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考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(1)

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考研英语作文热门话题范文:网络的近与远

As is shown in the picture the humans (加who are)divided alone keep contact with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their mainly(mainly为副词,用来修饰动词;mean为名词,需要用形容词来修饰,可改为main) mean(改为way或means,mean为“平均值,意思”;而means为“手段,方法”) to contact out(改为with the outside world).In addition,there are spider net between everyone(改为it just like a spider net),which lead the people alone.The picture revealed(时态保持一致,改为reveals) a current social phenomenon that people dependent(改为depend,从句谓语部分应用动词) extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall(改为the gap between two hearts),which alienate(改为alienates,保持主谓一致)us,meanwhile,it is a net relate(改为relate to) us. What’s more(加逗号) worrisome(改为the worrisome thing;worrisome为形容词,不能做主语) is that they not only contact with strangers with(改为by,by表示“通过某种方式”) the net,but also families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families destruction(改为destructive,注意make sb./sth. + adj.的正确使用).In my opinion,though the association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism(句子表意不清,建议改为the internet itself should not give much criticism),people should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is indispensable for us to use it in(改为with) close friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.

编辑点评

本篇文章存在一些简单的语法错误,且说服力不够强。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章,并查字典或语法书,把自己不确定的都弄清楚,那么便会减少不必要的失分。不管什么问题,只有自己查了,才能更好地掌握,希望你在以后的写作中能够多注重基础知识,比如句子的构成。然后可以积累一些好的词句,并将其运用到自己的练习之中,为自己的文章增彩。

参考分数:10分(满分20分)


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