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老友记第八季805 The One With Rachel’s Date

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805 The One With Rachel’s Date

[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant Kitchen, she is frantically working and is handing two finished dishes to a waitress.]
Monica: Okay, now this one is rare, this one is medium well! Now go-go-go! (Phoebe enters) Hey Phoebe!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey how was dinner?!
Phoebe: Dinner was good!
Monica: Okay!
Phoebe: I’m just saying hi! Now I’m gonna go!
Monica: Okay!
(Phoebe turns to leave but notices an attractive man.)
Phoebe: (To him) Oh, well hello there.
Guy: Hi.
Phoebe: (To Monica) I didn’t see this on the menu.
Monica: Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef.
Phoebe: Oh, so you're Monica’s boss?
Tim: Actually she’s my-my boss. Sous is French for under.
Phoebe: Oh! I sous stand.
Monica: Hey Tim? I need a calamari and a Caesar salad. And umm, could you get me the pesto?
Tim: Yeah.
Phoebe: Oh you…you made pesto?
Tim: Yes I did.
Phoebe: Would you say your pesto is the best-o?
Tim: I…I-I don’t know, but I would say it’s pretty good-o. (Phoebe laughs too hard.)
(Monica goes over and grabs the pesto.)
Monica: All right, I still need a calamari and a Caesar salad.
Tim: I like your necklace.
Phoebe: I made it myself.
Tim: You are so talented.
Phoebe: Well, it’s no pesto.
Monica: All right, all right! Let’s just cut to the chase, okay? (To Phoebe) You’re single. (To Tim) You’re single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at eleven. (To Tim) She’ll be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) I’ll give him your number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I did not yell. I am not putting a dollar in the jar.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Chandler’s Office, he’s working at his computer as his boss, Mr. Franklin, sticks his head in.]
Mr. Franklin: Wow Bing! Burning the midnight oil.
Chandler: You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn?
Mr. Franklin: You’re a joker Bing. (Walks away.)
Chandler: What’s funny about that?
Ross: (running up) Hey! Sorry I kept you waiting so long.
Chandler: Hey that’s okay. So, where do you want to go?
Ross: Oh ah, I think you know where I want to go.
Chandler: The Hard Rock Café?
Ross: Yeah!
Chandler: Again?!
Ross: Yeah!!
(They go out to the elevators.)
Ross: I’m telling you, I like the food!
Chandler: You like the Purple Rain display! (A guy walks up.) Hey Bob.
Bob: Hey Toby! Have a good night. (Walks by.)
Ross: Did that guy just call you Toby?
Chandler: Yeah, he thinks that’s my name.
Ross: Well, why don’t you correct him?
Chandler: Oh it’s been going on way to long now. Y’know, I mean the first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didn’t say anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And I-I wanted a donut. And now it’s five years later, the donut’s gone and I’m still Toby.
Ross: Five years?! Chandler you have to tell him!
Chandler: No! That would be so awkward! Look—Besides, we work in different departments. He’s on the sixth floor y’know? So he calls me Toby once in a while. What’s the big deal? It could be worse, it’s not like he’s calling me Muriel. (Chandler suddenly freezes into place.)
Ross: (laughs) Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? (Ross realizes something.) Oh my God! Chandler M Bing? It’s not just an M, your middle name is Muriel!!
Chandler: Shh! It is a family name!
Ross: Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never gave you a chance did they?
[Scene: Days Of Our Lives set, Joey is doing a scene with a co-star as Rachel watches on a monitor.]
Joey's Co-Star: Drake, I’ve discovered the reason for all your headaches and memory loss.
Dr. Drake Ramoray: What is it?
Joey's Co-Star: Apparently your brain transplant was not entirely successful. It seems your body is rejecting Jessica’s brain.
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Is it serious?
Joey's Co-Star: Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the brain.
Dr. Drake Ramoray: Well that sounds simple enough, let’s just do that.
Joey's Co-Star: We would, but when we went to exhume Jessica’s body, it was gone.
(Dramatic music plays and Joey does a little ‘Smell-the-fart’ acting.)
Director: Cut! Very nice people!
Joey: (To Rachel) Okay, let me just get changed and we can go to dinner.
Rachel: Well don’t—What happened to Jessica’s body?!
