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双语读剧:Call me by ...(一)39:事实上,我喜欢看他们共舞

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2018年10月17日

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I was watching. I dreaded losing him to her. Dreaded losing her to him too. Yet thinking of them together did not dismay me. It made me hard, even though I didn’t know if what aroused me was her naked body lying in the sun, his next to hers, or both of theirs together. From where I stood against the balustrade along the garden overlooking the bluff, I would strain my eyes and finally catch sight of them lying in the sun next to one another, probably necking, she occasionally dropping a thigh on top of his, until minutes later he did the same. They hadn’t removed their suits. I took comfort in that, but when later one night I saw them dancing, something told me that these were not the moves of people who’d stopped at heavy petting.
 
我就这么看着,怕奇亚拉抢走奥利弗,也怕奥利弗抢走奇亚拉。想到他们俩在一起,我并不灰心沮丧,反而情欲高涨,虽然我不知道激起性欲的是奇亚拉躺在太阳下的胴体,还是奥利弗躺在奇亚拉旁边的裸体,或两人的裸体。我在高耸于悬崖上的花园凭栏伫立,睁大眼睛仔细瞧,总算看到他们俩并排躺在阳光下,说不定正在亲热。有时候奇亚拉把大腿搭在他腿上,过一会儿他也会做同样的动作。他们没有宽衣解带,我因此感到安慰。后来有天晚上,我看见他们在跳舞,有些东西让我感觉到那并非仅止于相互亲吻和爱抚关系的人会有的举动。
 
Actually, I liked watching them dance together. Perhaps seeing him dance this way with someone made me realize that he was taken now, that there was no reason to hope. And this was a good thing. It would help my recovery. Perhaps thinking this way was already a sign that recovery was well under way. I had grazed the forbidden zone and been let off easily enough.
 
事实上,我喜欢看他们共舞。或许看他和别人这样跳舞,让我明白他已有所属,没有理由再抱希望。这是好事,帮助我复原。或许我能这么想已经是正在复原的症状。我曾经误人禁区,而且被轻易放过。
 
But when my heart jolted the next morning when I saw him at our usual spot in the garden, I knew that wishing them my best and longing for recovery had nothing to do with what I still wanted from him.
Did his heart jolt when he saw me walk into a room?
I doubted it.
 
但是第二天早上,看他出现在花园里那个老地方,我的心又是猛然一颤,我知道祝福他们、渴望复原,与我对他仍然抱有的渴望无关。
看我走进房间,他的心会猛然一颤吗?
我怀疑。
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