 我爱你.什么?我说你太棒了,就再没说什么了.-你说你爱我!-不我没有.-是的,你有.-不我没有!-你爱我!-不我没有!停下来! 停下来!知道吗?我在考虑,如果我在这里拆包怎么样?那你的东西就都在这边了.那么....那么如果都在这边又怎样?那你就得跑过来跑过去了.这没意义呀.好吧.如果我们住在一起,你就明白我的意思了吗?你希望这是个惊喜.我的天呀!Chandler......在我的一生中......我从没想过我会如此幸运......与我最好的朋友坠入--坠入-- 这就是为什么女孩子做不到!好吧,好吧,好吧! 我来说.我曾以为--等等,我办得到的!我曾以为...在那里和如何对你表白是很重要的.然后我意识到真正重要的是你--你令我感到无比的快乐如果你愿意的话...我希望用我的一生让你有和我一样的感受.Monica?你愿意嫁给我吗?我愿意.我们能进来吧?我们在外面快急死了!进来吧! 进来吧!-我们订婚了!-是呀!-嘿.-你们干吗去了?我们帮Chandler写誓言去了.他把我们赶出来了.Joey老是出些不适合的点子." Monica,我爱你漂亮的臀部" 怎么会不适合?Monica怎么样?她有漂亮的臀部实在是幸运,所以她不会写东西.四个礼拜后,他们就要结婚了!希望他们的婚姻美满.九成的婚姻以离婚告终.那才不是真的.你是对的. 你的妻子怎么样?我不敢相信...-他们在一起有三年了.-有那么长?所以看起来没那么长,是因为他们对我们隐瞒着.嘿,是我. 我进来了.我今天工作的很累.-我弄了些鸡肉,你要吃吗?-不了,谢谢,再见.你还好吧?真对不起,他一直不离开.老是问我想不想要写鸡肉.鸡肉?我可以吃些鸡肉呀.嘿,Joey!能给我三块鸡肉,凉拌卷心菜,豆子和可乐吗?哦!无糖可乐.-他们为什么不告诉我们呢?-就是呀,我们表现的很冷静.你? 还有你?你不能说出去. 还没人知道.怎么会? 什么时候?-在伦敦发生的.-在伦敦?!我们不想闹得很大.可这是件大事呀!-我得告诉其他人.-不行,不行!-你不能这样.-求你了!我们还不想告诉他们.所以请你保证不要说出去呀.好的!我等不及和你在一起了.我告诉Rachel我要去洗几个小时衣服.洗衣服? 那是我的新昵称吗?你知道你的昵称是什么,大...先生--瞧Monica和Chandler在那边.嘿,你们好呀,嘿Chandler和Monica!哦,我的天呀!-Chandler和Monica!-哦,我的天呀!-噢,我的眼睛! 我的眼睛!-Phoebe! Phoebe!-没事的! 没事的!-才不是呢! 他们正在做呢!我知道! 我知道!-你知道?-是的!还有Joey, 但是Ross不知道,所以不要再尖叫啦!-嘿,怎么啦?-噢,嗨!怎么啦? 怎么啦?我们对你要得到这个房子感到高兴!-事实上,它看起来不错.-它看起来很不错!过来这边! 来呀!那么他们不知道Rachel知道咯?对,但是谁知道谁不知道已经没关系了.我们都差不多知道了.我们可以告诉他们我们知道了.谎言和秘密已经结束了.或者我们不告诉他们我们知道,享受一下我们的乐趣.我们最好赶紧走,要不赶不上电影了.-再见.-再见.再见, Chandler. 我一直想着你.你看到那些勾引了吗?事实上,我看到了.现在你相信她被我吸引了吧?天呀!天呀,她知道我们的事了!-Phoebe知道我们的事了!-我没告诉他们.他们? 都有谁?Phoebe和Joey.Joey!还有Rachel.他们让我答应不说出去的.他们以为他们很机灵,想整我们!他们不知道我们知道他们知道了.-那么....-对呀!捣乱者成为被捣乱者!天呀,他希望我过去,摸他的二头肌!你开玩笑吧?我不敢相信他这样对Mo--Joey?他们知道我们知道了吗?-不住掉.-Joey!-他们知道你们知道了.-我就知道!真不敢相信他们两个!他们以为他们可以整我们?整我们?他们不知道我们知道他们知道我们知道.(-_-!)Joey, 你不能说任何事情.我想也不行.她想我喷洗衣液在她身上!她是装的!她才不会撤退呢.她都成这个样子了.他没有撤退.他去拿洗衣液了.你们搞定了没有?Phoebe越快搞定Chandler,整件事越快结束.-我喜欢.-好吧.那好,让他看你的胸罩.他对胸罩没有抵抗力.哇哦!你是怎么做到的?你都没碰到扣子.都不是第一次了.你继续勾引她,直到她崩溃为止.好棒,等一下.-你在打扫这里?-当然.噢,你就要离开吗?除非和你一起离开,爱人.瞧,这是我的胸罩.它看起来很棒.好吧,到这来.我真高兴我们可以一起做爱.你会的. 我身体很柔韧.-我要吻你了.-除非我先吻你.那我们现在就只有先接吻啦.来吧.我们的初吻.-好吧,好吧,好吧,你赢了!-哈!-我不能和你做爱.-为什么不?-因为我爱着Monica.-你什么?爱她! 没错, 我爱她!我爱她!我爱你, Monica.我也爱你, Chandler.我只是以为你们在做而已,我不知道你们在恋爱.好啦,结束啦.谁都知道了.-等一下,Ross还没有.-我们希望没人告诉.不.你们在干什么?从我妹妹那里滚开!朋友要是结婚,就会有变化了.你认为会有什么不同吗?怎么会没有?他们会有小孩...然后和有小孩的夫妇在一起.然后有可能离开城市...住在沃尔沃汽车代理商附近.会有变化的.我不希望他们住在沃尔沃汽车代理商附近.会没事的, Joe.对不起,我只是喜欢他们原来的样子.那个裸体的小家伙是谁?那个裸体的小家伙应该是我.瞧那个小东西呀.是呀.是呀,好吧,那是我的小弟弟.我们能不能成熟点?-这些人是谁?-我不知道.噢,那是那时候的姥姥.-哇哦.-让我看看."我和我的伙伴在Java Joe家. "Monica, 你看起来很象你姥姥.她那是多大呀?我看看, 1939.恩, 大概24, 25.都是一帮年轻的伙伴.瞧,瞧,瞧!我有Monica裸体的照片.让我看看.不,那应该还是我.-嘿,你们好呀.-怎么啦?我们还在说...你们就要结婚了,还有这该有多好.是呀,你们可以买辆沃尔沃.如果你们真的想的话.你们真好.-好了,我们都写完誓言了.-我们能看看吗?现在我还不能知道他的,他也不能知道我的.噢,那段写的真好.很搞笑呀! 不错!Monica,你能嫁给我吗?什么意思?我不明白.噢,懂啦!-伙计,这个真的很搞笑!-Chandler!别担心,我们会让你的更搞笑的.好了,你们怎么认为?-伙计...-我从来不知道爱情是这样的.-你们喜欢吗?-伙计,当然!你是怎么写出来的?我抄了Monica的,然后把名字换了.-你不能这样做呀!-如果他先念就可以啦!