Joey: I’m not telling, you’ll have to see it on TV!
Rachel: You don’t know do you?
Joey: No, couldn’t care less.
Joey's Co-Star: Hey good scene man.
Joey: Hey you too!
Joey's Co-Star: Alright.
(Rachel clears her throat.)
Joey: What? You weren’t in it.
Rachel: Oh! (Motions to Joey’s co-star.)
Joey: Oh sorry. Uh-uh, Kash?
Kash: Yes?
Joey: This is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash, Kash, Rachel.
Rachel: Hi.
Kash: Hey! How come I haven’t seen you here before?
Rachel: Well, Joey probably thinks I’ll just embarrass him. Y’know, he thinks I’m some kind of a soap opera nut—Which I’m not! I’m not. Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dog’s name is Wally. Well look at that, I’m just stroking your arm.
Joey: (grabbing her) Here we go! Here we go! (Starts to pull her away from Kash.)
Rachel: Oh, we’re leaving. Bye Kash.
Kash: Bye.
Rachel: Say hi to Wally.
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is getting coffee as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Ooh Monica!
Monica: Hi!
Phoebe: Oh my God! I had the best time with Tim last night. He is so sweet! Oh, I can’t wait to get sous-neath him.
Monica: I…I have to fire him.
Phoebe: But why?!
Monica: Because he’s terrible! Okay, he’s slow, he burns things, last night he lit my pastry chef on fire!
Phoebe: Well maybe he was just nervous, y’know you can be very intimidating. And besides I’ve met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two.
Monica: Well, now she has no eyebrows, mission accomplished.
Phoebe: But Monica, he loves his job so much! Can you just give him another chance? Please?
Monica: (thinks about it) All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he is out of there!
Phoebe: That’s fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too.
Monica: I paid to have this done.
Phoebe: Love it!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating at the counter as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Joey: Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought you were charming.
Rachel: I thought I was a complete idiot.
Joey: Hey, I’m with you. He even asked me if I thought you’d go out with him.
Rachel: Oh! Oh, I think I’m gonna throw up a little bit. What did you say?
Joey: I said no.
Rachel: What?!
Joey: What? I…I just figured since you’re pregnant you’re not gonna be seeing people.
Rachel: Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did he say when you told him I was pregnant?
Joey: I didn’t tell him. I didn’t know if you were telling people. This is back when I thought Kash was still people.
Rachel: Good-good, don’t tell him. Don’t tell him. Just have him call me okay?
Joey: Rach look, I really don’t think that’s such a great…
Rachel: Okay, you go do it! I’ll come back to that set! I’ll meet more actors! I’ll meet ‘em all!
[Scene: Chandler’s Office Building, Chandler is walking by the elevators and sees Bob standing there.]
Chandler: Hey Bob.
Bob: Hey! How’s my pal Toby doing today?
Chandler: If I see him, I’ll ask.
Bob: (laughs) Toby!
(The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr. Franklin steps out of the elevator.)
Mr. Franklin: Hey-hey! Bing? Was that Bob from six you were just talking too?
Chandler: Yeah!
Mr. Franklin: Oh then you know each other.
Chandler: We’re on a semi-first name basis.
Mr. Franklin: What do you think of adding him to our team?
Chandler: Bob? Ooh, working here with us? Everyday? Yeah, I don’t know if he has what it takes.
Mr. Franklin: Really? They love him down on six.
Chandler: But this is eleven. It’s almost twice as hard up here.
Mr. Franklin: Okay, I hear you loud and clear. Bob will stay put.
Chandler: I think it’s best sir.
Mr. Franklin: But we really do need to find someone up here. The work is starting to pile up. I’ve got a stack of documents on my desk this high. (Holds his hand at shoulder level.)
Chandler: Y’know what you should do, just toss ‘em in the shedder and claim you never got ‘em.
Mr. Franklin: (laughs) That’s a good one. (Walks away.)
Chandler: What does a guy have to do to be taken seriously around here?!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey. Okay, I gave him another chance, but Tim has got to go!
Phoebe: But…
Monica: No! No-no! He is totally incompetent. I called the chef who recommended him to me. He said, "Ha-ha! Gotcha!"
Phoebe: Okay. Okay, but you can’t fire him today.
Monica: Why not?!
