Reed: Okay. When I was a kid, most of the advice that my dad gave me was crap. There's one thing that he said that was pure genius. He said, "If you ever are with a girl...that's too good for you...marry her." So...
Morley: Wow. Really?
Reed: Happy Valentine's Day.
Morley: Happy Valentine's Day.
Reed: She said yes! Julia, call me as soon as you get this. I got big news. Big news. She said yes.
Alphonso: You're kidding.
Alphonso: I mean, you're kidding!
Reed: You thought she'd say no.
Alphonso: Man, come on. You know me...always preparing for the worst. Immigrant mentality. Forget it. She said yes. This is good news.
Reed: Yeah, and get this: I don't even have to play it cool today. I can be a sappy cheeseball all day, mooning about love to total strangers, and no one'll think I'm a moron. Because it's Valentine's Day, huh? And everyone is romantic on Valentine's Day.
Man driving a car: Get your head out of your ass and use your damn turn signal, you freaking moron.
Newscaster: Good morning, Los Angeles. I'm Sherry Donaldson with the KVLA news team. And now let's check the weather.
Weather forecaster: Good morning. Sun shines on late morning, and look at these numbers. Highs in the upper valleys in the 60s, and a bit cloudy by the coast...until mid-morning, when the marine layer burns off.
Kelvin: Susan, what the hell is this?
Susan: The boss thinks it's gonna up the ratings.
Weather forecaster: And we're clear.
Kelvin: I’m not talking about Pippi Longstocking, I'm talking about this. I'm a sports journalist, I don't do lifestyle pieces.
Susan: You're my number 2 sports journalist, Kelvin, which means that on slow sports days, you do the pieces I want you to do. The station wants more fluff.
Kelvin: Look, I'll do some follow-up stories, do some investigative reporting...bring it back to you?
Susan: There's only one story today, Kelvin. It's all yours. It's not complicated. It's your basic man on the street. "Tell me, John Q, Jane Q, what does Valentine's Day mean to you?"
Kelvin: It gives me acid reflux. That's what it means to me. I mean, we spend a lot of money. Nobody cares. It's not even a real holiday. We don't take the day off. Come on, Susan.
Director: And we're coming back in 5, 4, 3...
Kelvin: Listen, I'm a player, but I shut down my player-ness from New Year's to Saint Paddy's Day just so I can avoid this day.
Susan: I need happy, I need romantic, I need love, and I need it from you.
Kelvin: You need Jesus.
Susan: Go. Go away now.