考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(3)

As is vividly depicted in the picture, a father has received a letter from his son, on which without anything except(改为but)a word: money. It reveals a serious issue of (改为in)our society: more and more people live off their parents, even if they are old enough. We call the people who is(建议删掉，直接用简单句表达即可) "boomerang kids”.A careful analysis of cartoon may reveals some reasons under the problem, which involves three causes. For one thing,Chinese parents indulge their children so that it takesfew(改为little，few修饰可数名词，little修饰不可数名词) time to develop their children(改为children’s，孩子们的) independence. In addition(建议改为For another，与前面For one thing对应起来), the boomerang kids may never realize the hard working and enterprising spirit is(改为are，宾语从句的主语用and连接，谓语动词用复数)a magic weapon to make their life pleasant, efficient ,(加and)successful. Last but not least, the education in our school ,especailly(拼写错误，改为especially)university, attach(改为attaches) more importance to academic marks, which ignores the significance of students’ independence ablilty(拼写错误，改为ability).In order to solve these issues, both family and school should join hands to create an free atmosphere to spirit the young people take care of themselves, while at the same time, the boomerang kids(改为kids’) efforts are indispensible, (加and，两个句子之间用连词连接)they should change the lazy behaviors. To conclude my essay, I would like to quote an old saying “a young idler, an old beggar”.

编辑点评

整体来说，文章写得不错;但还存在个别简单的语法错误。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章，便会减少不必要的错误。考研英语作文的整体思路你已经基本掌握，后面要做的就是多积累高分佳句，为自己的文章增彩;再者，写完之后一定要认真检查，减少失分点。加油吧，祝你考研成功!

参考分数：13分(满分20分)