成长的烦恼第三季Growing Pains 310
Jason: Ben.
Ben: Pass the food that looks like snot.
Jason: Aw, Ben!
Mike: Now, now, let’s not get tense with the little lad. I mean, after all, this could be Ben’s last
meal.
Ben: Hey, I don’t need to hear stuff like that when I got major surgery tomorrow.
Carol: Ben, minor surgery.
Ben: Say that when they’re going to cut your throat.
Maggie: Ben, having your tonsils out is a simple thing. It’s nothing to worry about. It’s
probably fun!
Jason: Honey.
Maggie: I went to far?
Jason: Yes.
Maggie: Ok, everybody fortune cookies and I’ll go first. ‘Your home will always be filled with
the sounds of laughter.’
Ben: Excuse me.
Jason: Close. Alright. ‘If you enjoy Chou’s take out Chinese Kitchen, be sure to try Chou’s
Mexican kitchen. 110 South of the Border on trays served in that very oriental stylish flair.
Now back to your meal.
Ben: Dad! You got a commercial!
Maggie: You’re up, Mike.
Mike: Ok, ok. What will Mike Seaver’s fortune be? Fame? Fortune?
Carol: Clear skin?
Jason: Carol.
Mike: Every dog has his day. Eh, sorry, Carol. I got yours.
Carol: So, this must be yours. ‘A handsome gentleman will ask for your hand.’
Maggie: Kids cut it out!
Jason: Alright, Ben, your fortune.
Ben: Ok. But before I open this, what makes this minor surgery?
Jason: Well, you’re the patient and you’re a minor. So, it’s minor surgery. Ok, I’m joking, Ben.
I’m joking. The reason I can joke is because there’s really nothing that can go wrong. I’m
telling you as your father and as doctor that a tonsillectomy is about the easiest kind of
surgery there is.
Maggie: And we’ll be with you at the hospital all day, sweetheart.
Ben: But I like my tonsils. I’m attached to them.
Mike: Not for long. Oh, um, yea right. Well, I got to go study for that test with Boner.
Ben: But, Mike, you said you’d play some video games with me.
Mike: Oh, I’d love to, Benny, but, uh, schoolwork comes first.
Ben: Carol? A little Super Veto Brothers?
Carol: Sorry, Ben. I’ve got homework that I’m actually going to do.
Jason: Well, Ben, I’ll take some of that Super Veto action.
Ben: But, Dad, you stink.
Maggie: Ben!
Ben: What can I say? It’s true.
Jason: Ok.
Ben: It’s just that it may be the final game I ever play.
Carol: Ben enough. This is not the final game of any kind. You’ll be back here tomorrow night
as good as new. Maybe better.
Ben: Yea, right.
Jason: Come on, open that fortune cookie so we can finish clearing.
Maggie: What?
Ben: It’s blank.
[Next scene]
Jason: This is the intravenous tubes that the doctor’s use to feed healthy fluids directly into
your body.
Ben: I’d rather feed myself the old-fashioned way.
Maggie: Just remember, sweetheart, that the doctors and nurses are here to help you.
Ben: I had Chinese food last night.
Nurse: I’ll tell my family.
Jason: So, next thing, Ben, they’ll take you into the operation room then they give you the
anesthesia that’ll put you to sleep just like that. You won’t feel a thing.
Ben: Do we have to do this?
Maggie: Come on, honey. Your tonsils keep getting infected. They have to go.
Ben: But I’m scared.
Maggie: Oh, I know, sweetheart. I know.
Ben: You’ll be fine, I promise.
Dr. Marquez: He sure will! Hi, Maggie.
Jason: Oh, Hi Jerry. Ben, say good morning to Dr. Marquez.
Ben: Forget it.
Dr. Marquez: Benjamin. Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a little snip snip. I see.
Jason: Yes, well, Jerry, he’s a little nervous.
Nurse: Where do you think you’re going, buddy?
Ben: I was going to the bathroom. And my name’s not buddy.
Nurse: Well, that’s too late. But if you have to go, here, the motorman’s friend.
Ben: I’ll wait.
Dr. Marquez: So, Benjamin, what do you say? Are we ready?
Jason: Oh, come on, Ben. Buck up. Show them what you’re made of. Be a Seaver.
Ben: I am a Seaver and so are my tonsils.
