考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(6)

From the picture above we can see that there are three trees in the picture, and one of them is growing very strongly.(用一般现在时，且strongly运用不合适。可改为one of them grows very well) However, the other two trees (去掉)look like very small. If you take a(去掉) careful notice, you’ll find that a tree has become bend(bent) because of (去掉，因为后面是个句子)the big tree hostile his development. (the big tree holds back its growth)The drawer(drawer是抽屉的意思，painter) of the image aims at revealing a common phenomenon in our country, children today are generally spoiled. There are two major reasons for the problem. On one hand, as the reform of population policy, most families are allowed(加to have)only one child who is usually regarded as the ‘apple’ of parent’s(parents’) eye. Therefore, parents are always try (trying) their best to provide their child with everything they want. On the other hand, lacking the awareness of bearing hardships is also an important reason that can not be ignored.I think it is imperative that we should take some effective measures. To begin with, our government can modify the policy that allows families to raise more than one students(child). In addition, the most (加effective或者important之类的形容词) measure of all is that we should cultivate the sense of dependent. Only in this way, can we meliorate the problem in the near future.

编辑点评

文章准确把握了试题的考察点，立意正确，内容较充实，有衔接，层次清楚，需注意以下问题：1、文章有些许语法错误，需检查自己是由于粗心大意还是因为在名词、形容词、副词等方面掌握有问题，加强自己的语法基础;2、文章基本采用简单句，应该注意句式变换，可适当模仿一些经典佳句，运用到自己的文章中，使文章有亮点;3、多积累一些相关的素材，使自己文章的内容更加深刻。在规定的时间完成作文后，多润色几遍，使其更上一个台阶。

参考分数：14分(满分20分)