Phoebe: Because I’m dumping him today.
Monica: What?! You said he was sweet!
Phoebe: He is sweet. He’s too sweet. He calls me all the time. (Mimicking him) "So did-did you get home from work okay?" "Did-did you get out of the shower okay?"
Monica: Just don’t pick up your phone.
Phoebe: Then he comes over! (Mimicking him) "I’m so worried about you." Uck! Be a man!
Monica: What? So now I’m not allowed to fire him?
Phoebe: You can’t fire him and dump him the same day, he’ll kill himself.
Monica: Okay well then, I’ll fire him today and you go out with him for another week.
Phoebe: Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, I’ll kill myself!
Monica: Okay well, then we’ll both do it today and he’ll just have to deal with it!
Phoebe: Okay. But the question is who’s gonna go first. ‘Cause whoever goes second is the bitch.
Monica: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Come on! The boss that fires a guy that’s just been dumped, bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy that’s just been fired, blond bitch!
Monica: I wanted to do this days ago so I think I should go first.
Phoebe: All right, that makes sense. (Starts towards the door.) Ugh. But—Screw you I’m going first! (She grabs her purse and runs out.)
[Scene: Chandler’s Office Building, Bob is standing at the elevators and sees Chandler walk up.]
Bob: Hey Toby, you got a sec?
Chandler: Sure, what’s up?
Bob: I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks I’m not eleventh floor material. Say uh, who the hell is this Chandler?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a magazine.]
Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I’m not drinking on this date tonight. "Umm, I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m a Mormon," or "I got so hammered last night I’m still a little drunk?"
Ross: (entering with a pizza and beer) Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Joey: Hey!
Ross: So, what do you want to do tonight? There’s a Ukrainian film at the Angelica that’s supposed to be very powerful. Interested?
Joey: No. No. But I’ll go see a normal person movie with ya.
Ross: Rach? You wanna come?
Rachel: Oh no, I can’t. I got a date.
Ross: A date?
Rachel: Yeah. Why? Is that weird for you?
Ross: Why no, it’s the opposite of weird. It’s-it’s uh, regular. It’s-it’s uh, it’s mundane. It’s actually uh, a little dull.
Joey: It’s no Ukrainian film.
Rachel: Yeah—Ooh! Earrings! (Goes into her room.)
Ross: A date?! She’s-she’s got a date?! With who?
Joey: I set her up with this actor on my show.
Ross: You set her up?!
Joey: No
Ross: Joey what-what were you thinking?!
Joey: Well, I was thinking that it’d probably be okay because Ross hasn’t gone out with Rachel in five years!
Ross: Joey, I’m not worried about her! I’m worried about my baby! Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this (makes the quote-marks sign) actor taking them?
Joey: Hey! I’m an (does the quote-marks thing as well) actor too! I’m not sure. I think they’re taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten Island.
Ross: A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry? Do you have any idea how dangerous those are?!
Joey: Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like five miles an hour?
Ross: Why don’t they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-that’s a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! That’s fun too! Whew!!
(There’s a knock on the door and Joey answers it.)
Kash: Hey Joey.
Joey: Hey Kash. Uh hey-hey this is Ross. Ross, this is Kash.
Kash: Hey.
Ross: Hi. I-I hear you’re going on a ferry tonight.
Kash: Yeah.
Ross: A bit of a daredevil are we?
Rachel: (entering from her room) Hey guys do you think this is too slutty—Hi Kash!
Kash: Hey Rachel! You ready to go?
Rachel: Yeah! All right, I’ll see you guys later.
Ross: Okay. Have a great time you guys.
Rachel: Thank you.
Kash: Thank you.
Ross: Yes it is too slutty! (Joey slams the door before Rachel could hear the entire sentence.)
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is reading a magazine as Tim enters.]
Tim: (walks behind Phoebe) Hi! (And startles her.)
Phoebe: Hi.
Tim: Oh, I’m so glad you called. I feel like it’s always me calling you. So, what’s up? Is everything okay with Phoebe?
Phoebe: It will be…in a minute. Listen, Tim you’re a really great guy.
Tim: It’s because I’m with you.
Phoebe: Aw. (Phoebe gets a bad taste in her mouth when he looks away) I’m just—I’m in a place in my life right now where I…I…
(Tim’s beeper goes off and he answers it.)
