GRE写作满分范文五十二

"It is unfortunate that today's educators place so much emphasis on finding out what students want to include in the curriculum and then giving it to them.  It is the educators' duty to determine the curriculum and the students' duty to study what is presented to them." 

Today some educators place much emphasis on what students want,there is a conflict about what is the educator's duty for what  educatee should get. 

Normally, the college or university in our country ,students just study what they are tought,it is the professor's duty to dermine what should appear in the classroom.Nowday china has taken the polices of opening reforming,every thing chang vastly.Students can't get the job position from goverment authority but must look for the work chance by themself ,so students have taken great care to what they learn int the college and what kind of knowlege does the job market need.If our high education institute ignore this chang and keep the tranditional teaching method,it will seem as wast student's time and money and the colleges will lost  their student. 

It may be the best way for the developing country to reform their high education system, especially with those majors that closely connected with market or industry application.we must give our student  most upcoming technolegy or skill to meet the need of outdoor of our college,the information from students may be the best reference for the educator to determine what they should take to the classroom.  

COMMENTARY 

This essay displays little ability to develop and organize a coherent response to the topic. 

The essay takes the position that China needs to reform its traditional approach to curriculum by becoming more student centered and technologically current.  However, the reader has to work hard to decipher the generally confusing line of reasoning, which does not obviously address the central issue presented in the topic. 

There is an attempt to organize the argument into a three-paragraph essay, but the one-sentence introduction is simply a variation of the topic statement.  The brief body of the essay does not advance an opinion in a coherent manner, and the final paragraph shifts the focus to the need for technology in the curriculum. 

The errors (comma splices, misspellings, verb problems, etc.) are so intrusive that coherence remains a problem. 

This essay would need considerable rewriting in order to earn a higher score than 1.