721 The One With The Vows
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the living room.]
Monica: Do you realize that four weeks from today we’re getting married? Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!!
Chandler: Do you realize you get louder each week?
Monica: There’s still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet?
Chandler: I figured I’d buy those. Pat, I’d like to buy a vow. (Laughs)
Monica: Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.
Chandler: Right. So uh, have you written yours yet?
Monica: No! But I know exactly what I’m going to say.
Chandler: Do you happen to know what I’m going to say?
Monica: (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Let’s just do it right now. Okay? It won’t be hard. Just say what’s in your heart. (She goes back, sits down, and starts feverishly writing.)
Chandler: (watching in her) (in his head) Look at her go! She must love me more than I love her! What’s wrong with me? Ooh, don’t open that door.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is getting help writing his vows from Joey and Ross.]
Chandler: (writing) Monica, there are no words… (To Joey and Ross) There are no words! This should not be this hard!
Joey: All right, uh… (To Ross) Oh hey, you’ve done this before Ross, well what did you say when you made up your vows?
Ross: Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I die. She made no such promise.
Chandler: I’m so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You should’ve seen her. Writing, writing, writing!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has hit a writer’s block as Rachel and Phoebe enter.]
Rachel: Monica what?
Phoebe: What?!
Rachel: What is the emergency?!
Monica: You have to help me! I’m supposed to be writing my vows and all I have is this! (Shows them what she’s been working on.)
Rachel: Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress.
Monica: Thank you.
Phoebe: Yeah, except your breasts look kinda small. (Points.)
Monica: Those are my eyes! Those are my breasts. (Points.)
Phoebe: Oh! Yeah! (Monica glares at her.)
[Cut to the guys.]
Ross: Well, why don’t you just start with something simple. Like umm, Monica from the moment I met you, I knew I loved you.
Chandler: Yeah, I’m not sure I can do that.
[Flashback to when Chandler was introduced to Monica in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Ross: ...everyone, this is Chandler!
Fat Monica: Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.
Chandler: (seeing her) Okay.
[Cut to the girls.]
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more."