Tim: Whoops. Sorry. (Looking at it, like a newscaster) This just in. (Phoebe fake laughs.) Oh, it’s 9-1-1 from the restaurant, that means Monica needs me right away. (Starts to leave.)
Phoebe: Oh-oh no she doesn’t! I know what that is. You can stay.
Tim: Awww, I’ll miss you too Pheebs. (Starts to leave) And I will be holding you, right here. (Holds his hands over his heart, blows a kiss to Phoebe who catches it, and then leaves and Phoebe throws the kiss back.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are having dinner.]
Joey: So what movie do you want to see—And not another one I have to read. Okay? I get enough of that from books.
Ross: Books?
Joey: All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but it’s like enough!
Ross: Well, I tell you what. Why don’t we uh, why don’t we just stay here? Let’s not see a movie, we’ll just hang.
Joey: And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date?
Ross: Hey, if that’s what you want to do I’m not gonna say no.
Joey: Dude! What is going on?!
Ross: I just…I have to find out how it went.
Joey: Why?
Ross: This guy could be my baby’s stepfather!
Joey: They go on one date and you’re worried about them getting married?! He’s not you!
Ross: I just—I-I can’t believe she’s-she’s dating?!
Joey: Well Ross, what did you think she was gonna do?
Ross: I don’t know! I guess I just can’t believe any of this is happening.
Joey: What do you mean?
Ross: It’s just I always thought when I had another kid it would be different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and Susan’s, it’s like—It breaks my heart a little. I mean I’ve always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Y’know? Maybe fight over the science section.
Joey: That’s a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that!
Ross: No! No I can’t. I mean Rachel’s out with some guy. My baby went with her. If anything that picture keeps moving further away.
Joey: Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your wife, is your wife Rachel?
Ross: It used to be. Now she doesn’t really have a face. Smokin’ body though.
Joey: Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isn’t Rachel.
Ross: No but ahh! How much easier would it be if it were?
Joey: I know, but I don’t think that’s what she wants.
Ross: No, it’s not what I want either. I mean I-I can’t force myself to fall in love with her again now.
Joey: That’s okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? It’s not gonna be what you thought, but no matter what there’s gonna be a brand new little baby, your baby. Who cares what the picture looks like?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Hey, I tell you what. Let’s you and me go out and have some fun. Huh? Whatever you want. Come on!
Ross: (checks his watch) We can still catch that Ukrainian film.
Joey: No, I said fun!
[Scene: Outside Chandler’s Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office when Bob calls for him from behind.]
Bob: Hey Toby!
Chandler: Hey Bobby.
Bob: It’s Bob actually. Hey, you work up here, can you tell me where this Chandler Bing’s office is?
Chandler: Uhh yeah. Yeah, it’s (Points down the hall) right, right down there. (When he has Bob looking down the hall, he turns around and knocks his nameplate off of his door.) Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why?
Bob: I want to talk to that bastard, see what his problem is.
Chandler: Okay Bob listen uhh, I’m the reason you didn’t get the job up here.
Bob: Toby don’t.
Chandler: Bob!
Bob: Toby! I’m not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler!
Chandler: Well that puts me in a difficult position.
[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is waiting for Tim who enters.]
Monica: Hey.
Tim: I got your page, is everything okay?
Monica: Uh well that depends, how are things with Phoebe?
Tim: Oh it’s great! It’s great! Thank you so much for introducing us!
Monica: Oh my pleasure. Okay, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. (Phoebe enters.) Phoebe!
Phoebe: Monica!
Monica: (simultaneously) You’re fired!
Phoebe: (simultaneously) I’m breaking up with you!
Tim: What?
Phoebe: I’m, I’m breaking up with you.
Monica: You’re fired.
Tim: Why?
Phoebe: I’m sorry, I’m just—I’m…I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.
Monica: Yeah and-and I’m sorry too. But, well I just—I like things done a certain way and the chemistry’s just not right.
Phoebe: Oh that’s good, the chemistry thing for us too.
Tim: Wow! Umm, okay. Umm… (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little strong but, it’s only because I think you’re so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here because I—you’re the most talented chef I’ve ever worked for. Anyway… (Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.)
Monica: Tim wait!
Tim: Yeah?