Jason: Well, Seavers face their problems head on. They don’t run away from things and they
don’t let their fears get in the way.
Ben: All of the Seavers?
Jason: You bet!
Ben: Then I don’t want to be a Seaver.
Jason: Oh, Ben.
Ben: I mean it. I’m not a Seaver. Can I go home now?
Nurse: Here we go.
Ben: I don’t want to go like this!
Maggie: Don’t worry, Ben! We love you!
[Next scene]
Dr. Marquez: Benjamin? Can you feel the anesthesia yet?
Ben: I don’t feel anything.
Nurse: Good sign.
Dr. Marquez: You know, sometimes, I find patients your age relax and go to sleep a little
quicker if they do something like naming their favorite TV shows, you know, like Dr. Kildad,
Medical Center, Tropa John, M.D.?
Ben: Huh?
Dr. Marquez: You know, the Gonza? What do you like to watch?
Ben: Pee Wee’s Playhouse, Gilligan’s Island, other stuff like Who’s the Boss? Moonlighting and
the one that comes in between them, you know which one I mean.
Dr. Marquez: No, I don’t.
Ben: Oh, you should see it sometime. The little kid on it’s really good.
[Next scene]
Ben: How embarrassing.
Skipper: Whoa! Going somewhere, little buddy?
Ben: What’s with you people? My name’s not buddy, it’s Ben!
Skipper: Ok, going somewhere, Ben?
Ben: Yea, hey, can you give me a ride?
Skipper: You see this sign on my cap? I couldn’t walk around with this sign on my cap if that
wasn’t what I do. Are you ready?
Ben: I’m ready! How embarrassing.
[Next scene]
Skipper: Where to, Benny boy?
Ben: As far away from this hospital place as I can! You know what they were going to do to
me? Cut my tonsils out!
Skipper: Oh, just because they kept getting infected, right?
Ben: You know it.
Skipper: And I bet they told you they were going to put you to sleep but you wouldn’t feel a
thing.
Ben: Yup!
Skipper: Did you believe them?
Ben: What do I look like, a dope?
Skipper: Well, you do look pretty silly in that getup.
Ben: Yea, I know they made me wear it.
Skipper: Look, why don’t we take you home, 15 Robin Hood Lane, and get you some real
clothes? Then you can decide where we go next!
Ben: Great idea! Take me home! 15 Robin Hood Lane.
Skipper: I just said that.
Ben: But how’d you know that?
Skipper: Like I told you before, that’s what I’m here for, little buddy.
Ben: Ok. You know, you look just like the Skipper on Gilligan’s island!
Skipper: Oh, I wouldn’t know. I don’t watch TV much myself.
Ben: Boy, you know, your seats are really old.
[Next scene]
Ben: Ok, now, we got Dinosaur Heads, Phony Baloney, Silent But Deadly… That should do it.
Skipper: Don’t forget, Ben! You’re going to need some underwear!
Ben: Thanks!
Skipper: That’s what I’m here for!
Ben: Better safe than sorry.
Mike: Boy, am I impressed. I didn’t think he’d go through with it!
Ben: Yikes.
Carol: Oh! I’m so glad we’re related!
Mike: Oh, you said it!
Maggie: Here comes my little angel!
Jason: Here’s Benny!
Ben: Who is this weeny?
[Next scene]
New Ben: Sure is great to be home. Gosh, seeing my whole family together like this just
makes me feel so swell!
Ben: Swell?
New Ben: Boy, that operation was a snap! Mom, Dad, you were right. I was so silly to be that
scared. Now, gee wilickers! I feel like a new man!
Ben: What’s going on here? How do you guys know this gopher? Mom! Why are you calling
him Ben?
Maggie: Well, what are we sitting here for? What do you say to some ice cream, Ben?
Ben: I say, Hello ice cream!
New Ben: You really think I should Mom? I mean, I don’t want to spoil my dinner.
Jason: Aw, come on. It’s ok.
Ben: You weren’t talking to me at all, were you?
Maggie: Pumpkin, you just had your tonsils out!
New Ben: But…
Maggie: For me?
New Ben: Shucks, maybe half a scoop.
Ben: Mike! Mom! Carol! Dad! Whoa. Well, I’m not talking to any of you either since you just
walked through me.
