Man: Hey. What are you doing?
Girl: Waiting for you. Come on.
Alex: Sorry I'm late.
Gigi: No, it's okay. I like a little time before a blind date. Prepare myself mentally, remind myself not to tell the story about my molars...
Alex: Gigi, he's not coming. But you can tell me the story about the molars. I'd love to hear it. Hey.
Gigi: How could he already not like me?
Alex: Oh, no. I screwed up. I told Bill it was Thursday, not Tuesday. It's my fault. Hi. Are you good? Can I get a Jameson on the rocks?
Gigi: Awesome. I'm stuck with a guy who can't distinguish Tuesday from Thursday. Meanwhile, this girl, she's probably meeting her soul mate as we speak.
Alex: This one right here?
Alex: Oh, God, no.
Gigi: How do you know?
Alex: The guy working the Tom Cruise thing? She's interested, he's clearly not.
Gigi: You cannot tell from a cursory glance that he's not into her.
Alex: Oh, no. Actually, I can. I see this stuff going on every night. Watch this. She's going on about her macrobiotic diet. He's thinking, "Dear Christ, get me out of here." And look that, how fortuitous. Drinks spill, which is perfect for him, because now...yep, he can move on to the girl with the shoulder tattoo.
Gigi: Man, you have a gift.
Alex: Aha. Now check out Droopy Dog on the other side. He's gonna buy her drinks all night and she's still gonna insist there's no spark.
Gigi: Maybe there's not. You need a spark.
Alex: Oh, the spark thing is bullshit.
Gigi: Enlighten me.
Alex: Guys invented the spark, so they could not call and treat you kind of badly and keep you guessing, then convince you that that anxiety and fear that just develops naturally was actually just a spark. And you guys all buy it. You eat it up and you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama.
Gigi: I don't.
Alex: So you never wait until the last minute on a deadline or a phone bill because secretly you kind of love the drama of not knowing whether or not you're gonna make it?
Alex: And let me guess: when you were stalking Conor the other night, were you obsessing about him calling, constantly pacing back and forth, staring at your phone for days even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
Gigi: Okay. Yeah.
Alex: Because you all thrive on the drama. Thank you. Look, you gotta be more like me. If a girl likes me, great. But if not, there are plenty more out there like her, you know? Probably with smaller pores and bigger implants.
Alex: I know.
Gigi: Why are you sharing all of this inside dating information with me again?
Alex: I don't know, I like you.
Gigi: You do?
Alex: Well, yeah. Okay, don't start doodling my name on your binder, okay? I just mean- I mean, I like you the way I like basset hounds. Something pathetic about them. You just wanna cheer them up.
Gigi: Again with the sensitivity.
Alex: To sensitivity.