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考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(11)

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2014考研英语作文热门话题范文:个性

In the picture above, there are four pencils but only one is adversed(该词表示“不友好的,不利的,相反的”,用于此处不恰当) which is(划线部分去掉) different from the others.Noticeably, there is a sentence read: (去掉)" don't be afraid to be different." in the middle (改为bottom,由图可知,那句话在图片底部而不是中间)of the photo. It is no doubt that the photographer wants us to respect the individuality.Steven Jobs, the representive(拼写错误,改为representative) of individulity(拼写错误,改为individuality), creates the brand Apple(改为Apple brand) and then prodominantes(拼写错误且词性使用错误,改为dominant) intellectual mobile phone market by its products. What makes his succeed(改为success,词性使用错误) is that he put the conception of individuality into his product--iphone,which contains so many appealing Apps and each one(建议改为it) is different from the ordinary (加ones,表示普通的手机). Therefore, he estabilished(拼写错误,改为establish) an empire of Apple and become famous for everyone around the world.Hence don't be afraid to be different because the individuality is valuabe(拼写错误,改为valuable) , which is the source of creativity. More importantly, it conributes(拼写错误,改为contributes) to the development of diversified world and the prosperity of culture and economy.

编辑点评

文章构思不错,但其中的语法问题及词汇使用问题较多,而且,考研英语作文的字数要求为160-200,本篇文章的字数不够,望作者在以后的写作中能够注意;考研英语作文的写作模式作者基本上已经掌握,后面要做的就是加强语法、词汇,积累并模仿经典句子,不断提高自己的写作水平;再者,写完之后一定要认真检查,减少失分点。

参考分数:12分(满分20分)


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