Teacher: Now, I think we have time for one more and I have to say...when I read this paper, I was a bit surprised by its content. But more than any other, this one deserves to be read aloud. Greg.
Rowley: Yeah, Greg.
Teacher: Just read it, Greg. All of it.
Greg: Sometimes I sit and wonder about stuffs I do not know. Like what the earth was like a hundred years ago. Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs? Did flowers even grow? Did spiders rule the earth? Were deserts falling snow? There were no books for human, so how are we to know what life was like a hundred years ago?
Teacher: Greg, when we talk about how important it is to recycle, we don't mean turn in your brother's old papers.
(Paper: F. AGAIN.)
Greg: I thought Daddy helped you with this paper?
Rodrick: No, actually, Dad started writing my paper because of that paper.
Greg: I looked like an idiot. And that girl from the Oregon, she laughed at me.
Rodrick: Ouch. Just do something to change her opinion of you. Like set a firecracker off the classroom. Boom! Chicks did like bad boys.
Greg: Actually I was thinking about writing her a note.
Rodrick: You mean like one of the words on it?
Greg: I have already figured it out. I will pass her a note with a question on it. But it will be anonymous. She should have to know who wrote this and later I will walk up to her and ask her the exact same question. It will blow her mind.
Rowley: I know. You want me spell check it?
Greg: No, just pass it to Holly.
Rowley: To Holly.
Note: HOW DO YOU GET YOUR HAIR TO SMELL SO BEAUTIFUL?
Fregley: Thank you. (To Patty) It's from Greg.
Teacher: What's going on?
Patty: Greg Heffley ... is passing me note.
Greg: No, I wasn't.
Teacher: How do you get your hair to smell so beautiful?
Greg: Ok, the note might be said as a setback. But at least things are still going well with Rodrick. It's amazing, but I'm actually enjoying watching Loded Diaper's rehearsal for the talent show. Bill takes the band to a whole new level.
Bill: Somebody farted.
Rodrick: Somebody farted.
Greg: My dad should be happy that I'm hanging out with Rodrick. But I don't think he really likes Bill. I think what he is worried about is that I will turn out like Rodrick, Manny will turn out like me, and eventually, we all turn out like Bill.
(Note: Dear Greg, meet me in the art room before lunch. There is something I want to ask you. Kiss, kiss, Holly.)
Greg: Hi, Holly, I was glad to get your note. I have been wanting the chance to talk to you. Hey, you like to paint? I am kind of an artist myself. Holly?
Chirag: You see me now, don't you? Game, set and match.
Greg: Hi, Holly.
Holly: Hey, Fregley.
Greg: She thinks I am Fregley?
Coach: That's gonna hurt.
Fregley: Do you want to see my secret freckle?
Rodrick: So the note to the girl didn't work out? All right, let's go, little bro. I am taking you out.
Greg’s mother: And here are my other men. Greg, Rodrick, I’d like you to meet my editors: Mrs. Salz and Mr. Cowen.
Mrs. Salz: Hey.
Mrs. Salz: Nice to meet you.
Greg’s mother: What are you boys up to?
Rodrick: I'm just taking the little brother out this evening so that we can use a good time.
Greg’s mother: Well, be safe, and be home by nine o'clock.
Rodrick: Yeah, see ya.
Mrs. Salz: Bye. Have fun.
Greg’s mother: Good night.
Mr. Cowen: That is impressive. My older boy, he wants nothing to do with his younger brothers.
Mrs. Salz: You certainly practice what you preach. I think every mother in town should read your column.
Greg’s mother: Thanks.
Rodrick: Mom would kill us if she saw us doing this.
Greg & Rodrick: Brain freeze.
Rodrick: How I can say is get ready to have your mind blown, we're going to have an epic night.
Greg: Are you okay?
Rodrick: Fake vomit. You can't be the classics. Here he goes.
Man: Very funny. Very funny.
Greg: This is sweet. So you know that girl who I sent the note to?
Greg: ... She thinks I am Fregley.
Rodrick: Oh, man. I mean, hey, don't take it hard. Girls act like they are not into you when they are really are. I mean tons of girls act like they are not into me, but they are. I know they are. I bet she really likes you.