Monica: Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-there’s a learning curve with this job and maybe we can try it again.
Tim: Really?
Monica: Yeah.
Tim: Thank you so much! ‘Cause I-I know I can do better!
Monica: Okay.
(They both look at Phoebe.)
Phoebe: And Tim I just wanna say, good luck here. (Shakes his hand and leaves, which disgusts Monica.)
[Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.]
Ross: Hello.
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Well, how was the date?
Rachel: Well I’m alone and I just bought fifteen dollars worth of candy bars, what do you think?
Ross: Uh-huh. What happened?
Rachel: I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.
Ross: Ah, he didn’t uh, take it so well?
Rachel: Well better than you, but y’know still not what you want.
Ross: Oh?
Rachel: He got all weird and sputtery and then he said uh, "Yeah, I hear those hemorrhoids are a bitch."
Ross: He sounds swell.
Rachel: Doesn’t he?
Ross: Hey, wanna…wanna a little cheering up?
Rachel: Yes.
Ross: Sit down.
Rachel: Okay.
(They sit on some front steps.)
Ross: Guess whose middle name is Muriel.
Rachel: (thinks then gasps) Chandler M. Bing?
Ross: Yeah-ha!
Rachel: Oh my God. (Laughs)
Ross: I’m sorry about your date.
Rachel: Oh it’s all right. I’m guess I’m just done with the whole dating thing. It’s one more thing in my life that’s suddenly completely different. This is hard.
Ross: Yeah I know. (Pause) On the other hand in um, in about seven months you’re gonna have something that you’re gonna love more than any guy you’ve ever gone out with. Just wait. Wait until uh, wait until the first time your baby grabs your finger. You have no idea.
Rachel: Thanks sweetie.
Ross: You wanna, you wanna grab some coffee?
Rachel: Oh no, I think I’m gonna go home and eat ten candy bars.
Ross: Hey, I thought I cheered you up.
Rachel: Oh you did, there are twenty in here.
Ross: Right. Good night.
Rachel: Good night.
(He kisses her on the cheek and heads to Central Perk.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering and Mona from the wedding recognizes him.]
Mona: Ross?
Ross: Yeah?
Mona: Hey it’s Mona! From the wedding.
Ross: Oh hi!
Mona: Hi!
Ross: Wow! Uh…how are you?
Mona: I’m good except umm, you still owe me a dance.
Ross: Oh that’s right. Well uh, would you be interested in seeing a Ukrainian film?
Mona: (laughs then stops) Oh you’re serious. Sure!
Ross: Great! Well umm…
(Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the doorway.)
Mona: I think I might need one more cup of coffee.
Ross: Sure! Uh, let me get it for ya.
Mona: Okay.
(Rachel watches that and slowly backs out to head for home.)
Dedicated to the Memory of Richard L. Cox, Sr.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler’s Office, Bob is ransacking Chandler’s office.]
Chandler: (entering) Bob. Bob! Bob!!! (He turns around) What the hell are you doing?!
Bob: I just found out this is Chandler’s office! Come on Toby, give me a hand!
(He thinks about it and decides to join in by turning over a chair and continue ransacking the place.)
End


等一下.
进屋前我想让你知道...
我爱你!我们的蜜月过得很快乐。
我迫不及待地想跟你进屋去共度余生.
你戴着那贝壳项练吧?
嘿, 你们回来了!
嘿, 亲爱的. 嘿.
快进来!
对,快进来!
蜜月过得如何?
Oh, 有趣极了
最精彩的是我们回程时
又碰到那不可思议的一对.
最精彩的?
蜜月快乐, tiger.
不不,他们真的很酷。
你们也在渡蜜月.
而且他们也住在这个城市.
没错,我们打电话给他们吗?
是不是太急了点?我想打。
对不起,我们有点兴奋,
因为有那么一对跟我们一起.
一对?
两个人?
就象一个、两个人?
那不同.
Greg 和 Jenny 是有关系的人.
Ugh, Greg 和 Jenny, ugh.
Hi, Greg, 我是钱德, 她名叫 Monica.
Hi, Monica, 这是 Jenny. Hi, Jenny. Hi, Greg.
听着,他们真的很棒.
只要给你们机会...
听着.
不如把我们的纪念品给我们,
然后快滚出去?