[Flashback to The One With The Jellyfish, Chandler and Monica are lying on the beach.]
Chandler: All right, there’s a nuclear holocaust, I’m the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?
Monica: Ennnh.
[Cut back to the girls.]
Monica: Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?!
Phoebe: Well maybe you don’t talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you just say something about y’know all the things that he’s taught you. Like… (They all try to think about one example and don’t succeed.) Or all the things you taught him.
[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of a woman.]
Monica: Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there’s more than three), five, six, and seven!
Chandler: (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) That’s one?
Monica: It’s kind of an important one!
Chandler: Oh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down.
Rachel: Well, y’know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that could’ve meant.)
Monica: All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7 …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)! (They both lean back on the couch satisfied.)
[Cut to the guys.]
Joey: Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, "Monica…
Chandler: (writing) Monica…
Joey: "…when I look back over our time together…"
Chandler: (writes what Joey said and waits for him to go on) Yeah?
Joey: Well, I can’t do everything! Look back over your time together.
[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting room in The One With the Birth.]
Phoebe: Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.
Monica: No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?
Chandler: You'll get one.
Monica: Oh yeah? When?
Chandler: All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: (trapped) Uh, uh.
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back of the chair he was sitting in)
[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandler’s Hotel room in London in The One With Ross’s Wedding.]
Ross: (Screaming) I’m getting married today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.)
Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joey’s apartment to reveal Monica standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]
Chandler: Nice try.
Monica: Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)
Chandler: Look, Monica…
Monica: Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)
Chandler: This is not going to work.
Monica: I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)
Chandler: You are so great! I love you!
(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)
Monica: What?
Chandler: Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I just stopped talking!
Monica: You said you loved me! I can't believe this!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: Yes, you did!
Chandler: No I didn't!
Monica: You love me!
Chandler: No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway, screaming.)
[Cut to Chandler trying to hint to Monica that he wanted to move in with her in The One After Vegas.]
Chandler: Y’know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?
Monica: Then all your stuff would be here.
Chandler: Well, what if all my stuff was here?
Monica: Then you’d be going back and forth all the time, I mean it doesn’t make any sense.
Chandler: Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I’m saying?
[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monica’s apartment alight with a thousand candles in The One With The Proposal.]
(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles and Monica standing in the living room.)
Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
(He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.)
Chandler: Oh my God.
(Monica gets down on one knee.)
Monica: Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky. (Starting to cry.) As to…fall in love with my best…my best… There’s a reason why girls don’t do this!
Chandler: Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God, I thought… (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.
(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as an engaged couple.)
Joey: (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! We’re dying out here!
Monica: Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.) We’re engaged!!!
(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch as Joey and Ross enter.]
Joey: Hey!
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: Hey, what have you guys been up to?
Ross: Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.
Joey: How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate?
Ross: How’s Monica coming along with her vows?
Phoebe: Well let’s just say its she’s lucky she has a sweet ass, ‘cause she’s not so good at the writing.
Ross: I can’t believe in four weeks they’re gonna be married!
Phoebe: Well let’s just hope it works. Y’know nine out of ten marriages end in divorce?
Ross: Phoebe that’s not true.
Phoebe: Yeah, you’re right. How’s the Mrs.?
Rachel: I can’t believe they’ve been together for three years.
Joey: (shocked) Has it been that long?!
Ross: Believe me, it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long.
[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]
(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)
Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
Joey: Okay.
(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.
Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
Chandler: Hey Joe!
(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke—(Yelps in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)—Diet Coke.
(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
[Cut back to Central Perk.]
Rachel: I don’t know why they didn’t just tell us.
Joey: I know! I mean it’s not like we weren’t cool about it.
[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to keep his new found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monica’s bedroom in The One With All the Kips.]
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Joey: How?! When?!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
(They both grab him and stop him.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
(Joey thinks it over.)
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable!
[Cut to Rachel listening to a phone conversation between Chandler and Monica in The One With All the Resolutions.]
Monica: (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.
Chandler: (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)
Monica: (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big…
Rachel: Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around wondering what to do.)
[Cut to Phoebe in Ross’s new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what they’re about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]
Phoebe: (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!
Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!
Rachel: Oh my God!
Phoebe: CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!
Rachel: OH MY GOD!!!
Phoebe: OH!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!!!
Rachel: Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!
Phoebe: NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!
Rachel: I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!
Phoebe: YOU KNOW?!!!
Rachel: Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop screaming!!
Ross: (entering) What's going on?
Phoebe and Rachel: Ohhh!!!
Rachel: (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down) HI!! Hi!
Ross: What?! What?!
Rachel: Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this apartment!
Ross: Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe starts jumping to divert his attention.)
Phoebe: (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and Rachel.)
(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group hug.)
[Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey where they discuss Chandler and Monica.]
