考研英语作文考场范文批改及点评(13)

As is indicated in the cartoon above,a big crowded of drivers stay in cars on the road,waiting for their turn to go,with patience almost running up(表达不准确且句子缺成分，根据图片可改为and even some people want to hold the car to go out of the long queue).In fact ,nowadays,this phenomenon reflected by the picture is so widespread,especially in super(super改为big，super表示“超级”，用在此处不合适)cities.Thanks to the fast development of economy,we have a chance to experience the more(去掉the more，rich为单音节形容词，其比较级直接在后面加-er即可) richer life.As a result of that,(第一句用thanks to表示原因，第二句用as a result of that也表示原因，这样有点繁琐，建议将两句话合为一句话，可改为and)the number of people who own cars is larger and larger.The once wide roads become narrow (汉语式英语，可改为The wide roads before become narrow now).In order to get to destination(改为destinations，每个人的目的地不一样，应用复数形式)on time,people have to set up (改为set out，set up意为“建立，创立”;set out为“出发”，注意短语的正确选择) earlier in case of being blocked.By the way ,discharging too much carbon-dioxide to the air would(改为will) destroy the environment.Therefore,it is imperative for us to take measures to change the fact.The simplest method is to diminish the times(改为time，time在表示“时间”时，为不可数名词，当“次数”讲时为可数名词) of using private transportations.There is no doubt the world would change into a better place for us to live benefited from all the efforts we devote.(汉语式英语，可改为There is no doubt that the world will be better for us to live in as long as all of us devote our efforts.)

编辑点评

文章中存在一些细节问题，比如词汇的选择和一些基础的语法知识。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章，便会减少此类问题，从而避免失分。同时，建议结合《写作160篇》的指导，认真复习，积累经典句型，避免汉语式英语的表达，不断提高自己的写作水平。

参考分数：11分(满分20分)