呃,我们没时间去...
你开玩笑?
我们什么都没买。
Mm-hmm, 是吗?好漂亮的项练.
这个给你吧.
Hi!
Hello.
欢迎回家.
蜜月过得怎样?
很好, 很好.
你们怎么样?
我指的是你们的孩子.
- Oh, 这是声纳图.
- 我看看.
Ross 这像你的黑色卷发.
好了,现在 Ross 也知道这件事了,
能告诉我们这事是怎么开始的了吗?
几时开始的? 多少次?
Monica, 这样问不对.
先从“在哪开始的”讲起.
Okay.是在六个星期以前
我刚下班回来。
Ross 正在那里, 我想他来找 Joey.
欢迎.
谢谢.
我有很多事情要做,而Ross
他真是个好人,他答应帮我忙。
我们喝了点酒,然后聊天。
接下来
Ross 挑逗我.
Um, 那, 那有点误导.
什么?
你刚才说的谎.
你挑逗我?
就是这个.
但那是真的, 我们应该诚实.
是的,没错.
当然了,那并不重要.
重要的是我们有了孩子.
谁挑逗谁并不重要.
到底是谁.
还是这个问题.
是你先吻我的.
什么?!是你叫我吻你的.
你你你不停地暗示我.
我暗示你?
没错.
拜托. Okay, 屋子中谁认为我暗示Ross吻我的请举手.
那不重要.
别人相信什么不重要.
重要的是发生了什么.
Okay. 那些暗示
Ross, 解释一下,因为我以后不想表错情.
看着,我现在正在暗示你什么吗?
算了
算了
Rachel, 别再说它了.
不,请你展示一下我是怎么暗示你的.
我可以展示的,我录下来了.
那是一种措辞.
我不敢相信他把做爱录下来了.
就是.
录之前应该告诉那女孩的.
明显是新手才犯的错误.
你们知道谁有很棒的摄像机吗?
Greg 和 Jenny?
想打电话给他们吗? 我想打.
打吧.
好, 问他们是否给朋友买了纪念品.
Hello?
第八街熟食店?
嘿, 快挂掉.
跟那种地方说话会食物中毒的.
Uh, 抱歉,号码错了.
亲爱的试试这个.
Hello?
又是熟食店.
好了, 我想吃三文志.
这号码不对.
什么?
你拿到个假电话号码.
人们不会这么做的.
Oh,我就做过.
他们给我们一个假电话号码?
他们为什么要这么做?
我怎么知道.
你们交谈很愉快.
你问的那些见解深刻的的问题.
而你从没这么有趣过.
那些-- 笑话, 笑话, 笑话, 笑话.
你是个滑稽鬼.
别担心.
你们还有我和 Phoebe.
对不起,我不想抛弃 Greg 和 Jenny.
Rachel不跟我说话.
他甚至不开门给我.
Mm, 我也不知道那为什么, 性变态?
Okay, 听着,我不是性变态.
这正是性变态者的格言.
没错,你抬起右手
而把左手放在裤子上,重复做。
听着,录像并不是我计划好的.
好的,我会解释为什么我要这么做,
Joey 你可以给我做证。
一个半月前,记得我问你一些问题吗?
Um, uh, 私人问题?
什么私人问题?
关于...
关于性?
几个月来我没有发生性行为.
对, 我记起来了.
嘿.
嘿.
有时间吗?
我想跟你谈些东西
一些让我不自在的东西.
好吧. 是什么?
关于, uh, 你跟你母亲淋浴?
想谈什么我自已知道.
我过了一段枯燥的日子...
性爱方面.
Oh, 大约几个月?
5个月, 我说谎, 6个月.
6个月?
差不多.
那也没什么.
我学会欣赏那些,
生活中的小事
比如,小鸟的歌唱...
天空的颜色.
天空是蓝色的, Ross, 你要不要我帮你?
请你帮帮我.
我今晚有个约会,我就要去了。
我担心我的健康.
好吧, Um, ooh, oh,有了.
Okay, 有个我以前用过的故事.
非常浪漫. 我发誓,任何女人听到都会感动的.
真的,那快告诉我.
Okay.
你听到这个故事的时候可能会动情
记住我只是在讲故事.
我会努力控制我自己的.
Okay.