New Ben: Mm-mm. Sure glad you talked me into this, Ma.
Jason: Kids, your brother’s bravery at the hospital this morning was frankly the stuff of
legends.
Maggie: Are you sure you don’t want any more ice cream, Ben?
New Ben: No, thanks, Mom. Gotta watch my weight.
Ben: Boy, how come they think this guy is me?
Maggie: Ok, then.
Ben: Oh, sure. Put the ice cream away. You can’t hear me, you can’t see me, why feed me?
New Ben: Mom, Dad, may I be excused? I’d like to do some cleaning up around the house
before dinner.
Jason: Of course, son of mine.
Ben: Oh, now you’re gonan get it Mr. Watching my weight.
Mike: Whoa, whoa, Benski. Now look, this is the leather jacket of mine that no one is allowed
to touch especially you, remember?
Ben: Hit him, Mike, hit him!
But, uh, you know, I’ve been thinking and well, I don’t want it anymore. Heck, why don’t you
just keep the darn thing?
Ben: What?
New Ben: You really mean it, Mike?
Mike: I sure do!
Ben: I’m gonna puke.
Mike: I’ll just wear your old one, ok? Ok, I’ll see you guys later!
New Ben: See ya, Mike! Have a neat-o time!
Mike: Hey, thanks bro. Holy Moly! What was I thinking? Now, how could I just leave this house
when I can stick around here and play with good ol’ Ben?
Ben: I knew it. Nothin’.
Carol: No, Mike, you go. I’ll stay and play with little Ben. Hey, Ben, how about a little Super
Veto brothers?
Mike: No, no, no wait Carol. I’m playing with Ben.
Carol: No, I am.
Mike: But, I want to.
Carol: Well so do I
Mike: Yea. Well, I said it first.
Carol: Well, big wow.
Mike: Well, double big wow.
Maggie: Jason! Carol and Mike are fighting again!
Jason: Oh, no. What are we going to do?
New Ben: Mike. Carol. Why don’t the three of us play a game together?
Jason: I don’t know what we’d do without you.
Maggie: Oh, I can’t imagine.
New Ben: Hey, I’ve got an even better idea! Why doesn’t the whole family play something
together? And not one of those new fangled video games that Dad has so much trouble with.
Jason: What can I say? I stink.
New Ben: Let’s play a board game!
Everybody: Yes!
Jason: Ben, you’re the greatest!
Ben: If I could puke right now, I’d puke on him.
Mike: Hey, what’re we waiting for?
New Ben: Hey, you guys go set up the card table. I’ll get a game from my room and be right
down!
Maggie: We’ll miss you sweetheart.
Ben: Wait, can’t you guys see? That’s not Ben! I’m Ben!
New Ben: Not anymore, Sport!
Ben: That’s it! That’s it! That phony pants and I are gonna settle this right now!
[Next scene]
Ben: Alright weeny head. What do you think you’re doing?
New Ben: I’m about to play a game with my family.
Ben: Don’t give me that. Remember who you’re talking to.
New Ben: I’m talking to nobody.
Ben: You’re talking to Ben Seaver.
New Ben: No, you’re talking to Ben Seaver.
Ben: Hey just because you got dimples, doesn’t mean anything. I know you’re not me. I mean,
you don’t know stuff like where I keep my…
New Ben: Good luck charms? Well, the lucky pants are rolled up in my left logger boots so
Mom won’t throw them out and the silver dollar’s in a matchbox right behind the garage drain
pipe, right next to the magazines.
Ben: Gah.
New Ben: Please don’t sit on my bed.
Ben: I’m gonna slug you!
New Ben: Hey, take it easy! All this isn’t my fault.
Ben: No?
New Ben: No. It’s yours! You’re the one who said you didn’t want to be a Seaver!
Ben: I’d never say anything stupid like that!
New Ben: In the hospital hall, right before the operation you chickened out of, remember?
[Ben: Then I don’t want to be a Seaver.]
Ben: I did say something stupid like that.
New Ben: So, I got the job. I guess I should thank you, it was a good deal.
Ben: But, I didn’t mean it. I want to be a Seaver.
New Ben: Too late, see? Sorry, buddy.
Ben: My name’s not buddy, it’s… Nobody.
New Ben: If you like that, you’re gonna love this. Scream all you want to, it’s not going to
help.
