Stifler: Morning, co-workers and cock-jerkers! Reggie, give me some love.
Reggie: Looking good, Stifler.
Stifler: Ladies, better be working hard, you weren't hired for your looks. Actually, you were. Not you.
Stifler: Bob, what are you doing here? Don't you know they fired your ass?
Stifler: I'm just fucking with you. Or am I?
Stifler: Coffee for the pretty lady?
Colleague: Sure, thanks.
Stifler: Let me know if you want some creamer with that. Hello, you. How are you? "Oh, I'm good, Stifmeister, 'cause you know what? 'Cause you're the best."- "Oh, I am the best." - "Yes, you are the..." "You know, I love you so much that I'm going to just have some fun down here." "Oh, yeah, yeah..."
Duraiswamy: What the hell are you doing?
Stifler: Jesus Christ! Shit, sorry, Mr. Duraiswamy. It's... I was just... That's good, it's all clean.
Duraiswamy: I told you to print out the morning numbers and put them on my desk, and you're making yourself at home?
Stifler: No, I just thought...
Duraiswamy: "I just thought..." I don't pay you to think. You are a temp.
Stifler: Yeah, about that. I feel like I'm being way underutilized here.
Duraiswamy: Oh, you do, do you? Thank you for telling me how you feel. Do you mind if I tell you how I feel? I feel the sooner you realize that you're the bitch, not the boss, the better off you will be.
Duraiswamy: What was that?
Stifler: Nothing! Nothing, Mr. Duraiswamy. Fucker!
Michelle: You know, we still haven't discussed the whole bathtub incident.
Jim: Huh? Oh, that? That's... That... Don't worry about that. Well, I mean, you know, obviously, I would prefer it if I was the one that made you feel that way, but...
Michelle: I know how you feel. Every time I want to shop online and I start typing "Amazon," "amazingcollegesluts.com" pops up.
Jim: Amazing what? Okay, look, obviously we need to have more fun together. I promise you, this weekend, there is going to be plenty of Jim and Michelle time, okay?
Dad: Hello, sweetheart.
Michelle: How are you?
Dad: Oh! It's so good to see you.
Jim: Hey, Dad.
Michelle: Hello, son! Come here. Oh, no! Look who that is!
Dad: Look at this big bruiser! Oh, my goodness! He has grown. Look at him! Huh? Someone's got a little poopy diaper.