几年前,当我到西欧徒步旅行的时候...
你在西欧徒步旅行?
继续你以前的枯燥生活吧, Ross.
Okay, okay!
对不起.
请你接着说,你在西欧,然后...?
我刚走出巴塞罗那,在山脚下走着
Tibidabo 山.
我走到路的尽头,那是一块空旷的地方
那有个湖,
很隐秘,周围都是高树.
死一样的寂静,
宜人的天气.
穿过那个湖,我看到
一个漂亮的女人在沐浴
但她正在哭泣.
为什么?
Mmm, 这酒很不错。
法国的.
欧洲.
西欧.
知道吗,几年前,
我正在西欧徒步旅行的时候...
真的?
Mm-hmm, 请稍候.
好点了.
Um, 没错, 我在巴塞罗那
我在巴塞罗那读了一年书.
um, 我正在徒步旅行...
我也喜欢徒步旅行.
Ahhh! 那很好!
我正沿着 Tibidabo 山徒步旅行...
我认为是 Tiba-DAH-bo.
Okay, 这故事由你来讲好了?!
Whoa.
你在干吗?
你的约会怎么样?
棒极了. 我在对面街跟她做了爱.
你的故事没点用!
嘿, 如果它没用那也是因为你没讲好.
让我看看你是怎么讲的.
不不,我不想表演.
你多久没碰女人了?
我正在西欧徒步旅行...
No, 我完全没感觉.
我刚走出巴塞罗那,正在走着...
No, no, Ross-- 我一点也没兴奋.
你兴奋吗?
六个月了.
我总是很兴奋的.
好吧, 你不是要推销这个故事.
就好象你自己都不相信它.
听着,我得走了.
我还有个约会.
你试试这个--
我在试镜前都是这么做的。
我把摄像机借你
这样你就能录下来,自己看看错在哪.
我试试吧.
好了,现在...
什么都齐全了.
只要按下“录像”就行了,明白吗?
祝你好运.
谢谢.
还有 Joe
如果你被女人缠着我会帮你解脱出来的.
那会有很多的.
Hello.
我能帮你做什么?
擦擦镜头?
你的电池是满的吧?
Rachel?
Oh, Ross.
Hi.
谢天谢地你在这.
你得帮帮我.
你刚才在自言自语?
有些难为情.
没错,我在自言自语.
她进来的时候我谎谎张张,
完全忘记了摄像机的事.
它继续运转并拍下所有东西.
好,我们要看那带子.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
真是个好主意.
那会让 Rachel 原谅我.
知道吗
这对她不公平.
别再提这带子了.
谢谢.
不行.
你对.
Joey, 不行.
又大声又清晰.
我还是不明白 Greg and Jenny 为什么给我们的是假号码.
要知道,他们知道自己在做什么
他们只是不想给你们真的号码
Okay, 人们也许会给个假电话号码,
但肯定不会给个假名字.
Oh, 真的?
Hi, Ken Adams.
很高兴认识你.
Regina Phelangie.
我不明白.
我们又没做什么错事.
就是.
尽管你讲了很多恶心的笑话.
你说那些笑话很有趣.
笑话, 笑话, 笑话, 笑话.
笑话, 笑话, 废话, 废话.
也许是你的问题.
我的问题?
你的尖嗓门.
就象筛子在筛东西.
Oh, 那也是个笑话吗?
还有其它问题?
嘿, Ross 还在吗?
Uh, Rach, 他走了,不过...
他跟我们说了,那真的是个误会.
Oh, 真的吗?
如果我跟你做爱并录下来你会怎么想?
Oh, 算了。
Oh, 他来了, 我孩子的父亲,西部色情王.
那是个意外,OK?
我这么做了我很抱歉,但我发誓我没看过它.
无论如何...
给你.
我想你会乐意自己弄坏它.
谢谢.
不! 不! 不! 不!
怎么?
你不能这么做!
你们想看?
见鬼, 没错!
我可不想给你们看.
不, 性爱那部分我们不看.
只看前面那一段.
算了,她要毁了它.
Okay, 好吧!
我们只是想弄清到底是谁挑逗谁.
想想看
拜托你 Phoebe
那是 Rachel 的带子她有权自己处理.
现在她想毁了它.
所以,别再提了.
