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双语读剧:Call me by ...(一)06:我喜欢我们的心似乎平行前进

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qinting

2018年10月11日

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At dinner on his third evening, I sensed that he was staring at me as I was explaining Haydn’s Seven Last Words of Christ, which I’d been transcribing. I was seventeen that year and, being the youngest at the table and the least likely to be listened to, I had developed the habit of smuggling as much information into the fewest possible words. I spoke fast, which gave people the impression that I was always flustered and muffling my words. After I had finished explaining my transcription, I became aware of the keenest glance coming from my left. It thrilled and flattered me; he was obviously interested—he liked me. It hadn’t been as difficult as all that, then. But when, after taking my time, I finally turned to face him and take in his glance, I met a cold and icy glare—something at once hostile and vitrified that bordered on cruelty.
 
他来后第三天的晚餐上,我向客人解释我正在改编的海顿《耶稣临终七言》时,感觉到他正盯着我看。那年我十七岁。由于我是桌上最年轻、讲话可能最没分量的,因此我养成了尽可能以最精简的语句传达最多讯息的习惯。我讲得很快,给人一种我说话总是慌慌张张、含糊不清的印象。解释过我正在改编的东西之后,我意识到最热烈的目光从我左边投射过来,使我有刺激和飘飘然的感觉;他显然感兴趣——他喜欢我。当时,事情并没有那么困难。当我好整以暇,总算转身面对他,与他四目相接时,却遭遇冷冰冰的怒目相向。那是玻璃般带着敌意且近乎残忍的东西。
 
It undid me completely. What had I done to deserve this? I wanted him to be kind to me again, to laugh with me as he had done just a few days earlier on the abandoned train tracks, or when I’d explained to him that same afternoon that B. was the only town in Italy where the corriera, the regional bus line, carrying Christ, whisked by without ever stopping. He had immediately laughed and recognized the veiled allusion to Carlo Levi’s book. I liked how our minds seemed to travel in parallel, how we instantly inferred what words the other was toying with but at the last moment held back.
He was going to be a difficult neighbor. Better stay away from him, I thought. To think that I had almost fallen for the skin of his hands, his chest, his feet that had never touched a rough surface in their existence—and his eyes, which, when their other, kinder gaze fell on you, came like the miracle of the Resurrection. You could never stare long enough but needed to keep staring to find out why you couldn’t.
 
这令我不安到极点。我何苦受这种罪?我希望他再对我好,再跟我一起笑,就像几天前在废弃铁轨那儿一样,同样那个下午,我向他解释 B 城是意大利唯一能让区间公交载着基督一路急驰而去的城市。他立刻笑了出来,听出我在影射卡罗·列维3的书。我喜欢我们的心似乎平行前进,我们总能立刻猜出对方在玩什么文字游戏,却保留到最后一刻。
他会是个难缠的邻居,我想最好离他远一点。一想到我几乎爱上他的手、他的胸膛、他生来从未接触粗糙表面的脚,他这些部位的肌肤……还有他的眼睛。当他另一种比较和善的凝视落在你身上,感觉就像耶稣复活的奇迹,看再久也不厌倦,反而得一直盯着看,好知道为什么总看不腻。

《请以你的名字呼唤我》

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