考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(5)

In the far-reaching picture, a (an)emperor is served with coffee by a eunuch who is holding a tray on his head and saying”Your majesty，coffee time, please.”The picture wants to convey the communication between Chinese and Western cultures.More than 100 years ago, when China was still in the Qing dynasty, the government carried out the “closing door” (closed door)policy which meant cutting down any kind of communication with foreigners. As a consequence, the power of the country had been falling down gradually and less than half of (加the)land was controlled by foreign countries. The people’s living conditions were low(hard). Whereas, after 100 years when Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping developed and carried out the “opening up” policy( reform and opening-up policy), the appearance of China began to convert.(语法正确，但为中式思维。可改为：China began to emerge with a new visage in the East.) As we all know, China’s GDP has already ranked the second all over the world, and the living conditions among people are much better than those in Qing dynasty. Obviously, the communication between China(Chinese)and Western culture has changed China forever.Nowadays, many people have already realized that we should take the essence and discard the dregs. I wanna(多用于口语中，在写作中应使用正式的表达方式，改为want to) emphasize that all of us must do as what we say, and the future is bright.

编辑点评

本文立意正确，内容切题，结构完整，保持了自己一贯的水平，且与之前“堵车现象”一文相比，语法错误少了很多，说明作者是很用心在修改自己的作文。不过，仍需要注意以下问题：1、注意细节性的语法错误，如a(an)emperor，元音开始的单词前用an。2、文章中的一些表达很好，如we should take the essence and discard the dregs，需注意的是保持句子的连贯性，使整个篇章读起来顺畅自然。3、文章依然存有少许汉式思维的句子，应在此方面加强。因此，建议作者在以后的考研英语写作练习中，注意每篇文章写好后反复练习，不仅使文章中的句子有亮点，而且努力达到文章从开始到结尾都保持高水准，这样文章才会流畅自然。加油，祝你考研成功!!!

参考分数：15分(满分20分)