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考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(9)

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2014考研英语作文热门话题范文:赡养父母

As is depicted in the picture,a poor old man,rolling like a football,is kicked between(改为among,注意between和among的区别,between表示在两者之间,among则表示在三者或三者以上之间) his three sons and daughter(改为a daughter).Unwilling to be responsible for their father ,the daughter and sons spare no effort to kick the old man as far as possible.We are irritated to see in the picture(建议放到句首或句末) the pathetic fact that these people go to any length to avoid surporting(拼写错误,改为supporting) their parents. Unfortunately, what we have seen in the picture isn't a rare phenomenon. However,what factor it is that results in this situation? (汉语式英语,改为what is the cause of this situation?) For one thing, in my opinion, the decreased importance attached to the moral education contributes to the lack of ethnic conception,leadiing (建议改为定语从句,which leads)to the consequence that paople(拼写错误,改为people) don 't esteem and(改为or,肯定句中用and,否定句中用or) value their parents . For another ,faced with the pressure of work and house installment ,young people can hardly make ends meet let alone taking good care of their old parents who is(改为are,定语从句的先行词为parents,从句中的谓语动词应用are) fragile to a sudden disease such as heart attack.There is no denying that further attention must be paid to the problem by the government .To handle this worsening situation,more money should be involed(拼写错误,改为involved) in the pension to guarantee the daily life of old people. In addition, instead of merely focusing on the scores,schools ought to put more stress on moral education.(结尾较为仓促,可适当添加总结性的话语)

编辑点评

考研作文的整体思路你已经基本掌握;但还存在个别简单的语法错误、单词拼写错误及汉语式英语的问题。建议作者多读、多积累好的词汇及句子;之后可按照佳句进行模仿,以达到用地道的英语表达方式描述自己想法的目的;再者,写完之后一定要认真检查,减少失分点。

参考分数:12分(满分20分)


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