Phoebe: Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel knows?
Joey: Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would finally be over!
Phoebe: Or, we could not tell them we know and have a little fun of our own
[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and Chandler’s, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]
Rachel: All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.
Monica: Bye!
All: Bye!
Phoebe: Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She pinches his butt.)
Chandler: (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate and the pinching!!
Monica: Actually, I did!
Chandler: Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?
Monica: Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!
[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his apartment about Phoebe’s knowledge.]
Chandler: Phoebe knows about us!
Joey: Well I didn't tell them!
Monica: Them?! Who's them?
Joey: Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.
Monica: Joey!
Joey: And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!
Monica: Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So…
Chandler: Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!
[Cut to later in that episode. Phoebe is telling Rachel in Monica and Chandler’s that Chandler wants to make a date with Phoebe.]
Phoebe: I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!
Rachel: Are you kidding?!
Phoebe: No!
Rachel: I can not believe he would do that to Mon—Whoa! (She stops suddenly and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we know?
Joey: No.
Rachel: Joey!
Joey: They know you know.
Rachel: Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!
Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: I couldn't even if I wanted too.
[Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and he’s panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.]
Chandler: Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put lotion on her!
Monica: She's bluffing!
Chandler: Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little mimic of her dance.)
[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]
Phoebe: He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.
Joey: (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?!
Rachel: Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler the sooner this is all over and out in the open.
Joey: Ooh!
Rachel: Okay!
Joey: I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras! Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)
Phoebe: Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn’t rip off any buttons.
Joey: It's not my first time.
[Cut to the bathroom.]
Monica: You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!
Chandler: Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?
Monica: Of course.
[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]
Chandler: Oh, you're-you're going?
Phoebe: Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.
Chandler: (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very happy were gonna have all the sex.
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.
Chandler: Not if I kiss you first.
(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her shoulder.)
Phoebe: Ooh.
Chandler: Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.
Phoebe: Here it comes. Our first kiss.
(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a short while and pushes Phoebe away.)
Chandler: Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!
Phoebe: And why not?!
Chandler: Because I'm in love with Monica!!
Phoebe: You're-you're what?!
(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)
Chandler: Love her! That's right, I…LOVE…HER!!! I love her!! (They walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.
Monica: I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)
Phoebe: I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in love!
Joey: So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!
Monica: Well actually, Ross doesn't.
Chandler: Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.
[Cut to later in that episode. Ross is showing his boss his new place and notices something in the window.]
Ross: (He notices something through the window.) No! No! Wh… What are you doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross are talking.]
Phoebe: Y’know, you’re friend’s getting married, it’s gotta change things.
Rachel: You really think it would be that different?
Phoebe: How could it not be? I mean pretty soon they’re gonna be having kids, and then they’re just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids. And then maybe they’re gonna have to leave the city to be near a Volvo dealership.
Rachel: Well, things change.
Joey: I don’t want them to move to a Volvo dealership!
Ross: It’ll be okay Joe.
Joey: I’m sorry, I just…I like things the way they are.
[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, they’re all going through an old photo album.]
Rachel: Hey, who's this little naked guy?
Ross: That little naked guy would be me.
Rachel: Aww, look at the little thing.
Ross: Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?
Chandler: Who are those people?
Ross: Got me.
Monica: Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the gang at Java Joe's'.
Rachel: Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?
Monica: Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?
Ross: Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)
Joey: Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!
Ross: (looking) Nono, that would be me again.
[Cut back to Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are entering.]
Monica: Hey, you guys!
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: What’s going on?
Rachel: Well, we were just talkin’ about you guys gettin’ married and how great it is.
Joey: Yeah, you can get a Volvo. If that’s what you really want.
Monica: Oh that’s so sweet.
Chandler: So we both finished our vows.
Phoebe: Oh!
Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Oh, can we read them?
Monica: Yeah, I don’t hear Chandler’s and he doesn’t hear mine.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: Okay.
(They spilt into their sexes and the girls read Monica’s and the guys read Chandler’s. The girls gasp and groan and the guys laugh hysterically.
Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh, that’s beautiful.
Joey: (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! That’s good!
Rachel: (To Monica) Monica, will-will you marry me?
(Ross laughs.)
Joey: What? I don’t get it.
(Ross points to the explanation and he gets it.)
Ross: (To Chandler) Oh man, this is hilarious.
Monica: Chandler!!
Chandler: Don’t worry honey, we’ll make yours funnier.
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandler’s new vows.]
Chandler: Okay, what do you guys think?
Ross: (quietly) Dude!
Joey: (starting to cry) I have never known love like this.
Chandler: You really like it?
Ross: Dude! How-how did you write this?
Chandler: I stole Monica’s and changed the name.
Ross: You can’t do that!
Joey: If he goes first he can!

End
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