Ben: You’re right. I’m done talking.
New Ben: I wouldn’t do that if I were you. And I am.
[Next scene]
Ben: What gives here? First I was upstairs, now I’m downstairs. It was day, now it’s night?
Maggie: Who says Chinese food can’t be filling?
Mike: Ben.
New Ben: This duck sauce is divine.
Mike: Wow, you know. This is going to be Benny’s first tonsil free meal!
New Ben: It was only minor surgery, Mike. I’m a minor, it was surgery, get it?
Jason: That’s a good one, Ben.
Jason: You would say that, Dad.
Maggie: Ok, everybody. Fortune cookies and you go first, Ben.
New Ben: Okey dokey.
Ben: You’re wasting your time. It’s blank.
Maggie: What?
New Ben: You will have a long life with your loving family.
Ben: This can’t be happening. I must be dreaming.
Mike: Mom, Dad. I’d like to propose a toast. To Ben, the bestest little brother…
Jason: Or son!
Mike: Or excuse me, a son, a family could ever have!
Everyone: To Ben!
Ben: Oh, I would’ve had that dumb old operations if I would’ve known I wouldn’t be a Seaver
anymore. I should’ve never left the hospital. What is it? I said something.
Mike: Hey, Benny, you ok? You look kinda pale.
Ben: I can turn this around! It’s not too late!
New Ben: I’m gonna go get some milk! It’s good for me and it tastes good, too.
Ben: If I go back to the hospital, I can get my life back, can’t I?
New Ben: No! No, you can’t!
Ben: Yea, I can, I can, that’s it!
New Ben: No, it won’t work, Ben. I mean…
Ben: You said it. You’re not Ben, I’m Ben!
Jason: What was that?
Maggie: I don’t know. I heard it, too. Sounded like a kid.
Jason: Yea. A kid we know and love.
Ben: Ha! Quick! Quick! Quick! Back to the hospital!
Skipper: Oh, no can do. I only take one way rides. Company policy.
Ben: But you got to! You got to! You got to!
Skipper: No, I don’t! I don’t! I don’t!
Ben: But you don’t understand. I gotta get my life back.
Skipper: Well, if I let you get your life back, then I gotta let everybody get their lives back.
Ben: But I wanna…
Skipper: If you can figure out a new place to go, then I’m your man. Short trip, long trip. Heck,
three hour tour! What are you doing?
Ben: I don’t know! Holy Cow! I can drive!
[Next scene]
Ben: Hey! Is anybody here? I don’t like the looks of this. Neither do I. Dr. Marquez! I’m back.
Dr. Marquez: Nurse. Let’s call it a day.
Ben: I’ve changed my mind. I’m happy to have my tonsils out.
Nurse: Alright, Doctor. See you in the morning.
Ben: Or anything else you want to take out. Take my appendix, please!
Dr. Marquez: Get here early, we got a lot of people to cut up!
Nurse: Can’t wait!
Ben: No!
Maggie: Mom! Dad! Mike! Carol!
Jason: Save your voice. Don’t try to talk.
Ben: You guys can hear me?
Mike: Always.
Ben: I changed my mind. I’m happy to have my tonsils out.
Jason: Uh, sorry. You’re too late.
Ben: Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Maggie: No, honey. What your father means is that you can’t take them out again, Ben.
Ben: You called me Ben.
Maggie: Yea.
Jason: Well, we’ve been doing that since you were a kid.
Ben: Not today, ‘cause see I went home ‘cause I didn’t want my tonsils out and you guys were
there, but you didn’t see me and there was this weeny guy and you called him Ben.
Mike: Ben, you’re the weeny.
Maggie: That must’ve been some dream, pumpkin.
Ben: Call me Ben.
Maggie: Ben.
Ben: Thank you.
Jason: So your fears about this operations and all those wild dreams you had, well, that’s all
up here.
Carol: That’s about the only thing up there.
Ben: Mom, Dad, Everybody. I just want to say being a Seaver makes me feel really swell!
Everybody: Swell?
Ben: I’m serious. From now on, I’m gonna try to be the best Ben I can be. No more pigging
out, no more screaming, no more weird stuff.
Jason: What kind of anesthesia did they give him?
Ben: Mom, Dad. I just want to say, I’ll be proud to be a Seaver. You! You! You!
