Jackson: Adults get hurt feelings too.
Charlie: ...tell the truth. Thank you, Bill. What is your question?
Bill: I wanted to know, where is all this gonna start?
Charlie: Well, something like this could only originate in Hollywood. They have the earth cracking under their asses already.
Bill: Our family believes in the Gospel of the lord Jesus. We have nothing to fear, Charlie.
Charlie: Good for you, Bill. Thanks for calling. This is Charlie Frost reporting live from Yellowstone National Park, soon to become the worlds largest active volcano. I'll be right back, folks.
Jackson: Do you mind if I join you? I wanted to ask you something.
Charlie: I only got a minute. Pickle?
Jackson: I was listening to the broadcast and I was wondering what exactly is it that's gonna start in Hollywood?
Charlie: It's the Apocalypse. End of days. The Judgment Day. The end of the world, my friend. Christians call it The Rapture, but the Mayans knew about it, the Hopis, The I Ching, the Bible. Beer?
Charlie: So look, I gotta eat. Why don't you download my blog? It's free. Of course, we do appreciate donations.
Man on the blog: In ancient times, the Mayan people were the first civilization to discover that this planet had an expiration date. According to their calender, in the year 2012 a cataclysmic event will unfold, caused by an alignment of the planets in our solar system that only happens every 640.000 years. Oh, not again.
Charlie: Neat, huh? I did all the animation myself.
Man on the blog: Just imagine the Earth as an orange.
Charlie: You lure them in with humor. Then you make them think.
Man on the blog: Our sun will begin to emit such extreme amounts of radiation. Screw you bastards. That the core of the earth will melt at the inside part of the orange. Leaving the crust of our planet free to shift. In 1958 Professor Charles Hapgood named it: "Earth Crust Displacement". Albert Einstein did support it. People will get it all, the forces of Mother Nature will be so devastating that it will bring an end to this world on winter Solstice 12-21-12. Always remember, folks. You heard it first from Charlie Frost.
Charlie: You'd have to keep a thing like this under wraps. Just think about it. First, the stock market would go. Then the economy: Boom! The dollar: Boom! And then pandemonium in the street. War, genocide. Boom Boom Boom!
Jackson: Bullshit. Nobody could keep that big a secret, Charlie. Somebody would blow the whistle.
Charlie: An every once in a while, some poor sucker tries. Like these guys. Boom! Boom! Every one of these guys: Dead! Dead! Dead!
Jackson: Woah, that's Professor Meyers.
Charlie: He ran the Atlantis Shuttle Program. Did you know him?
Jackson: Yeah, he helped me out with research on my book.
Charlie: Well, that must have been before his accident.
Jackson: Meyers is dead?
Charlie: Yeah, two months ago. He was one of my most avid listeners. He had it all figured out. Everything the government was doing, where, why. He even sent me a map.
Jackson: A map for what, Charlie? What's the map for?
Charlie: They're building space ships, man.
Jackson: Shit, man, I have to go. I gotta get back to Earth. Do you have a beer?
Charlie: This is my last.
Jackson: Alright, I really enjoyed most of this. Thank you so much.
Charlie: Guess what, they're selling seats!
Jackson: Put me down for three.
Charlie: No! Guys like you and me don't have any chance. You'd have to be Bill Gates or Rupert Murdoch or some Russian billionaire.
Jackson: Keep it down, my kids are sleeping.
Charlie: Get them out of Yellowstone. It's gonna get ugly here.