Malcolm Doyle: Wait. What are those?
Malcolm Doyle: Are those-
Malcolm Doyle: Are they bridesmaid dresses?
Jane: This is none of your business.
Malcolm Doyle: Oh! Good God. What? You kept them all? You have a whole closetful. Why?
Jane: I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them.
Malcolm Doyle: Right. Well, that makes complete sense... because they're beautiful.
Jane: Some are not that bad.
Malcolm Doyle: "Not that bad"? I'd like to see one of them that's not that bad.
Jane: Fine. Um, well-Not that one. This one-This one is really-
Malcolm Doyle: Horrible. Right? Was the word you're looking for. What color is this? Vomit?
Jane: No, it's like a- It's an "olivey" green. It's very in. I'm telling you, it looks great on.
Malcolm Doyle: Uh, no. I'm telling you that this is an instrument of torture...inflicted on you by a bride who wants you to look ugly.
Jane: No. Jenna picked it because it looks good on everybody.
Malcolm Doyle: Slightly delusional and will believe anything anyone tells her.
Jane: That is not true and I'm going to show you you are wrong. See? It's not so bad. This sash is really very flat-
Malcolm Doyle: Okay. You are totally right about the dress. It is not that bad. But, come on. The color? Please.
Jane: Well, it's your flash. I think it's blowing it out weird...and if it were just a normal. Okay, it's not very good.
Malcolm Doyle: You kind of look like a shiny mermaid. You should be flattered. She didn't want to stand next to a tall, beautiful woman...and have you actually looking decent.
Jane: It's really not the worst one. If I had to pick one- I got a good one. This is my favorite.
Malcolm Doyle: Oh, my God. What the hell is that?
Jane: Theme wedding.
Malcolm Doyle: What was the theme, "humiliation"? God! No, people do not have Gone With The Wind weddings.
Jane: I have been to three.
Man: Let's do it. All right Y'all say, "Diddly-dee:" Diddly-dee.
Malcolm Doyle: I feel sick. All right. What else you got? Show me some more. You have to show me Benihana.
Jane: Give it.
Malcolm Doyle: Very pretty. Do you feel pretty?
Jane: Adorable. Every bride loves her accessories. Men wore dresses. Women wore suits. Kevin?
Malcolm Doyle: Yup: What was the theme here?
Jane: L.A. Wedding.
Malcolm Doyle: 27 dresses. You gotta be kidding me. I don't get it. All right.You do the thing, you have the dress. Just throw it out. That's a huge closet. You live in New York. You cannot be eating up space like that.
Jane: Strange as it sounds, I've had some really good times in those dresses. Weird as that may be.
Malcolm Doyle: I don't believe you.
Jane: I don't care if somebody wants me to wear a funny dress: It's their day, not mine.
Malcolm Doyle: God bless you.
Jane: And if supporting them when they get married means: Snowshoeing to a mountaintop in the Alps or... helping to caulk a fountain for some swans, then-
Malcolm Doyle: You actually did that?
Jane: Oh, I'm a really, very good caulker.
Malcolm Doyle: Likes caulk. All right. But come on. Seriously. I mean, how much time do you spend doing this for other people? What about-What about you? You don't have any needs?
Jane: No, I don't. I'm Jesus. Someday- God knows when, But someday...it'll be my day. And then all those people will be there for me: So- That is if I ever-
Malcolm Doyle: Sorry.