Willie: I just gotta make sure that you're real children. It's very important with juggling. Not... not little goblins or anything like that. The child here is not real. It's an alien. All right. Okay. Really. I'm gonna... Whoa. Whoa.
Kid: He gets paid 40 bucks. Isn't that right, Uncle Will?
Willie: We're gonna have to get Q-tips, because I said "ducks." I get paid in little fuzzy baby ducks.
Susan: Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Is that really true, Willie? Do you really make $40 a day?
Willie: Uh, on a good day.
Susan: Wow. See?
Jimbo: Yeah? How much you paying in tax on that $40 that you're making?
Susan: Come on. You've gotta be kidding. Really, Jim?
Jimbo: What? I'm just curious. Does he pay tax on the money that he makes?
Willie: What's wrong with that? Should I?
Susan: You don't need to pay any income tax. Okay? Want some dessert? Maybe you'd like a cup of coffee or tea or something like that?
Jimbo: That's the solution... to the problem, Will. You just don't worry about it.
Susan: Problem? What problem? I mean, where's the problem? He... he doesn't have a problem.
Jimbo: He doesn't have a problem. He doesn't have a home.
Susan: Hey, guys. Eat your salad. Please. Thank you.
Jimbo: He doesn't have a job.
Willie: I have a home.
Jimbo: No. A room in some fleabag motel is not a home. Doesn't have any clothes. Doesn't have a car.
Willie: I had a car.
Jimbo: You had a car?
Willie: Yeah, but I hated it, 'cause I always had to put it somewhere.
Jimbo: Yeah. Life is tough, having to put that car somewhere.
Kid: Aren't pajamas clothes?
Willie: Can I tell you something right now? There's nothing like 'em. Just... just feel 'em. Feel 'em. Yeah. They're soft.
Kid: It's so soft.
Willie: They're cheap. And your legs... your legs... they're just as free as a bird. Just comes out of nowhere.
Kid: Oh, Uncle Will!
Willie: Kids. Go inside. Go. Go play. Come on. Give us a couple minutes.
Willie: Come to me. No?
Jimbo: You remember that TV show?
Susan: What TV show?
Jimbo: You remember. It was that, um... that news show, where you said that guy was Will. Anyway, Willie, so listen. There was this news program, okay? And there was this guy who had this cat. Now, all day long, he had to check the refrigerator... to make sure that he didn't put the cat inside of there.
Willie: The refrigerator?
Jimbo: That's right, Will. The refrigerator.
Willie: And the cat?
Jimbo: That's right, Will. The cat. He was nuts.
Susan: Hey. You know what? He wasn't nuts. He had a disorder.
Jimbo: Yes, Will. A disorder called F'ing nuts. Now, as soon as this lunatic closed the door, he had to open it again... to make sure that the cat wasn't inside. All day long, right? He was doing this. He was opening, closing, opening, closing. And he talked about it... talked about it very clearly. Like it was a very reasonable thing for him to do. Because who knows? Maybe the cat could have gotten in there, right? Before he saw it. Before he closed the door. And so Susan leans over to me, and she says, "That guy..." She says, "That's your brother." Hmm? She says, "That's Will with Emma. He can't help it." And you know what, Willie? She's right. She's right. Okay? You talk like following this woman around everywhere... is something that makes sense, but it doesn't. Okay? It doesn't make sense. It's called stalking, and it's against the law. And I want you to stop telling my kids that life is nothing but a bowl of cherries... and that everything is just peachy, okay? What life is, what isn't... that's my area. All right? I'll handle that topic with my kids, if that's all right with you.