Men in Black 3《黑衣人3》精讲之二

Woman: Can I help you?

Agent J: K?

Woman: 5K.

Agent J: I'm sorry, is that chocolate milk? Can I--? I'm so sorry. I don't know what...

Kid: Mommy, the president is drinking my milk.

Agent J: I'm sorry.

Kid: He didn't say please.

*********************

Agent J: K get in yet?

Man: Who?

Agent J: You new?

Man: Very funny, Agent J.

Agent AA: J, everything you told me yesterday, you were right as rain. Thank God for that 10-hour stakeout.

Agent J: Who are you?

Agent AA: Exactly. I feel like a whole new man today. Like this great weight has been lifted. I've had anger issues my entire life but now I see I was mad at myself. And my stepmom.

Agent J: Sir, I'm gonna need you to stop talking.

Agent AA: It's like I closed this emotional window. But yesterday I threw a brick right through that window. I just want to thank you for handing me that brick, J.

Agent J: OK. Whoever you are, I just need you to give me five feet or I'll pluck you in your throat.

Agent AA: OK. I'm gonna go to the little Men's-in-Black room then we'll go find those morons from Pox Ethera. Lunch is on me.

Agent J: Who was that?

Man: Double A? Your partner.

Agent J: I’m gonna need you to go get me some chocolate milk, all right? Just a really big glass. Have you seen K? Did he call in sick or anything?

Man: Who's K?

Agent J: All right, all right, go ahead, go ahead. K! All right. You got me. I'll give it to you. It's funny, very elaborate. Oh, and all of you, fantastic performances. Can’t believe you waited 14 years to develop a sense of humor but...this is a good one. But K, I need you to come out here now, because I'm really starting to get a little bit pissed off.

Agent O: Agent J, would you mind keeping your voice down and telling me who you're looking for?

Agent J: I'm looking for K.

Agent O: Who is K?

Agent J: You too? You too.

Agent O: I mean, who is he to you?

Agent J: My partner. Older gentleman, 110... maybe 111 years old. Sort of a surly, Elvis thing happening with him. He smiles like this. Seen him around?

Agent O: I'll take you to K.

Agent J: Thank you. What is that supposed to be?

Agent O: That's K. He's been dead for over 40 years.

Agent J: Okay, see, the prerequisite for a joke is that it be funny.

Agent O: It's never been funny. Computer, Agent K and Boris the Animal.

Computer: Men in Black incident report, July, 1969. Location, Cape Canaveral. Perpetrator Boris the Animal escaped and fled Earth. Assumed to have returned to home planet Boglodotia 20 light-years away. Agent K pronounced dead at scene and awarded posthumous commendation for meritorious action which prevented greater loss of human life.

Agent J: That's not what happened. I just looked at this report. K put Boris away...

Agent O: Agent K is dead.

Agent J: Well, I just talked to him last night.

Agent O: You are imagining.

Agent J: I'm not imagining anything.

Agent O: I need a psych team up here right now.

Woman: Yes, ma'am.

Agent J: Aqua Velva aftershave. I didn't imagine that. Every stakeout, endless hours of cowboy music. Every morning with his coffee, he'd say, "I tell you something, slick. This coffee tastes like dirt." And I was supposed to say, "What do you expect? It was just ground this morning."

Agent O: "...just ground this morning." How do you know that?

Man: Chocolate milk, sir?

Agent J: Where you been, man? It was like an hour ago.

Agent O: Wait. How long have you been craving chocolatized dairy products?

Agent J: Just today.

Agent O: Are you experiencing headaches? Dizziness? Loss of balance? Agitation? Depression?

Agent J: Hell, yeah.

Agent O: There are only two possibilities. One is you've been bitten by a Hovartian brain tick and could die in horrible agony at any moment. (O suddenly smacks J’s face) Damn it. It's not the tick.

Agent J: "Damn it, it's not the tick"? It's something worse than the tick?

Agent O: Your obsession with chocolate milk indicates that you might be involved in some sort of temporal fracture.

Agent J: I don't know what you're talking about.

Agent O: Chocolate milk relieves temporal-fracture headaches.

Agent J: What's a temporal fracture?

Agent O: A break in the timeline.

Agent J: I don't know what you are talking about.

Agent O: Time travel! Time travel.

Agent J: There's no such thing as time travel.

Agent O: Well, there is.

Agent J: No. There's not. Because if there were, a class-one senior agent such as myself would have been made aware of it, wouldn't he have?

Agent O: Were it not classified and way above his pay grade.

Agent J: You know what, I need a raise.

Agent O: There was one man, scumbag, Obadiah Price. He figured it out, we busted him, we made time travel illegal throughout the universe and he is serving life on Lunar-Max.

Agent J: No-- That's where Boris was locked up.

Agent O: If Boris worked out how to time jump, he could seriously change the course of history.

Broadcasting: Attention. Early warning system engaged. Inbound hostile warships entering solar system. Boglodite markings and language detected.

Agent J: Boglodite. Boris is a Boglodite, but they're extinct.

Agent O: Apparently not.

Broadcasting: Catastrophic Earth attack imminent.

Agent J: Put up the Arc Net.

Agent O: The what?

Agent J: The Arc Net. The defense system. K got it specifically for the Boglodites.

Agent O: There is no K. He's been dead for over 40 years.

Agent J: No K. No defense system. Boris jumped back and killed him.

Agent O: If you wanna save the world, you gonna have to stop that from happening. You have to find Jeffrey Price. He's Obadiah's son. Let's hope the little squirt hasn't skipped town. Good luck, J!

Boris's voice: This planet's toast. Ha! Ha haha...