我倒想看看.
什么?
很明显你不想别人看这带子.
我也不想别人看这带子.
但你越不想别人看,我越想看,你也来看吗?
我们到底看不看?!
我不想别为看是为了你好.
Oh, 我可不相信你.
我看你是不想让别为看到你乞求我.
Rachel, please.
Ah, 开始预演了.
好吧.
好吧, 我也想录象带证明我是对的,
因为只需要5分钟我就能说...
Okay, 开始了.
Hello?
我能为你做点什么?
真高兴.
Oh, 谢天谢地 Ross 你在这.
我想你帮帮我.
你刚才在自言自语?
开始了.
没错,你马上就要怀上孩子了.
我答应Monica几个星期前我会将
这些结婚请帖装信并寄出,但是...
你还没做?
我我我将它们放在办公桌,
然后就忘记了,今天才想起来.
亲爱的,没问题的.
人们经常这样的. 我没事.
可是你在捏我的手.
我知道.
真不敢相信我居然这么做,
由其是Monica再三叮嘱过.
Okay, Rachel. 这是结婚请帖, Rachel.
现在你要特别小心, Rachel.
记住别在结婚请帖边上喝东西, Rachel.
你真的在我们的结婚请帖上倒了酒?
不,那些寄出去的没有倒.
Oh, 那么, 只是倒在这些你们还回来的
而我们裱起来结婚请帖上面了?
你能相信吗?这真的发生了.
我是说, 就好象他们昨天才定的婚.
我明白.
记得他们定婚那晚吗? 我们几乎...
Oh, 我记得...
你觉得我们会做吗?如果当时没被发现的话?
你认为我们该做吗?
我是说, 我...
我清楚我想做,我只是不能肯定你是否也想.
Oh, 我也想.
那我们...
我们都想做.
不可思意.
没错.
不管怎样, um...
最好快点做完这工作.
没错.
Okay, 十秒后你们就会看到他吻我了.
五秒后你们就会知道为什么了.
Ross, 我曾跟你说起过那次我在西欧徒步旅行的事吗?
Okay, 准备看了.
Oh, 是你挑逗 Ross.
什么?
现在我可 happy 了.
为什么这么说?
你用了西欧的故事.
那个你想性爱时才用的奇妙故事!
你们怎么知道这故事的?!
你又是怎么知道这故事的?
我的朋友 Irene 告诉我的, 她听别人说起过.
别人!
不.她说那人叫 Ken Adams.
Ken Adams!
Hi.
很明显,大家都很清楚这个“欧洲故事”
Yeah, 好了,关于这整件事
谁挑逗谁真的没什么.
我的意思是,它也可能以另一种方式发生.
我的意思是,
如果你不讲这故事,我可能也会讲的.
那是个奇妙的夜晚.
没错,是个奇妙的夜晚.
你觉得再看它会奇妙吗?
我, uh, 不知道. 我是说, 我真的不想看.
没错, 我也不想看...
还不想.
Uh, 那有些古怪.
没错, 真的很古怪.
祝你好运.
也祝你好运.
介意我关掉声音吗?
Oh, 请吧.
Oh. 开始脱衣服了.
你脱得出奇的快.
六个月了, Rachel, 六个月了.
没错.
嘿.
我们看起来很棒.
我也正想这么说.
Whoa, 晒得很好的肤色.
谢谢.
上个周末我刚去海滩晒太阳.
Oh. 你曾经锻炼过?
我锻炼过.
这比我做过的都要好...
Oh, 这可不好看.
Oh. Oh. Oh, 天啊.
Oh! Oh, no!
- Oh, 快停下来.
- No, no!
- 快停下来!
- No!
- 快停下来!
- No, no!
快停下来!
Hello, Greg?
Hi. 我是 Monica, 飞机上认识的?
听着, 你给我们的号码.
那是旧号码!
Jenny 搬走后就不用了.
Jenny!
真是 Jenny.
下周六聚一聚如何?
Okay. 星期天呢?
Okay. Um... 下下个星期呢?
再下个星期?
知道吗, Greg?
知道吗? 我们是很好...
很有趣...
幽默的人和爱提好问题的人!
如果你和你亲爱的 Jenny 当时没看出来...
1 月 15 号.
到时见. Okay!

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